All mother-in-laws should be deported. Where? Whereever.

Pafuri:

All mother-in-laws should be deported. Where? Whereever.

LOL

None

The Clown:

Refuse my mother entering into my house in my absence (of course) and you would follow her when I return, what nonsense, my mother?! WHAT THE F, CK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Most definitely

Pafuri:

All mother-in-laws should be deported. Where? Whereever.

Including

All of the Above.

Call your mother in-law monster and your son wife will equally call you monster one day. It is a matter of time.

you could be Lucky to have a good Mother inlaw there are some that u can neva please no matter wat u do, when ever my mother inlaw comes around she prefers to sleep in the masters bedroom with my husband and I rather than the visitors room and she insisted that my only child most live with her and that my husband most send the monthly allowance for her to do shopping for our home since i am not aYoruba so that i will not be feeding her Son and grand Son with Igbo food can u emagin initialy i was takining it but it got to a stage i was push to the wall i turned back and face her now she has voweled to scater the marriage but my God pass am cos i have discided to hand her ova to God

well, well, well, I could not help laughing at some comments here.

My case was a turn of events, i was warned by people who knew my mother-inlaw that she could slap me, she could ask me to leave the room and i actually prepared myself for any eventuality but i first brought out my best reserving my worst for the troubled days, but whoa! my mother in-law is the most understanding person i have met.

What many people could not believe is our closeness even her children. Till today she said i won her by calling her " nmanyi" meaning our mother she would also call me "Ada m" meaning my first daughter though her first daughter is older than me.

Mama has her low sides but they are not things I bother much about.

she is not a good manager when it comes to money matter. well, i try to stand in the gap even when hubby says no, these days she would confide in me even before asking, if i tell her its not a good time to ask, she wont bother asking so i settle her my little way.

But honestly most mothers- in- law are good if only we daughters-in-law would treat them like our own mothers. Most problems start with this comparison of "my mother and my mother-in-law. things we could forgive our mothers we wont if it were mother-in-law. even Gifts good for our mothers we believe are too expensive for our mothers-in-law yet we expect our hubbies to love our mothers.

Well, if you try your best and its not working, keep your distance and do not nag her, just keep your distance and be independent. My Opinion!

This article scares me a bit, because some people may take it serious.

Happiness between the wife and mother is the job of your husband. He is the one that brought you two together and he should set the rules of engagement between the two of you.

If he is a weakling, he will take sides with one of the two. But in my judgment, he needs to state to the wife what she cannot do to his mother and state to the mother what he will not accept on behalf of his wife.

You both will be happy if he plays the role of an impartial judge between you. He should not disrespect his mother in front of his wife nor should he treat the wife shabbily in front of his family. I had to come down hard on my wife when she once said that my sister was not welcome in our house. I told her she would rather be ejected before she can tell me that the people who sent me to school were not welcome in my house. She soon realised that that was a dream that would never come true and she has since changed and now enjoys all the stockfish and other stuff that my sister brings and the moin-moin that she cooks when she is around.

Ringing to tell me they are coming? No chance,

I lost my parents before I married, but there was no chance of my wife calling her anything but mummy. That is what I call her mum too and daddy for her dad because that is the way I treat them.

MR Money £:

maintaining the balance of equilibrum is very inportant , between both parties ,

This, i suppose hits the nail on the head! Both sides have a role to play in maintaining a good relationship.

mmagdalene:

We don't leave in the same state and all of my in-laws come to my house unannounced, and I welcome them just like I welcome my own  folks.

[quote author=babadots link=topic=457478.msg6371550#msg6371550 date=1278937162
Ringing to tell me they are coming? No chance,

[/quote]

Just wondering, is it wrong for family to call b4 visiting?
My MIL & mum do call b4 visiting - the essence is not to ask for permission but to notify you so you can prepare for the visit (if necessary). Of course there may be times they show up unexpectedly (due to various reasons) but this shdnt be the norm.

[quote author=mmagdalene link=topic=457478.msg6362208#msg6362208 date=1278773977]
I believe the bottom line is that we take our in-laws as our own families, my MIL as my mum, BIL as my brother, SIL as my sister etc. If any of them attempts to misbehave and act like the stereotypical in-law, I have my way of dealing with such.

Pls share, how do u deal with such

@duno

It is not necessarily wrong, if they want to. It only becomes a taboo when you give them as a condition for visiting.

