This op is funny, you're talking like the man doesn't have any say at all in the family planning process. If you both agree to have two to three kids, why don't you take measures to ensure that after you get the number of children you both want. There are things like IUDs, hysterectomies and vasectomies for a reason you know

It's not enough to call yourself the man of the house and make it seem like determining the size of the family is at her whim and caprices. After you allow her make such important decisions based on her hormones, you deserve the outcome. So stop complaining and start acting abeg.

skarlett:
This op is funny, you're talking like the man doesn't have any say at all in the family planning process. If you both agree to have two to three kids, why don't you take measures to ensure that after you get the number of children you both want. There are things like IUDs, hysterectomies and vasectomies for a reason you know

It's not enough to call yourself the man of the house and make it seem like determining the size of the family is at her whim and caprices. After you allow her make such important decisions based on her hormones, you deserve the outcome. So stop complaining and start acting abeg.

These are disappointing assertions.

It sucks that when the average Nigerian Lady sees no other avenue than to engage her own effort to effect change, she immediately instead relegates herself to infantilism to absolve herself of all responsibility, questioning the man's manhood on the way out of said responsibility for extra kicks.

Statements like these weaken the progress women are trying to make to be seen as equals in their matrimonial homes and in the society at large.

I leave you to your sisters to descend on you if they wish to defend themselves and move their struggle forward.

2buffagain:


These are disappointing assertions.

It sucks that when the average Nigerian Lady sees no other avenue than to process her own tendencies to effect change, she immediately instead relegates herself to infantilism to absolve herself of all responsibility, questioning the man's manhood on the way out of said responsibility for extra kicks.

Statements like these weaken the progress women are trying to make to be seen as equals in their matrimonial homes and in the society at large.

I leave you to your sisters to descend on you if they wish to defend themselves and move their struggle forward.

So now you're a feminist? Interesting. After you stop yapping like you just discovered the concept of feminism, deal with the issues I brought up. You made it seem like everything is the woman's fault and the man has no say. Meanwhile looking at the African milieu and the average Nigerian male's penchant for pulling up his trousers and asserting dominance, why can't he do that in that situation? Of course I think it's crazy for any woman to want to give birth to more than 3 children in this era, some women believe having a big family is as wonderful as Kris Jenner paints it to be. But if her and her husband had a prior agreement of so-so number of children, it's just mature for them to stand by their words. If the woman is too emotional to see things for what they are, the man should stand up and be the voice of wisdom.

I believe some decisions are to be arrived at as a couple and something as sensible as having less number of children should not be left to one person's whim. For gorsakes, stop making it all about the woman and the man giving into the woman's needs. If he really believes that having more children will spell hardship for the family, he should be more firm and assertive as it obviously takes two to tango.

skarlett:
This op is funny, you're talking like the man doesn't have any say at all in the family planning process. If you both agree to have two to three kids, why don't you take measures to ensure that after you get the number of children you both want. There are things like IUDs, hysterectomies and vasectomies for a reason you know

It's not enough to call yourself the man of the house and make it seem like determining the size of the family is at her whim and caprices. After you allow her make such important decisions based on her hormones, you deserve the outcome. So stop complaining and start acting abeg.

Not as ABC as that! Assuming u agreed to delay childbirth after wedding celebrations or agreed on d number of years of spacing n she ignores all that n gets preggy? And, she's of a faith that disapproves of abortion(catholics)? How can u be humane, yet start giving a pregnant lady a hard time, bcoz she got preggy outside ur agreements? After all, na u do d do! Just that, before una choose date, d 'do', no turn to belle o

At d third miscalculation, me sef enter prayer!

ashjay001:



Not as ABC as that! Assuming u agreed to delay childbirth after wedding celebrations or agreed on d number of years of spacing n she ignores all that n gets preggy? And, she's of a faith that disapproves of abortion(catholics)? How can u be humane, yet start giving a pregnant lady a hard time, bcoz she got preggy outside ur agreements? After all, na u do d do! Just that, before una choose date, d 'do', no turn to belle o

At d third miscalculation, me sef enter prayer!

But I thought we're talking about her going beyond the specified number of kids they both agreed upon

skarlett:


But I thought we're talking about her going beyond the specified number of kids they both agreed upon

The timing of d kids, too, should be discussed. A year after d wedding to take a breather n probably further ur educations. 5yrs spacing, so d older kid can express himself n take care of his basic needs, relatively.

Dem no dey take kids, do contribution fa

ashjay001:


The timing of d kids, too, should be discussed. A year after d wedding to take a breather n probably further ur educations. 5yrs spacing, so d older kid can express himself n take care of his basic needs, relatively.

