nuclearboy:



So now the cat has and is playing with your tongue, right? I thought you felt you were the only one who had a franchise on insulting others. Well, I just showed you an application of the title of this thread.

I thought I'd find more verve in you (and get a run for my money) but you are lacking, shallow and vacuous.

Imagine a normally overtly vocal belligerent monster reduced to childlike mocking and advising moi now the chickens returned home to roost.
slowpoke. 

How sad, trying to turn this into a fist fight competition.

Notice I never insulted this disturbed individual but wants at all cost to derail this thread into a war of words.
. Could this aggression certainly be a cover for something else?

I pointed to you in clear terms the effects of your fathers physical Abuse on you while you were just an innocent child then all of a sudden you turned tiger. . . Its obvious my accurate post resonated deep within you and you couldn't help but agree.

The thick et painful emotion and hate reflected in your many replies to me can ONLY have come from deep and painful reflection.. You can't deny you weren't moved, your emotional outburst says it all.

Question is Why EXACTLY are you ANGRY?. If my post didn't resonate within you, make no meaning and totally untrue, WHY THEN THE PAIN AND ANGER?

You claim i'm a belligerent monster and what not. . .lets for the sake of humoring you agree that I am, the question is, Na today? All of a sudden when we're discussing the abuse you suffered at the hands of daddy thats when you remembered Tudór is 'vocal' and then you turned aggressive. . .coincidence? I think not.

Let me tell you, far be it from me to insult you at this sensitive time. Make no mistakes, if I wanted to make fun of you and cast aspersions, i'd leave no doubt.

I wouldn't lie and say I expected you to accept this terrible truth easily. Its not easy for anyone to accept talkless of opening up and admitting to have been physically abused as a child.

Aggression and strong resistance are usually expected from such victims. . .its natural. But you can only be aggressive for so long. Sooner or later things will get bad enough and you'd have no option than to seek help.

If you continue to live in self-denial, i'm tempted to say thats your problem but the truth is, its not! Your friends, partner, kids and family in general all feel the burn even society isn't spared.


It is a well known fact children stop growing emotionally the moment they begin to suffer physical Abuse. If the abuse started at age 10, they become stuck as 10 year olds forever. You have the body of a 70 year old but the emotions of a 10 year old child all because of the physical abuse suffered from that age. . .sad


People don't deny the bloody obvious. . . For example, people's monikers here on NL sometimes is a reflection of who they are inside or who they wish to be, Now, what drives a 40 year old dude with hair balding surrounded by white hairs to register with the name nuclearboy. . .?

It can only mean at the nucleusheart the ancient dude still considers himself a little boy. . . And what do all little boys want if not Parental L.O.V.E and A.T.T.E.N.T.I.O.N. Then it so happens he admitted to being physically abused as a child by an unstable military dad who wields firearms carelessly in public, He is also at age 40 openly wishing he had more abuse -which he has come to equate to love- from his daddy, admitted to at age 11 picked up smoking knowing his daddy would freak and purposely got him self caught or reported(depends on which lying mode he's in) . . . Now tell me, are these coincidences? Hell NO! This is clearly a case of Cause and Effect. . .

You can't argue with the science, he knows this thats why he prefers to attack the personality of Tudór.

I'll have you know your insults do not move me as long as we help you heal that wounded heart. . . . Thats all i'm after, thats all I want. Peace.

Remember, A problem is half solved when you admit you do have a problem

Physical Abuse on Children is WRONG, LETS KICK IT OUT!!

Strange things are really going on here. . .with this fellow tripping over himself to hide the truth and cover up with LIES you can only feel sorry for the pain such individual carries within

nuclearboy:

@Pastor AIO:
I remember the whipping I tookwhen he found me smoking at 11.

Then it now metamorphosed into this. . .

nuclearboy:

Very interesting response Tudor, very nice and very illuminating! Let me start by saying I was caught in school and reported when Dad visited.

Why?

First,he REMEMBERED Dad found him smoking THEN no, it wasn't dada rather it was teacher who caught him and reported to dad. . .yeah right!

