Vorpal:


Your choice of words are just like another nairaland.... Carry on though.

You'll be another linking me with 2 other Nairalanders. I think everyone on my most visited section(s) knows my ex-moniker. Leave me out of your conspiracy theories.

PaperLace:

You'll be another linking me with 2 other Nairalanders. I think everyone on my most visited section(s) knows my ex-moniker. Leave me out of your conspiracy theories.

Judging by your last line, you certainly aint her. Carry on

Afam4eva:

Stop being emotional about this issue. Nobody is saying that it's right for a man to beat his wife and the actor is not saying that either. The point is that it's the woman who gets the physical injury at the end of the day and as such for her to prevent it, she should respect her husband even when there's no need for it. Some men are crazy. Some would even beat a woman for no just reason. If you have a solution, bring it on.

Normally I ignore threads like this but today I'll play devil's advocate.

What is striking a woman the response to insults? Cococandy was right to call it rubbish (and I'm being polite) and right to be emotional - if someone said it was right to slap you for whatever, wouldn't you be emotional? On what grounds can you justify striking an adult you're supposed to care about because they've insulted you or said something you don't like? What if you are in the wrong?

Some of the rubbish I read here makes me realise that some of you guys have a lot of growing up to do. If you want to live a life with no one saying anything to you, correcting you or even getting upset when you do something wrong, please, don't marry or just be a baby daddy and/or live the baby boy life. All of the justifications I'm seeing here are from such a myopic skewed perspective one would think all men are saints who can do no wrong and all women do is nag. I've heard men complain about their wives, when you dig deeper you realise they spend too much time away from home, or drink too much, or spend too much money, or womanise or are just inconsiderate. Those are examples, I wouldn't say that all men do this because not all men cheat, drink or spend lots of time away from home, but at some point they're doing something that annoys their wife, try to justify it and then complain when she starts to nag about that thing! When the outsider points out the obvious - usually another man - it's like their eye has suddenly cleared. All I can say is that a lot of parents are failing to raise their sons right, leaving the success or failure of a relationship fully on a woman's shoulder. That is wrong - there are two people in a relationship and it takes two to make it work. You can't hear if you're not actively listening.

And women usually nag because men usually have a hard time listening. That is despite whether she's been trying to tell you something directly or indirectly. And when you don't listen it starts to grate on the other person and then it gets to nagging. Let me ignore the girlfriend thing because any woman silly enough to let some boyfriend hit her isn't grown up yet. When you get to the point where hitting your wife is an option, what does that say about you as a person? Why is hitting the thing you would resort to?

The solution by and large is simple - listen. Don't be thinking of what you're going to say next, or be defensive or not take responsibility, or apologise hoping that she'll shut up, just listen. What is she saying that you're refusing to hear? Is it true? If it is, what do you do about it? If it isn't, how do you go about reassuring her? If you're not prepared to be open and honest with your spouse and communicate - both listening and speaking - and treating that person's opinion as valid (even if you don't agree), and you don't want anyone to say anything to you, marriage isn't for you.

Afam4eva:

Stop being emotional about this issue.

why not?

Nobody is saying that it's right for a man to beat his wife and the actor is not saying that either.

not in so many words but y'all are.

The point is that it's the woman who gets the physical injury at the end of the day and as such for her to prevent it, she should respect her husband even when there's no need for it.

Oh really? Makes a lot of sense . Even if he's a no good loser who disrespects her at every turn or disrespects their vows, she should still respect him to avoid being beaten. In any case the definition of respect here probably means subservience even when detrimental to the woman's wellbeing. Yea now I'm totally convinced that's the right thing to do.

Some men are crazy. Some would even beat a woman for no just reason.

oh so you know that? Tell me again how your 'respect' BS is going to help a woman married to such a man.

If you have a solution, bring it on.

I don't know.
Maybe start by not blaming the victim? Put the blame where it belongs? Preach reciprocal respect? Raise your sons to be better men? Treat both genders with equality and fairness? Don't propagate notions that support men doing things they won't accept if their wives do it. That way they won't feel 'disrespected' over non-issues.

