What did I do to deserve this life?

With tears streaming down my face, I write this-

I was once a young girl with a bright future, whos only plan was to become someone in life and for myself and my family to be alive, healthy and successful

Yet I am 24 today and all my plans have failed

My mother has died of cancer

Not even half a year later, my dad is now ill - i am unsure what but he seems to have symptoms of throat cancer as he keeps coughing and and he needs to always clear his throat, also has some ear pain. He had to have antibiotics for a month, but the problem is still there and he is now going to hospital today

My brother is disabled with autism

My younger brother is fine, thank God

me? I have emotional health problems, but I am mentally/physically healthy. I am a university drop out, I have just got a job but it is low paying and I survive on government assistance. I am poor, I have poor relationships and I am struggling in my education - behind on deadlines. All my goals and dreams have failed and I am angry sad and bitter. I have lost faith in God completely and can not even pray anymore

I look around at people who were athiests, and who called themselves christians but did not follow God at all unlike me who was not perfect, but I was God fearing to the point I am still a virgin age 24

yet i look at their lives and see blessings whereas my life is full of problems

look at kylie jenner, does she know God? yet look at her blessed with a child, her parents alive, her extended family, money, fame and so much more
not only her, many more examples

I look at myself and I sincerely ask...

what did I gain from being a christian?

i feel like the universe is out to destroy me and wants me dead,

what is all this problem?

i am thinking of joining mountain of fire deliverance programme but then i look at others who do not even know God or have nor stepped into mountain of fire church yet their life is fine

what do i do? this is too much

i have stopped going to school for 3 weeks, and i do not like socialising i am so ashamed of myself and my life... my enemies are laughing at me , me who was the one that was most likely to be a success when we left school... it is me who everyone is pitying, i am disgraced.

2morogobeta:
What did I do to deserve this life?

With tears streaming down my face, I write this-

I was once a young girl with a bright future, whos only plan was to become someone in life and for myself and my family to be alive, healthy and successful

Yet I am 24 today and all my plans have failed

My mother has died of cancer

Not even half a year later, my dad is now ill - i am unsure what but he seems to have symptoms of throat cancer as he keeps coughing and and he needs to always clear his throat, also has some ear pain. He had to have antibiotics for a month, but the problem is still there and he is now going to hospital today

My brother is disabled with autism

My younger brother is fine, thank God

me? I have emotional health problems, but I am mentally/physically healthy. I am a university drop out, I have just got a job but it is low paying and I survive on government assistance. I am poor, I have poor relationships and I am struggling in my education - behind on deadlines. All my goals and dreams have failed and I am angry sad and bitter. I have lost faith in God completely and can not even pray anymore

I look around at people who were athiests, and who called themselves christians but did not follow God at all unlike me who was not perfect, but I was God fearing to the point I am still a virgin age 24

yet i look at their lives and see blessings whereas my life is full of problems

look at kylie jenner, does she know God? yet look at her blessed with a child, her parents alive, her extended family, money, fame and so much more
not only her, many more examples

I look at myself and I sincerely ask...

what did I gain from being a christian?

i feel like the universe is out to destroy me and wants me dead,

what is all this problem?

i am thinking of joining mountain of fire deliverance programme but then i look at others who do not even know God or have nor stepped into mountain of fire church yet their life is fine

what do i do? this is too much

i have stopped going to school for 3 weeks, and i do not like socialising i am so ashamed of myself and my life... my enemies are laughing at me , me who was the one that was most likely to be a success when we left school... it is me who everyone is pitying, i am disgraced.

Hello dear. Please kindly send a mail so we can talk. danolorunmo@zoho.com

ok
i have emailed now

danolorunmo:


Hello dear. Please kindly send a mail so we can talk. danolorunmo@zoho.com

No matter what you are going through always remember someone somewhere is striving hard to have the life you have. Suicide is never the best option.

nifemi25:
No matter what you are going through always remember someone somewhere is striving hard to have the life you have. Suicide is never the best option.

someone is striving to have their mother dead and their dad ill? and to be a uni drop out~?

Relax, be strong!

It's obvious you are lacking financial and emotional support. But then, you still need your full self to utilize any help or opportunity that might and ofcourse will arise.


Sincerely, it sometimes dawn on us how unfair life is, but our reaction often serves as catalyst to this "unfairness".

