thesicilian:
And if there's anything you're doing that he doesn't like, try to refrain from it.

You just nailed it...
You only didn't add "with immediate effect"

the best time to come around for us to settle a misunderstanding is after a CHELSEA MATCH.... she should just be sure Chelsea won...
then cm around,... no too much talk... our dispute is already settled..
thats me!!!,,, Wify take note

mejai:
Wash d whole cooking utensils, clean d kitchen, empty d fridge,u can mercifully leave satchet water. In fact go on kitchen strike. One nyt hunger go deal with am. He will ask for food.

I hope this work wonders in your marriage (or future marriage).
Because this is gasoline in fire again... someone is eating outside already, you are thinking he will ever get hungry in the house again?
na wa o

Philadelphia:


Such a man one lacks maturity. In fact, that person is still a boy in his brains.
However, some men may refuse food from their wife when there's an argument and this may not be because they're childish. They may avoid food from their wives for one of the 2 reasons below;
1.) Women are very emotional and to torture their emotions, they would have to avoid their foods.
2.) Some men may be scared that their wives may put in some harmful substances in their foods when they're fighting. They'd rather wait until they're sure the dispute is resolved before they can resume the trust they have in their wife's food.
However, know the one you choose to spend the rest of your life with. Thoroughly examine every new character developed during courtship and decide if you can live with such a one with those traits.

God bless u for this response

hotmum:
How do you handle a husband that after telling him his offenses to you, or when you have misunderstanding he keeps malice and starts eating outside.
I'm the type that can cry when explaining things so I sent him an SMS of what he did wrong.

Instead he kept malice and refused food.
I'm not the eating type and can't force myself to finish a pot of food. So this morning I asked if he would eat and he said No.
And later went out and has not come back.
Should I confront him about his eating out, and how?

here the truth, forget any advice that says otherwise. if you love your husband and want a happy home. sit him down and go on your knees. plead and ask for forgiveness no matter how silly the problem is. He only wants you to be remorseful about a deed he considered offensive. my 2cent.

@realtalk19,I get you, but I'll never advise anybody to divorce their wife or husband. Once married, I think there are no differences that are too irreconcilable to be reconciled. Patience, does a lot of good in this regard. The one who stoops will eventually conquer, even if they have to play the fool for a season.

gloria34:
life is funny. in same situation, d woman begged and begged yet her husband was always very petty. she got fed up and moved out( on his orders. he does that whenever he is mad). after about 2 months, u need to see this buy begging and threatening to commit suicide if she Dont return.

hmm it is well. d woman faced her fears and weakness which d husband neva expected .

i can assure u its either d man wil repeat his childish behaviors nd look for another weakness to torture u.
or he now realises u ar now strong emotionall nd he fears u wil leave him.

he may decide to change for good coz he dont know what u ar capable of when nxt he makes his threats.

God is ur strength

edimahgurl:
Fellow NL, biko how do i reply messages,i do get mails but don't know how to reply them...Help me before i lose a potential hubby

no dulling, God won't pass you by this year

hotmum:
How do you handle a husband that after telling him his offenses to you, or when you have misunderstanding he keeps malice and starts eating outside.
I'm the type that can cry when explaining things so I sent him an SMS of what he did wrong.

Instead he kept malice and refused food.
I'm not the eating type and can't force myself to finish a pot of food. So this morning I asked if he would eat and he said No.
And later went out and has not come back.
Should I confront him about his eating out, and how?

Anytime he is angry don't cook..simple.

Continue making his meals. When he says he is not eating, sit down and eat that particular food & let him see you eat. Crying & being emotional will not help matters. It has not worked over the years so it will not work now. If this is his usual attitude, then he is just using it to control you cos he knows you will be hurt. My dear, toughen up & don't let your joy be dependent on him eating your food. He is only being controlling.

thesicilian:
If you're a good cook, your husband will eat your food no matter the misunderstanding

You are absolutely right. I remember whenever I and my hubby have misunderstanding, he will say he is not eating but immediately I go to bed, he serve and eat
the food I cook for him.

samsam2019:
I would know because I'm separated from my wife and I tell ya, stupid little things like this can lead into something big and terrible. And naturally men can't take any form of bravado in their very own home.


