Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? - Family (3) - Nairaland
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| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by lonelydora: 9:25pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
saintade01: Bros...it's not an easy task...i swear! 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by YelloweWest: 9:26pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
saintade01:Stop telling him to beat his younger brother. It's not bullying . ALL younger sibling do that |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by Firgemachar: 9:27pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
PurestBoy: You are a weak man. Your son has already started exploiting you at such a tender age. Too bad! 6 Likes |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by bionixs: 9:29pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
saintade01:bois ?! your sitting room go fear. nothing remains the way you kept them |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by abubakar23: 9:30pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
As time goes on they will change, even though during the holiday I tried to send the older one to one of my sisters who has a nursery school, so that I can have time to relax but I begin to missed their play immediately he left, that time I realized it is not too good to have a boring moment in the house. Relaxed they will learn from you, just schedule time for everything they will be doing especially during this holiday. I know watching cartoons make them relaxed sometimes. Playing with them regularly, high blood pressure will not be your portion. 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by PurestBoy(m): 9:32pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Firgemachar:I don't like seeing him cry, most times I stop his Mom from flogging him cos he runs to me, he behaves quietly when I'm not home but the moment I'm home, he goes haywire |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by chineduemmao: 9:32pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Lexusgs430:have a chat with a 3 yr old? u shitting me? 6 Likes |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by Nobody: 9:34pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
PurestBoy: This Alvin cracked me up real GOOD.  There's a drug (forgot the name), it has vitamin B complex but the side effects is drowsiness and increased appetite. Try that for a start after arrival from school and homework done. hehehehe |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by YelloweWest: 9:35pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
sammydirectly:Reading this just made me appreciate my mother more. I'm the 4th of 5 kids. My mother raised us EQUALLY. Nothing like senior this or that. Respect everyone including your juniors. As the forth I was in charge of sharing everything before my elder ones take to ensure everything is shared EQUALLY. Love my mama sharr 3 Likes |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by MissRaine69(f): 9:35pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Conflict amongst siblings happens it’s natural but if that conflict becomes bullying i.e the actions come from one child and it’s directed to the “victim” sibling then it’s an issue. And when the younger one does that what do you do as a parent? This is what makes a difference. Do you laugh? Castigate the older one for being taken advantage by the younger one? Or do you tell of the young one for bullying his older brother. See the younger one behaves this way because somewhere along the lines you have rewarded his bad behaviour and he learnt this because he is a smart boy. The older one does nothing because you remonstrated him when he did relatiate thus you disabled his assertiveness you even describe him as fat and perhaps might have used this jibe at him it does affect his self esteem. So what’s happened is you have rewarded one bad behaviour and enabled another bad one. So this brings me back to the original question what do you do because these behaviour are done in your presence? The key to helpful parental intervention is to avoid taking sides (which is what your kids want!) because that increases resentment and could trigger later retaliation. Instead, try to guide your children toward working things out themselves. 1. Mediation In mediation, rather than acting as judges and dictating a solution to a conflict, parents listen to both sides, lay out the issues, and encourage siblings to come up with fair and doable solutions. A child needs to be taught beyond “I want” so that they are able to understand another person's perspective and the bigger picture, so they can compromise or resolve problems. 2.Rationalisation Address rationalisations by this I mean statements that excuse or justify bad behavior. Familiarity breeds insensitivity, so brothers and sisters often tend to minimize or discount each other’s feelings. They do things to siblings that they would never dream of doing to a friend, because somehow they've convinced themselves that siblings' feelings don't matter. If your child does do something cruel to a sibling, privately describe the impact of this behavior, so your child can imagine the sibling’s feelings, then ask, “What can you do to help him/her feel better?” Making amends lessens resentment and allows the child who made an unkind choice to have a path forward, beyond cruelty. 3. Fun things together Get the two brothers to do something that they both enjoy.When siblings have fun together, they’re more motivated to resolve conflicts and less likely to be cruel. 4. Conflict resolution Create an overall environment in the home that does not condone or allow repeated acts of meanness towards each other. Stop refereeing your children’s fights. Remember to talk about how siblings are supposed to treat each other. There should be an overarching philosophy that starts with, “We’re a family, we have to help each other, we have to support each other.” Parents also need to model that behavior by acting supportively towards each other. Talk to your kids about what friendship means, and focus on having your kids help each other out. Work to enforce the sense of, “We have to take care of each other, we’re a family here.” 3 Likes |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by Firgemachar: 9:35pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
PurestBoy: I'm sorry. But you are doing very badly as a father. Please let your wife train the child if you don't have the wherewithal for the good of the family. 2 Likes |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by Lexusgs430: 9:36pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