Take a deep breath, re-focus your mind. Talk to someone who cares about your welfare, it helps in "tu8unweighing" stress. Remember, you are doing the best you can at this moment, so give yourself a joy-filled pat on your back and press on.


... Suicide is the only option for cowards, not you!

You will be fine.. Be patient

2morogobeta:
What did I do to deserve this life?

With tears streaming down my face, I write this-

I was once a young girl with a bright future, whos only plan was to become someone in life and for myself and my family to be alive, healthy and successful

Yet I am 24 today and all my plans have failed

My mother has died of cancer

Not even half a year later, my dad is now ill - i am unsure what but he seems to have symptoms of throat cancer as he keeps coughing and and he needs to always clear his throat, also has some ear pain. He had to have antibiotics for a month, but the problem is still there and he is now going to hospital today

My brother is disabled with autism

My younger brother is fine, thank God

me? I have emotional health problems, but I am mentally/physically healthy. I am a university drop out, I have just got a job but it is low paying and I survive on government assistance. I am poor, I have poor relationships and I am struggling in my education - behind on deadlines. All my goals and dreams have failed and I am angry sad and bitter. I have lost faith in God completely and can not even pray anymore

I look around at people who were athiests, and who called themselves christians but did not follow God at all unlike me who was not perfect, but I was God fearing to the point I am still a virgin age 24

yet i look at their lives and see blessings whereas my life is full of problems

look at kylie jenner, does she know God? yet look at her blessed with a child, her parents alive, her extended family, money, fame and so much more
not only her, many more examples

I look at myself and I sincerely ask...

what did I gain from being a christian?

i feel like the universe is out to destroy me and wants me dead,

what is all this problem?

i am thinking of joining mountain of fire deliverance programme but then i look at others who do not even know God or have nor stepped into mountain of fire church yet their life is fine

what do i do? this is too much

i have stopped going to school for 3 weeks, and i do not like socialising i am so ashamed of myself and my life... my enemies are laughing at me , me who was the one that was most likely to be a success when we left school... it is me who everyone is pitying, i am disgraced.

I do not believe any of this hogwash.This is certainly the figment of a fraud's imagination.

2morogobeta:
What did I do to deserve this life?

With tears streaming down my face, I write this-

I was once a young girl with a bright future, whos only plan was to become someone in life and for myself and my family to be alive, healthy and successful

Yet I am 24 today and all my plans have failed

My mother has died of cancer

Not even half a year later, my dad is now ill - i am unsure what but he seems to have symptoms of throat cancer as he keeps coughing and and he needs to always clear his throat, also has some ear pain. He had to have antibiotics for a month, but the problem is still there and he is now going to hospital today

My brother is disabled with autism

My younger brother is fine, thank God

me? I have emotional health problems, but I am mentally/physically healthy. I am a university drop out, I have just got a job but it is low paying and I survive on government assistance. I am poor, I have poor relationships and I am struggling in my education - behind on deadlines. All my goals and dreams have failed and I am angry sad and bitter. I have lost faith in God completely and can not even pray anymore

I look around at people who were athiests, and who called themselves christians but did not follow God at all unlike me who was not perfect, but I was God fearing to the point I am still a virgin age 24

yet i look at their lives and see blessings whereas my life is full of problems

look at kylie jenner, does she know God? yet look at her blessed with a child, her parents alive, her extended family, money, fame and so much more
not only her, many more examples

I look at myself and I sincerely ask...

what did I gain from being a christian?

i feel like the universe is out to destroy me and wants me dead,

what is all this problem?

i am thinking of joining mountain of fire deliverance programme but then i look at others who do not even know God or have nor stepped into mountain of fire church yet their life is fine

what do i do? this is too much

i have stopped going to school for 3 weeks, and i do not like socialising i am so ashamed of myself and my life... my enemies are laughing at me , me who was the one that was most likely to be a success when we left school... it is me who everyone is pitying, i am disgraced.

And u mentioned Kylie Jenner

U know what makes her family famous right

Modified :

I see you are in UK, OP. Fortunately, the govt have put in place, programs to aid you financially and even emotionally. I dare say that you are better off than some Nlders. Nigeria and it's govt is not that kind.

Have you thought of seeing a therapist?

