Morwendy:
Haha I dont trust his family - he went to visit and his sister had a Nigerian wife lined up for him when he got there who had travelled from the USA to meet him. (He didnt tell me that either, the new wife-to-be contacted me when he refused - she already has a husband in the US) He's 3 years my junior - not a lot when you're in your 50's.

HRtechnique:


Okay let me oblige you. Lets make a learned conversation and I hope I sound learned since you said I am not one.

1. How can you say Nigerian men are fraudsters? Does that make sense? The 10 highest country with fraudsters does not have Nigeria.
2. You said I should not blame the lady? Where did I do that?. Kindly mention.
3. You said she has every right to to think that way? Did I not say so?.
4. You said priest and rev sister give marital advice? Are they not trained to do so?. I married 5 years ago under the Catholic and I know what I went through under those priests.
5. You said my sense of reasoning is shallow coupled with pride? I am sorry for making you feel that way.
6. 20 years of marriage crash? Do you want to be the one that erroneously judge a marriage based on an online narrative?.
7. I should stop making the lady feel inferior? Where did I do that?
8. I aint talking like a Nigerian man? How do you know I am one? You see why its shallow to conclude things online?

See, here is my point:
Dont be haste to speak but be slow to listen.
You know nothing about this family... You have not heard from this man... We do not even know these people...
So you would agree with me that our opinion about them will be skewed.

Morwendy:
Thanks but when I'm about to pay £2.5k for his leave to remain and hes been busy setting up his secret company in Nigeria, I think I may be permitted to think that when he's a permanent resident next month, he has plans to be changing things?

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

5thElement:


The point is why is the man making himself untrustworthy? Should she be the person to ask? Shouldn't the man sit his wife down and explain things to her?
he might really be secretive as u think. maybe that's the surname he's been using. its the lady in question that is doing a detective job so she should be the one to ask

Why is he being secretive after 8 years of marriage?

jobonnairaland:
Some folks here lied to you as well. The Nigerian society believes in telling lies mostly to foreigners in order to get what they want.

The man in context is playing games with you. May likely dump you thereafter. Be ready for that!

Boss13:


C’mon shut up! Are you married? How would you feel if your husband starts investigating you after 8 years of marriage. The same person you sleep with and have built a life with. You must be ridiculous. If I personally know the husband, I would inform him that he does not have a wife.

jobonnairaland:
Some folks here lied to you as well. The Nigerian society believes in telling lies mostly to foreigners in order to get what they want.

The man in context is playing games with you. May likely dump you thereafter. Be ready for that!

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

Morwendy:
Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents.

Morwendy:
I don't think he's a gold digger, we both work hard for what we have and that has never been an issue. I just wonder how he has his grandfathers name (paternal not maternal) and a business that I didnt know about. He has no property that I'm aware of until his fathers passing recently but he doesnt have documents for his fathers properties yet. No documents until he got the ID card just before we married.

Surrey2Bimshire:


Did the poster state she’s white ? Just asking

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

QueenSuccubus:



I have no idea as well..it's kinda weird that he has a different surname.. If that's the case, anyone of them in Ng can juz choose a surname they want? And my question is --- when are they allowed to change it?

Have u seen his birth certificate or school diplomas?

Anyway, this is too complicated for me..lemme ask my TRUE-BLUE Ng friends to confirm..

Cc
RadicallyBlunt
Martin0
Dafeyankee
Itzjwizzy

QueenSuccubus:



I have no idea as well..it's kinda weird that he has a different surname.. If that's the case, anyone of them in Ng can juz choose a surname they want? And my question is --- when are they allowed to change it?

Have u seen his birth certificate or school diplomas?

Anyway, this is too complicated for me..lemme ask my TRUE-BLUE Ng friends to confirm..

Cc
RadicallyBlunt
Martin0
Dafeyankee
Itzjwizzy

QueenSuccubus:



I have no idea as well..it's kinda weird that he has a different surname.. If that's the case, anyone of them in Ng can juz choose a surname they want? And my question is --- when are they allowed to change it?

Have u seen his birth certificate or school diplomas?

Anyway, this is too complicated for me..lemme ask my TRUE-BLUE Ng friends to confirm..

Cc
RadicallyBlunt
Martin0
Dafeyankee
Itzjwizzy

Morwendy:
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance.

QueenSuccubus:



I have no idea as well..it's kinda weird that he has a different surname.. If that's the case, anyone of them in Ng can juz choose a surname they want? And my question is --- when are they allowed to change it?

Have u seen his birth certificate or school diplomas?

Anyway, this is too complicated for me..lemme ask my TRUE-BLUE Ng friends to confirm..

Cc
RadicallyBlunt
Martin0
Dafeyankee
Itzjwizzy

Morwendy:
Originally, my question was about nothing other than the name but many of you here gave me food for thought so let me look now.

Who's paying his visa fees? I will be because in the last few years we have paid to:

Bury his grandma
Bury his uncle
Bury his sister
Put his niece through college
Bury his father (3 months ago)
Bury his stepmothers mother (1 month ago)
and he sends most of his salary back home after our bills are paid.

