CAUGHT red-handed, the fate of your marriage now depends on how you handle your spouse’s infidelity. Do you throw them out? Or you try to find a way to forgive? It can be difficult to imagine ever getting over the fact your partner cheated.

Talk about it:The shock of discovering an affair brings with it a range of emotions, from anger and jealousy to shame and embarrassment. When emotions are rampant, it’s difficult to think clearly. Look for outside help—someone to talk to who can help you to begin to heal.
Feelings that are overwhelming begin to diminish if you’re able to speak about them to someone who cares and who knows how to listen.
A therapist can offer an objective perspective and a calming environment for talking out your problems. A therapist has education and experience to help them guide you through the first days that follow the discovery of an affair.
Speak to family or friends, too. Choose listeners who will remain calm and listen and not feed the flames of emotion you’re already struggling to handle.


Understand the factors that contributed to the affair:
While it’s generally accepted that affairs are symptomatic of problems in a relationship, there may be multiple reasons why your partner had an affair.
One of the major reasons for infidelity is opportunity. Sometimes an affair isn’t planned. People sometimes “stumble” into affairs, rather than plan them.
Many people engage in affairs because they want to see if they’re desirable outside of the relationship.
Affairs could also be a symptom of another problem, like alcohol abuse or sex addictin

Resist blaming yourself:
It might be tempting, because laying the blame on yourself makes the problem easier to control; theoretically, you could change your behavior and you prevent another affair. However, the problem, at the very least, is the responsibility of both partners. Blaming yourself might offer temporary hope, but it won’t resolve the problem.
Don’t absolve your partner of accountability for the affair by thinking that you should love your partner unconditionally, or put their happiness before your own.
Resist diminishing the affair as a “little mistake.” Don’t chide yourself for overreacting. It’s true that the affair was probably a symptom of problems in your relationship. And it might be true that you contributed to the problems that led to the affair. But it’s also true that your partner had other options—other ways to express dissatisfaction or disappointments. Your partner chose to have an affair. You didn’t make that choice for your partner.

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