So, I will make this short and quick as I can. I am not the regular thread creator on the romance section but I have been reading many posts on relationships, marriages, love, sex and of course heartbreaks on this forum lately…. The latest that made me come up with my post as I planned to do is the guy that “cried for help” last Night.
Now, The Nigerian society is a very crazy one. We live in a society where money and material things comes first. People get into relationships/marry to escape poverty and hardship. Many say it is due to the economic situation but I disagree. It’s just some form of “mental illness” which has got ripple effect on the society. We see it the government i.e. corruption, we see it in our youth i.e. prostitution, fraud and many other vices. We say it play out even in some religious organisations. One very bad effect of this problem is it causes some other mental illusions, a reason why many are delusional, living in fantasies and cannot face reality. We tend to learn our lessons the hard way. Almost every lady thinks the man for her will be that tall, handsome, dark and rich guy. Almost every guy thinks he will land a job/hustle that will pay in seven digits after graduation.
I read a post where a young man said that a man exists to solve problem whilst a woman existence is to find a man, get attached and procreate. Well that may not be far from the truth. However, I think we all have our special reasons for existence and it is very important many of our youth understand this. The society we live in has placed so much emphasis on the woman’s existence to be procreation and are looking just to get married and not to really fulfil destiny per say, it becomes difficult for a man to find the right woman. Based on my own personal experience and a few around me. I have come with a few points to help in choosing a partner and a few things to do to avoid heartbreaks and even if it happens, reduce the pain.
1. Never Date a girl when you do not have marriage plans in the short term – max 3years.
Guys if you are not ready to settle down in 2 to 3 years, never date a girl or commit. This is because the longer you stay single with a Nigerian woman, the more her doubts about you. Many of our Nigerian ladies are not in relationships to complement. I was in love with my university crush and I had the “fantasy’ of settling with her. Reality dawned on me when she left for another degree whilst I was still job hunting. Long story short, I got a job not too long after she left but the trust was gone. We couldn’t get back.

2. Don’t ever “carry” the parental/family responsibility of a girl- Except if you have paid her bride price or married her, don’t ever take responsibilities such as school fees, house rents, pocket money that ought to be from parents. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you should not spend on your girl. Spoil your girl bro! but there are some things one would expect her to be responsible for. If she does not have that family support and you feel you should help her, pls, go pay her bride price. If not count such investments as one you are ready to part with i.e MMM. I have seen many guys that found it difficult to move on because of what they have put in financially.

3. Be smart to know which girl is worth your time and energy- This is similar to point number 2. Many Nigerian girls are not just worth the time and energy. They are not patient, they lack the ability to endure certain situations, and this does not just happen in relationships. It happens in marriages, we hear of stories about how some women go about sleeping with men because things aren’t going on fine with their spouses. When dating a girl, check how contended she is, is she easily pleased. Does she appreciate the little things you do or give her? If No, don’t be fooled by any love. Move on quick.


4. Don’t ever date a lady who does not respect your instinct or judgments- I salute our smart ladies out there that are controlling what some men cannot but naturally, there is a high success chance for a man’s instinct. There is that popular artiste that sang and I Think there was a movie “Think like a man”. If your woman cannot respect your instinct, she cannot appreciate whatever it is you are doing. I am not saying you shouldn’t give room for disagreements, opinions or negotiations, all I am saying is there are some instances your instincts should be followed.

5. Never date a girl that has no life goals or that does not see things the way do- except if you do not have one yourself- some ladies don’t have life goals. If you ask them where they wish to be in 5 years, some will say I wish to be in my husband house- doing what? How does being in your husband’s contribute to the society? Date a girl who thinks BIG, even if she is a BIG talker, engage her to know she knows what she is doing, guide her through her goals and you will be a happy man. Except maybe when you are asked where you see yourself in 5 years, your answer will be "I want to see my wife in my house"

6. In 2017, Never date a girl you are not financially on the same level, difference not too much-50%, or better still be sure she is a boss lady- YES guys, one of my silliest mistakes in relationships is thinking I can help a girl achieve financial independence without she changing …. Hello, only 1 out of 10 ladies won’t show their silly self when they gain some financial strength. I remember one of my friends that was dating a jobless young chic, she had little or no support from her family and depended on this guy for almost everything. Sometime later, the young guy lost his job- some people’s spirit is so strong that they can pull you up or take you down to the level they are- be cautious!. It was a tough time for both of them. Not too long the lady became financially stronger and bing, the other side started to show. It took the grace of God for that relationship to work. Point is, date a girl who is on some level you think you are, if you are going down, she can support herself without it meaning a thing. Most times, those kind of ladies are not distracted by money. A second option is to get a lady some way higher, the ones cocky guys fear, this kind are usually hard to get but get her and keep your hustle up. When you do, F*ck her good, treat her like a queen and she will be loyal to you!