Does he travel to Nigeria often?

No, in 8 years he's gone twice. Never to a funeral.

His website is active. I can fill a cart with high cost items and pay for them BUT he says the business isn't up and running?

He came to the UK from The Gambia where he had been living til he came here with his first wife.

Children - he has 2 girls with someone else, not a wife, not a Nigerian or British woman. This lady and her children disappeared before I met him. The police were looking for her when he was having immigration problems but that seems to have stopped. One of his female friends once asked him how that lady was enjoying living in Nigeria - he denied that she was there and insisted that she just took the two very young children and returned to her own country.

His phone - both are always in his pocket. Both are always on silent. He takes many calls in the bathroom. I discovered a third phone and asked him about it. He didn't deny having it and even tried to make me think I'd forgotten he had it by saying my younger daughters always call him on that number - they don't, I checked. Asked him to show me his phones a few days ago and he refused (assured me there was nothing fishy going on)

Now, we have always talked about any such issues. We don't fight over them. And he usually has a plausible explanation no matter what the issue and mostly it's a' cultural or traditional' explanation which I can't dispute because as many here have proved to me, if you ask his fellow countrymen anything, they mostly take up the defensive for him and accuse the wife of being bad.

Why did I wait 8 years to start questioning him?

Only recently has he seemed to be not who I thought he was.

abbeyty:


It seems you have buried all members of his family. With what you just wrote here I can categorically tell you that you have enteted one chance with no way out

thesicilian:

Lol. If you ask me, na who I go ask?
Although the op doesn't state it expressly, his/her language denotes that.

* My Nigerian husband...
* Doesn't know much about him
* Doesn't know much about Nigerian customs..
*'Throws the word "scam" around...

Morwendy:
Originally, my question was about nothing other than the name but many of you here gave me food for thought so let me look now.

Who's paying his visa fees? I will be because in the last few years we have paid to:

Bury his grandma
Bury his uncle
Bury his sister
Put his niece through college
Bury his father (3 months ago)
Bury his stepmothers mother (1 month ago)
and he sends most of his salary back home after our bills are paid.

Does he travel to Nigeria often?

No, in 8 years he's gone twice. Never to a funeral.

His website is active. I can fill a cart with high cost items and pay for them BUT he says the business isn't up and running?

He came to the UK from The Gambia where he had been living til he came here with his first wife.

Children - he has 2 girls with someone else, not a wife, not a Nigerian or British woman. This lady and her children disappeared before I met him. The police were looking for her when he was having immigration problems but that seems to have stopped. One of his female friends once asked him how that lady was enjoying living in Nigeria - he denied that she was there and insisted that she just took the two very young children and returned to her own country.

His phone - both are always in his pocket. Both are always on silent. He takes many calls in the bathroom. I discovered a third phone and asked him about it. He didn't deny having it and even tried to make me think I'd forgotten he had it by saying my younger daughters always call him on that number - they don't, I checked. Asked him to show me his phones a few days ago and he refused (assured me there was nothing fishy going on)

Now, we have always talked about any such issues. We don't fight over them. And he usually has a plausible explanation no matter what the issue and mostly it's a' cultural or traditional' explanation which I can't dispute because as many here have proved to me, if you ask his fellow countrymen anything, they mostly take up the defensive for him and accuse the wife of being bad.

Why did I wait 8 years to start questioning him?

Only recently has he seemed to be not who I thought he was.

Cyberknight:


1. Let's not hang this chap before giving him a chance. It's a well-known fact that for a lot of families here in Nigera, names are still in flux, especially with our new found religiousity that has spawned a whole wave of name-changing from so-called "deity-related" ones to those declaring our Christianity. My family had the same issues and my grandfather's surname was changed when they "saw the light".

Others change it to some English name sometimes to conceal tribal origins and other times again out of an excess of religiousity, feeling that Biblical names are more connected to Christianity, and this is very common in the eastern/southern part of the country.

2. Another thing you might want to consider, especially given your husband's age (born almost immediately post-civil war), is that if he is from the eastern part of the country his birth was most likely not properly registered.

3. It should also be stated that many people here do not take personal details seriously the way they are taken in developed countries with proper record keeping. It is possible to alter dates of birth to take advantage of age-related opportunities (such as playing football,etc.), and while this is undoubtedly wrong, one should understand that for very many people these opportunities are sometimes their only tickets out of the grinding poverty that afflicts large swathes of the population.

I have worked with people in underprivileged areas and refugees, and I must say that sometimes one cannot help but understand the desperation that moves these people when it comes to the falsification of documents to get a chance at resettlement in the US or Canada.

4. Lastly, true, he may have had immigration (not necessarily criminal) issues in the past there in the UK which led to the name change. If you feel you need to get to the bottom of this, you could run a check on him over there, and if it turns up the former, not the latter, I can only say that you might want to read more about the Nigerian emigration crisis and what is driving it before you take a decision on what to do.

And surely a scammer would have cashed in and moved along by now if he was really one?

Best of luck to you both.