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Help!!! - Family - Nairaland

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Please Advice Me... Am Getting Depressed. / HELP!!! I Am Getting Depressed! / 6 Years Of Marriage No Children.i Am Getting Depressed And Sad (2) (3) (4)

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Help!!! by Adebayo4christ: 5:21am On Jun 16, 2018
Good morning nairlanders,

Godly counsel / advice please.
Re: Help!!! by Joephat(m): 5:26am On Jun 16, 2018
I would have advised you not to commit suicide but the truth is that, Thats the only option left for you now.


Rest in peace in Advance

1 Like

Re: Help!!! by Adebayo4christ: 5:28am On Jun 16, 2018
Joephat:
I would have advised you not to commit suicide but the truth is that, Thats the only option left for you now.


Rest in peace in Advance

thanks for your advice sir. So be it to u as you have think of me.

23 Likes

Re: Help!!! by GAZZUZZ(m): 5:48am On Jun 16, 2018
Last time I saw u, was on the uber thread looking for a car to hire. Do you have a job now?
Re: Help!!! by sisisioge: 6:23am On Jun 16, 2018
Stop letting her dictate when you see your parent. If she's not coming along, go by yourself. All these wahala sef. Biko, stop over thinking things, just be kind to your people with or without her approval.

May your dad rest in peace, a stitch in time saves nine.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help!!! by Nobody: 6:24am On Jun 16, 2018
Adebayo4christ:
Good morning nairlanders, please I need your help urgently.
In my former post, I posted about my dad being sick then and how my wife has been behaving to me and to them also, now I lost my dad, instead of my wife to be there for me, she had totally changed to worst. from nagging, to shouting , and other things. i dont know what ny parent has done to her to deserve what she is doing to them. despite the fact that my dad was her teacher in secondary school. part of the reason my dad supported our marraige then cos she was a devoted MFM member. through out my dad's sickness that lasted for almost 3 months, my wife was there 4 times, her parents came just once. the most painful thing to me now is , anytime i want to go and visit my mum during this her period of mourning , she feels reluctant. , i could rememeber how my aunties begged her immediately after the burial to please allow us move temporarily to my parents house just to keep my mum from thinking, later in the night, she called me and said, sebi my mum had achieved her aim of she feeding me and looking after us now, relating what my aunties said in the afternoon, . secondly, I am beginning to hate her , and I am blaming myself for my dad's death. I believe if I had been going to see him regularly as i am doing to my mum now, who knows he may not have died. He died of depression cos of his stroke condition. the morning of the Friday he died, he still called me and asked me if he had offended me and my wife, asking why I have abandoned him, I just had to lie to him that it was cos of my tedious job , and I promised to see him on Saturday morning, he died that Friday night .I didn't see him for three weeks bfr he died and my wife two months , meanwhile we stay in the same ikorodu. now am deeply hurt and I remember those words every now and then. I blamed myself. another thing I noticed was , it was exactly 6 months after my wedding, he died, and exactly a year after my introduction, we buried him. any coincidence with this?
How can I get over this and what can I do about my Wife. to me, the marriage is over. I am just still being considerate cos of my baby she is carrying. and she is also making things worst everyday , making me to hate her the more.

Godly counsel / advice please.

I remembered commenting on your first post... It appears you are tied to your wife's apron and obviously refused to follow any of the advise hence you being depressed now..

Let me ask you a simple question.. You said you feel responsible for your father's death because you didn't visit him enough... Do you need your wife permission to visit your dad? (I remembered telling you specifically that she doesn't have to follow you).. Maybe she is the one to give you transport money.. Look Bros, you need to man up. Marriage should not be an avenue for someone to frustrate your life.. There are decisions you have to take as a man... They are for your own good.. Though you guys are married, you are still permitted to look after your individual interest and I am sure that's what your wife is doing..
I feel angry as I type this because I remembered reading through so many sensible advise you got from people.. If you had implemented them, you won't be in this situation now.