chineduemmao: You would be surprised how communicative a 3 year old can be....... What do you suggest? Flogging or counselling? |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by nezer83: 9:40pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
saintade01: Eya, this is peculiar with most first born especially boys. They have this calm and easy going attribute. OP ur first boy is an introvert while the second is the opposite. He just does not have the heart to beat or fight his kid brother. As they grow keep teaching them the virtue of respect. Trust me in the future his kid brother will watch his back against external bullies. God bless ur boys. 3 Likes |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by psalmjoesam: 9:40pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
I av learnt a lot from the comments cos,I'm going thru exactly the same thing with my kids |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by simiolu1(m): 9:42pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
I can totally relate to this as my immediate elder brother is 2 years older than I am (I am the last born of the family). As children, we fought a lot and this continued well into our late Teens but the frequency reduced over time. He used to be short-tempered while I am stubborn. We are both on those character flaws but Yorubas will say "ki tan boro l'ara were". I call him by name even though I am not supposed to (Yoruba culture). An Aunt came to stay with us when we were Teens and wanted to correct it but it was too late by then. On one occasion while we were children, our elder brother (the 2nd born) allowed us to fight till we had our fill to know who should have bragging rights. By the end of that fight, I had learnt a lesson: I could never match him in a fight. He is taller, has less fat and has very strong bones. I had a swollen red eye while his balls hurt (I continued pulling them as he rained blows on me). Then our bro disciplined us and hoped the fights would stop; they did not. Now we never get physical, only shouting matches which happen very rarely. This is not because we have grown older (I am almost 30) but because of mutual respect between us. We now talk through issues and apologise. But if anything, I respect him more because over the last few years, he has shown that 2 years age difference can never be bought in the market. He counsels me, advices me, defends me and looks out for me. So madam, the only lasting solution to the fighting is teaching them respect. Respect is reciprocal, the younger has to respect the elder and vice versa. But you really need to work on the older one. You have to teach him to lead his younger one, looking out for him, and defending him (boys will go out to play and fight; would he be crying while his brother is getting the beating of his life?). You have to teach him to assert his authority as the elder and also to be fair. You have to teach him to put the well being of his younger one first. And you have to do all these with love so that he won't feel his younger one is loved more than him. It is his acts of leadership that will win him the respect of his younger one. Fighting may win it for him for a while, leadership will win it for him for life. And to that younger one, you have to teach him his place. Godspeed!!! 7 Likes |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by uboma(m): 9:48pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Ishilove: lol. This isn't the right way to handle this. The younger one needs to be taught repeatedly not to disrespect his elder brother. When he does get stubborn and hit his elder brother, administer some discipline on him. |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by smartpyzee(m): 9:50pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
saintade01:that's how it's always is. In time it will change 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by Ishilove: 10:00pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
uboma:We are still saying the same thing. Lovingly administer some butt whipping and he will adjust. |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by 3kay945(m): 10:01pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
blank:Same here o |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by missyblissy: 10:07pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
saintade01: Op it's very simple.... Power of cane never fails. Don't spare the younger one that doesn't respect his older brother. My nephews used to be like that but the power of cane worked well on the younger one. The mother always tell the elder one not to cry when the younger one bullies him. If he cries to her she will call both of them and ask the younger to apologise to his older brother and tell the younger never to do it again. But later she will tell the elder to beat the younger if he tries it again and if he ever cried to her she will beat him 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by Ishilove: 10:08pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
chineduemmao:2 years old, actually. He can have a man to man talk with his two year old toddler. The words will probably will fly over the baby's head like fighter jets, but on the flip side, your meaningless droning will keep the boy reasonably baffled and occupied for the duration. 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by na2016: 10:08pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
I suppose that at this early stage, you make your sons know that they are brothers. That brothers dont beat each-other. That the younger one respects the older one. Abeg, let them know that they are suppose to have eachother's back at anytime and not fight with each-other for anything. I bet if you do this at this early stage, a good bond will be created between those two guys and your family will be better for it when u are old. saintade01: 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by SmartyPants(m): 10:08pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Ishilove: Presupposing that the elder will win. If they fight and the younger one wins, you will only reinforce his underlying aggression. OP and others, what you need is to teach your child not to be a bully, and be firm about it. Period. Then you also need to teach your weaker son to be stronger without being violent. 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by galadima77(m): 10:15pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
I'm a little concerned, reading up all these cos i have young triplets who'll soon realize they're about mates... I've seen the troubles twins put my younger sister through in the battle for seniority and i keep wondering what will become of me. 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by ultimate77(m): 10:15pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