Question; Why would a supposedly born again christian LIE?. . . Are there some things even the spirit of God cannot wash away?

Ok, nothing more to do on NL, ehn? Trying to redeem your "tough" image, ehn? You NEVER INSULTED "ME" EHN, JUST MY PROGENY?



Well, you're a SLOWPOKE in 144 languages. And IDIOT in the other world languages. And as CONTENTIOUS and IMMATURE as ever.

Tudor my NL love, I got naught more to say to you! You sound boring trying to turn this into your as always, moronic logic now we're reduced to interpreting the meaning of posts! Fake deductions from a fake nitwit.

BTW, do you suffer from brain freeze? Or why is it you always remember more to say/write later and thus make multiple posts one after the other. Brain doesn't register it all at once, abi? And its that painful to you? So when you say its painful, the truth is pretty obvious who to!. Pele, dear. Just watch that cesspool you call your mind so you don't get more spankings (we know you enjoy them and are a sucker for punishment but still, abeg). Enjoy your day

I'm out seeing as you've calmed down

If you (anyone reading) beat ur kids, please stop it!! It causes way more harm that good.

nuclearboy:

Ok, nothing more to do on NL, ehn? Trying to redeem your "tough" image, ehn? You NEVER INSULTED "ME" EHN, JUST MY PROGENY?



Well, you're a SLOWPOKE in 144 languages. And IDIOT in the other world languages. And as CONTENTIOUS and IMMATURE as ever.

Tudor my NL love, I got naught more to say to you! You sound boring trying to turn this into your as always, moronic logic now we're reduced to interpreting the meaning of posts! Fake deductions from a fake nitwit.

BTW, do you suffer from brain freeze? Or why is it you always remember more to say/write later and thus make multiple posts one after the other. Brain doesn't register it all at once, abi? And its that painful to you? So when you say its painful, the truth is pretty obvious who to!. Pele, dear. Just watch that cesspool you call your mind so you don't get more spankings (we know you enjoy them and are a sucker for punishment but still, abeg). Enjoy your day

I'm out seeing as you've calmed down



 

*YAWN*

See how he stylishly avoided issues again?

Why are you a pathetic LIAR and you're ranting?

Why is the topic of physical Abuse painful for you?.

Why the tearful and painful emotions riddled in your posts?. . . .

Questions plenty. . .you answer NONE, HABA!

Like I said YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THE SCIENCE , I provided an ACCURATE psychological profile and YOU CAN'T DENY IT. . . .could this be WHY you're SO ANGRY?
-------------------------------

Strange things are really going on here. . .with this fellow tripping over himself to hide the truth and cover up with LIES you can only feel sorry for the pain such individual carries within

nuclearboy:

@Pastor AIO:
I remember the whipping I tookwhen he found me smoking at 11.

Then it now metamorphosed into this. . .

nuclearboy:

Very interesting response Tudor, very nice and very illuminating! Let me start by saying I was caught in school and reported when Dad visited.

Why?

First,he REMEMBERED Dad found him smoking THEN no, it wasn't dada rather it was teacher who caught him and reported to dad. . .yeah right!

Question; Why would a supposedly born again christian LIE?. . . Are there some things even the spirit of God cannot wash away?

Krayola:

If you (anyone reading) beat your kids, please stop it!! It causes way more harm that good.

GBAM!!. . . Tell them!

Krayola this one wey you don talk am be careful o, they'll say its because you're contentious, arrogant, mo.ron, i.diot then it'll now turn to you're a homo, gay, ga.y then their father caught them smoking, no, it was teacher okoro who caught them and reported to daddy. .no, no no, it was head boy who gave them cigar to smoke then called their daddy to come and see and bla bla bla. . .story go plenty oo all because you say beating kids equals to CHILD ABUSE.

If I am to be honest, I got beaten as a child and I believe that it did nothing to contributing to my character other than make me aware of how weak I was and how much life would be better when I was grown up and could get away. I cannot say that I ever felt remorse for things I did that got me beaten. Most times I felt the whole affair was a travesty. I felt bitter, I felt wronged.