6 Likes

Re: Help!!! by OneCorner: 6:41am On Jun 16, 2018
Joephat:
I would have advised you not to commit suicide but the truth is that, Thats the only option left for you now.


Rest in peace in Advance
True talk bro.

Re: Help!!! by emmachukwu99(m): 7:05am On Jun 16, 2018
It's just a pity.. But I think you have to man up. What some men go through in the hands of their wives these days is hurting.. Sorry for your dads demise.
Re: Help!!! by Ishilove: 7:17am On Jun 16, 2018
Joephat:
I would have advised you not to commit suicide but the truth is that, Thats the only option left for you now.


Rest in peace in Advance
Oya

Re: Help!!! by Nobody: 7:21am On Jun 16, 2018
Oga stop disgracing we men by acting like a sisi. Why are u allowing your woman to control you? Does she give you money? Are u staying in her house? If yes, then u need to get work and start fending for ur self. If no, you need to be beaten up.

Yes, I blame you for your fathers death. Your mumuness is infinite. How can a woman tell u not to visit your sick father? And you stay in the same area? A man who catered for you since you were a kid only to abandon him after cleaving to a stranger who knows you not from Adam? All in the name of an erratic institution called Marriage??

It's like your one of these religious church boys who suppress there feelings and allow others to trample on them. Oga have a hard talk with your wife and involve her parents too. Once she begins her tantrums, yell and pack her things let her go 3months for holidays in her father's house for you to restore back your sanity.

You self be mugu. She's causing you hell and you still went ahead to impregnate her? Instead of doing some watchful waiting.

After all said and done, If the marriage is still sucking out your life source and happiness, I would not advise an enemy to stay in a toxic environment. So the best is you leave and jointly take care of the child from different locations.

4 Likes

Re: Help!!! by Nobody: 7:26am On Jun 16, 2018
Pipedreams:
Oga stop disgracing we men by acting like a sisi. Why are u allowing your woman to control you? Does she give you money? Are u staying in her house? If yes, then u need to get work and start fending for ur self. If no, you need to be beaten up. It's like your one of these religious church boys who suppress there feelings and allow others to trample on you. Oga have a hard talk with your wife and involve her parents too. Once she begins her tantrums, yell and pack her things let her go 3months for holidays in her father's house.

You self be mugu. She's causing you hell and you still went ahead to impregnate her? Instead of doing some watchful waiting.

After all said and done, If the marriage is still sucking out your life source and happiness, I would not advise an enemy to stay in a toxic environment. So the best is you leave and jointly take care of the child individually.

Thank you bro... The guy na church boy.. See him name self as if na only him get Jesus...

2 Likes

Re: Help!!! by GAZZUZZ(m): 7:27am On Jun 16, 2018
Does he have a job? Yes or no?

No job = Depression

Re: Help!!! by adebayour26: 7:28am On Jun 16, 2018
It's just so painful to regrettably say that your Dad now died of depression and unhappiness. You could have prevented this (but the deed has been done.

However, great people @azeezhy, @emmachukwu99 have given the best advice. Be a man and stop allowing your wife to lead or mislead you.
Well, you probably have to calm down and find out personally from her if there's a motive behind all her attitudes.

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Re: Help!!! by Nobody: 7:39am On Jun 16, 2018
GAZZUZZ:
Does he have a job? Yes or no?

No job = Depression


Baba job or no job a man is a man. He's still the head of the home. Any lady that ties a man's self-worth to his ability to provide solely is a fake fair weather wife and doesn't deserve to be married. Infact she's a keg of gun powder. Cos life happens everyday. People get sacked, businesses collapse. So if it happens to the husband automatically he looses his respect and peace? Nigerian women's love is parasitic I swear. It's only a foreign babe that may cater for you and still respect you if u treat her right. But naija babe. No money..GBAM!. No love and respect! So automatic! She go even insult you in front of her own papa.