So no mind all those big mouths

Oga, so a woman should not have any right or dignity again because she's married to you. Oya clap for yourself na that you allowed stupid little things to turn into something big that destroyed your marriage or was it solely your wife responsibility to stem the little things.
Better lower your ego and make peace with your wife.

Imagine you telling lilyfaith that with her mentality, you will be surprised she doesn't have a broken home. Are you free yourself? Or is it only the wives that have broken homes.

thesicilian:
If you're a good cook, your husband will eat your food no matter the misunderstanding

Hmm just pray make yah husband no meet Calabar woman

Maybe it's ur manner of approach. U both need to go for counseling...u both got communication issues

The level of maturity and ego vary between different men. Some are not able to handle disputes and would rather shy away using malice and other tactics to avoid addressing the issue.

My advice...let him be. You cannot force him to eat. When the malice period elapses,(it surely will)he will come back to his senses and eat.

Lol.. Eat the one u can and freeze d rest!When he is tired, he will ask for food. Why will a man punish his wife by not eating food he paid for , who lose?

hotmum:


Just wanted to know if it would be wise to just cook for me and kids alone.
I'm actually tired of asking him if he would eat or not. Cos it seems he enjoys telling me "I don't need your food"
Cos he knows it hurts.

just make the food n serve him whether he eats it or not leave it there n continue serving him the food once he sees many plates of food left for him untouched surely he will be remorseful about his actions

linearity:


Maybe, the tone and manner of your SMS put him off. Most Nigerian men still want their wives to be submissive, even when correcting them...it an ego thing.

Since you know that, your husband have this problem, you have to approach him differently. Remember that, there are no winners and losers in this scenario and don’t let the fact that, you are right and he is wrong determine how you act in the situation, both of you are in the same team, when it rains it affect everyone.

Send him another SMS, tell him that you are sorry if the way and manner you brought the issue before him offended him and that your goal is not to offend him. Tell him how miserable you are and how the whole thing is affecting you, the kids and the marriage. Remind him that you love him and still support him....listen men are baby and still have childish behavior in them, tap into that. Don’t stand toe to toe with him or try to challenge him head on, their are many other subtle ways of getting your points across...also tell him that, you guys major problem is lack of communication.

Preferably, send him the text often until he comes around.

Once he comes around, wait a few days and bring up the conversation about the communication problem that exist between you guys...never bring up the other issue....ask him what is the best way to communicate disagreements to him and the best way to resolve issues around the home....tell him how miserable you feel for him not eating your food...never bring up the fact that the food is wasted....extract a promise from him not to refuse your food again in the future.

Let him feel as the king and head of the home, if he is a true husband, he will elevate you to the queen position.

You may say, why are mine the one going to do all these, first of all; you were the one asking the question, second your husband is not here, so it is useless giving him advice or analyzing where he went wrong, lastly from your write up my assumptions is that, you are willing to go the extra mile for things to work out.

Thanks

femi4:
Hotmum, you better start getting cold before you loose him via food to a strange woman

Lol

I can never eat anything prepared by an angry woman.....lai lai

Kpele,

Just keep apologizing even if he is wrong and you are right. One thing that melt the angry heart is the power of the words SORRY or being apologetic. The man's mind will just soften.

But if you are a position prover or always wanting to prove a point, sister u are in for a long thing. Men are proud people o! I must be candid with u.

Keep being apologetic, I assure u he will calm down. Sorry eh! I understand how it feel. Cos I did this sometimes ago and could in min heart really felt for my wife, after he apology I then sat a dissect the matter.

realtalk19:


God bless u for this response

Thank you.

You know he's eating out so why exactly are you worried? If he was fasting or starving it would be different.This not eating thing has been an old school form of emotional torture,once you respond to it by paying attention and getting upset,the offender will keep repeating it forever.

When a child throws a tantrum sometimes it's best to.ignore till the child settles down.

You may have to toughen up and let this play out till he is tired then you both can sit down and discuss like adults .