In conclusion, this is for a good guy. If you are a play boy, you know your way around our ladies. Have you not wondered why many ladies in Nigeria are victims of playboys/men? This is because they barely appreciate the good guy that takes his time to show true love. I read through this thread- https://www.nairaland.com/4138352/girlfriend-hit-me-sudden-news/6#61774805 and I couldn’t count the number of guys that kept saying I have been through the same thing. It’s really sad the society we live in!

You said you will make it short and quick but that is as long as hell. Let me save others the stress.

Summary
The points of the op are as follows:

- Never date a girl you do not intend to marry in 3 years(this I disagree with)

- Don't carry her family problems. Don't pay her school fees unless u paid her bride price.

- Know a girl worth your time.

- Don't date a girl who doesn't respect your judgement (alpha male)

- Don't date a girl who doesn't have a life goal unless you don't have one yourself.

- Make sure your financial level is almost same. She must be a boss lady. (and u expect her to respect ur judgement).


My Comment

no comment.

Greene66:
You said you will make it short and quick but that is as long as hell. Let me save others the stress.

Summary
The points of the op are as follows:

- Never date a girl you do not intend to marry in 3 years(this I disagree with)

- Don't carry her family problems. Don't pay her school fees unless u paid her bride price.

- Know a girl worth your time.

- Don't date a girl who doesn't respect your judgement (alpha male)

- Don't date a girl who doesn't have a life goal unless you don't have one yourself.

- Make sure your financial level is almost same. She must be a boss lady. (and u expect her to respect ur judgement).


My Comment

no comment.

you can disagree all you want but ask the young girls around how long they wish to date their guys for before getting married, you will most def have a diff view. @ last bolded, I never said she must be a boss lady, it's good she is. Read well, I didn't say you should survive on your lady... No No. Be the man but make sure she is there to complement - tho majority of women will misbehave when they have some financial sense, a smart one will call herself to order almost immediately. I have seen thread of a lady coming humbly to ask if she should invest what she has saved from her pay/ continue her career or get married and I have seen another that created on here to belittle men that approach her... obviously, you can tell who will be respectful and which would not. Majority of the feminist on NL that see themselves as being subject to the judgment/instincts of men have nothing to their names. With my experience, most times, a girl from a stable background or a girl doing well herself has the likelihood to be more respectful than an otherwise. This is because her background will/ status will afford her the opportunity to visit places, see things differently and have some exposure. The problem with many men is they don't like to be objected in anyway. I have such friends, infact my dad is a typical example. This is not my point! Read that part clearly, I said clearly there should be room for disagreements, negotiations and idea meritocracy but she should respect your instincts in some situations.

Very true OP

Much ado about love, marriage. Sometimes, I feel it's much ado about nothing.

Hmmm, this should make FP! lalasticalan Rocktation, farano

equuscaballus:
you can disagree all you want but ask the young girls around how long they wish to date their guys for before getting married, you will most def have a diff view. @ last bolded, I never said she must be a boss lady, it's good she is. Read well, I didn't say you should survive on your lady... No No. Be the man but make sure she is there to complement - tho majority of women will misbehave when they have some financial sense, a smart one will call herself to order almost immediately. I have seen thread of a lady coming humbly to ask if she should invest what she has saved from her pay/ continue her career or get married and I have seen another that created on here to belittle men that approach her... obviously, you can tell who will be respectful and which would not. Majority of the feminist on NL that see themselves as being subject to the judgment/instincts of men have nothing to their names. With my experience, most times, a girl from a stable background or a girl doing well herself has the likelihood to be more respectful than an otherwise. This is because her background will/ status will afford her the opportunity to visit places, see things differently and have some exposure. The problem with many men is they don't like to be objected in anyway. I have such friends, infact my dad is a typical example. This is not my point! Read that part clearly, I said clearly there should be room for disagreements, negotiations and idea meritocracy but she should respect your instincts in some situations.

You have a thing for long text....

So because ladies want to get married in due time means a man should hurry to marry? 3 years is too short. Marriage is a lifetime commitment dude. Even before buying a car one would plan and select very well let alone getting married. I know series of couples who lived for almost 10 years together and they weren't married because the love was there. Why didn't those ladies dump the dudes after 3 years? Sometimes it's more complicated as it isn't rocket science.

A lady knows a true man for her when she sees him but greed and thirst for life won't let her take him so she would want the other dude who doesn't really care so fast. Love is patient. Oh I forgot, marriage isn't about love anymore.. It's just about doing it and having babies .

Op you just spoiled this better post with your long epistles. Nice one though

Very nice post

The article became trashy when you introduced marriage to it!

Most of us have no plan to be part of that nonsense! Just get a baby mama and put in the house and live freely.

I agree with some of the points raised here