Good evening Romancelanders, I know this post may be long and boring but I plead and implore you read and help me out with concrete advice, I know I may be bashed by a few( its NL culture) but I believe a greater number of people will understand why I came to the internet that never forgets to ask for advice.

Am in my mid-twenties, a graduate and currently a freelance Computer Engineer( helped pull me through school) , I am an only Son and only child till my baby sister came along, 4 yearrs ago ( a miracle).
I was never pampered infact I consider myself a Man and a Woman in one, I won’t also say am handsome but am okay at least some of my teachers back in high school called me Black beauty(Am dark yes very dark) and I have a face I consider babyish that betrays my age and makes me on a first glance look younger than my age until you see the strands of white hair on my head (LOL).

As a child I had no friends, I was brought up in an environment with few or no kids, especially females so communication was zero , I developed my excessive reading habit from there till now (I was playful though), in High school I managed to begin to socialize and make aquittances and met my best friend who is still my core bro till date, I had my first encounter with my crush (bad luck first love), she and my best friend’s girlfriend were friends and we basically met ourselves at that time, my dude got of to a beautiful start with his own girl { am proud to say they are still growing stronger despite all the years gone by, am even preparing my best man suit) , while I thought I had found mine but was rocky, I wasn’t the best communicator or lover boy but in my own funny way I tried to make things work, but it didn’t, I was booed, insulted and jeered cos her and even though its been years , my old dudes on our get together nites still tease me with her name. that experience dealt me hard as I got into university plus the way I was treated. Still I wasn’t all nerdy, I was an introvert when it cames to matters of the heart and an extrovert when it came to books and other stuff(story for another day).

Before I gained admission , I tried to get my first girlfriend, mehn I tried how many babes, I tried improving my communication skills opare, I became a smooth talker and better joker and a bit naughty just to fit in , my niggas were scoring left right and center but yours truly was stuck in ice age 3, I had n one to talk to or be intimate with, maybe uni would solve all that I prayed. Story story story every day

In Uni, I was the brainy guy, the one the babes ran to for help when exams approached but disappeared after that, I was naïve with no feeling of love gotten, or understanding of relationships, I am ashamed to say I was used early on coupled with my overly good heart (Good guy niyen, things I regret), from year one to year 2 I tried so many babes , all I got was the same result, No, I see you as a friend, your sweet nice and a bad boy but am hooked, I’ll think about it (for 3 years), common we can roll normally etc all rejections, my self-esteem was affected cos I looked around me, my Niggas were scoring , they had babes at their beck and call and I always heard the escapades and cheered them on even though I had never felt a kiss, had sex a basically knew how a lady looked like in her birthday suit.
In times when I got sexual urges I hooked myself to games, books anything that could distract me, I started masturbating in uni and I have been watching porn for long , I currently stopped cos it is of no use to me, in all I read anybook I could find on relationship ish and they all yarned the same bullshit, make her a queen , be sincere(like if am not the most down to earth sincere guy ever), I watched my guys play girls like balls and all I asked was for one babe I could cherish and love, heck even ugly girls played hard to get for me beyond .

I stopped bothering myself about babes, love etc and just lived life, I looked for every available means to kill any urge and fill void and just be happy and on the surface it worked, on the inside in those lonely nights when I battled my inner self and just needed someone to talk to, I was lonely and starved.

Since teenagehood and now I have only had sex 3 times and I won’t even called those sex, automated quickie would be better and I literarily begged the last girl for it (I hate my life sometimes) that was 2015, infact to buttress this, the condoms I bought then are still sitting in my wallet unused since 2015 ( That how bad it is).
I became cold towards ladies, one girl actually told me to face yet I was the one many could trust and run to for help, I was a relationship councilor without a relationship, many of my player dudes who started falling in love ran to me for advice yet I had no one to run to for mine, I was a shoulder to lean on for many ladies (boss of Friendzone) mehn e plenty.

A lot of you would say, forget babes and make money, I made money wella and nothing changed.

Some would say change your circle friends, I rolled with bad boys as in core players and I found out that they did exactly and much less I did for better results.

Now and done with school, nothing as change, at a time I lost interest in things and lived a monotonous lifestyle, reverted back to my fail safe mechanism of talking to myself I developed back in sec school ,helped me a lot (I just hope I wont have bipolar disorder), I came out of my shell again and it seemed things began to look up, I tried being alpha male or I was alpha male just that I didn’t know it, I modified things , became cocky, funny even though it was skin deep and just like before I got some attention, seemed something good was going to happen but I had that familiar feeling behind you, (“Youre fooling yourself bro, no matter what you do,it would always be the same result, it would look good in the beginning but you knos nothing will happen). I lived with the knowledge that any girl I met ,failure or rejection was the biggest outcome and trust me I have become accustomed to it with ladies that I find it much easier to work away after barring my mind, than before.

I can walk up to a random lady using a situation, am not to keen on being embarrassed by naija girls, talk to her make her laugh, happy and comfortable ,get her contacts call much later, you knw be cocky and al, get her out etc , we flow for a while as I try to insert that nagging question, my mind is already on failure mode, I may invite her over, try to make a move and trust me they always have a ready made excuse or a call from work comes in (that nasty phone), I wnt want to force another ma pickin in a season of rape matter, then when I pop the question, you can guess the answer. Am no longer unhappy, pained or angry like before I move on.

