What did I do to deserve this life?

With tears streaming down my face, I write this-

I was once a young girl with a bright future, whos only plan was to become someone in life and for myself and my family to be alive, healthy and successful

Yet I am 24 today and all my plans have failed

My mother has died of cancer

Not even half a year later, my dad is now ill but not serious illness.

My brother is disabled with autism

My younger brother is fine, thank God

me? I have emotional health problems, but I am mentally/physically healthy. I am a university drop out, I have just got a job but it is low paying and I survive on government assistance. I am poor, I have poor relationships and I am struggling in my education - behind on deadlines. All my goals and dreams have failed and I am angry sad and bitter. I have lost faith in God completely and can not even pray anymore

I look around at people who were athiests, and who called themselves christians but did not follow God at all unlike me who was not perfect, but I was God fearing to the point I am still a virgin age 24

yet i look at their lives and see blessings whereas my life is full of problems

look at kylie jenner, does she know God? yet look at her blessed with a child, her parents alive, her extended family, money, fame and so much more
not only her, many more examples

I look at myself and I sincerely ask...

what did I gain from being a christian?

i feel like the universe is out to destroy me and wants me dead,

what is all this problem?

i am thinking of joining mountain of fire deliverance programme but then i look at others who do not even know God or have nor stepped into mountain of fire church yet their life is fine

what do i do? this is too much

i have stopped going to school for 3 weeks, and i do not like socialising i am so ashamed of myself and my life... my enemies are laughing at me , me who was the one that was most likely to be a success when we left school... it is me who everyone is pitying, i am disgraced.

I can help with the money issue.
I'll teach you how to fish. I can help also with life, I've had my own issues, I survived, 90% of people wouldn't have.

If you wish to take your life, do, but I must say what's the hurry, a lot of things want to kill you already, why make the job easy for them.

At the very least just frustrate life till it stops trying to mess with you, then you can chose to die.

op yr moniker says "tomorrow go better", re u giving up on that belief?

Take it easy on your self ma'am
The fact that you are alive today shows there is a possibility of breakthrough .

I perfectly understand how you feel,and I am not just saying that to make you feel better. I actually understand how you feel.

I lost my uncle to colon cancer not too long ago ,I know you might want to say it can't be like loosing your mom. Trust me Its the most excruciating feeling I have ever had,because I grew up with him and he was practically my dad.I was down for months,but I remembered that he was gone and there was nothing I could do about it,so I used his death as motivation reference all the time "nothing would ever bring me down ,because nothing can be worse than loosing someone you love forever". So from that day I felt invincible, you should too,because you can survive anything ,we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus .

You talk about poverty ?,I have been through hell,fire and brimstone,My family and I have been tossed from one family's house to another we practically lived with family and friends all our lives all the while my sisters and I grew up. Because there was no money to get accommodation,the whole issue took us as far as Kano in 2001 to live with a relative,where we almost all got burnt alive by some hoodlums there-a story for another day. There are times we have gone without food for days,yes for days .

My dad tried a lot while we were growing up to make things better for us ,but now I don't even understand him anymore ,now its like he has practically dumped his family,but I still love him anyway. Mom is depressed constantly from the whole saga.

My sisters have not being in school for over 2 years now , one of them is supposed to write waec this year.

Dad managed to get an apartment(a room and parlour) some years ago ,but debts have accumulated ,the landlord is threatening already .

But I didn't let any of all these things weigh me down ,ooo did I forget to add that last year the doctor told me I had Kidney Stones ?,I am just 23 ,I don't drink, I dont smoke ,In fact I am the most cool headed person you would probably ever met (not bragging). I live a very low key life ,and eat healthy as much as possible .

Now,with all these happening,I have felt like I should just die ,sleep one day and just be at peace,there are days even as a man I would cry my eyes out as a result of frustration,but I look at my sisters ,my mum each day and use that as my driving force.They need me !,it would be selfish of me to just go like that .It would be selfish of me to give up.Think about your brothers ! .

I am a freelancer (a programmer),so I hustle as hard as I can to make everybody at least eat even if that's all I can do presently .Even though its not sufficient enough.

The bottom line is no matter how much you try ,no matter how rich you are life is not perfect ,there would always be a problem.Those rich people you mentioned up there have a lot of hidden problems you know nothing about .

The major aim is not giving up ,I am using my self as an example now,and these are things I have gone through and still going through.Your family needs you,your brothers need you.Don't give up !.Jesus has not given up on you. Gold is not appreciated until it has passes through fire and comes out shinning ,you,me and so many other people reading this are passing through fire and we would come out shinning soon.

It would help if you have a skill.

Even though the accommodation issue is still a threat and I don't even know how to help them out of it ,I have not lacked any basic need since ,because I made up my mind not to give up,I made up my mind to have faith that everything would be alright ,even though it looks like it wouldn't .Most importantly I tell God my problems always even though it feels like he isn't listening sometimes.I tell my self there would always be a way ,even though It looks like I am trapped in a box. And i dont stop being better than i was yesterday in every aspect.That's my secret to lasting this long. I hope this helps and encourages you,you would be victorious ,I promise !, don't give up ! .

If you would like me to give a one on one counselling ,I would be more than happy to do so ,my WhatsApp number is also in my signature.