Bachelors please I advise you look well before you marry that naija babe. Start by having her as baby mama and be obeserving. Put her into series of tests. If u have a car. Park your car and enter danfo with her for a while and watch her. Claim to be broke and all and watch her. And please before you say I do. Abeg get side 4m that ur not using incase. Cos if u run dry, a naija wife is ready to strip u of ur manliness quickly grin

4 Likes

Re: Help!!! by GAZZUZZ(m): 7:41am On Jun 16, 2018
Pipedreams:


Baba job or no job a man is a man. He's still the head of the home. Any lady that ties a man's self-worth to his ability to provide solely is a fake fair weather wife and doesn't deserve to be married. Infant she's a keg of gun powder. Cos life happens. People get sacked, businesses collapse. So if it happens to the husband automatically he looses his respect and peace? Nigerian womens love is parasitic I swear. It's only a foreign babe that may cater for you and still respect you if u treat her right. But naija babe. No money... No love and respect! So automatic! She go even insult you in front of her own papa.

Bachelor's please I advise you look well before you marry that naija babe. Start by having her as baby mama and be obeserving. Put her into series of tests. If u have a car. Park your car and enter danfo with her for a while and watch her. Claim to be broke and all and watch her. And please before you say I do. Abeg get side 4m that ur not using incase. Cos if u run dry, a naija wife is ready to strip u of ur manliness quickly grin

Realistically Money will command much more respect.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help!!! by Nobody: 7:45am On Jun 16, 2018
GAZZUZZ:


Realistically Money will command much more respect.

Yes. Surely its a MUST in naija. No money... No respect. Your in-laws will just see you as a man living with there daughter because she needs to procreate cos her biological clock is ticking fast and they need to let her go fast before she 30 for their house but not a true husband they really wanted her to have. angry

1 Like

Re: Help!!! by Adebayo4christ: 7:47am On Jun 16, 2018
GAZZUZZ:
Does he have a job? Yes or no?

No job = Depression


I have a well paid job now sir
Re: Help!!! by Adebayo4christ: 7:51am On Jun 16, 2018
Pipedreams:


Yes. Surely its a MUST in naija. No money... No respect. Your in-laws will just see you as a man living with there daughter because she needs to procreate cos her biological clock is ticking fast and they need to let her go fast before she 30 for their house but not a true husband they really wanted her to have. angry

God bless you bro. U nip d bud. That was exactly what happend. I could remember when my dad and mum were trying to say the wedding should be held this year but the mum was kinda adamant. and my stupid self too was kinda clouded with d spirituality stuff.

All is well sha. I shall overcome someday
Re: Help!!! by GAZZUZZ(m): 8:03am On Jun 16, 2018
Adebayo4christ:


I have a well paid job now sir

Man up or get a divorce. marriage is for men and not boys. (gen 2:24-25 ).

Stop coming to NL to air your issues.

3 Likes

Re: Help!!! by Adebayo4christ: 8:12am On Jun 16, 2018
adebayour26:
It's just so painful to regrettably say that your Dad now died of depression and unhappiness. You could have prevented this (but the deed has been done.

However, great people @azeezhy, @emmachukwu99 have given the best advice. Be a man and stop allowing your wife to lead or mislead you.
Well, you probably have to calm down and find out personally from her if there's a motive behind all her attitudes.

I have done that severally, either she says ,cos I have changed, i don't pray with her again and or attend MFM with her all just cause she feels I stopped attending some of her Wednesday program with her because my mum said , the women leaves their church when they r married and attend the husbands church. I told her , how will God answer our prayers with all this her attitude.

I think I have to do what she asked me to do that day that lastma officials impounded my vehicle on my way to see my parent. she said its either I choose them over her or I choose her over them,

I have made a terrible mistake
Re: Help!!! by Adebayo4christ: 8:17am On Jun 16, 2018
grin
GAZZUZZ:


Man up or get a divorce. marriage is for men and not boys. (gen 2:24-25 ).

