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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. (40204 Views)
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My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 12:24am On May 14, 2018 |
Hi. New here but have read threads for years til now and I just have a simple question to ask . Ok, I know how dim I sound but I married my Nigerian husband 8 years ago. Next week, we apply for his permanent leave to remain here. We've been happy enough since we got married, the usual ups and downs but nothing too serious. Anyway, I found that he has a website advertising a business in Nigeria. Asked him about it and he says yes its his but its not up and running yet (like thats why I was mad at him rather than because he set ghis up without even telling me). I was looking at some photos on his site and I came across a poster laying out the days events for his fathers funeral. At the foot of the poster it says 'by [his name but different surname] on behalf of the family. Now, this new surname is the same as his fathers so I believe it to be his true name. Asked him about it and he says that his surname is different to the rest of his family because he chose to take his paternal grandfathers name. I assume his father should also bear the grandfathers name? He just keeps telling me that I don't understand Nigerian customs/traditions but now the word 'scammed' keeps popping into my head. A simple yes or no would be enough - is it usual for a man to NOT take his fathers name? Thanks in advance. 13 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by daewoorazer(m): 12:29am On May 14, 2018 |
Very possible... But why are you worried Except he is rich with properties and has read the stories of Eboue... U remember that footballer? Itan nla gbaaa ni Try verify the surname on the docs of his properties #Riches2Rags 100 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by QueenSuccubus(f): 12:35am On May 14, 2018 |
I have no idea as well..it's kinda weird that he has a different surname.. If that's the case, anyone of them in Ng can juz choose a surname they want? And my question is --- when are they allowed to change it? Have u seen his birth certificate or school diplomas? Anyway, this is too complicated for me..lemme ask my TRUE-BLUE Ng friends to confirm.. Cc RadicallyBlunt Martin0 Dafeyankee Itzjwizzy 8 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by TimFisher: 12:42am On May 14, 2018 |
Because you are too inquisitive! learn to mind ur business And watch how he will start relating with u 32 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 12:44am On May 14, 2018 |
Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents. 20 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 12:45am On May 14, 2018 |
People can be addressed how they see fit... I have changed my surname via deed poll because I was sick of the way white people murder the name I don't see scam here but I see a wife who doesn't really know her husband and that's disheartening. I think you should tell him what your feeling. The fact that he's not transparent with you and the fact that you're loosing trust. You guys need to deal with that rather than the different surname. 121 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 12:49am On May 14, 2018 |
Thanks but when I'm about to pay £2.5k for his leave to remain and hes been busy setting up his secret company in Nigeria, I think I may be permitted to think that when he's a permanent resident next month, he has plans to be changing things? 94 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 12:51am On May 14, 2018 |
Tim Fisher - thanks for your advice but this IS my business� 63 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 12:54am On May 14, 2018 |
People do change surnames here in Nigeria for different reasons. Probably religious,personal preference, A dispute among family members etc. All you need to do is to make it legal /publicized I was told my recent surname was changed by my great grand father for religious sake. So i don't see why you should be bothered. But if you aren't sure of someone you have been married to for 8 years,well do your findings but never let him know because it will break him but break you more if he comes out clean. Be careful 103 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 12:55am On May 14, 2018 |
Morwendy: Show us your picture and tell us your age... we'll determine if he's using you for the passport. What's your age difference? This will bring so much light to the situation. Wait for his countrymen to answer the surname issue but I would be pissed about him hiding his business from you as well. Don't trust his family they'll cover his tracks. 51 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by StackHouse1(m): 12:59am On May 14, 2018 |
1 Like 5 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by thesicilian: 1:00am On May 14, 2018 |
You haf enter one chance my sista. 16 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 1:01am On May 14, 2018 |
Haha I dont trust his family - he went to visit and his sister had a Nigerian wife lined up for him when he got there who had travelled from the USA to meet him. (He didnt tell me that either, the new wife-to-be contacted me when he refused - she already has a husband in the US) He's 3 years my junior - not a lot when you're in your 50's. 27 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by allanphash7(m): 1:03am On May 14, 2018 |
Motigbo Call Magu 1 Like |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Zither(m): 1:04am On May 14, 2018 |
People do change their surnames for different reasons. The only thing I see here is mistrust building up in you after having discovered things your husband kept from your knowledge. You are right to feel that way but grant him the benefit of the doubt and talk to him about keeping things from you. Some people are wired that way. You may never tell until you talk to him. Keep doing your homework on him...not out of mistrust but to get to know him better 22 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Judolisco(m): 1:04am On May 14, 2018 |
Its very possible |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by flyca: 1:05am On May 14, 2018 |
Madam, there are many inconsistences in your husband’s story. From border stories to ID cards, to different surnames? How can only one person have all these issues And he knows exactly how to feed you @surname: was he born outside wedlock? . Do you have access to his birth or secondary school credentials? How long ago did his father die? 8 years or less? Was he at the funeral? Were you? How "married" are you to him? Any traditional rites? Have you ever met members of his immediate family? He started a business and you didn't know about it? Why didn't he tell you? Are you two not that close? I think he's hiding something from you but I don't know what. Any kids in the union? 61 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by allanphash7(m): 1:06am On May 14, 2018 |
