I knw ds sounds crazy but u must be in my shoes b4 u blast me.

This is serious

@poster 4rm wat u said,i think the problem wit u is dat u havnt found 2ru luv and dats why u had 3brkups and u aint feeling anything 4 ur suitors.My advice 2 u is to give love a chance and see how happy u will be wit ur luver.Peace

@poster, you had better sit up and think straight. Me feel you have a psychological problem and you need help because of your experiences. See your Pastor or a psychologist. Time waits 4 no man.

Well, know that all men are not thesame. Start appreciating men.

it takes time. you want to be with someone who will be patient with you, and treat you tenderly. out of the crowd, select the one who has those qualities to start a close friendship with, or date if you can bring yourself to do it. (and you have the right to decide to keep s e x out of it). i quite agree, see/speak to someone to help you put the past aside. good luck.

i think ur backgroumd's the problem. u have to stay around women b4 u can be a woman.

Any traumatic events caused and not remedied folowing by therapy or counseling leave a deep scar that usually takes years to heal.

You need extensive therapy sessions before you get into any relationships of any kind. You will continue to harbor the old feelings to a man that did nothing to you, HOPEFULLY.

I suggest that you take some times and work on you. It is imperative that you do so because you have TOO MUCH BAGGAGE.

Good luck with that!

Why do you 'have to' marry any of them. Please dont pressure yourself. If you dont feel anything for them then please wait til you find someone you feel for and can trust with your heart. If your not interested in marriage then you will do more harm to yourself if you force it. Please get some help for your past trauma's as other posters have said. My heart goes out to you.

@ poster

From your post , i discovered you re still very much in touch with your experiences of the past and this has largely been responsible for you feelings.
Try as much as posible to put behind you all that has happenened in the past to you in the hands of men, I beleive that is when you can find a heart to love .it might take time but just be very careful not to fall into te wrong hands .

regards

when some1 fumbles, another person pays for it.
that's the reason more reason you felt nothing.
plz, take your time and you will get a better person.
best of luck

Ochlux:

I knw ds sounds crazy but u must be in my shoes b4 u blast me. Am nt a lesbien bt am scared of men & all dey offer including marriage. Am d only girl wit 6 brothers,had a very violent & aggressive upbringing,went 2 all girls sec sch,was assulted,neva feels comfortable arnd guys,& av had 3 hrt brk. Nw am due 4 marriage & hv 3 serious suitors.,bt d truth i dnt av a single feeling 4 any of dem,am nt ready 4 it,why marry?

you already answered your own question if you dont care for any of them why get married. you should never get married just because you feel like you are of some age or because people are pressuring you. find someone you love and who loves you back don't settle though you might have to compromise on some things but only marry when you feel loved and you also love back

Ok.

Let me make it very clear i really think that you are a lesbian. It is just that you are not telling the truith. IOt is not what you said but what u didint say that nailed you. You said that you dont have feeling for men but you are very silent on whether you have feelings for fellow women. Try and repent and stop pretending.

I don't think you are a lesbian based on what you have said. I think you need some therapy though for the trauma you endured in the past. You just have some issues that you have not worked out a way of dealing with.

dinachi:

sounds like u'r bully. That nt a vry healthy way 2 think,am nt one so dnt impose it on me Dinachi !!

Ochlux:

I knw ds sounds crazy but u must be in my shoes b4 u blast me. Am nt a lesbien bt am scared of men & all dey offer including marriage. Am d only girl wit 6 brothers,had a very violent & aggressive upbringing,went 2 all girls sec sch,was assulted,neva feels comfortable arnd guys,& av had 3 hrt brk. Nw am due 4 marriage & hv 3 serious suitors.,bt d truth i dnt av a single feeling 4 any of dem,am nt ready 4 it,why marry?

if only u wld accept 2 marry me, wld promise u great bliss serious

dinachi:

Let me make it very clear i really think that you are a lesbian. It is just that you are not telling the truith. IOt is not what you said but what u didint say that nailed you. You said that you dont have feeling for men but you are very silent on whether you have feelings for fellow women. Try and repent and stop pretending.

That's a very aggressive response! How do you think your reply helps the original poster? You can't just make assumptions - even emotional / family therapists / counsellors undergo years of training, before they're qualified to arrive at the conclusions they do!

@ Ochlux: Please disregard Dinachi's outburst. I would advise you seek help from a professional, your case isn't unique, they'll be best able to structure counselling sessions, that should see you on your way to recovery. Best of luck.

Ochlux:

I knw ds sounds crazy but u must be in my shoes b4 u blast me. Am nt a lesbien bt am scared of men & all dey offer including marriage. Am d only girl wit 6 brothers,had a very violent & aggressive upbringing,went 2 all girls sec sch,was assulted,neva feels comfortable arnd guys,& av had 3 hrt brk. Nw am due 4 marriage & hv 3 serious suitors.,bt d truth i dnt av a single feeling 4 any of dem,am nt ready 4 it,why marry?

PRICELESS!!!!!

my question to you is:
- what made you "DUE FOR MARRIAGE"?
- what made these 3suitors any better than the donkeys in the streets since you have absolutely no feelings for them?!

you have too many personal issues that you have to deal with/accept before putting yourself out there in the "meat market" and hopefully finding the RIGHT mate for marriage. any person who marries you would live a miserable life (you included).

