Please I need matured responses only.
If a lady loses her fiance after dating for 3 years and being engaged , how long is she to mourn him before opening her heart to love again ?
The event completely put her whole life on PAUSE MODE. she still wakes up screaming out in fright. Stil mistakenly dials his number to call him, forgetting he is no more
Note the following circumstances surrounding this.
1. The late fiance's family have come to accept her as a daughter in the home, its almost like she was married to him , the wedding was to be late 2018.

2. Her family and that of the late fiance's family are so closely knitted

3. Both families are neighbours, residing in same estate , so she will always be seen or run into his family and friends.

4. He has been late and buried for a little over 3 months now

5. One of his distant cousin as well as another man in the estate have started wooing her, asking for marriage .

6. These 2 men seem to be serious , but dilemma is she met her late's fiance cousin in their house while he was alive , while the other man recently moved into the estate .

7. She is past 30 years, a working class, and only daughter of her parents (with 2 older brothers).

8. She really needs help as she may end up opening her heart to one of these men.

Is it too early for her to start a new relationship?
Is it insensitive of her to date her late fiancé's cousin cos of the feelings and bitter memories it may evoke for the bereaved family members?
How about the other man, he lives in his own house within the estate, she is careful of how the bereaved family will feel seeing her daily as another man's wife, it may always reopen the wounds of the lost son/brother, cos this neighbour is even asking for marriage straight away.


Pls matured response only.

Forever

Just forget about the distance cousin, its a no go area. Can't you look for someone else outside the estate? Must you date someone within the same estate? Haba, abeg look elsewhere. Enough of mourning, he was not your husband. Move on with your life. It is well with you

akinreals:
Just forget about the distance cousin, its a no go area. Can't you look for someone else outside the estate? Must you date someone within the same estate? Haba, abeg look elsewhere. Enough of mourning, he was not your husband. Move on with your life. It is well with you

Ordinarily, its easier to say. But we don't look for love, love just finds us.
She may most likely not go for his cousin for obvious reasons, but then there is a high probability of her accepting the proposal of the other neighbour.
It would have been easier if he were a tenant in the eatate, unfortunately, he just moved into his own house.
If not for this, at least, for her sake and that of the bereaved family, she would have prevailed on him to move out of the estate IF THEY must date.

Thanks for your response

Y'all ain't even married in the first place. Do they expect you to remain single forever? Look for another dude asap..

there's no stipulated time to move on but if must... half a year is ok (6months). Loosing one's fiancee is really heartbreaking.

Pls o.... that distant or near cousin is a hell no... she shouldn't try it.
#myopinion.

She should find love elsewhere, the cousin and the estate neighbor should be discarded for respect to her person and family of the late ex. Let her remember this is Africa..

Given Her Age, I Will Say She Should Give It 6 Months Thereabout. Hopefully, Someone Other Than Her Present Suitors Will Come Within The Next 2 To 3 Months. Irrespective Of What Happens, I Don't Think Courting The Cousin Is An Option

Meanwhile, Hope She Has Not Totally Shut Down Her Social Life Because Of Her Loss? That Will Do Her No Good

Eggcelent:
Given Her Age, I Will Say She Should Give It 6 Months Thereabout. Hopefully, Someone Other Than Her Present Suitors Will Come Within The Next 2 To 3 Months. Irrespective Of What Happens, I Don't Think Courting The Cousin Is An Option

Meanwhile, Hope She Has Not Totally Shut Down Her Social Life Because Of Her Loss? That Will Do Her No Good

Tnx Sir , your last comment is a major concern. She has completely relapsed into her shell. No outing , no socializing. Her itinerary revolves only around house , work place and church , even since the death.
She is actually 35+

[quote author=Modelqwen post=62616421]






there's no stipulated time to move on but
if must... half a year is ok (6months).
Loosing one's fiancee is really heartbreaking.


Pls o.... that distant or near cousin is a
hell no... she shouldn't try it.

#myopinion.[/quote

Tnx dearie. The event completely put her whole life on PAUSE MODE. she still wakes up screaming out in fright. Stil mistakenly dials his number to call him, forgetting he is no more

[quote author=theunblemished post=62617290][/quote]


i feel for her....
that's the more reason she shouldn't get herself involved with someone who reminds her of the late fiancee...
i wish her quick recovery & goodluck in making a choice.

Distant cousn is a no go area, give it a bit of time ,say like 3months more that is if u are sure u are not emotionally entangled with ur dead ex fiance,(be really sure,no baggages transfer to another relatiinship). Life continues and age also is ticking. Start courting the estate guy if u like him to see if he his right for u,there is no rush in marriage! If he his , get ur former would be inlaws in the know after 6 months of courting.

Evacroft:
Distant cousn is a no go area, give it a bit of time ,say like 3months more that is if u are sure u are not emotionally entangled with ur dead ex fiance,(be really sure,no baggages transfer to another relatiinship). Life continues and age also is ticking. Start courting the estate guy if u like him to see if he his right for u,there is no rush in marriage! If he his , get ur former would be inlaws in the know after 6 months of courting.

Tnx dearie @Evacroft. U are kinda pretty pragmatic. Sincerely, I dont think she has completely come.out of her love bond with him. A loving relationship with a new person can also.help out too, I guess.
She alreadu decided that whenever she gets into an affair, she will eventually inform his family.

Modelqwen:




i feel for her....

that's the more reason she shouldn't get herself
involved with someone who reminds her of
the late fiancee...

i wish her quick recovery & goodluck in making a choice.

Amen, tnx dearie @Modelqwen

She should create a space in her heart for the man for ever expecially if the guy was treating her right ..

as for the mourning, 8 months is ok if the love is too much...and in my humble opinion, the lady should be visiting the guy's house too at least ones in a month during her period of mourning

This is because she has been introduced to the family...you were not doing this to please anyone..that 's called respect.. it shows that she didn't run away on them and she genuinely love him...I know that if reverse was the case a genuine guy that loves her would have done it too..

if they got her interest at heart, they will subtly suggest to her to move on.. without putting her life on hold...
Though they are not obligated to do or say that.. but some will...

Tell them you are not ready for a relationship right now. Give your self time to heal and no rushing- 3 month is too short (my opinion).
Hopefully both of them will understand and find their way.
Not sure dating/marrying anyone in your estate is the right thing unless the guy plans on moving out.