Our society teaches masculinity as the ability to absolve all things and stay calm, I have been calm all these years but bottled inside me is an anger that almost drove me suicidal some years back.let me cut the story short, my best dude is an all time player now, infact he has bedded half of my old sec school girl and his babe from sec school who happens to be the only female I can share my deepest secrets with is loyal to him (omo I envy my friend die, infact I love it wen my guys have good relationships like am happy for them) he said that people like me usually have good wives in the end lol when I can even ask a freaking 17 yr girl out successfully.

I cut myself from whatsapp and facebook for a while cos they were of no use to me, lots of ladies on my list and nothing happens, I got in today and got down with two ladies I have been on their case for 1 year now, long and short I got my usual answer and I became angry, something I havnt done in ages and I ask myself

WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need your advice please.

NB: I am ashamed to use my main profile to post this message that’s why I used this new one, forgive my errors and typos and bare your mind, for the bashers your free to bash but still give me your advise
Thanks I feel better letting this of my mind

You are asking me what's wrong with you after making me waste my time reading this epistle that looks like Efe and Shatta wale's lyrics?

If I tear u confusion slap eh!!!, You'll start blaming your neighbor's goat for the cause of your problem.

Just tell Jonathan to come back
Buhari won finish 9ja patapata

I Just can't do it


Bro, just ask me a question and I will give you an answer, but this I can't

Lolz..... I'm not on Nairaland to read the story of your life bro... Straight outta thread........

where are the patient ogas in the house

Make una come help this nigga.

Pussy hunter
etc

dollyjoy:
Lolz..... I'm not on Nairaland to read the story of your life bro... Straight outta thread........

u shouldn't have post..u wan form Porsche.

The ancestral forces are after you. That's what is wrong with you

johnbuck81:
u shouldn't have post..u wan form Porsche.

Lolz, It's my posting bro... Not yours!!

The ancestral forces are after you. Thats

It depends; do you want a relationship or you just wanna have sex?

Which ever way, I think it all starts and end with (in) your mind. Once you fix that, then I can assure you all will be set.

It appears your desire is more skewed towards having sex than building a genuine relationship...and this seems to be connected with the mindset you developed from your interaction with your "goons"

You've gat to define what you want first: sex or relationship?

dollyjoy:
Lolz, It's my posting bro... Not yours!!

yes o.. is it ur thread?u for just do only eye service na.

Op it was too long sha... but I think you just lack confidence due to some factors like inferiority complex.

I suggest you change your perception towards girls and become confident.

But on a second thought, I would advise you to stay clear of girls now and focus on your future and your life.

Don't ask me why... I can't tell you that.

Stycon:
It depends; do you want a relationship or you just wanna have sex?

Which ever way, I think it all starts and end with (in) your mind. Once you fix that, then I can assure you all will be set.

It appears your desire is more skewed towards having sex than building a genuine relationship...and this seems to be connected with the mindset you developed from your interaction with your "goons"

You've gat to define what you want first: sex or relationship?

like I stated before all I want is a genuine relationship, I tried it and it never passed beyond the seams, the sex part was to define how bad things were with me relationship wise.
Trust me on a flip side am jovial and bubbly but when am alone and am always alone the companionship is missing.

Why would I like dollyjoy say come online to a forum of a 1 million plus people to put my troubles up .

My mindset has always been genuine and companion driven that has Been used and abused, just like a gangrene sore I lost all emotions and just feel pain

LastShip:

WHAT EXACTLY IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need your advice please.

NB: I am ashamed to use my main profile to post this message that’s why I used this new one, forgive my errors and typos and bare your mind, for the bashers your free to bash but still give me your advise
Thanks I feel better letting this of my mind

Bro, First you made a big mistake by posting this on Romance section. But anyway.

Just before I give u my answer, Just know that there is no simple solution to your issue. It is hard. One thing I will tell you is, Out of everything you have done one method must work for you. Atleast. If women don't like the way you look, They may like you cuz you are intelligent. So Focus on that, Focus on your strength.

Solution 1: Since you have so much money to spend & ladies still don't like you, You should obviously use your money to buy women (ofcourse, it's not Real love) But THIS WILL BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE. Which is what you really need right now. Slay Queens only care about your money, but they can boost your confidence by 100%.

Solution 2: Ask yourself the truth, Look into the mirror. If you were a girl. Would you date yourself? If you can answer that question truthfully, you may find your solution.

Solution 3: You may need to lower your bar on the kind of women you chase, I'm sure an Ugly girl won't deny you access. Atleast.

What I listed may or may not work for you. It is not a Silver bullet, I'm just trying to help. Bye.

You people haven't answered his question...

You reek of neediness! Stop thinking relationship!

Start radical flirting! You will be just fine!

You're basically the type that sees a girl and starts talking about relationship! That on its own will turn them off!

Get more female friends! Just stop thinking "relationship"!