Ochlux:

I knw ds sounds crazy but u must be in my shoes b4 u blast me. Am nt a lesbien bt am scared of men & all dey offer including marriage. Am d only girl wit 6 brothers,had a very violent & aggressive upbringing,went 2 all girls sec sch,was assulted,neva feels comfortable arnd guys,& av had 3 hrt brk. Nw am due 4 marriage & hv 3 serious suitors.,bt d truth i dnt av a single feeling 4 any of dem,am nt ready 4 it,why marry?

I am sorry to hear this. Pray about it ok? Naija men and naija society in general will do that to you. You know the men in that society are very aggressive, lack affection, are overly possesive and see women as their slaves and property. Its no wonder the country is not moving forward but rather constantly moving backward because God don't like ugly. From what you have mentioned, your fears are very valid. I would be scared to if I lived in that kinda hostile jungle called naija. Don't rush into anything until you feel you have met the right person. Better yet, marry a non nigerian male like I did so that you will live long, be loved and pampered and not loose your sanity, peace of mind, and happiness when you do choose to get married. Finally, don't forget to pray.

Wish you all the best.

Peace.

Nwaka77:

I am sorry to hear this. Pray about it ok? Naija men and naija society in general will do that to you. You know the men in that society are very aggressive, lack affection, are overly possesive and see women as their slaves and property. Its no wonder the country is not moving forward but rather constantly moving backward because God don't like ugly. From what you have mentioned, your fears are very valid. I would be scared to if I lived in that kinda hostile jungle called naija. Don't rush into anything until you feel you have met the right person. Better yet, marry a non nigerian male like I did so that you will live long, be loved and pampered and not loose your sanity, peace of mind, and happiness when you do choose to get married. Finally, don't forget to pray.

Wish you all the best.

Peace.

Hmm, Thnks

o girl theres nothing wrong with you

your past experiences have made you guarded-
you have suitors, that means it in no was affects ur personality,
its just the feelings that are running deep.
like the previous poster said living in certain societies does that to you
you have to let ur guard down dear, marriage is not for everyone
but i think ur yet to experience being in a real relationship
you dont have feelings for these guys but there just might be others

[quote author=MRbrownJAY link=topic=423945.msg5835406#msg5835406 date=1270493715]
PRICELESS!!!!!

^^^^^^i think that you should first understand that marriage is not an obligation (as hard as it may be) unless you find the proper mate that caters for ALL your needs/desires and vice versa.

FORGET about this body clock bs, FORGET about these 3 guys, there is no need to rush. find the RIGHT GUY, marrying any of these donkeys is a waste of time! love is probably not going to grow, and if it does, it definitely wont be the love that any married person deserves.
dont rush into anything, you have your whole life ahead of you, even if you were 50yrs old.

sit down, look within your past and discover what turned you into the "great" person you are today (however "down" you are, never look at yourself negatively) in order to deal with your issues and try to make you an even greater/happier person.
if you are negative about yourself then there is no way that you can make anyone happy, and your "negativity" will poison the best possible relationship out there. love thy self first.

also you have to remember that every relationships are different from one to the next. just because you had a few bad apples doesnt mean that this is what you are going to get at every attempt. open your mind, find the courage to let your guard down (like the previous poster said) but dont get in too deep too early, be gradual about it all and jump ship at the first sign of trouble.
having your guard up all the time will hinder any chances of truly discovering people and people properly discovering you.

ps: as for therapist in 9ja, i havent got a clue as i am not based in the land.

pls babe dnt get marrried until u re ready.and most importantly,pray to God about it so u dnt fall in the wrong hands again.

Am grateful.

That's okay, Ochlux. As per therapists in Nigeria, I haven't the foggiest idea where you'd find one in Nigeria. I can only imagine a therapist would be via a referral from your GP.

Best wishes.

hey ochlux

send me a mail reniceblue at live dot com. i'll ask a psychologist friend of mine if she'll see you. do you live in lagos?

^^^ This is why you gotta love Nairaland - help's there when you need it.

That's pretty decent of you, Ms Iceblue. Hope your friend will be able to help.

hey ochlux
send me a mail reniceblue at live dot com. i'll ask a psychologist friend of mine if she'll see you. do you live in lagos? Thnks iceblue,i stay in Abuja but all the same i will snd d mail.any help 4rm ur friend will b appreciatd.i wish u cn see hw happy i am 4 ur geniue concern.
^^^ This is why you gotta love Nairaland - help's there when you need it.
That's pretty decent of you, Ms Iceblue. Hope your friend will be able to help. Siena am happy 4 ur concern 2.thnk u vry plenty,NL hs bn a part of my life long b4 i joined. HAPPY SUNDAY 2 U & ICEBLUE.

^^^ This is why you gotta love Nairaland - help's there when you need it.

That's pretty decent of you, Ms Iceblue. Hope your friend will be able to help.
[quote][/quote]

^^^ No worries, Ms Ochlux. Hope all goes well, happy Sunday to you too.

hey, happy sunday to you too.

abj huh? well let's see what she says.