You know, a few common sense approaches that are ridiculously simple only if male ego boosting and selfishness weren't ultimate goal of most 'Nigerian' marriages.

cococandy:
This is such a belittling statement and I'm disappointed in him and those who support him.
Who tells men to respect their wives in order not to get beaten.
I swear the rampant sexism most Nigerian men are raised with, has all but robbed them of their common sense.
Do you know how many victims of domestic violence walk on egg shells in order not to set the man off yet they still get beaten and sometimes murdered?
Do you how many victims dare not even look in the eyes of the men they married so that they don't appear disrespectful yet their abusers find reason in the way they walk, sit or eat to beat them up?

All of you dummies should fvck out of here with your victim blaming retardedd bullshyt posts.

If you haven't been a victim of oppression don't try to mansplain to those who are going through it what to do to avoid it.
You guys often think you know best. It's a very disgusting attitude.

Don't be disappointed , he is a real life scum bag.

This crap is the same as saying that its ok for women to arrange touts to beat or kill their husbands because they provoked them. If you can't live with her ,divorce her in one piece.

Yul, I am very disappointed in you.

If you were addressing a certain case, it might have been pardonable but randomly?

Triple na.

Anyways, as you like it.

byvan03:



Don't be disappointed , he is a real life scum bag.

I wish I knew that.

it's disheartening that you place people on high pedestals only to find out later that they are just akpa iberibe.

lepasharon:


Cos wives are little kids who deserve to be spanked each time they get rude. You lot are fools

Adults don't insult nd talk to pple anyhow, so yes they shud be treated like kids(since they prefer to behave like one) and be spanked wen necessary.

isnovic:


Even funnier, what if he gets killed outside, or got run over by a car or even worst run over someone when he is trying to avoid being pushed over the edge by a woman who can not control one of her weapons (strength)? Mouth

In case you wondering, the other weapon is pussy.


Those ladies who advocate men leaving the house to go cool off, should also take their advice and leave the house and go cool off somewhere without any form of verbal assault/abuse.

Afterall, it is both same. rage and verbal assault both playing to the strength of both sexes.


Whenever, they start doing this, I will take their advice of walking away.

I for one don't have friends anymore since she chased all away. She is my only friend and if am going to go cool off somewhere, it will be with her.

Men are no monsters, they will not all of a sudden start beating up a woman.

Most men would react when the verbal assault becomes serial.

...for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

And yes, Yul stays close to me, I haven't seen him beat his wife for about 2 years he became my neighbor.

lobatan.

Really? If she was being abused behind closed doors, how would you know. Just imagine men talk about women respecting them but they are not respectful. Do you know some of this victims do nothing to their abusers? I know someone whose mum is the most respectful person I have ever seen but do you know she gets beaten even for her silence? So what do you say about that?

Afam4eva:

Stop being emotional about this issue. Nobody is saying that it's right for a man to beat his wife and the actor is not saying that either. The point is that it's the woman who gets the physical injury at the end of the day and as such for her to prevent it, she should respect her husband even when there's no need for it. Some men are crazy. Some would even beat a woman for no just reason. If you have a solution, bring it on.

What solution are you asking for sir? What happens to the love that doesn't keep records of wrong? Must a woman be beaten like a goat because [b]Men[\b] feel she isn't respectful enough for them?

nepapole:
On point.. Women can be so annoying... Even when u try ur best to stay calm, they will always push u to d wall..
I don't wish/want to lay my hands on a woman but I may be forced to do so at certain circumstances.

Stop using women as an excuse for being violent. Even if she pushes you to the wall, you can simply walk away, that doesn't mean you are a weakling or a coward.

AHCB:
What do you recommend? Do tell, so many husbands out there can read and learn from your reservoir of knowledge.

It is written all over your sarcastic post, that you are a supporter of domestic violence. You are talking as if she is an object that can be tortured anyhow. Why not ask google for recommendation?

carzola:
Yes he is right...

I cant pay a woman's
Bride price and have her
Do shiii In my house I will beat
You till you need surgery to fix
Your face...

SMH and I pity the unlucky lady that would end up with you. Do what you just said and see yourself rot in jail. You paid her bride price, so what? Does it mean that you own her? Mtchewww

With all the various comments I usually from men both here on Nairaland and other social media, fear grip me. A lot of them has allowed the society to shape them. So they see nothing wrong with violence. May God help us. Rather than be an object of violence, I would stay celibate. The highest achievement isn't marriage.