Perhaps corporal punishment works on the unintelligent but I was much too analytical to be corrected by flogging. If I'd felt something was wrong in the first place I wouldn't have done it. If I felt I was within my rights to do it and I got flogged for it I would only bemoan the cruel world. Very rarely could anyone explain to me satisfactorily why I ought to have been flogged when I was.

Pastor AIO:

If I am to be honest, I got beaten as a child and I believe that it did nothing to contributing to my character other than make me aware of how weak I was and how much life would be better when I was grown up and could get away.  I cannot say that I ever felt remorse for things I did that got me beaten.  Most times I felt the whole affair was a travesty.  I felt bitter, I felt wronged. 

Perhaps corporal punishment works on the unintelligent but I was much too analytical to be corrected by flogging.  If I'd felt something was wrong in the first place I wouldn't have done it.  If I felt I was within my rights to do it and I got flogged for it I would only bemoan the cruel world.  Very rarely could anyone explain to me satisfactorily why I ought to have been flogged when I was. 

ANOTHER GBAM!!!. . . But NO, they'll say its because you're a homo thats why you're saying this. . .pathetic.

Beating children is ABUSE, STOP IT!!

@Tudor:



@Krayola:

When you first came into this thread, you made a statement about how you feel and ended it with "IMO". I believe you added that because you are intelligent and reasonable. There was no judgmental self-righteous postulation buttressed with mockery and the arrogance that condemns others. Its your opinion, thats fine. It didn't judge me or mine and even if it did, it was presented maturely.

@Pastor AIO:

I felt exactly the same way. And I held on to my convictions and did what I felt was MY WAY. Which is why I stated that years later, when my habit got me in trouble, I wished I had not held on to them. And what you have said is also fair because you state it as an opinion and how YOU feel.


Now, someone should please tell me what the self-righteousness this thing is exhibiting is about and why IT thinks insult and mockery are the way to go. This isn't about a beating or abuse. Its about the deliberate insult from a childish churlish animal who thinks IT has a right to insult and when it finds itself unable to sustain that, turns to contentious postulations of helping the world's children.

Interpretations differ but I personally see life as a continous struggle or if you like, warfare. Struggle through traffic to get to work, war to earn enough for what you want, fighting/undergoing stress to win the woman of your choice etc. If then life is warfare on a miniscule scale, lets look to the military who own the art of war - How are soldiers trained by the USA which this gumboil worships in the pretence of "modernity"?

They go through hell; navy trainees are held under water for upwards of 90 seconds, parachute trainees jump over and over out of planes under controlled conditions (because of when it won't be controlled), soldiers struggle through multiple "obstacle courses" . When they fail, they go through not only a repeat but also punishment which is meant to be a pointer to what you will face if you made that failure on the battlefield. Would you then say its because the US military hates and wants to kill its trainees or because thats how you help people (and strengthen them) to keep their lives when the enemy is shooting live rounds?

I say thats what training, discipline and the pain of upbringing is all about - protecting you, teaching you values and helping you find the inner strength that makes you a man, not a snivelling nose-picking immature idiot who believes adulthood is about displaying a mannerless irritating belligerence all over NL. Those who brought up "bingo" left it to its own devices and DeepSight has succintly shown what we think of what you turned out as.

I personally do not subscribe to corporeal punishment for children but believe they ought not be cuddled till they become another copy of our pal. I train my children using a "reward for good" and "denial for punishment" based system. But I know my father did the best he understood and sincerely believed was right for me and I turned out prosperous, truly educated, mature and balanced though I rebelled "big time" then.

I like to say "You have a right to build for yourself a throne of bayonets. Whether you will be able to sit on it is another matter" and I sincerely mean it. That is what "IT" built when it went after me.

^^
Now, Tell us why you're REALLY MAD. and why you're a PATHETIC LIAR too!

Haba Mallam/Hajiya/Iska,

Less and less words? And only one post/reply?

