Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die".....

This familiar expression is one of the best analogies in describing an uncomfortable emotion – BITTERNESS.

 Bitterness is unforgiveness fermented. The more we hold onto past hurts the more we become drunk on our pain and the experience can rob us of the joy we can find in anything. Bitterness occurs when we feel someone has taken something from us that we are powerless to get back. We hold on to the hurt in an attempt to remind ourselves and others of the injustice we’ve experienced in the hopes that someone will save us and restore what we’ve lost. Unfortunately, bitterness only makes our sense of the injustice grow. It does nothing to heal the wound caused by the injustice. In fact, it causes the wound to become infected with anger.


I'm moved for the first time to share on this forum, this is borne out of a case I came across yesterday. This lady has just lost an elder sister 8 months ago through High blood pressure at age 41. Speaking with her, revealed that her sister was raped serially 26 yrs ago by a relation & this gave birth to bitterness, pessimism, perpetual unhappiness & dissatisfaction.

Discussing further I found out that this lady was subconsciously headed in the same direction with her late sister. She had resentment for her husband who has been out of the country for 6 years, she was highly critical of her church members & had an overwhelming feeling of general regret. 


Bitterness is a function of your mind, no matter what was done to you - Your reaction is your choice, holding on to it is optional, making a case or building your world around it is entirely your decision.


So I ask who is a bitter person?


1) He's Jaded - cares about what happens to himself alone.

He's emotionally needy & selfish.

2) Trends to generalize his anger towards others who haven't hurt him yet.

3) He assumes people are out to get him. Always conscious of enemies. 

4) He holds grudges -  They keep a tally of all the things that you have done wrong and they will present you with a list of all the things that you have said or did when you have your next big argument.

5) Replays tapes - constantly replays the tapes of a conversation with someone & feels exactly the same anger felt.

6) Seeks attention because they feel their situation is unfair. Generates drama just to get the sympathy of others which most likely back fires. (The truth is that the people we complain to rarely care, so face your life)

7) He's negative & pessimistic - He sees the world in a negative light. He might be having a nice time in a particular relationship but it's bound to be temporal because the slightest setback kills everything.

He focuses on sadness

Constantly lives on the edge with people. He's paranoid, suspicious, everybody is a potential enemy irrespective of how close & nice you've been in the past. They forget the good times easily.

Unable to nurture & maintain close relationships with people.

Can't count on any genuine friend - lonely (but might not be alone.) 

Tends to get along with only those that can support his bitter feeling

9) Excuses himself that other people's actions are the sole cause of his pain.

He's irresponsible. He has mastered the art of excusing himself & judging others

10) Easily sorrowful & wade in self pity.

Easily feels cheated

11) Detached, desires to make others suffer, always ready for a fight.

12) Vindictive & vengeful

13) Denial of facts & self deceit - anything but the truth to support their feelings & actions.

14) Always seeks to blow things out of proportion just to support his feeling.

15) He slanders & criticizes.

16) Proud & heady.

17) Has animosity & resentment

18) His relationship with God is non existent. He can't keep & sustain it.


HOW IS BITTERNESS CREATED & CULTIVATED

1) It is a learned attitude most often from pessimistic, cynical or hopeless caregivers. Children are mostly affected by consistent pessimistic messages.

- The fertlizer that grooms bitterness could be a human influence or mental analysis.

- It is handed down trans generationally

2) Through depression or other organic causes.

3) From broken promises & lost dreams.

4) From unrealistic expectations.

5) From trauma, eglect or abuse.

6) From unwillingness to forgive & forget.


CONSEQUENCES OF BITTERNESS

1) Always has reoccurring issues but he's insensitive to them

2) Perpetual sadness & dissatisfaction

3) Broken relationships/marriage

4) Infected generation. Passes it down to children

5) Creates opening for demonic oppression & possession.

6) Frustration for loved ones

7) Regrets & losses

Sickness (medically known as psychomatic illness)

9) Stagnation (You never go beyond the level at which you're trapped in bitterness)

10) Death (Physical & Spiritual)

 - It leaves you spiritually useless to God


DEALING WITH/ OVERCOMING BITTERNESS

Understand that it's a root that will eventually spring up.

(Hebrews 12:15 KJV
Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you , and thereby many be defiled


It is underground but travels in wrath, anger, clamour, slander & malice. (Ephesians 4:31)


A bitter person always believes that the problem is the other person which makes it difficult to overcome.


1) Learn to forgive - Forgiveness is simply the art of surrendering our desire for revenge.

2) learn to forget - Forgetting is simply the art of not acting on account of the hurt received.

3) Acknowledge your own imperfection and need to be forgiven. (If possible make a list of your imperfections)

4) Talk politely about your hurt with the person as soon as you can and move on. At the same time acknowledging that you can't always have what you want [Stop expecting what you can't have] but always appreciate what you can make happen.

5) Open yourself up to changes & shun negativity. learn to be positive about life and situations.

6) Draw a plan for peace with those you aren't at peace with. (Don't resign with you can't do anything about it)

In doing this, seek for forgiveness even if you feel hurt.

7) Stop dwelling & retelling the hurt

(It creates a sense of powerlessness) rather focus on solutions.

Seek Grace - Ask God to help you. Pray seriously, ask Him to forgive you, come into you & be your Lord.

9) Seek professional help

- counselling & deliverance (some cases are powered by demons)

- occupy your mind spiritually & give no room to the devil.


If this piece ministered to you in any way, please take control of your life. Staying bitter is the greatest self inflicted punishment, a waste of time & futile journey. Help yourself, get rid of it today.

Peoples shit don't entice me no more.