Good day OP. Please don't give up on life because of your circumstances as it's just a phase. Comparing your life to that of others would plunge you into an endless world of depression the more which is dangerous. I'm 25, not sexually active but I've treated STD related diseases couple of times & fear my fertility status & I couldn't even insert my Canisten applicator last night in my vee-jay but I resolve not to explore sex to test my fertility till marriage. My parents lost their jobs (my mum diagnosed of diabetes) with my younger sister an undergraduate while I"m underemployed in spite of my credentials. I always cried to bed almost everyday after work in 2017 & became depressed almost contemplating suicide but I resolved never to cry in 2018 but any tears that would drop should be tears of joy. Babe my mum if free of Diabetes today after all she went through as I always trust God for recovery of all I've lost. I discipline myself to stay away from glossy realities that would make me feel unhappy but rather work hard with faith as there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Stay blessed & feed yourself daily with spiritual things if you're a christian.

My dear,I totally undastand hw u feel, bt believ me suicide is nt d best option. d best option here is being strong, pick urself up & move on. Do nt give up! There are many people who av been where u r 2day but fought & won. Most of those gr8 men u hear of today went thru worse tinz but didn't give up, so y shud u? Be strong gurl...if u wish 2 talk more pls pm me

Be strong OP. Remember,he makes everything beautiful in his own time. Just be of good cheer,you will be fine.

I want you to know that suicide is never the way out. Trust me,I understand how you feel;and I completely empathise with you. Just stay strong ok?see this as a test of faith.

Stop comparing your life with anyone's life at all. Just leave it all to God. Make the Holy Spirit your best friend. The Holy Spirit will never fail to comfort you.

I speak peace into your life. You shall come out of it all stronger.

Esthered:
Good day OP. Please don't give up on life because of your circumstances as it's just a phase. Comparing your life to that of others would plunge you into an endless world of depression the more which is dangerous. I'm 25, not sexually active but I've treated STD related diseases couple of times & fear my fertility status & I couldn't even insert my Canisten applicator last night in my vee-jay but I resolve not to explore sex to test my fertility till marriage. My parents lost their jobs (my mum diagnosed of diabetes) with my younger sister an undergraduate while I"m underemployed in spite of my credentials. I always cried to bed almost everyday after work in 2017 & became depressed almost contemplating suicide but I resolved never to cry in 2018 but any tears that would drop should be tears of joy. Babe my mum if free of Diabetes today after all she went through as I always trust God for recovery of all I've lost. I discipline myself to stay away from glossy realities that would make me feel unhappy but rather work hard with faith as there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Stay blessed & feed yourself daily with spiritual things if you're a christian.

I like your response.

OP, Relax.
I can relate with your present condition. Sincerely speaking, it is heartbreaking and possibly painful but relax, its just a phase.
A lot of encouragement and advises have been thrown to you by people, so relax. I can't tell you my story but I want you to know that this phase won't last. If you are religious(christian or muslim) get materials and inspire yourself, if you have hobbies, engage in it. Sometimes, look away from your problem and help sm1 by making them feel good. Start getting happy for people's success, there's a magic there. Pray less but believe More. Stop comparing yourself with people, overtaking is allowed.
Peace!

Dear op, everyone faces challenges at a point in their lives. Its left for you to either give up or keep fighting.

danolorunmo:


Hello dear. Please kindly send a mail so we can talk. danolorunmo@zoho.com

Whatever you say please keep your dick out of the discussion. Op came here for advice,can't you just give your 2cent here for all to see?
If your intention is good towards her,God bless you,but if you are trying to take advantage of her depression and obvious low esteem,which are results of her difficulty,God will pun....you no be small

Greatzeus:

Whatever you say please keep your dick out of the discussion. Op came here for advice,can't you just give your 2cent here for all to see?
If your intention is good towards her,God bless you,but if you are trying to take advantage of her depression and obvious low esteem,which are results of her difficulty,God will pun....you no be small

No need for such strong words bro. Seems the environment you were brought up had a negative effect on you. Anyways, I mean no harm...

life has never been fair with any of us;but with God we are scaling through while believing God for new heights. in life there will always be those who you are better off, and those better than you. so, do not compare your life to another person -that is the main source of your depression and suicidal thoughts. why not handle your situation one by one and stop looking at what is happening in another person's life. is not always greener at the other side you know? celebrities are the last set of people you should model, or compare your life to. they appear to have everything , truth is some of them go through worse and put up attitudes that make us think they have it all good.
As per loosing faith in and sometimes not praying, God understands and loves you still. His love for us is not about what we do, or didn't do not whether we are believers or atheist. so do not expect that people shouldn't be blessed, rich or famous just because they are non believers. God loves them still ! let God's love dwell in you have faith that he CAN , have plan out something and work around it . it is well.