Davash222:

Not at all dear but do not insult your husband, but, would you prefer sending you back to father's house as antidote to when you insult him

Only in Nigeria will a human being think like this. Only in Nigeria can animals get away with shiit like this. Go to a normal country where normal people live and beat your spouse and see if you will not spend a better part of your life in Jail. What a people. What a country.

banmee:


Only in Nigeria will a human being think like this. Only in Nigeria can animals get away with shiit like this. Go to a normal country where normal people live and beat your spouse and see if you will not spend a better part of your life in Jail. What a people. What a country.

I'm tired

cococandy:

I'm tired

I'm just glad i don't have to live amongst them ever again.

Quite disappointing to hear this from him. In theory he is saying that if a woman does not respect her husband then beating is allowed. Did he forget that as women respect their husbands, the husband should also love his wife? If he loves his wife then he wouldn't put his hands on her. Sometimes I wonder when some men say some women can be so annoying to warrant putting their hands on them and injuring them in the process. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT THE WAY FORWARD AND SHOULDN'T BE ENCOURAGED IN THIS MODERN DAY AND AGE SOCIETY.

My questions to Yul and other men who think like him are;

If their boss or work colleague in their office were to be annoying would they put their hands on them?
If they run their own business and their business partner or employee were to be annoying would they put their hands on them?
If they were conversing with their male friends and they subsequently become annoying would they put their hands on them?

If he or other men would not do any of the above then I don't see any reason why a man would beat his wife; an adult for that matter that he claims to love. Rather than them to leave the environment and wait for things to calm down, they use their fist as the talking tool and forget that fighting doesn't do good to anyone and before a fight ensures, they should remove themselves and wait for the brouhaha to calm down.

How some men view beating their wives when she is disrespectful as no big deal is really mind boggling and one wonders if that is how they will also train their son to beat their wife as well if she is disrespectful? And if they will also tell their daughter that its ok for her husband to beat her up when she is disrespectful?

To all the people crying in anguish over his comments, it must be that you are new to Nigerian Society. This kind of justification for beating, cheating on and abusing your wife is so common that I personally do not waste my time praying for any man. Awon Not All Men™ Boy Band will flood here to sing their chorus very soon, instead of them to tell their fellow men folk "the more you do this, the worse Marital institutions suffer and God will hold us all responsible because He made us the head and we led the women astray". The only good Nigerian man is a dead, rich one. Shrug.

Yul is making mouth. His wife doesn't look like the person that will accept him brushing her quietly. Seen her a couple of times in person. But yes, he just showed his "Quality Upbringing" his Father gave him. I'm glad he has daughters (one of his kids is a girl). One day, he will tell them that their cheating, beating husbands is their fault and cross to bear.

banmee:


I'm just glad i don't have to live amongst them ever again.

I don't know how I feel when I read someone type 'send her back to her fathers house'

Like is the woman ever considered to be more than a child?
If someone says such things, there's no possible way on God's earth that person will consider a woman to be an adult worth respecting.

I've given up

cococandy:

I don't know how I feel when I read someone type 'send her back to her fathers house'

Like is the woman ever considered to be more than a child?
If someone says such things, there's no possible way on God's earth that person will consider a woman to be an adult worth respecting.

I've given up

Do you know what scares me most about Nigerians in Nigeria? The confident way they do and say insane things. See the way he said what he said so confidently like it is what normal people should be saying. And they have the nerve to say they want a great country. Is that how people behave in great countries? You can see the mindset in their every day lives. A policeman will stand confidently in public in the middle of traffic in full view of the whole world and demand that you give him bribe like it his/her right. He wouldn't even care if the public was recording his act. A crowd of people will gather together confidently to execute/murder supposed suspects all in the name of "justice". A man/woman would confidently dump refuse in a gutter like it is the normal thing to do without batting an eye. The things they see as normal is just mind boggling. I shudder to think how that place would be in another 10 years. And one id.iot is trying to convince me to build a house and invest in that rotten country. God forbid.

CC wadetaw202 I am referring to people like you.

Lol. Building a house is not a bad idea.

banmee:


Do you know what scares me most about Nigerians in Nigeria? The confident way they do and say insane things. See the way he said what he said so confidently like it is what normal people should be saying. And they have the nerve to say they want a great country. Is that how people behave in great countries? You can see the mindset in their every day lives. A policeman will stand confidently in public in the middle of traffic in full view of the whole world and demand that you give him bribe like it his/her right. He wouldn't even care if the public was recording his act. A crowd of people will gather together confidently to execute/murder supposed suspects all in the name of "justice". A man/woman would confidently dump refuse in a gutter like it is the normal thing to do without batting an eye. The things they see as normal is just mind boggling. I shudder to think how that place would be in another 10 years. And one id.iot is trying to convince me to build a house and invest in that rotten country. God forbid.

