Let’s talk about sex, because it turns out the most important part of cultivating a healthy sex life is talking about a healthy sex life. Only 9% of couples who can’t comfortably talk about sex with one another say that they’re satisfied sexually.

Here is an example of a conversation that a real couple had in my office.

Ashley: We’re doing better. It’s not as much of a problem as it was a few years ago.

Ryan: I feel like we are more secure as a couple now. I’m not sure I would say the problem is solved, though.

Ashley: Do you feel like anything has changed?

Ryan: How do you feel about it?

Ashley: Well, I viewed the problem as something that would destroy our marriage and now I don’t worry about it anymore.

Ryan: I never thought it was a threat.

You probably have no idea what they’re talking about. The issue is that in their marriage, Ryan has wanted sex more frequently than Ashley. During this conversation, Ashley is looking for Ryan’s reassurance that it’s not a problem anymore. He still thinks it is, but avoids telling her directly. He doesn’t feel comfortable asking for what he needs.

When partners talk to each other about their sexual needs, their conversations are often indirect, vague, and left unresolved. Typically both partners are in a rush to finish the discussion, hoping their partner will understand their desires without saying much.

The less direct you are about what you want, the less likely you are to get it.

Talking about sex is a powerful way to deepen intimacy and connection. Saying things like, “Last night when you touched my ____ and gave it all of your attention, I felt very sexy. I loved it.” or “Making love in the morning is the best part of waking up!”

When communication is full of tension, then frustration, ambiguity, and hurt feelings are sure to follow. This is why friendship outside the bedroom is so crucial to a passionate sex life.

It’s common for couples to want to talk about sex, yet they struggle to find the right words to express themselves without sounding critical or feeling embarrassed.

Below are the four guidelines for talking about sex.


source : https://livelystones.com.ng/couples-talk-sex-better-sex/