^^^^its not giving condition

just courtesy

We women are naturally very emotional.
As a mother of 2 boys, currently a daughter-in-law and a future MIL, I will (by God's grace) experience both sides of the coin. Being a DIL now, I know what kind of relationship i want with my MIL. It is important for we women to realize that when our children are grown up and have families of their own - their family is their 1st priority (that is the whole essence of a man leaving his father & mother and cleaving to his wife).

I pray i remember this when i am older and my children are married, as much as i will like to have a good relationship with my grandchildren & DIL(take them as my daughters), I have to understand that they have the right to make their own choices/ decisions in life and therefore not try to control their lives.


If any woman behaves as a monster-in-law, it is most likely she has forgotten how she felt as a DIL or was treated badly and wants to do the same to her DIL

I have a very wonderful relationship with my MIL. I dated my husband for 6 yrs and throughout that time, his mum treated me like her own daughter.
She buys clothes for me, when she goes shopping for her house, i give her my mkt list and she shops for me and i re-imburse her.
She cooks different soups and brings them for me at least once or twice a month.
She has said, when i start aving kids, i shld bring d kids to her house when i go to work.
She is just so wonderful that i do not know how to tell her that maybe she is being too nice.
When people see her shopping for me or stuff like dat, dey start telling me dat i need to set boundaries (esp my mum who leaves us alone as much as possible).
However, i do not mind dat she does all these things for me cos its a lot of load off my back n my husband doesnt mind.
I just think that maybe she is a bit too close?

She always calls before she comes so i cant agree with not opening the door for her even she comes over unexpectedly.
Its plain rude and mean.

blank:

I have a very wonderful relationship with my MIL. I dated my husband for 6 yrs and throughout that time, his mum treated me like her own daughter.
She buys clothes for me, when she goes shopping for her house, i give her my mkt list and she shops for me and i re-imburse her.
She cooks different soups and brings them for me at least once or twice a month.
She has said, when i start aving kids, i shld bring d kids to her house when i go to work.
She is just so wonderful that i do not know how to tell her that maybe she is being too nice.
When people see her shopping for me or stuff like dat, dey start telling me dat i need to set boundaries (esp my mum who leaves us alone as much as possible).
However, i do not mind dat she does all these things for me cos its a lot of load off my back n my husband doesnt mind.
I just think that maybe she is a bit too close?

She always calls before she comes so i cant agree with not opening the door for her even she comes over unexpectedly.
Its plain rude and mean.

Not opening the door for your MIL or any family member is not only rude but marital suicide! It cant happen in nigeria(maybe abroad)

this only has to do with MIL who live through their children.

any MIL with a business/career or social life wouldn't have the time to set up shop in their children's matrimonial home.

@ Poster you seem to have some valid points and I can only imagine that they are as a result of years of marital bliss. However, point 4 and 5 really twisted my knickers (if you don't open the door 4 your MIL when she turns up unannounced and your husband does the same to your own mother how would you feel?)

Remember you said treat your MIL the same way you will want your husband to treat your mother.

Ever wondered how Men get along with their Father-in-Law?
Maybe I will create a thread on this topic.

The bottom line is, when a woman marries she believes she has earned the right to control her household.
Nobody should mess around with that. And that includes the husband.
Let's turn the table around.
How would the husband feel if a relative enters his workplace and begins to tell him how he should be doing his job. If the relative is supremely qualified to do so, fair enough.
Being a mother-in-law does not qualify one to interfere in anyone else's household. The credentials of " I raised my son, so I know what I am doing" is not a credential. Most of us became what we are not because of our parents but in spite of them and with the grace of god.
Anybody who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves.
Only psychopaths wish their offsprings ill
So MILs do not have the right to intrude or criticise anything within a woman's sanctuary: her home.
You cannot treat a MIL as you would your mother. That is the road to hell. All families are different. What a woman's mother would accept, a MIL would never condone or accept.
The best you can hope for is a polite and respectful relationship.
There are always exceptions.
It's not down to the individual. It is luck and God. So, all of you with a good relationship with your MIL, don't think it was anything you did.

The bottom line here is the abuse of women and the refusal to acknowledge their rights to their own opinion.
When a white man implies to a black man that his contributions are not needed or not worthy because he is black, we should reflect that this is no different to black women all over the world being told their authority (whether it is in the home or at work) is not as valued.
I know this goes beyond the mother-in-law theme but the politics of family are no different to the politics of work
I am not a feminist but I do believe in equality. At all levels.