CC wadetaw202 I am referring to people like you.

subtlemee:
This is serious..so the only antedote to a wife's insult is beating?

Can you tell me why on earth you would ever insult your husband? If the husband has no reason to beat a wife does the wife has any reason to insult the husband?

banmee:


Do you know what scares me most about Nigerians in Nigeria? The confident way they do and say insane things. See the way he said what he said so confidently like it is what normal people should be saying. And they have the nerve to say they want a great country. Is that how people behave in great countries? You can see the mindset in their every day lives. A policeman will stand confidently in public in the middle of traffic in full view of the whole world and demand that you give him bribe like it his/her right. He wouldn't even care if the public was recording his act. A crowd of people will gather together confidently to execute/murder supposed suspects all in the name of "justice". A man/woman would confidently dump refuse in a gutter like it is the normal thing to do without batting an eye. The things they see as normal is just mind boggling. I shudder to think how that place would be in another 10 years. And one id.iot is trying to convince me to build a house and invest in that rotten country. God forbid.

CC wadetaw202 I am referring to people like you.

So you call someone an idiot because he asked you to do something modest? If you have any sense left in that numskull you call a head, you will know that only an idiot can recognise another idiot. But I guess having sense is alien to you.

wadetaw202:


So you call someone an idiot because he asked you to do something modest? If you have any sense left in that numskull you call a head, you will know that only an idiot can recognise another idiot. But I guess having sense is alien to you.

As usual, you cannot read nor comprehend simple basic sentences. So, with all i have listed, you would still want to live among people with such disastrous traits if you had a choice. Why am i not surprised? Any mo.ron like yourself, that would advice another person to have anything tangible to do with Nigeria does like that person and needs their head examined. And you are still using a meme depicting you talking to your son about how s.tupid your wife is. Lol. You mumu die. Smh.

cococandy:
Lol. Building a house is not a bad idea.

I did/have. In Ghana. I like my life and sanity.

banmee:


I did/have. In Ghana. I like my life and sanity.

Thumbs up

cococandy:

Thumbs up

Anything for sanity.

Prettiepearlz. I believe you know not the meaning of sarcasm. Please learn to read, digest and understand before you come here sounding like an abused child. Thank you.

Glad he said that he does not support domestic violence right at the beginning but this "Respect your husband even when he doesn't know what he is doing" sentence got me laughing.

Mindfulness:
Glad he said that he does not support domestic violence right at the beginning but this "Respect your husband even when he doesn't know what he is doing" sentence got me laughing.

I'm sure you know there are ways you tell a person he/shhe is stupid_ without the person getting offended.

banmee:


I did/have. In Ghana. I like my life and sanity.

https://www.nairaland.com/3832344/soldiers-punish-residents-mistook-ghanaian

Women women women,do you mean to tell me that because you paid her bride price that's the reason you will beat her if she disrespect you?and you men forgot that at time you guys do misbehave to the extent of pushing the woman to start disrespecting you,guys respect your wife give her respect love her and she will love you back

AHCB:
Prettiepearlz. I believe you know not the meaning of sarcasm. Please learn to read, digest and understand before you come here sounding like an abused child. Thank you.

As usual, I was expecting you to come with insult. Pls school me, What sarcasm means and also on the recommendation were you asking for, just accept the fact that your point support wife beaters, your point make it looks like a man has no choice than to panel beat a woman because she is not respectful. And it's only an abused child that is always quick to abuse others. Learn to make your points without throwing hurtful words at the person you want to refer to. Mtchewww

cococandy:

I don't know how I feel when I read someone type 'send her back to her fathers house'

Like is the woman ever considered to be more than a child?
If someone says such things, there's no possible way on God's earth that person will consider a woman to be an adult worth respecting.

I've given up

Nothing infuriates me more than seeing guys type that shit. Like she is a kid that should be bundled home. If they don't want her in their house anymore, simply tell her and she would leave their miserable house and go wherever she wants to go to. It's her life and I feel she should decide where she wants to head to.