Itan nla gbaa ni really got me cracking daewoorazer: 3 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by thesicilian: 1:06am On May 14, 2018 |
Morwendy:On a more serious note, it seems to me that with every comment you make, you're deliberately weaving a fictitious story that would lead everyone to conclude he's a gold digger and you are the innocent white 'maga'. Although why you'd go through all that trouble, I do not know. Could it be loneliness, insomnia, or lack of attention?! 38 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 1:07am On May 14, 2018 |
Morwendy: You're in your 50s! Which means his 47? Do you guys have children? If the answer is no... You are being scammed The writing is on the wall but you should just let him get his passport and see if he sticks around. 8 years in he probably loves you but he just loves himself more.. What tribe is he? 39 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by ASHTAROTH: 1:07am On May 14, 2018 |
Morwendy, I think you should just approach him and ask simply. But with the name thingy, I don't see any bad in it. My father proposed that we bear his name Isaac, but I and my siblings preffered our great grands name. In Nigeria people change names for different reasons, and its no biggy at all You are not really asking the real question, why he is keeping things from you. Asking him won't bite off of your ego. Please ask questions, you are in a ship together, and its called relationship, you have got to relate- you married for Godsake! 19 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by greatman247(m): 1:08am On May 14, 2018 |
Yes it's very possible madam, that does not imply any scam at all. My blood sisters and I do have different surnames. They all use my grandfather's while I decided to use my father's name. It's all about choice. In Nigeria you can decide the surname you want for yourself. 17 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Hardeybohwarley(m): 1:09am On May 14, 2018 |
Ain't nobody snitching here. Just kidding 14 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by megareal: 1:12am On May 14, 2018 |
It is a common thing in Nigeria for some family members to have different surnames. In my family, three of us have different surnames, same with hubby. It depends on which ancestor one prefers and sometimes it's only about how right sounding the name is. The red flag here is him opening a business without informing you. Dig a little deeper (surreptitiously) to be sure he's not using you. As for the burial announcement of his father, I guess he is using the general family name just to identify. Sometimes, it's just because of the fear of 'village people'. 28 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by kushme: 1:12am On May 14, 2018 |
Are you a land whale? 8 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by okonja(m): 1:13am On May 14, 2018 |
Morwendy: Yes it is usual. My Dad bears his family surname BUT we his children are using different surname instead of the family name like other children from his sibling and everyone is cool about it. Long story. He was in the Uk when I met him 10 years ago. He was arrested by border agency for being an overstayer BUT after 2 years of legal battles, border agency admitted they got it wrong, that he had been granted a visa to stay for 3 years but they lost his passport and he'd never chased them for it. To get a new Nigerian passport, he had to get his sister to send his national id card from Nigeria and that gave the name we're married under. (Mystified how she got him a new ID card but says she paid officials and they gave it to her). So apart from the new ID card and the new passport, no other documents. and regarding this, It is possible to get many things done here in proxy as we don't have a centralized database that prevents that. So IMO, I guess the sister got a new ID with a different surname for him and that's what he's been using. So, don't read any meaning to the surname change BUT get him to tell you more why kept it away from you. 15 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by kollistic(m): 1:13am On May 14, 2018 |
Dear Op, his claim might actually be true. My grandfather beared many names and my father only chose one out of those names to make his own surname even after many years of using the main family's surname on all his documents. However, kindly do your findings subtly without just in case you are still in doubt. Good luck. 2 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by PoliticalChinex(m): 1:13am On May 14, 2018 |
Your story is kind of confusing and fictitious............. What is is state of origin and village? If u could provide that with his family name, then it's very easy to trace his origin 6 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by whobemumu(m): 1:13am On May 14, 2018 |
Well couple of things - u have been married to him for 8 years . If he will leave u he will leave u after u file , if he is pretending he will continue to pretend . Changing of names is pretty common in Nigeria . I have a different last name than my brother and my father . I changed mine , my brother changed his to a different name . My father has the original . Especially sinxe he has had problems with the law he may have just picked up an older ancestral name or a village name , very very common in Nigeria 11 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 1:14am On May 14, 2018 |
flyca: She said paternal grandfather, that's his father's father. He took his grandads name... I don't understand what she means because I thought British people answered to the family name which is usually the grandfather's name from the father's side... 9 Likes |
Re: My Husband Has A Different Surname To The One He Uses.. by Nobody: 1:15am On May 14, 2018 |
I don't think he's a gold digger, we both work hard for what we have and that has never been an issue. I just wonder how he has his grandfathers name (paternal not maternal) and a business that I didnt know about. He has no property that I'm aware of until his fathers passing recently but he doesnt have documents for his fathers properties yet. No documents until he got the ID card just before we married. 7 Likes 1 Share |
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