Wetin shele? Don't tell me your brain has slowed down even further. How will you co-ordinate eating? Anyway, I will wait some more for it to engage and address part 2 of your response. Hopefully, sometime in the next 24 hours, the second part of your vacuous taradiddle will manifest. I'll be waiting.

free advise: Breathe deeper each time. More oxygen will get up there and its obvious you need pure oxygen to maintain double digit IQ

I can't be bothered with your whinning. . . I'm watching chelsea v Hull. Just got home in time for the match. . . You know, football?

You should try it. . .who knows you might see daddy on the pitch.

nuclearboy:

@Tudor:
@Pastor AIO:

*cut rant* Interpretations differ but I personally see life as a continous struggle or if you like, warfare. Struggle through traffic to get to work, war to earn enough for what you want, fighting/undergoing stress to win the woman of your choice etc. If then life is warfare on a miniscule scale, lets look to the military who own the art of war - How are soldiers trained by the USA which this gumboil worships in the pretence of "modernity"?

They go through hell; navy trainees are held under water for upwards of 90 seconds, parachute trainees jump over and over out of planes under controlled conditions (because of when it won't be controlled), soldiers struggle through multiple "obstacle courses" . When they fail, they go through not only a repeat but also punishment which is meant to be a pointer to what you will face if you made that failure on the battlefield. Would you then say its because the US military hates and wants to kill its trainees or because thats how you help people (and strengthen them) to keep their lives when the enemy is shooting live rounds?

I say thats what training, discipline and the pain of upbringing is all about - protecting you, teaching you values and helping you find the inner strength that makes you a man, . . . .bla bla bla*cut rant*

You mean after 3 days of ranting and meandering this is the BEST you could come up with to justify PHYSICAL ABUSE ON LITTLE CHILDREN?

Life is a war?. . .since life is a war why don't you give your imaginary 'kids' AK-47s and Humvess to go win the love of their lives. . . I've never heard more moro.nic rubbish.

You see, When I say This ALL boils down to psychology and the Abuse you suffered at the hands of your father then you begin hyperventilating and calling me names.

How do you expect A kid raised by a frustrated abusive [b]soldier father -who points a revolver at his face every morning while laying tracks on the little boys backside with an old smelly military belt that prolly sizes him no more due to his protruding belly from years of  frustration induced alcohol abuse- to percieve life if not as WAR?[/b]

You see another evil effect of child abuse?

Such a child views violence as normal and a way of solving problems. . . No be magic, A child brought up by Abuse would also abuse others while growing up and grown-up. Its no wonder such victims view life as 'war', becoming overtly paranoid and think everyone is against them including those just trying to help.

Even pastor AIO said about when he was beaten "I bemoan the cruel world". . . You think the world is cruel and wicked, hate the world and its no wonder such people have no problems thinking life = war.

So nuclearboy, going by your history, it ain't you talking but that hurt and damaged little boy inside you. . .there's still time to heal.

EITHER WAY YOU LOOK AT IT, BEATING CHILDREN IS ABUSE and its TOTALLY WRONG!!

So Tudor, you don't think the world is cruel?

Life is whatever you make out of it. . . Glass can be half full or half empty.

Physical abuse pushes you to the half-empty boundaries.

Don't beat kids, ITS ABUSE!

Tudór:

Life is whatever you make out of it. . . Glass can be half full or half empty.

Physical abuse pushes you to the half-empty boundaries.

Don't beat kids, ITS ABUSE!

I know that my question is not exactly pertinent to the topic, but please indulge me. Tudor, I ask whether or not you think that life is cruel. I don't know anything about half empty bottles, a yes or no answer would suffice. After all it is your own opinion that I'm asking you about and you ought to know what that is. Do you think that life is cruel, Tudor?

Or to put it another way would you say that those who would answer that yes it is cruel are to blame for not making the best out of it?