I read the post and was wondering who wrote this to a public forum.

Let me start by the Good, bad and ugly of the post.

The Good one i will agree with you is on the statement" treat your mother in law the way you want your husband to treat your mother" and on that note, if wife and i mean any reasonable wife can do that; i guarantee you love in your home cos that statement cut across so many things, is like the statement love your neighbour as yourself.

Am so annoyed with the statement that my mother should call before coming to my home, what arrant nonsense, can u allow me do that to ur mother.

Infact let me make it clear to my wife if she reading this, the day u rude or do any of this Jazebel act posted by this poster, u are gone cos i don't place with my mother.

Some of you ladies think that once you are married, ur husband is your alone, fafafa fa oooo
Na lie, my mother comes 1st in my life whether married or not, my wife cannot replace my mother cos she can't give birth to me, for where, my mother is the only woman that can do what my wife cannot do, cos she has been with me throughout my life, if she not there, my wife cannot said am married worthe, any way advice for ladies, one day you will become a mother in law, so if you take to this arrant nonsense of advice, you will surely reap it when its ur own torn.

Another thing about this MIL, DIL is that the love they both have for their husband make them think they have the right of authority, help, advice, love and affection. so i don't blame the MIL cos she want the best for her son, if the DIL can convince, show courage, respect, humble, a listening ear, she will earn the respect of the MIL.

Once the MIL sees that the DIL is able and willing to take care of the man (my son, my husband), everything will be ok.

Respect is reciprocal, ori ojo ri

On a more serious note, this women are too jelous, haha, but come to think of it, me in the middle of two women, haha am enjoying thissssssss to the fullest. let the fight continues

Hmmmmm . . . . . Neither can your mother replace your wife. Even if you marry 100 women, none will be like your wife. Do you get me?

We all love our mothers no question & they have all done great things in our lives, but for you to automatically place your mother over your wife is courting trouble.

The relationship between son and mother is different to the relationship between son & wife so you can't compare.

Both are very special relationships and if you want to have a peaceful life then you will have to learn to deal with both fairly, firmly, diplomatically and with love. Emphasis on the words FAIR & DIPLOMATIC

@ chaircover, i agree to some of ur point, but let be serious, DIL must respect MIL, if my wife want to earn my respect she shd control her emotion and deal with issues concerning my mother objectively, some DIL deals with MIL subjectively having this in mind, my mother MIL cannot have a say in my martrimonial home, she should do that in her husband place.

I have see a lot, i just pray my wife keep her head cool and do what is right, but i love my wife seriously, my mother, is like Baca 4 life.

.

http:

I read the post and was wondering who wrote this to a public forum.

Am so annoyed with the statement that my mother should call before coming to my home, what arrant nonsense, can u allow me do that to your mother.

Infact let me make it clear to my wife if she reading this, the day u rude or do any of this Jazebel act posted by this poster, u are gone cos i don't place with my mother.

Some of you ladies think that once you are married, your husband is your alone, fafafa fa oooo
Na lie, my mother comes 1st in my life whether married or not, my wife cannot replace my mother cos she can't give birth to me, for where, my mother is the only woman that can do what my wife cannot do, cos she has been with me throughout my life, if she not there, my wife cannot said am married worthe, any way advice for ladies, one day you will become a mother in law, so if you take to this arrant nonsense of advice, you will surely reap it when its your own torn.

Hm Mother or wife. One is not more important than the other. You wife cannot give birth to you (whatever that means) and your mother cannot give birth to your children - shikena

Ninapha:

well, well, well, I could not help laughing at some comments here.

My case was a turn of events, i was warned by people who knew my mother-inlaw that she could slap me, she could ask me to leave the room and i actually prepared myself for any eventuality but i first brought out my best reserving my worst for the troubled days, but whoa! my mother in-law is the most understanding person i have met.

What many people could not believe is our closeness even her children. Till today she said i won her by calling her " nmanyi" meaning our mother she would also call me "Ada m" meaning my first daughter though her first daughter is older than me.

Mama has her low sides but they are not things I bother much about.

she is not a good manager when it comes to money matter. well, i try to stand in the gap even when hubby says no, these days she would confide in me even before asking, if i tell her its not a good time to ask, she wont bother asking so i settle her my little way.

But honestly most mothers- in- law are good if only we daughters-in-law would treat them like our own mothers. Most problems start with this comparison of "my mother and my mother-in-law. things we could forgive our mothers we wont if it were mother-in-law. even Gifts good for our mothers we believe are too expensive for our mothers-in-law yet we expect our hubbies to love our mothers.