PS: in all you do, do not kill yourself.choose to come out of this alive

2morogobeta:
What did I do to deserve this life?

With tears streaming down my face, I write this-

I was once a young girl with a bright future, whos only plan was to become someone in life and for myself and my family to be alive, healthy and successful

Yet I am 24 today and all my plans have failed

My mother has died of cancer

Not even half a year later, my dad is now ill - i am unsure what but he seems to have symptoms of throat cancer as he keeps coughing and and he needs to always clear his throat, also has some ear pain. He had to have antibiotics for a month, but the problem is still there and he is now going to hospital today

My brother is disabled with autism

My younger brother is fine, thank God

me? I have emotional health problems, but I am mentally/physically healthy. I am a university drop out, I have just got a job but it is low paying and I survive on government assistance. I am poor, I have poor relationships and I am struggling in my education - behind on deadlines. All my goals and dreams have failed and I am angry sad and bitter. I have lost faith in God completely and can not even pray anymore

I look around at people who were athiests, and who called themselves christians but did not follow God at all unlike me who was not perfect, but I was God fearing to the point I am still a virgin age 24

yet i look at their lives and see blessings whereas my life is full of problems

look at kylie jenner, does she know God? yet look at her blessed with a child, her parents alive, her extended family, money, fame and so much more
not only her, many more examples

I look at myself and I sincerely ask...

what did I gain from being a christian?

i feel like the universe is out to destroy me and wants me dead,

what is all this problem?

i am thinking of joining mountain of fire deliverance programme but then i look at others who do not even know God or have nor stepped into mountain of fire church yet their life is fine

what do i do? this is too much

i have stopped going to school for 3 weeks, and i do not like socialising i am so ashamed of myself and my life... my enemies are laughing at me , me who was the one that was most likely to be a success when we left school... it is me who everyone is pitying, i am disgraced.

Dear Op,
Please take note, anyone who is without Christ and without hope or who adopts the world’s values may come to view life as futile and hate living (Ecclesiastes 2:17-18). Thus, a secular worldview may result in self-hatred. Presumably, we who have obeyed the gospel and love the Lord do not hate life; we are not without hope in the world (1 Corinthians 15:19; Colossians 1:5; Psalm 16:8-11). Even though we are sojourners and look for a better place, we hate evil, not ourselves (even though we sometimes produce evil). Because Christ’s righteousness is imputed to us by faith, we are righteous and should be glad; we should exult before God and be jubilant with joy (Psalm 68:3)! Self-hatred is the cry of a tormented soul, not the new song of one whom God has saved with His strong arm and for whom He has done marvelous things. Yet, sadly, even redeemed saints can feel depressed and bereft of joy (see Psalm 51:8-12). Why is this? Certainly a repenting saint should have a broken spirit and contrite heart; but a saint should shun self-hatred as an inordinate earthly passion (Colossians 3:5) of the flesh (1 John 2:16-17).

According to Scripture, anyone who continually practices iniquity injures himself/herself and shows that (in a practical sense) he/she despises or hates his/her own life (Proverbs 29:24; 8:36; 15:32). Saints do not continually practice iniquity or keep sinning in this way. Although self-hatred is not godly, Christians may experience something like it when they harbor unconfessed sin and feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit. However, both unbelievers (those who have not confessed they are lost in sin and trusted in Christ as their Lord and savior) and believers may fall victim to feelings of self-hatred to the degree that they submit to the world’s values regarding beauty, success, and similar “markers of value.”

A person may come to hate himself for being old or physically unattractive. Some may arrive at self-hatred because they consider themselves losers who lack certain talents or resources (intelligence, personal connections, money, and influence). Anyone who accepts the idealized standards of beauty, success, and power as portrayed in the mass media—and fails to live up to those standards—may arrive at the unreasonable conclusion that he or she is not worthy of love and begin to sink into self-hatred. God warns us not to hate our neighbors, and we must not make unreasonable demands upon ourselves and end up sinning against God by hating ourselves (Leviticus 19:17).