Pastor AIO:

I know that my question is not exactly pertinent to the topic, but please indulge me.  Tudor, I ask whether or not you think that life is cruel.  I don't know anything about half empty bottles, a yes or no answer would suffice.  After all it is your own opinion that I'm asking you about and you ought to know what that is.  Do you think that life is cruel, Tudor?

Or to put it another way would you say that those who would answer that yes it is cruel are to blame for not making the best out of it?

In some cases YES they're to blame but in others NO they're not and external factors e.g physical Abuse are to responsible for them answering yes.

SENSE: Yes or No?

NONSENSE: Yes AND No



TEACHER: Say after me "1 - 2 -  3 - [size=4pt], [/size]"

IDIOT (AKA Leaking head): "I WON'T SAY 1  - 2  -  3 -[size=4pt] , "[/size]

My father only took a whip to me once in my entire life. He had specifically asked me to stay indoors as it was raining - he knew i loved playing in the rain and ending up with a cold.

I disobeyed him and went out playing in the rain.

The result was four good lashes.

He came to me afterwards and said that he was sorry. He went further to explain that it was very wrong for me to directly disobey him in the way that i did.

I understood. He was the kindest and most loving man ever. Soft to a fault most times.

What point am i trying to make?

Let's not get ahead of our selves. A smack here or there to correct a stubborn child cannot reasonably be classed as abuse. Such discipline can surely be meted out lightly, reasonably and within proportion.

I believe that an excess of it, however, will definitely amount to abuse. So its really about proportion. I know a house-help that we once had who lived with us with her four year old daughter. There was a day that the daughter did something that she did not like and she disciplined the child by taking her into a corner and rubbing freshly ground pepper into the girl's v.agina. I sh.it you not - this really happened. Now that is definitely the worst form of child abuse.

I need to say that sometimes i believe the western world takes things out of proportion. Who will deny a parent the right to smack a child to set him straight - if done in reasonable proportion? It is surely a gross exaggeration to state that my father abused me - on account that i got a few lashes for disobeying him and playing in the rain.

Its all about reasonable proportion.

IMO it is always wrong for an adult to hit a defenseless child. ALWAYS! I think parents are supposed to teach their children WHY to behave a certain way, not scare them into obeying a set of orders.

@ deepsight. Would it have been ok for him to whip your mother, only just once, for getting out of line?

Krayola:

IMO it is always wrong for an adult to hit a defenseless child. ALWAYS! I think parents are supposed to teach their children WHY to behave a certain way, not scare them into obeying a set of orders.

@ deepsight. Would it have been ok for him to whip your mother, only just once, for getting out of line?

See this guy, some men already do that.

haha. I know nah. . . I just want to know where monsieur deepsight feels the line should be drawn since he thinks some child beating is fine, and may even be beneficial.

Wife beaters are charged with assault and battery but children beaters are hailed as kings. . .

Who needs more protection under the law, Adults or kids?

Come on Tudor. We all despise child abuse in all its forms.

Guys a little smack to correct an errant child should not be exxagerated as child abuse, assault or battery. I think that's an overstatement and y'all know it.

@ Krayola - Thank you for your question. I think the difference is the intent and purpose towards which such action is deployed and the legal rights associated therewith -

Intent & Purpose
A child's mind is at a formative stage and a firm parental hand may be required (in reasonable proportions only!) for corrective purposes. The same cannot be said of an adult. Particularly it is a parental responsibility to guide the development of the child's mind, but i am certain you will agree that it is not a husband's responsibility to attempt to guide the "development" of an already developed mind - the mind of his adult wife.

Legal Rights
In legal terms children are minors and as such are not able to excercise many legal rights - a few examples are contractual rights, purchase of age-grade goods and the vote. The parent as legal guardian excercises certain legal rights for the purpose of shaping the child's future. This in itself is implicit recognition within the social contract that a parent must perforce have certain rights superceding the prerogatives of the child for the purpose of raising the child. On this ground alone, i may build a strong argument against your question because as a full adult, a wife is not legally subjugated to any supervening rights of her husband (except in Islamic jurisdictions).

Deep Sight:

Come on Tudor. We all despise child abuse in all its forms.