Stop coming to NL to air your issues.


Are you married Sir, cos the last time i was in your shop self, I don't remember seeing a wedding ring on your finger ooo grin
GAZZUZZ:


Man up or get a divorce. marriage is for men and not boys. (gen 2:24-25 ).

Stop coming to NL to air your issues.


Are you married Sir, cos the last time i was in your shop self, I don't remember seeing a wedding ring on your finger ooo .. lols
Re: Help!!! by GAZZUZZ(m): 8:33am On Jun 16, 2018
Adebayo4christ:
grin

Are you married Sir, cos the last time i was in your shop self, I don't remember seeing a wedding ring on your finger ooo grin

Are you married Sir, cos the last time i was in your shop self, I don't remember seeing a wedding ring on your finger ooo .. lols


This is just a big joke I assume.

Please what ever you do, leave the keys in the car.

Un-follows thread.

Re: Help!!! by Obaf1(m): 8:39am On Jun 16, 2018
Adebayo4christ:


I have done that severally, either she says ,cos I have changed, i don't pray with her again and or attend MFM with her all just cause she feels I stopped attending some of her Wednesday program with her because my mum said , the women leaves their church when they r married and attend the husbands church. I told her , how will God answer our prayers with all this her attitude.

I think I have to do what she asked me to do that day that lastma officials impounded my vehicle on my way to see my parent. she said its either I choose them over her or I choose her over them,

I have made a terrible mistake
Adebayo4christ:


I have done that severally, either she says ,cos I have changed, i don't pray with her again and or attend MFM with her all just cause she feels I stopped attending some of her Wednesday program with her because my mum said , the women leaves their church when they r married and attend the husbands church. I told her , how will God answer our prayers with all this her attitude.

I think I have to do what she asked me to do that day that lastma officials impounded my vehicle on my way to see my parent. she said its either I choose them over her or I choose her over them,

I have made a terrible mistake
Adebayo4christ:


I have done that severally, either she says ,cos I have changed, i don't pray with her again and or attend MFM with her all just cause she feels I stopped attending some of her Wednesday program with her because my mum said , the women leaves their church when they r married and attend the husbands church. I told her , how will God answer our prayers with all this her attitude.

I think I have to do what she asked me to do that day that lastma officials impounded my vehicle on my way to see my parent. she said its either I choose them over her or I choose her over them,

I have made a terrible mistake
why will a sensible man chooses his wife over his family, am full of embarasment here ahaha
Re: Help!!! by Restroom: 8:47am On Jun 16, 2018
Are you the only child of your parents?
Are you the first child?
Anyway:

Head of the family

That is your job bro

Number two, which Nigerian woman would be happy to be stay in a family house of her husband?

Our women are like that

they don't want to see their husband people, whether father, mother or siblings

Well, you like am or not

your mom na your mom
your wife na your wife

If you know how to do good but you fail to do it, na big sin for you

God, not your wife , expect you to care for your mom

Your wife on the other hands wants you to neglect your parent

So who you go please?
God

or

Crazy wife?

Let me guess,
Your crazy insecure wife


But God also expect you to love and care for your wife

So they go paripasu

As in together

Tell your wife in a calm manner....that God commandment says you must care for your mom as long as she is alive

If your wife ask you were it is in the Bible, tell her to do her research

Number 2
Don't hide your feelings from her

Gently tell her that you feel very bad that your father died and you couldn't help him because you listened to her and avoided visiting him when he was alive.

That you are not about to repeat the mistake with your mom.

Period.

Adam listened to eve and

today we are all in trouble....all over the earth

You dey look your wife face dey act abi?


As long as you are doing what God expects, don't give a damn about her feelings, because she does not give a damn about yours.