tokrizy:so what's your point actually? And how is it related to this thread? 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by kingolovich(m): 10:21pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
First of three boys here and I'll tell u Sir, its not being easy for my mom especially with the last. The first two of us are young adults, but the last one is some what annoying, I believe his just still enjoying being a kid. So enjoy d stress while it lasts. I'm like your first boy, gentle, quiet and I think its good because he will know how to shut his brother up without shouting or fighting when he gives him the beating of his life, I don't fight but I was forced to disciple my bro one time, when we were younger, I did till he pleaded that day, since then, I've been in charge. 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by victorian(f): 10:21pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Lexusgs430: Sighs unfortunately as the only girl in the midst of two boys. I realised early when I was very little how my last brother will always bully and fight my elder brother. And when our mum will come in to check what's happening, my last brother will start crying, saying my elder brother is just beating him and it's all lies. My mum will beat my elder brother, who is calmly protesting that it's a lie. Because my youngest brother has very innocent look, my mum will pounce on my elder brother and beat him. I will scream it's a lie o. My elder brother was on his own and the other is always pushing him. Or hitting or kicking him. But the deed is done already. My elder brother will be crying. When my mum turns her back and head to the kitchen. My younger brother will be laughing silently at my elder one. He bullied my elder brother for years who is sicker. As my elder bro grew up and him as well. My younger one hated my elder one with great passion. And the elder one just ignored him and cut him off around him. Until Later my elder brother died of sickle cell anemia. Immediately after his death, my younger brother started bullying me. Lol  I was so mad and I warned him one day and said the way u bullied and fought our elder bro and eventually made him die. You want to kill me join Abi? Your plan won't work! I stood up to him, face to face, while we snarled at each other One-day he was angry with me and he blurted out! Why didn't God made him come first to this world! And look For your information Sis, am your elder bro, whether u like it or not! Cos am a man! I will reply angrily, then go and beat God and warn him why he created me first! U can do nothing! Ha! God!  It was so terrible. He's like a thorn in our flesh. But last last, where is he now? He's evil and jealous mind had eventually placed him where he belongs. Karma is always there waiting patiently for wicked people. Anyways op, I just pray u can handle those boys. Cause trust me, if u don't handle them well, especially the younger one and beat him well for bullying his older one. He may become uncontrollably later on in life. Use iron hand and force him to be respectful whether he likes it or not! And that's where your husband comes into play. He must enforce respect from the younger one to the older one. He must! For sanity to rein later on. 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by dopemama(f): 10:23pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Na wao. I don see this kind matter plenty ooo I wonder which kind power these younger siblings they carry! Op o need for long story na long pankere naim sure pass also tell the older boy to man up else u ll cane him too! He go adjust! 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by eyezkongba: 10:30pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Haa my house is a war zone between my two sons,the older being 5 and the younger 3. The older is hyper active,restless and always running so much that l am researching on how to convert the energy he gives off to electricity to power my our house and be rescued from black outs from Power Holding.The younger is naturally a decent guy, but it is hard to be with the older around.The lesson from op post is,teach them the normal way.....let the brothers know one is older and vice versa and they should always be taught the proper things,it's important at their age. 3 Likes |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by Davindal(m): 10:33pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Mehn... This topic is exactly the case in my most older sister's home. She has 6 boys: triplets, and the other 3 boys single, with 2yrs between them. The triplets are 8 yrs old now. The others are 6, 4, 2, respectively. These boys have turned my sister house to war-zone. Anytime of the day they are all around, they often fight. Guys, my sister often tells me whenever we have a discussion on phone that she will put the 4th son(the 6 yrs old) under the care of my mum, because the triplets and the other lasts two boys don't allow him rest. These triplets are always bullying him. To add salt to his injuries, the other last two: the immediate younger brother - who is very violent, and the youngest of them who is 2, don't give a damn about him either. My sister said he is very calm and gentle. He always stays glued to her whenever she is at home. She do say that she fears the psychological impact such thorny environment would have on the 6 year old, that she is not relenting in her decision to take him his grandmother - my mum for hitch free environment. The 5th son challenges everyone including the triplets, but the most hit is the 4th son - his immediate older brother. The last son is already showing very violent and abusive character. Despite being small, this boy would challenge everyone. He would grab something very tight to collect it from his brothers. Boys are good, but could be brutal to one another when growing up as siblings. 1 Like |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by grafixdon: 10:35pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Exactly the same issue in my house. I don't know what to do. I don tire. Na 3 boys God give me. The younger one (second born) too troublesome, if your take him to the bank, eatery, etc, he'll scattered everywhere, people must notice him. He's just 2years old. 2 Likes |
| Re: Parents With 2 or More Boys How Do You Cope? by Nobody: 10:36pm On Apr 13, 2018 |
Mehn, a big shout out to my mother. She had us, five boys. My eldest is 30 while my youngest is 20. No enter my house anyhow. |
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