Guys a little smack to correct an errant child should not be exxagerated as child abuse, assault or battery. I think that's an overstatement and y'all know it.

Abegi!

This is called special pleading. A little smack indeed.

Most times children err parents are very very angry and with that rage hit the child. How many people can in such rage give 'little smacks'?. Sometimes they give the kid one HOT slap that'll even floor lenox lewis then they'll say na 'little smack'.

Its no secret the rationale behind the beatings are inflict physical pain for punishment. Is it not the general view amongst these abusers that the more the pain the better the detterent

One 'little smack' isn't supposed to inflict much pain hence cannot serve as deterrent, so WHY BOTHER?

@ Krayola - Thank you for your question. I think the difference is the intent and purpose towards which such action is deployed and the legal rights associated therewith -

Intent & Purpose
A child's mind is at a formative stage and a firm parental hand may be required (in reasonable proportions only!) for corrective purposes. The same cannot be said of an adult. Particularly it is a parental responsibility to guide the development of the child's mind, but i am certain you will agree that it is not a husband's responsibility to attempt to guide the "development" of an already developed mind - the mind of his adult wife.

Yea, this is assuming the wife's mind is 'developed'. . . What happens in cases were the wife still acts, thinks and behaves immaturely as a child, he can render 'little smacks' right?

Legal Rights
In legal terms children are minors and as such are not able to excercise many legal rights - a few examples are contractual rights, purchase of age-grade goods and the vote. The parent as legal guardian excercises certain legal rights for the purpose of shaping the child's future. This in itself is implicit recognition within the social contract that a parent must perforce have certain rights superceding the prerogatives of the child for the purpose of raising the child. On this ground alone, i may build a strong argument against your question because as a full adult, a wife is not legally subjugated to any supervening rights of her husband (except in Islamic jurisdictions).

So the rights you have over the child superceding the perogatives include assaulting that kid, right? Thank you, you try.

A child's mind is at a formative stage and a firm parental hand may be required (in reasonable proportions only!) for corrective purposes. The same cannot be said of an adult. Particularly it is a parental responsibility to guide the development of the child's mind, but i am certain you will agree that it is not a husband's responsibility to attempt to guide the "development" of an already developed mind - the mind of his adult wife.

So are u saying children should be scared/bullied into behaving a certain way because they are at an age where they (minds) can be easily bullied?

It may be that it is a parent's responsibility to guide the development of a child's mind, but it is also the parent's responsibility to protect the child from physical harm. Inflicting pain on a defenseless child as a means of "mind development" is either abuse, "lazy" parenting, or BOTH, IMO. It, IMO, teaches children to behave a certain way in order to avoid beating, and not necessarily to UNDERSTAND why one type of behavior is more appropriate (in a given context) than another. Children may then only behave "properly" when there is a risk of physical harm to them, and not because they have learned WHY it is more appropriate/better to behave that way.

BTW adults can also be scared into behaving. A lot of physically abused women are abused because their husbands want to "teach" them to behave "properly".

Legal Rights
In legal terms children are minors and as such are not able to excercise many legal rights - a few examples are contractual rights, purchase of age-grade goods and the vote. The parent as legal guardian excercises certain legal rights for the purpose of shaping the child's future. This in itself is implicit recognition within the social contract that a parent must perforce have certain rights superceding the prerogatives of the child for the purpose of raising the child. On this ground alone, i may build a strong argument against your question because as a full adult, a wife is not legally subjugated to any supervening rights of her husband (except in Islamic jurisdictions).

The things you mention are IMO to protect children from exploitation. The law assumes children may not have enough knowledge/understanding etc of the "real world" to make certain decisions . . Laws also protect children from physical abuse by parents/adults because they realize that children most likely cannot protect themselves from adults.

Please build your argument for why parents should have a right to physically harm their children. I want to understand where u are coming from


Most Nigerian kids get their b.utts kicked in by parents and teachers. I did. We love our parents and know they love us so we try to defend their actions. They were wrong, and, maybe, did what they did because they didn't know any better. They thought that was the only way kids would learn. . . They learned what their "culture" taught them. If they knew it wasn't an effective way of TEACHING, but of SCARING, they, IMO, would not inflict such pain on their children.