Dem no dey take kids, do contribution fa

If the man doesn't want to get the woman pregnant, what happened to withdrawal method? You keep pouring into her and expect her to keep popping pills when there are long term effects It is a two people thing abeg, the woman shouldn't be the only one actively taking precautions. She can even insert short term IUDS to have adequate spacing.

We are no longer in the middle ages, this is the 21st century and to avoid any form of blame game, both parties have to be actively involved. A man who tells me he doesn't want children but cannot even control his timing to pull out effectively is not serious. I will not pop pills every time we have sex and I will never abort my babies, so if he cannot even try, he shouldn't expect me to be the super woman and think of everything. He has to have the money for IUDs or agree to a condom at least to show he's trying.

skarlett:


If the man doesn't want to get the woman pregnant, what happened to withdrawal method? You keep pouring into her and expect her to keep popping pills when there are long term effects It is a two people thing abeg, the woman shouldn't be the only one actively taking precautions. She can even insert short term IUDS to have adequate spacing.

We are no longer in the middle ages, this is the 21st century and to avoid any form of blame game, both parties have to be actively involved. A man who tells me he doesn't want children but cannot even control his timing to pull out effectively is not serious. I will not pop pills every time we have sex and I will never abort my babies, so if he cannot even try, he shouldn't expect me to be the super woman and think of everything. He has to have the money for IUDs or agree to a condom at least to show he's trying.

O ga o! Not all men are inconsiderate na. Have u heard of Billings method? U pour when dey say pour n u withdraw when u're told to withdraw!

But, for several years of dating, e no fail, una wed finish, miscalculation come dey happen up n down! Madam, if we dey cry, we still dey see o

ashjay001:


O ga o! Not all men are inconsiderate na. Have u heard of Billings method? U pour when dey say pour n u withdraw when u're told to withdraw!

But, for several years of dating, e no fail, una wed finish, miscalculation come dey happen up n down! Madam, if we dey cry, we still dey see o

The Billings method is totally unreliable for most women, so what will they do then? I once broke up with a guy who thought Andrews Liver Salt was a contraceptive, according to him, he can't withdraw and he hates condoms but the only means he knows of preventing a pregnancy is an antacid The speed I used to get out of that relationship, Usain Bolt had nothing on me.

My problem with this op and most men is that they think women should be the ones to be blamed for the result of consensual sex. I believe this is really wrong, the men have a responsibility as do the women, nobody should come and start making noise about their stay at home wives wanting more babies. It is the couple's responsibility. If the woman is being unreasonable, the man should be firm and assertive. After all it is for the couple's overall well being.

skarlett:



So now you're a feminist? Interesting. After you stop yapping like you just discovered the concept of feminism, deal with the issues I brought up. You made it seem like everything is the woman's fault and the man has no say. Meanwhile looking at the African milieu and the average Nigerian male's penchant for pulling up his trousers and asserting dominance, why can't he do that in that situation? Of course I think it's crazy for any woman to want to give birth to more than 3 children in this era, some women believe having a big family is as wonderful as Kris Jenner paints it to be. But if her and her husband had a prior agreement of so-so number of children, it's just mature for them to stand by their words. If the woman is too emotional to see things for what they are, the man should stand up and be the voice of wisdom.

I believe some decisions are to be arrived at as a couple and something as sensible as having less number of children should not be left to one person's whim . For gorsakes, stop making it all about the woman and the man giving into the woman's needs. If he really believes that having more children will spell hardship for the family, he should be more firm and assertive as it obviously takes two to tango.

Woman that is the whole point of this thread.
To STOP those arguments by appealing to the senses of women on a greater scale to see wisdom in keeping things simple and/or NOT fighting their husbands over already laid out plans....because SHE sees the wisdom in it...she for herself.. as a human being with a brain and self-agency... not simply because her husband is "pulling up his trousers" and "asserting dominance".

You make it seem like women are fish brained and cannot be appealed to with logic.
I think you just want to be pedantic and argumentative for no reason. That or you have a very low opinion of the female gender.
I expect more from women, so that one is your own!

2buffagain:


Woman that is the whole point of this thread.
To STOP those arguments by appealing to the senses of women on a greater scale to see wisdom in keeping things simple and/or NOT fighting their husbands over already laid out plans....because SHE sees the wisdom in it...she for herself.. as a human being with a brain and self-agency... not simply because her husband is "pulling up his trousers" and "asserting dominance".

You make it seem like women are fish brained and cannot be appealed to with logic.
I think you just want to be pedantic and argumentative for no reason. That or you have a very low opinion of the female gender.
I expect more from women, so that one is your own!