Well, if you try your best and its not working, keep your distance and do not nag her, just keep your distance and be independent. My Opinion!

This is not totally true, how come you feel free to tell your mum to call  before visiting and you are reluctant to tell your MIL the same thing?

If I told my MIL half of the things I tell my mum, seroius yawa go gaz.

I can look at my mum straight in the eyes and criticize her actions, I can even raise my voice at her and say Mummy, mi o gba(Mummy, I will not take that), would you advise me to do that to my MIL and still expect to have a happy marriage? , well maybe many years to come after I am able to develop the same relationship I have with my mum with her, but before then, no way!

truthfully, no one cares how much u knw except dey knw hw much u care. One of my mentors once said dat u weaken pple's defenses wit d virus of love, personally I think u shld treat ur mother-in-law d way u wuld want ur on daughter-in-law in future 2 treat u. She may b a monster, but ur best bet is 2 show her u care, show her enuf love and see d miracle dt'll tk place

Marriage is a game for mature adults.

The level of success you achieve at marriage corresponds to your level of maturity.
We record different levels of success because we are of different levels of maturity.

I have come to find out that marriage is in itself a ‘factor for maturity’
The longer you stay in it, the more mature you become. It is a rewarding process. The ‘not too sweet experiences’ we have, are the hurdles we cross to attain to maturity.
When we get there, marriage becomes bliss.

Begin to see incidences in marriage as challenges, other than ‘problem, crises, battles etc’, and then you will begin to record success.

@Shinatu


This is not totally true, how come you feel free to tell your mum to call before visiting and you are reluctant to tell your MIL the same thing?

If I told my MIL half of the things I tell my mum, seroius yawa go gaz.

I can look at my mum straight in the eyes and criticize her actions, I can even raise my voice at her and say Mummy, mi o gba(Mummy, I will not take that), would you advise me to do that to my MIL and still expect to have a happy marriage? , well maybe many years to come after I am able to develop the same relationship I have with my mum with her, but before then, no way!




There are several reason you can ask your mother or mother-in-law to call before coming. If its any other reason other than to make sure she would be comfortable either financially or otherwise which must be stated thus, then such daughter-inlaw is being disrespectful and insensitive.

What happens to diplomacy, there are somethings that even your mother can not take from you talk less of your mother-in law. Then How come you can forgive your mum when she abuses you and would not when you mother in law does same.

Why would the witch be the mother or daughter -in law and not our mothers or daughters. Its because we lack acceptance. period.

Well, There is no rule that anyone calls when coming to my house. After all there was a time my own mother came and her need could not be met so she has to go and we were had it we sent. If there is need for financial support anyone coming for it out to call for her own good else she would come, welcomed but may not have the need met.

Marriage is a game for matured adults.

Good mother-in-laws are hard to find, if you have understanding mother-in-law lucky you. I have expirenced a MIL compiting with her daugther-in-law at same time looking for ways to seperate both couples with all determination.

The worse part was her son listerning to every thing she says. She crys every time his around and complaining of what should and should'nt be done with the children and house work.

SOME MOTHER-IN-LAW ARE JUST PAIN IN THE NECK NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY TO PLEASE THEM, it is better to study them and their entire family first before setling down with their SON, BROTHER OR UNCLE.

blank:

I have a very wonderful relationship with my MIL. I dated my husband for 6 yrs and throughout that time, his mum treated me like her own daughter.
She buys clothes for me, when she goes shopping for her house, i give her my mkt list and she shops for me and i re-imburse her.
She cooks different soups and brings them for me at least once or twice a month.
She has said, when i start aving kids, i shld bring d kids to her house when i go to work.
She is just so wonderful that i do not know how to tell her that maybe she is being too nice.
When people see her shopping for me or stuff like dat, dey start telling me dat i need to set boundaries (esp my mum who leaves us alone as much as possible).
However, i do not mind dat she does all these things for me cos its a lot of load off my back n my husband doesnt mind.
I just think that maybe she is a bit too close?

She always calls before she comes so i cant agree with not opening the door for her even she comes over unexpectedly.
Its plain rude and mean.

Aren't u the most luckiest person on earth. I jealous you.

Never had any trouble with any MIL or potential MIL before

She berra not have a problem with me either, otherwise Heaven will know/Heaven will come down