Good afternoon everyone. A lot have been bothering me on this issue. This girl's parent has agreed that i marry her and that there will be arrangements. I said no problem. I'm 25 and she's 20.And since we started dating, I've been playing the financial part of the relationship. She has never given me a dime buy anything for me as a fiance. I always buy everything even for her parents and younger siblings anytime I visit her house. I've never for once go to their house empty handed. Now she's pregnant and the pregnancy is 7 months already and I thought we are supposed to be living together and we can plan things along the way to complete her parent's demands and everything with the dowry. I bought baby things with my money and they are being kept in her parent's house and to my surprise, her parents did not even ask her to take the baby things to her husband house. Since our last discussion, they never called me to asked about the next step to take. My thoughts are maybe they are expecting her to give birth in their house cos I can see clearly that her parents are just pretending and deceiving me because anytime she tells them that she's coming to visit me, and she comes, before 2 hours her mom and dad would've called like 5 times to ask when she's coming home that she's taking too long. About 3 weeks ago on we went out together and her parents were informed before she left. We both came back to their house at 6pm on that day, when she entered, her dad was shouting, threatening to beat her up that she's trying him, I dunno if he knew or not I was outside but I got disappointed and left. I told her these observations of mine and she said it was nothing...

Last week, same thing happened, she called me in the morning that she was sick and when I closed from work I went to visit her, I bought drugs and when I got there, I was holding her arms, petting her and to my surprise, her mom came out to tell me to take my hands off her that she's not feeling well. She even took my hands off, I was really really sad and upset. I called her and told her all these and she said she knew too and apologized on her behalf. This her so called mom is her step mother to be precise.

She sometimes sneak out to visit me and before her parents gets back from work, she will tell me she is going home.
This her parents hasn't supported us in anything at all. I buy everything and I asked her to tell her parents that she wants to start living with me cos I've already told them when the pregnancy was 4 months that old I'm ready to marry her and I'm waiting for them to release her to me but she said she told them and they said she shouldn't be the one bringing that up that it's supposed to be me.

Please peeps, how do y'all see this cos I'm kind of confused.

Why suffering yourself? If you have the money meet her parents pay all the payable and take your wife Case closed.

GO and do the normal rites on your woman and stop complaining like a weakling.

So many weak men in Nigeria

Btw, do a DNA test on the child . Cost varies from 45k upwards

Op.are u well at all Na person sister u give belly without doing anything on her head. And u even get mind to become come online to come they they Barr not allowin her to stay with you. You want to top the belly abi. Take ur time oo

You don’t expect her parents to release her to you just like that.
Go with your people and do the right thing or at list a proper introduction and maybe after delivery you can go for trad and all.

You should see the handwriting on wall.

They don't welcome you in that family, you better find your way.

You made the mistake of impregnating her without making the right enquiries and a bigger one for allowing her to remain in that house after knowing shes pregnant for u. The step mother saying shes sick cos shes not feeding well is a red flag, cos if thats the case it would not be just her affected. Shes scared to tell u the truth whether shes being maltreated or punished in the house. Shes 20 and no longer a child, tell her to pack up and move in with u pending when u will complete the marriage rites, but not without informing the family.

Shugarlord213:
GO and do the normal rites on your woman and stop complaining like a weakling.

So many weak men in Nigeria

Btw, do a DNA test on the child . Cost varies from 45k upwards

Tell me why should he carry out DNA test on the child?
So a lady can't get pregnant again without cheating?

Op, the parents are telling you indirectly to come and do the needful.

Trust me, no parent will be happy seeing his daughter get pregnant and give birth without necessary things being done.

You better go and do it before you lose your remaining respect with them and remember you are subjecting the poor girl to emotional torture by your constant complaints couple with her family pressure.

And please stop calling her your wife she's not married to you.

Apina:
You made the mistake of impregnating her without making the right enquiries and a bigger one for allowing her to remain in that house after knowing shes pregnant for u. The step mother saying shes sick cos shes not feeding well is a red flag, cos if thats the case it would not be just her affected. Shes scared to tell u the truth whether shes being maltreated or punished in the house. Shes 20 and no longer a child, tell her to pack up and move in with u pending when u will complete the marriage rites, but not without informing the family.

A responsible parent will never agree to this your advise.

