(Olu still coughing)
Olu: Ruky, you will not kill me, you can’t even call to apologize. What’s next o?
(Olu took a nice pair of shoes outside to polish)
(Sitting outside, he can see Shola still fetching water)
Olu: To ba gba temi, omo lo ma pon ku (If you don’t accept my proposal, you will fetch water till you die).
(Phone ringing, he checks the screen)
Olu: Olu the woli himself, Ruky, you have to call me five times before I pick.
(Call drops and shortly the phone rings again)
Olu: Let me just pick it, we don’t know if she wants to send money like that o.
(Phone conversation)
Ruky: Olu baby, am so sorry… so so sorry. I can’t come tonight. Something happened, am sorry.
Olu: What happened?
Ruky: My dad called and that I’ll represent him in a meeting. I thought I’ll leave on time. Am sorry.

Ruky
Full name: Rukayat Salami
Occupation: General Manager in Salami Group of Companies
Likes: My ATM and very caring
Dislike: Not too fine like that
How we met: Secondary school classmate
Olu: Your daddy did not know you’re going to see your sugar daddy?
Ruky: Mabinu
Olu: (Jokingly) who is your daddy?
Ruky: Alhaji Ycee
(Both laughing…)
Ruky: I’ll show tomorrow
Olu: Noooo! Alakoba, I have many programmes and then evening evangelism.
(Both laughing…)
Olu: o ti ye e now (You understand)
Ruky: Call me next week and let me know when you’ll be free
Olu: why not…
(Shola approaching with the key)
Ruky: Take care baby
Olu: Alright dear, my regards to your husband o..
Ruky: Leave my husband o
Olu: (laughing). Ok mama
(Call ends)
(Olu singing, consciously referring to Shola)
Olu: (Song: All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small all things big and wonderful, My Jesus created all. Olu staring at her. (Song: I can see everything turning around, turning around, turning around, for our good…
Shola: This is the key, thank you bro.
Olu: Is it that your boyfriend in school is handsomer and richer?
Shola: And more influential… (She walks off)
(Olu to himself): Mhenn… 2-0 in two hours. Shey na Mass Com. she dey study for school? Shoo
Olu singing loud: Aje ku iya le je… eniti o to ni na, ton de na deni, ajeku iya le je… mtchewww. Nonsense
(Olu stood up)
Olu: plenty female first timer tomorrow ooo (packs his shoes, the polish and chair inside).
Olu: Oh my god, I still have to update my diary…
(olu opens one of his wardrobes, opens a bad and out the big diary and a pen.
Olu: Attendance for the week: Ruky… absent; Ngozi… postponed; Shola… Idiot; Alice… better pikin; Ayo… Ajala the traveller; Halimat… lost her cell number; Sandra… about to start.
Olu: Expenses: Loss… N500 to Alice; N2000 recharge card from Ngozi, Ayo… Idiot, Ruky… Not yet
(Olu signs underneath and jumps on the bed).
Olu: Father, in case you’re coming back before tomorrow morning, please forgive me my sins and be merciful. You know once I get married, I’ll stop this nonsense. Thank you father. Halleluiah.
SUNDAY MORNING
(Olu already dressed up in his room)
Facing the mirror and talking to his reflection.
Olu: See fine boy, all this pef (perfume), powder, gel, polish must not waste o. Beautiful first timer, I mean young ladies, not old mama or akube. Thank you Father. Omo igbala eke Halleuiah meje (Saints, shout 7 Halleluiahs)
(Phone beeps)
Olu: Mufu is around
(CHURCH CAR PARK)
Mufu
Full name: Mufu; I don’t know his surname
Occupation: Driver
Likes: knows all my runs and “parole” and can cooperate
Dislike: blunder in every spoken word except “ok oga”
How we met: Through a client

Olu: Pack here
Mufu: Ok oga
Olu: Be here exactly 2pm
Mufu: Ok Oga

Olu: You should know two things about me. One, a white Range Rover takes me to church. Two, I belong to the welfare unit now. We visit first timers (You should understand why I joined now).
(All eyes on Olu as he walks majestically in a clean fancy suit towards the main auditorium). Just then, a man rushed towards him.
Man: Bro Olu, Good morning Sir, please do you have credit on your phone. I forgot my bible in the taxi. I want to please call the driver now.
(Olu to himself): Laro kutukutu, iru agbako woleleyi, credit am managing
Olu: What do you mean, do I have credit, I always have credit
Man: Sorry sir
Olu: But you need to see me after the service. How can you forget your bible, your sword? It shows the kind of Christianity you’re practising.
Man: Am sorry, I have a lot on my mind
Olu: Not again. I have never been to any church in the last 20 years without a bible. I hate this indiscipline and nonchalant attitude towards your spiritual growth. You will spread this and then run down the church for us.
Man: Am sorry sir, can you?
Olu: Alright, (brings out his phone) as if you ever had credit.
Man: Sorry sir
(Olu stretches his phone but suddenly withdraw it)
Man: What sir?
Olu: Hmmm… thank you spirit, I have a message to quickly write down.
Man : Ok sir
(Olu opens Gallery to delete Alice’s video)
Olu: You can take now. Thank you spirit.
Man: We thank God.
(Man calling the driver)
(Olu to himself): Alakoba, on a Sunday morning, thank you Father, o fe ba temi je. Omo ale (bastard).
Man: Thank you sir, he’ll be bringing it soon.
Olu: Ok. Please and please don’t forget your bible again, so you won’t have to borrow my phone.
Man: Thank you sir.
(Olu to himself): Olowogbogboro, thank you for saving me. Esu pofo
Olu: (Eyin omo ogun, ema temi lo) as he enters the auditorium
(…to be continued…)