LastShip:
like I stated before all I want is a genuine relationship, I tried it and it never passed beyond the seams, the sex part was to define how bad things were with me relationship wise.
Trust me on a flip side am jovial and bubbly but when am alone and am always alone the companionship is missing.

Why would I like dollyjoy say come online to a forum of a 1 million plus people to put my troubles up .

My mindset has always been genuine and companion driven that has Been used and abused, just like a gangrene sore I lost all emotions and just feel pain

Really? Maybe you need to check your approach.


#My_Assumption: I think you kinda forcing it.

...why not let it flow. Let "her" want you first before you make your intentions know. There are ways to make this happen without being a jerk

Btw, so ladies are the only companions you can have. And Bro, you said it's not about sex

Stycon:


Really? Maybe you need to check your approach.


#My_Assumption: I think you kinda forcing it.

...why not let it flow. Let "her" want you first before you make your intentions know. There are ways to make this happen without being a jerk

good point bro , true remember the part I wrote I lost all feelings for me I flirt then I tell you directly what I want, I don't waltz or bush beat and I think that where the issue is

Newboss:
You reek of neediness! Stop thinking relationship!

Start radical flirting! You will be just fine!

You're basically the type that sees a girl and starts talking about relationship! That on its own will turn them off!

Get more female friends! Just stop thinking "relationship"!

secondary yes your correct the start boy ish
After that bro I was never needy , not at all I bottled my emotions and played cool, you can accuse me of anything but not neediness. I killed that a long time ago

LastShip:
good point bro , true remember the part I wrote I lost all feelings for me I flirt then I tell you directly what I want, I don't waltz or bush beat and I think that where the issue is

Yeah. Sometimes it works that way...but not in all cases.

Ladies appreciate it more when you show genuine interest in them before all the stories. Especially if it's a long thing.

If you really want a genuine relationship then build friendship first but please don't get stalked in that zone called friend-zone.

Play your card right but don't play her heart

LastShip:
secondary yes your correct the start boy ish
After that bro I was never needy , not at all I bottled my emotions and played cool, you can accuse me of anything but not neediness. I killed that a long time ago

Anyone who's all about relationship is needy deep down there! You need some really raw female friends! Not church girls! You will in no lose interest in that relationship of a thing!

this is sad bro

op just try to make female friends and dont think relationship, trust me it works like magic. If you go to church try to meet awon sisters and make friends dont talk relationship yet, invite as many as you can to come for visiting and build real friendship make sure its genuine cos gehs dis days can tell a mile away whether you like them or not. See how things go from there.

Come find me when you succeed.

Honesty, this cracked me...
still i quite understand the angle you are coming from, we all have a story doh
never been in a lady,that doesn't make me less of a man, never had a relationship,still doesn't make me less of a man.
some days i would think and rethink... am i OK, or my village peeps dey reason me , took a step further, went to the gym, damn i need the best physique, proly girls will shoot their shot...

a long run, and i got to learn, it will come, when it will come.
don't force it!!

being a late bloomer doesnt mean you wont bloom

TIDDOLL:
Honesty, this cracked me...
still i quite understand the angle you are coming from, we all have a story doh
never been in a lady,that doesn't make me less of a man, never had a relationship,still doesn't make me less of a man.
some days i would think and rethink... am i OK, or my village peeps dey reason me , took a step further, went to the gym, damn i need the best physique, proly girls will shoot their shot...

a long run, and i got to learn, it will come, when it will come.
don't force it!!

being a late bloomer doesnt mean you wont bloom

thanks

theGigolo:
op just try to make female friends and dont think relationship, trust me it works like magic. If you go to church try to meet awon sisters and make friends dont talk relationship yet, invite as many as you can to come for visiting and build real friendship make sure its genuine cos gehs dis days can tell a mile away whether you like them or not. See how things go from there.

Come find me when you succeed.

thanks bro

bro..drop me ur pix,,make i check ur dress code too... my problem na opposite ur own,,dem girls love me like say i dey use jazz...dated a married woman,nearly slept wit my cousin,she say mak we run go marry sef,, ,girls wey dey worry me dis january wit come and ffucck me me dey run ..packaging yours truly no get moni to throway for hotels dis year..if u tink say na lie ..the convos dey my fone..

mtcheew

I had these problem a few years back but I can offer just a word of advice Be confident in and out,walk and feel like you own the world

Nygma:
I had these problem a few years back but I can offer just a word of advice
Be confident in and out,walk and feel like you own the world

good advice at bolded lastship. Your moniker wanna make me see captain so bad this night buh i no go watch. And op, bring out the bad boy in you, when you approach a lady, make them see it in your eyes that it would cost you nothing if they turn you down while showing care and affection at the same time. Way we grow is one big major factor in our life, ehn. And also, work more on your look and dress code.. if you can get that right, you'd surely find girls running after you. It'd even seems you are doing some girls a favour by asking them out cuz they'd be thinking as perfect/complete as you'd be, you still notice them thinking you'd have lot of girls on you.

Nygma:
I had these problem a few years back but I can offer just a word of advice
Be confident in and out,walk and feel like you own the world

thank you bro