The Op has no any right over the girl

Dude man up go and to her parentz nd tell them that u want to be living with ur so called wife, but before u go, make sure u go with ur people but if they decline, abandone d girl and they we cum begging cus u ve nothing to lose

You might have taken a wrong step in getting her pregnant before paying her dowry but that doesn't stop them from denying you access to the girl. I want to ask you a question if her stepmother doesn't have a child yet? If she doesn't, then I can say the woman in question is jealous. But if she has a child or children with the man, it means you're not welcome into the family. Don't pay her dowry yet but if you go ahead and pay the dowry, you have bigger battle to fight. just allow her to deliver the baby in their house and take custody of the baby when time comes.

Be like say nobe u get the belle and the parents know

As far as I'm concerned her parents can even stop you from talking to her and there's nothing you can do about it. Complete the marriage rite. Pay her dowry and then nobody will stop you holding your woman's hand.

Why are u ranting? U never done anything on her and u expect her parents to release her to u. Mind you she is just 20 and not different from a child. She is pregnant at her age and needs people around to take care of her in her condition. Her parents don't see you as a potential husband because they still consider you as being small and not yet matured for marriage at your age. Both of you are still babies to them so that's y they can't release her for you. When you are 30+, come back for her.

Avedonn:


A responsible parent will never agree to this your advise.

The Op has no any right over the girl

Oga, for the sake of clarity; Shes 20 and no longer a child, tell her to pack up and move in with u pending when u will complete the marriage rites, but not without informing the family. That was what I said, and theres no where I stated that he had any right over her. But since u wanna talk about rights, the child is his and the girls, although shes still in her parents house does not mean she is their property, shes 20 and as an adult can afford to leave whenever she chooses to. Talking about responsibilty, it can be likened to a situation where one looses his head and starts complaining of leg pain in this scenario

Avedonn:



Tell me why should he carry out DNA test on the child?
So a lady can't get pregnant again without cheating?

Op, the parents are telling you indirectly to come and do the needful.

Trust me, no parent will be happy seeing his daughter get pregnant and give birth without necessary things being done.

You better go and do it before you lose your remaining respect with them and remember you are subjecting the poor girl to emotional torture by your constant complaints couple with her family pressure.

And please stop calling her your wife she's not married to you.

djbond pls follow this advice

Apina:

Oga, for the sake of clarity; Shes 20 and no longer a child, tell her to pack up and move in with u pending when u will complete the marriage rites, but not without informing the family. That was what I said, and theres no where I stated that he had any right over her. But since u wanna talk about rights, the child is his and the girls, although shes still in her parents house does not mean she is their property, shes 20 and as an adult can afford to leave whenever she chooses to. Talking about responsibilty, it can be likened to a situation where one looses his head and starts complaining of leg pain in this scenario

Not in African tradition. No sane and responsible African man would ever agree to his daughter packing into Man's house without paying her bride price.

Tell me would you sincerely allow your daughter pack in to Man's house without marriage?

Would you be happy seeing the man that impregnate your daughter without doing anything on her head come to your house and be holding her hands romantically in the name of petting?

Even the op should be little bid embarrass with some of his actions especially going to the girls house and taking her out.

Remember the op mentioned that the mother in-law removed his hands from her step daughter which means she no longer have much regard for the op.

Shugarlord213:
GO and do the normal rites on your woman and stop complaining like a weakling.

So many weak men in Nigeria

Btw, do a DNA test on the child . Cost varies from 45k upwards

u are damn smart, the child may not be his own. DNA test is important

tolufase:
You might have taken a wrong step in getting her pregnant before paying her dowry but that doesn't stop them from denying you access to the girl. I want to ask you a question if her stepmother doesn't have a child yet? If she doesn't, then I can say the woman in question is jealous. But if she has a child or children with the man, it means you're not welcome into the family. Don't pay her dowry yet but if you go ahead and pay the dowry, you have bigger battle to fight. just allow her to deliver the baby in their house and take custody of the baby when time comes.

thanks

25? Already thinking of marriage? Some guys with strong guts ehnnnn.. Prioritize ur life and leave this marriage shit. Take care of the baby and ur babymama

I didn't see any mention of your own parents (or your people if your parents are not available) in your write up. Do they know that you are planning to get married? Are they aware of your partner's pregnancy and her parents' behaviour?

I won't give any specific advise because I don't know the specifics of the situation from the side of your own family. However, I think the whole matter could be resolved in the twinkle of an eye if your own people/parents are involved.

Pally you need to go and do the traditional rites of marriage so you can have unfettered access to the lady in question