In case you didn't understand, I was talking mostly about the examples you used, your friends made it seem like family planning is all up to their wives. It isn't

highpriestess:
I'm giving birth as many as I can.
I love babies.

hmm

I rather have one boy abeg, when he marries his wife will be my daughter.

Lefulefu come and tell us how many children you want

Twoclans:
I rather have one boy abeg, when he marries his wife will be my daughter.

Lefulefu come and tell us how many children you want

at least 1 child.....at most 2 children. Either a boy or a girl i don't mind as long as the pickin are beautiful.

Twoclans:
I rather have one boy abeg, when he marries his wife will be my daughter.

Lefulefu come and tell us how many children you want

What if he grows up and doesn't want to get married?

mcdreeezy:
What if he grows up and doesn't want to get married?

Since I will have just him ,I will devote all my time to training him so that when I say jump he will ask how high.

Except if he decides to be a Roman Catholic priest.

Twoclans:



Since I will have just him ,I will devote all my time to training him so that when I say jump he will ask how high.

Except if he decides to be a Roman Catholic priest.

Remember, he's grown up now and makes his own decisions. Let's just say he'll do as you say when it comes to other things but not marriage. Maybe he has this allergy for spending the rest of his entire life with a woman or he just doesn't like the whole concept of marriage, are you saying you'll force him? What exactly will you do?

mcdreeezy:
Remember, he's grown up now and makes his own decisions. Let's just say he'll do as you say when it comes to other things but not marriage. Maybe he has this allergy for spending the rest of his entire life with a woman or he just doesn't like the whole concept of marriage, are you saying you'll force him? What exactly will you do?

Lol

That is an extreme case.(or are u thinking what if decides to be gay) .However when you train a child to believe in you after God even when that child is 60 years he/she will still listen to your suggestions.

It's alot of pressure to raise good children this days. The society and social media is not helping matters at all. I rather raise one good child than 6 that won't be good.

Twoclans:


Lol

That is an extreme case. However when you train a child to believe in you after God even when that child is 60 years he/she will still listen to your suggestions.

It's alot of pressure to raise good children this days. The society and social media is not helping matters at all. I rather raise one good child than 6 that won't be good.

Ok ma'am.

lefulefu:
at least 1 child.....at most 2 children. Either a boy or a girl i don't mind as long as the pickin are beautiful.

I want four two boys two girls

Thegeneralqueen:
I want four two boys two girls

aghhh! Dats too much oo

lefulefu:
aghhh! Dats too much oo

Nah it's not too much lefu as long you're in obodo making the money I'll be in naija flaunting my diamond rings and making the babies

Thegeneralqueen:
Nah it's not too much lefu as long you're in obodo making the money I'll be in naija flaunting my diamond rings and making the babies

See invitation to slavery �

2buffagain:

See invitation to slavery �

Which slavery again

When you have more than 2 kids, you automatically have to change your car, potentially get a house with an extra room, planning family holidays become too difficult to negotiate, I agree, 2 is the ideal number

family of four ... two kids max!
boy or girl as long as the child is healthy.

Withdrawal method has the highest failure rate and it's not just because of poor technique.
The precum is rich with sperm

Johnholmes:
Withdrawal method has the highest failure rate and it's not just because of poor technique.
The precum is rich with sperm

The woman should just get under-arm implants. It's the simplest way.

Very nice topic! More of this!

Like the days of many wives and kids to help till the land, the days of your kids being your retirement plan (the biggest reason for having kids you can't afford) are long gone. Now, parents and kids are laden with poverty and lack. Wise people have deduced it makes more sense to have a number you can afford to raise in a comfortable lifestyle rather than dwell on quantity without quality. Anyone can birth 7 children, heck, even rabbits do it! The challenge is the quality of life for yourself and such kids and the ability to maintain your dignity rather than harrassing or begging others for handouts to raise your kids!

Women! Stay in charge of your reproductive organs, we can control the number of children. Just because you are married does not mean you should not do all that is within your power to control the occurence of pregnancy. How can you be parting your thighs without a plan when you know affordability is a yoke around your neck? If you cannot take full charge of contraception in whatever form, condom, pill, implants, etc then you should not be having sex!

Thegeneralqueen:
Which slavery again

So you will outsource your husband to the mines of obodo oyinbo like the slave he is while you tanda and flex in naija in a house that some distant guy far away you're NOT having sex with, pays for and sends you all his money. It's the perfect long con.

He doesn't even get to enjoy the family he is financing!
Those arrangements are always what they are...slavery.

As de only son 10 children from 4 baby Mama's no go bad