You think a woman who restricts you or wishes to control how you deal with your parents loves you?

Na big lie

she is selfish and does not care about you



Please God

Not your wife suffering from some weird African complex

A Woman can actually make you look like a sinner for doing the right thing.

Make sure you are not Adam in the Bible, you hear me

Or in the next six months, you will come on NL with another pathetic story of self guilt inflicted on yourself because you don't know what it means to be the Head of your family.

I pray make my wife even try to restrict me from my parents or tell me trash about them.

She can't and she won't, because she knows they are my parents. Besides she is gentle.

If you need courage to be the boss, pray to God for strength.

Even if na my wife dey feed me, guy.....I am still the boss. I am the man of the house. She answers my name.

Your wife answers your name, not the other way round.

God commands you to care for your mom and siblings. Sink that into your wife's head gently but firmly.

I am not telling to hate your wife or anything stupid.....

Just reason with her and stand your grand on wetin you wan do...

But take note too, if there are other siblings that can fill in for you, try to ask them for help.

Truth be told, your wife is your own family. Balance it. Don't let your relatives and siblings divide you against your wife
and don't let your wife cut you off from your mom.

1 Like

Re: Help!!! by Adebayo4christ: 8:50am On Jun 16, 2018
Obaf1:
[color=#990000][/color]why will a sensible man chooses his wife over his family, am full of embarasment here ahaha

there is a particular passage In the bible she always quote for me. even the day I reported her to one of her pastors , d dame bible passage that one too quoted.. a man shall leave his parent and cleave to his wife. That has been her way of defending herself, that my parents have lived their life and r still living it.
Re: Help!!! by Adebayo4christ: 8:59am On Jun 16, 2018
Truth be told, your wife is your own family. Balance it. Don't let your relatives and siblings divide you against your wife
and don't let your wife cut you off from your mom.


[/quote]

thank you very much bro. u have said it all. I perceived she is trying to separate me from my parents which I am guilty of. I allowed her to rule me. even sometimes when she offends me, and she doesn't apologise, I still find myself going back to her to beg all because I want peace In my home. but I think I have had enough of this now. God will help me and give me d boldness to be able to face her. meanwhile, she had said the day I raise my hands on her. na that day ,I go die or make I no just come house for seven months. I dey fear for my life.

secondly, I am the first son and second child. my elder sis is married and based on d mainland.my other younger sis too is married and stays with her husband in ilesha. our last born is in school. right now, there is nobody with my mum.
more reason am trying to be close to her now than bfr . j can't afford to lose her again too . NEVER
Re: Help!!! by DelTel(m): 9:05am On Jun 16, 2018
Did you take a survey & ask the pastor how many couples attend the wife's church after marriage?

Didn't you commit an offense before the lastma official impounded your car?

You alone is the source of your problem; you ain't man enough, stop blaming others.

2 Likes

Re: Help!!! by Obaf1(m): 9:24am On Jun 16, 2018
Adebayo4christ:


there is a particular passage In the bible she always quote for me. even the day I reported her to one of her pastors , d dame bible passage that one too quoted.. a man shall leave his parent and cleave to his wife. That has been her way of defending herself, that my parents have lived their life and r still living it.
see bro, what i want you to belive and reason with now, is your happiness, your happiness alone, if your wife cant give u joy, then give ursel, bible passage cant help u. Ok.