Tudor/ Krayola - I appreciate your points, and i will be doing a thorough response to your concerns shortly.

But before i do that might i ask one question if you will oblige me -

What would you suggest are acceptable methods of discipline for a stubborn child? Please note i used the word discipline.

@ deepsight. I just left my room  and realized my house is empty so I can get a quick dose of "herbal essence"    into my lungs/system before anyone gets back. I have to use this opportunity sharp sharp  I will respond soon.  no vex

^^^ You criminal Krayola! I dey wait you o

Deep Sight:

What would you suggest are acceptable methods of discipline for a stubborn child? Please note i used the word discipline.

In this context, discipline, IMO, must mean a means of TEACHING the child appropriate behavior. It should not just be about making inappropriate behavior an unattractive option for the child, but to ASSIST/HELP the child to understand the BENEFIT of appropriate behavior, which could ultimately help the child develop a value system not based on reward and punishment from some authority, but on an actual understanding of why the behavior is appropriate/inappropriate i.e. the consequences of acting a certain way.

Before you "discipline" a child the child should already have an idea of what you expect from him/her, and must have reached an age where he/she can meet the expectations. e.g. don't tell a 2 or 3 year old not to put his/her hand in the toilet, and then smack him/her when he/she is caught putting hands in the toilet 5 hours later. At that age they probably can't remember what u said, and can't understand WHY putting hands in the toilet is inappropriate). Between 2 and 6 children are still little explorers learning how the world around them works. . . they touch everything, throw things around, and break stuff etc. At this age parents have to be VERY PATIENT and teach them stuff.

for ezzampul

Dad 1: Junior, if you kick your ball in the house I will smack you. Go and play outside my friend!!

Dad 2: Junior, if you kick your ball in the house you may hit something and it could break, make a mess, and even hurt someone. Why not come and watch cartoons instead or go and play with your brother?

Dad one will probably get Junior to do what he says more easily, and dad 2 even be seen as "soft" on his child, but it is all about consistency. . . By the time the child has reached about 6 years old, when he/she can be expected to take some responsibility for behavior, that na when discipline can start. And i don't mean physical discipline o. 

At this age children can process a lot of information and make complex decisions. They have some understanding of what is expected from them, and when they seem to break clearly defined rules that they are known to fully understand, they should be corrected. I think u want to know HOW I think they should be CORRECTED, and not PUNISHED. The problem with smacking/beating/punishing(naija style) is that it uses unpleasantness or pain . . . and while this may  STOP the child, temporarily, from behaving a certain way, it does not TEACH or CAUSE the child to UNDERSTAND and perform the appropriate/expected behavior. The child only learns how to not get caught. . . his lesson may be to avoid punishment, and not to behave appropriately.

As for how it should be done, me i no know o. . . I don't have kids so all I know is what i have read, and see my brother and sisters do. . .  I know i'll try never ever to lay a finger on my kids. I know it doesn't change s.hit. It just makes the kids better at deceit.  You can read this tho.  . I agree with it.   

Instead of punishing

1. Listen. Ask the child the reason for the misbehavior before you punish. Allow the child a chance to explain. Children do not think like adults. The child’s motive may have been good.

2. Teach. Tell the child why a particular behavior is wrong. Children are not mind readers, and they do not have the experience nor the understanding we sometimes think they do. They need to know why you disapprove.

3. Set an example. Show the child what behavior you expect in that situation. Do not assume children know what you expect of them or understand what you say. Act it out for practice. Behave that way yourself.

4. Be flexible. Listen to what your child says about your discipline methods. Listen to your own conscience. Do not use a method just because you said you would even when you know it is not a good idea. Admit your mistake, apologize, and change your behavior. This is what you want your child to do.