If you hate yourself because you do not “measure up” according to worldly standards, realize that in doing so you are showing hatred or anger toward God who made you as you are and placed you in your current circumstances. If you hurt yourself in an act of self-hatred, is this not truly an act of vengeance against God? We are to show thanks and honor to the sovereign God who made us and placed us in our circumstances, no matter what these might be.

Having a healthy sense of self does not mean we deny that we are sinners. Scripture records instances when human beings, having seen the King, the Lord of hosts, are immediately overwhelmed by a consciousness of their utter sinfulness. Witness the terror of the prophet Isaiah: “Woe is me! For I am lost; for I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!” (Isaiah 6:5). Was Isaiah guilty of self-hatred? No, but Isaiah was overwhelmed by a sense of his depravity when standing before a holy God. Our awareness of God’s holiness makes us feel appropriately wretched. But this sense of clarity regarding who we are and how we compare with an utterly holy God does not need to result in self-destructive hatred of ourselves. Rather, it should point us toward receiving the salvation and forgiveness that God offers us.

God, our savior and Lord, will ultimately deliver us from this body of death (Romans 7:23-24). As a result, we must forget the past and press on to what lies ahead—toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13-14; Luke 9:62; Hebrews 6:1). We must not get distracted while running the race or be discouraged by inordinate emotions or become warped and twisted by the corrupt values of the world around us. Instead of living on the basis of our emotions or trying to live up to worldly ideals, we must continually live by the word of God and seek to please Him.

We cannot trust our feelings in matters of love and hate, for our sentiments in these things are unreliable. Sorrow that leads to repentance is a good thing, but self-hatred is counter-productive. Just as an athlete must exercise self-control in all things, the saint must not let fleshly self-hatred or its opposite (pride) control him (1 Corinthians 9:24-25). Fleshly self-hatred is worldly, leading to death; but godly sorrow leads to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). Repentance occurs when we turn away from our sin and toward God (Isaiah 55:6). As unworthy as we are of God’s grace toward us, we must believe Him when He tells us that He forgives our confessed and forsaken sins; indeed, He utterly forgets them (Psalm 103:9 and Isaiah 43:25)!

We must not allow ourselves or our fellows in Christ to be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow (2 Corinthians 2:7). We must quickly forgive ourselves and restore other repentant sinners. Having repented, we must trust God, who is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). We must hate sin, but not hate ourselves, for we are the temple of the Holy Spirit. To continue in a state of self-hatred after we have received the grace God offers us does not honor God and demonstrates a failure to understand the nature and value of the salvation Jesus purchased for us with His blood (1 Peter 1:18-19).

OP, after reading your story i can say our problems are almost the same, a bright kid in sec school, i spent 8 years without graduating, now in 100 level in another uni starting again while elder sister is done with bsc even though i was 2 levels above her then. Lost brother and father in space of 5 years. Father's own was the worse, he had diabetes with a bruise in his leg, we spent so much on medication yet resulted in death.

I have not lost hope though, when there is life there is hope. Except i am dead if not i will keep fighting.

Like someone pointed out to you there are people with problems bigger than yours all over the world.

You pointed out Kylie, did you read news abour Roqinya muslims? those cute kids rendered homeless?

People killed by herdsmen in their farms and homes in Nigeria?

Slaves treated badly in Libya?

Immigrant with no SSN and permanent residency in first world countries?

Couples dying 3 months after their wedding?

People burnt alive in road accidents?


hmmmm......

Kylie Jenner has a child now??

2morogobeta

Come to The LORD'S CHOSEN ministry under Pastor Lazarus Mouka.

Let him pray for you and you will see God intervene in your life both academically, financially and otherwise. It's a place you must not miss.

Location:. Ijesha Bustop along Oshodi-Airport Expressway. Lagos.

2morogobeta

I read your latest post. You might have stepped on toes thinking they are ordinary people. Not realising they are satanists, occultic , witchcrafts.

Example insulting Rihanna, she is into deep satanism. And your friend, you don't know if she belongs somewhere. Be careful how you talk to people to avoid trouble.
They can monitor you spiritually and make your life unbearable.

Come to The LORD'S CHOSEN quickly. Do not allow anything to hinder you.