I am a bit uncomfortable releasing all this privacy online about myself, but it's a sacrifice I took with Joy ,knowing it would make you and everyone going through something similar know you are not alone and you are bigger than any problem that comes your way

Donald3d:
Take it easy on your self ma'am
The fact that you are alive today shows there is a possibility of breakthrough .

I perfectly understand how you feel,and I am not just saying that to make you feel better. I actually understand how you feel.

I lost my uncle to colon cancer not too long ago ,I know you might want to say it can't be like loosing your mom. Trust me Its the most excruciating feeling I have ever had,because I grew up with him and he was practically my dad.I was down for months,but I remembered that he was gone and there was nothing I could do about it,so I used his death as motivation reference all the time "nothing would ever bring me down ,because nothing can be worse than loosing someone you love forever". So from that day I felt invincible, you should too,because you can survive anything ,we are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus .

You talk about poverty ?,I have been through hell,fire and brimstone,My family and I have been tossed from one family's house to another we practically lived with family and friends all our lives all the while my sisters and I grew up. Because there was no money to get accommodation,the whole issue took us as far as Kano in 2001 to live with a relative,where we almost all got burnt alive by some hoodlums there-a story for another day. There are times we have gone without food for days,yes for days .

My dad tried a lot while we were growing up to make things better for us ,but now I don't even understand him anymore ,now its like he has practically dumped his family,but I still love him anyway. Mom is depressed constantly from the whole saga.

My sisters have not being in school for over 2 years now , one of them is supposed to write waec this year.

Dad managed to get an apartment(a room and parlour) some years ago ,but debts have accumulated ,the landlord is threatening already .

But I didn't let any of all these things weigh me down ,ooo did I forget to add that last year the doctor told me I had Kidney Stones ?,I am just 23 ,I don't drink, I dont smoke ,In fact I am the most cool headed person you would probably ever met (not bragging). I live a very low key life ,and eat healthy as much as possible .

Now,with all these happening,I have felt like I should just die ,sleep one day and just be at peace,there are days even as a man I would cry my eyes out as a result of frustration,but I look at my sisters ,my mum each day and use that as my driving force.They need me !,it would be selfish of me to just go like that .It would be selfish of me to give up.Think about your brothers ! .

I am a freelancer (a programmer),so I hustle as hard as I can to make everybody at least eat even if that's all I can do presently .Even though its not sufficient enough.

The bottom line is no matter how much you try ,no matter how rich you are life is not perfect ,there would always be a problem.Those rich people you mentioned up there have a lot of hidden problems you know nothing about .

The major aim is not giving up ,I am using my self as an example now,and these are things I have gone through and still going through.Your family needs you,your brothers need you.Don't give up !.Jesus has not given up on you. Gold is not appreciated until it has passes through fire and comes out shinning ,you,me and so many other people reading this are passing through fire and we would come out shinning soon.

It would help if you have a skill.

Even though the accommodation issue is still a threat and I don't even know how to help them out of it ,I have not lacked any basic need since ,because I made up my mind not to give up,I made up my mind to have faith that everything would be alright ,even though it looks like it wouldn't .Most importantly I tell God my problems always even though it feels like he isn't listening sometimes.I tell my self there would always be a way ,even though It looks like I am trapped in a box. And i dont stop being better than i was yesterday in every aspect.That's my secret to lasting this long. I hope this helps and encourages you,you would be victorious ,I promise !, don't give up ! .

If you would like me to give a one on one counselling ,I would be more than happy to do so ,my WhatsApp number is also in my signature.


I am a bit uncomfortable releasing all this privacy online about myself, but it's a sacrifice I took with Joy ,knowing it would make you and everyone going through something similar know you are not alone and you are bigger than any problem that comes your way

Don't give up

bolinjkezzy:
Don't give up

I definitely would not . I hope OP doesn't give up too

2morogobeta:
What did I do to deserve this life?

With tears streaming down my face, I write this-

I was once a young girl with a bright future, whos only plan was to become someone in life and for myself and my family to be alive, healthy and successful

Yet I am 24 today and all my plans have failed

My mother has died of cancer

Not even half a year later, my dad is now ill but not serious illness.

My brother is disabled with autism

My younger brother is fine, thank God

me? I have emotional health problems, but I am mentally/physically healthy. I am a university drop out, I have just got a job but it is low paying and I survive on government assistance. I am poor, I have poor relationships and I am struggling in my education - behind on deadlines. All my goals and dreams have failed and I am angry sad and bitter. I have lost faith in God completely and can not even pray anymore

I look around at people who were athiests, and who called themselves christians but did not follow God at all unlike me who was not perfect, but I was God fearing to the point I am still a virgin age 24

yet i look at their lives and see blessings whereas my life is full of problems

look at kylie jenner, does she know God? yet look at her blessed with a child, her parents alive, her extended family, money, fame and so much more
not only her, many more examples

I look at myself and I sincerely ask...

what did I gain from being a christian?

i feel like the universe is out to destroy me and wants me dead,

what is all this problem?

i am thinking of joining mountain of fire deliverance programme but then i look at others who do not even know God or have nor stepped into mountain of fire church yet their life is fine

what do i do? this is too much

i have stopped going to school for 3 weeks, and i do not like socialising i am so ashamed of myself and my life... my enemies are laughing at me , me who was the one that was most likely to be a success when we left school... it is me who everyone is pitying, i am disgraced.

Have you found a solution yet? If not, send me a personal message