If you start by always begging even when you are not wrong,he will keep on behaving like this for the rest of your life.How about both of you talking through whatever issues before it escalates to this level..

Cook enough and freeze.All these threats of losing him to another woman,pure nonsense.If he wants to go to another woman he will do it even if you force feed him or hang leg 360 degrees in bed.

Live your life and stop giving in to childish acts.
If you are desperate though,red pant and bra method are always an option.

Not all men are babies,there are truck loads of them who are mature and would rather sit down to trash out issues instead of engaging in infantile nonsense.

Good luck.

MY DEAR MEN ARE FUNNY CREATURES THAT ONE NEEDS PATIENCE TO STAY WITH THEM,IF U HV APOLOGISED AND HE HIS STILL ACTING FUNNY,PLS MOVE ON WITH UR DAY TO DAY RUNNINGS,WHEN HE HIS TIRED NOBODY WILL BEG HIM TO EAT.

kokomilala:
@realtalk19,I get you, but I'll never advise anybody to divorce their wife or husband. Once married, I think there are no differences that are too irreconcilable to be reconciled. Patience, does a lot of good in this regard. The one who stoops will eventually conquer, even if they have to play the fool for a season.

wat happens when ur patience isnt working.

i can tel u xcept if both partieas ar willing to make it work dats where patience and understanding prevails.

there ar partners dat ar impossible to work wit no matter hw u try to understand them.

may u not marry d devil as a wife or fall into d hands of wrong spouse.

agyo:
Kpele,

Just keep apologizing even if he is wrong and you are right. One thing that melt the angry heart is the power of the words SORRY or being apologetic. The man's mind will just soften.

But if you are a position prover or always wanting to prove a point, sister u are in for a long thing. Men are proud people o! I must be candid with u.

Keep being apologetic, I assure u he will calm down. Sorry eh! I understand how it feel. Cos I did this sometimes ago and could in min heart really felt for my wife, after he apology I then sat a dissect the matter.

sir dat system only works for some men out there.
for some it wil take forever for them to accept apologies even wen wrong until they frustrate u to ur limits.

@realtalk19, I get you. �

soonest:


Oga, so a woman should not have any right or dignity again because she's married to you. Oya clap for yourself na that you allowed stupid little things to turn into something big that destroyed your marriage or was it solely your wife responsibility to stem the little things.
Better lower your ego and make peace with your wife.

Imagine you telling lilyfaith that with her mentality, you will be surprised she doesn't have a broken home. Are you free yourself? Or is it only the wives that have broken homes.

madam, I'm separated from my wife and proud to say it anywhere. You know why? So everybody here can learn from our little little mistakes.


And I didn't put the blame entirely on my wife. I have my faults too but one thing is certain, the ship has already left the shores. Il be filing for divorce asap.


That said, in having a partner men hold all the aces (you can disagree as much as you like). Cos tomorrow I can decide to have another wife. She can't do the same hence all her background running from pillar to post but I know I'm done with her bullshit.


In marriage mutual respect is key, in fact it is what we need most. But in a situation where a woman wants to play voltron In a man's house she will be well and truly put in her place



P.S I never said women should lose their rights or dignity for marriage. Fact is I get angr when I see people treating their significant other badly or without respect

hotmum:


Thanks for your advice. I need to work on my emotions too

Not all man can't handle tear, you can use it to get him too

GambaOsaka:


Funny but might not work for everyone. We all have different temperaments. Eating out loud to oppress the husband would be pouring petrol into a burning fire.
My advice is just a simple apology. How can I eat the food of someone I'm fighting ?

ok now dnt eat the food but wen month end, you go still bring out money for feeding una and una children....by then you don waste money eating outside

Thegeneralqueen:
hope you've learnt your lessons

my sister u see una women I fear una...I don learn my lesson ooo....even my wife dey beg sef nake small wuarel come so thst dhe go eat all d food for house

Thegeneralqueen:
hope you've learnt your lessons

my sister u see una women I fear una...I don learn my lesson ooo....even my wife dey beg sef nake small wuarel come so thst dhe go eat all d food for house

hotmum:


He knows and testifies I cook well. He learnt this habit last year

Would you eat the food of someone you're angry with?