5. Discipline in private. Try not to correct a child in public. Try not to correct your child in front of anyone, even another family member. This embarrasses the child and causes resentment. The child may continue to misbehave to save face. The child who is watching may misbehave to hide fear.

6. Discipline respectfully. Do not yell at your child. Walk over to your child. Move down to the child’s eye level or place the child on your lap. Talk to your child softly and calmly so that only you and your child can hear.

Problems with Punishment

Punishment does not work for several reasons.

1. Punishment makes children hate themselves and others. They dislike themselves for getting the punishment. They dislike the one who punishes them. Punishment gives the child feelings of low self-esteem. Children learn not to trust but to fear others. They learn to fear those who are older, larger, or have authority over them. They may plan to get revenge when they are older, larger, or have authority. Bullies are not born that way. They learn how to bully from others.

2. The child may behave only to avoid punishment. The child’s motive is self-protection. Children learn how to be sneaky and how to get away or to avoid being caught. They become defensive, dishonest and afraid. Their fear may affect their learning and problem solving. Children need and want to learn how to behave. When they learn why good behavior is best, they can think for themselves. They can do the right thing in a new situation. They know what to do and why, even when an adult is not present. If they make a mistake, they are less inclined to try to hide it. They trust their parent to listen and to act fairly.

3. Punishment makes children think there must be something wrong with them. If they think they are bad, they will act bad. They get punished. Children want attention. They will settle for punishment if they can not get attention for good behavior.

4. Children who see others spanked fear it will happen to them. The fear increases each time another child is spanked. Children feel responsible for other children’s physical punishment. They fear that they will be next. Children may feel especially threatened when they do not see the reason for punishment. They do not know what to do to prevent more punishment.

5. Children who get spankings and punishment feel they have paid for their misbehavior and more. They misbehave again to get even. Parents and teachers punish them again. Their anger and resentment build. They plan revenge. Spankings short-circuit feelings of remorse needed to prevent future misbehavior.

6. Parents who use physical punishment are setting an example of using violence and physical power to control others or to solve conflicts. Children imitate their parents’ behavior. They behave violently.

7. Parents have to find other discipline methods when the child becomes as tall and as strong as the parent or face possible physical abuse from their children.

Remember When

If you were spanked, punished, or verbally abused as a child, try to remember how you felt. Ask yourself the following questions:
• As a child, how did I feel about spankings and punishment?
• Did it make me stop doing something?
• Did I sneak around and try not to get caught?
• Did I brag about my spankings?
• Do I still brag about my spankings?
• Did I enjoy the attention that came with a spanking?
• Did I learn to dislike and fear the adult, school, or subject?

http://pods.dasnr.okstate.edu/docushare/dsweb/Get/Document-2420/T-2329web.pdf

Dad 1: Junior, if you kick your ball in the house I will smack you. Go and play outside my friend!!

Dad 2: Junior, if you kick your ball in the house you may hit something and it could break, make a mess, and even hurt someone. Why not come and watch cartoons instead or go and play with your brother

So what does Dad 2 do when Junior ignores his words and PERSISTENTLY disobeys him.

Keep applying the same tactic interminabbly and expect different results?

Are you sure that would not be breeding a monster out of Junior who believes he is beyond reproach?

Interesting thread! I agree with Krayola's views. The rod is only for some - yes, even then, not all - animals and determinate fools. The rod of correction in all the verses in Proverbs is for the one that has PROVEN that he/she is void of understanding. see Pro 10:13 for example. The motive really matters, and unfortunately many parents don't even beat to correct, they do so to instil fear and out of a sense of REVENGE!

Deep Sight:

So what does Dad 2 do when Junior ignores his words and PERSISTENTLY disobeys him.

Keep applying the same tactic interminabbly and expect different results?

Are you sure that would not be breeding a monster out of Junior who believes he is beyond reproach?

Like krayola said, you TEACH discipline.

Dad 1 threatens the child to behave akin to what many religions to today, if you don't believe things will be bad for you e.t.c.

What stops the parents, from taking away both the ball and cartoons and until you apologise and promise not to play in house again, you ain't getting that ball.