1 Like

Re: Help!!! by adebayour26: 9:31am On Jun 16, 2018
Adebayo4christ:

she said its either I choose them over her or I choose her over them,

I have made a terrible mistake
Wow!
Am getting scared of this woman already. Well, keep praying that God will touch her heart for good. And be patient with her.
Re: Help!!! by Restroom: 9:48am On Jun 16, 2018
Adebayo4christ:


Truth be told, your wife is your own family. Balance it. Don't let your relatives and siblings divide you against your wife
and don't let your wife cut you off from your mom.




thank you very much bro. u have said it all. I perceived she is trying to separate me from my parents which I am guilty of. I allowed her to rule me. even sometimes when she offends me, and she doesn't apologise, I still find myself going back to her to beg all because I want peace In my home. but I think I have had enough of this now. God will help me and give me d boldness to be able to face her. meanwhile, she had said the day I raise my hands on her. na that day ,I go die or make I no just come house for seven months. I dey fear for my life.

secondly, I am the first son and second child. my elder sis is married and based on d mainland.my other younger sis too is married and stays with her husband in ilesha. our last born is in school. right now, there is nobody with my mum.
more reason am trying to be close to her now than bfr . j can't afford to lose her again too . NEVER

No need to beat her
The Bible nor support wife beating

Relax

There are some women that behave like eve
Others behave like normal people

What does the Bible say in this matter?

First
Know the kind of wife you have, some are satanic and can literally put a spell on you because of your family

If your wife is that type that can do evil against you, you have to use your God given senses Broda

First things...
Put your wife in prayer, ask God to soften her attitude towards your mom

Follow your prayer by been nice to your wife

Show her more love and pet her....tell her you love her....that she is your number one

Assure her that you are only doing your job to care for your mom as first child,

Don't fight or argue anymore over your mother with her

If telling her about your mom go dey cause friction...then stop telling anything about your mom

Tell her she should not make your mom her enemy...that if she does, that means, you too are also are her enemy

Truth is this

If she hates your mom
She also hates you

So in the interest of peace in the house, don't tell her what you want to do...
the new rule should be

Action without words.

If you can encourage your married sisters to allow mama come visit them for a short time....if possible, do so

Your mama should also visit you on short visits

You on your own
if you want to give mama money, visit her or anything

Don't tell your wife.
..if you know she will try to stop you.

If she question you about it, ignore her

Now as for her threat, about you dying if you beat her, I think, you should be careful

Tell her gently and point blank that if you die, she will be held responsible....if she has already made that statement, then take it serious.

Report that statement to her family members, your pastor and your family members.

It is advance threat......

Now...tell her if she had the mind to kill you because you beat her.....that instead of you to beat her and die, you would rather separate and go and stay with your mom and care for your mom.

Don't take that threat likely.....pray against it.
She can as well kill you because of your mom.
It all starts as a joke.

Tell her you love her but you are now afraid of her for saying she will kill you for beating her.

In all,stop shouting or arguing with her.

If she is aggressive, don't be aggressive

Tell her parents
and if you feel she is a threat to your safety

separate from her bro.

Bible makes it clear in marriage , that when a partner is under serious threat, he or she should separate from the marriage.

Be careful.
Be prayerful.
Love your wife
Love your mom
Stand your ground

If her father, mother or brother are alive

Report her to her family

Remain the good guy you are.
Balance it.
If she is the one bringing out money for support, go out there ad hussle and stop depending on her.

Read your bible too.
Do the right thing always.

4 Likes

Re: Help!!! by Zinny25(f): 9:55am On Jun 16, 2018
I feel pain by this write up... Loosing one's dad all because of a woman, this is something that would have been averted. Even if God wanted it to happen, your old man would have been happy knowing that you tried your best instead of feeling rejected.

Well, the deed has been done. Just try to be at peace with yourself and forgive yourself by praying to God. Give your mum the necessary love, care, support and attention that she needs now.

You should spell things out with your wife. A wife is supposed to be a peacemaker, one who unites the family together not the other way round. You should be the man of the house, the Bible says the woman should submit to her husband and not the other way round. I pray God helps you.

1 Like

Re: Help!!! by Restroom: 10:04am On Jun 16, 2018
Besides your wife is definately accepting plenty of bad advice from her friends and various source...

Put all of them in prayer

If her prayer is for your mom to kick bucket pray against it

In situations like this

Prayer is the key
Ask God for wisdom everyday in prayer

1 Like

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