Hello all I'm having a challenge here, things used to be better for us before but got bad sometime ago. I usually cater for d family's feeding provisions and some other stuff. We are a family of 5. Including a relative staying with us who is like a child to us. D thing is we are in serious challenge for some months now we started paying a bad debt. And which is draining us financially. But because my husband is d one paying it, ( he was actually d cause of d debt anyway) all house responsibilities has fallen on me this period. Before it used to just be feeding d house and provisions. I earn less than 80k I cannot cope with all responsibilities as my salary finishes before d end of d month and I have to start going to my parents to collect foodstuff and also cash for us to feed. I collected about 25k from them last month and some foodstuff. To make matters worse federal Govt has refused paying us salary for June. My mum said she will no longer give me money but she will feed us if I can come with my kids to her place for d mean time till they pay or things get better that there's room for us and then my husband can fend for himself as a man. And am just about to put to bed yet I go to sleep hungry at times. I had to walk down from my house to antenatal clinic which wasn't funny because our car is bad and no cash to fix it yet and transportation from my house to d hospital is somehow unless one takes a drop which I don't have d money for. My question is should I tell my husband politely to let us go to my mummy's place for d meantime as there's no more food in d house and I've exhausted all means of feeding d house and my hands are now tied? Last night i tried telling him that theres no more food in d house and av exhausted all means of providing food he responded saying God will provide. We manage to eat bread and akara with water in d morning and now NOTHING left in d house. I want to watch how he expects God to come down and provide d food we will eat for d rest of d day. I'm d one suffering it because as a pregnant woman, u can't live without food cos that one na die.

Kindly tell him that u seeking his permission to go and stay with ur parents for now since things are a little rough. If he refused, then tell God and move. because if u die, d guy go marry another finest girl and start frustrating ur kids.

Tinosa:
Hello all I'm having a challenge here, things used to be better for us before but got bad sometime ago. I usually cater for d family's feeding provisions and some other stuff. We are a family of 5. Including a relative staying with us. D thing is we are in serious challenge for some months now we started paying a bad debt. And which is draining us financially. But because my husband is d one paying it, ( he was actually d cause of d debt anyway) all house responsibilities has fallen on me this period. Before it used to just be feeding d house and provisions. I earn 80k I cannot cope with all responsibilities as my salary finishes before d end of d month and I have to start going to my parents to collect foodstuff and also cash for us to feed. I collected about 25k from them last month and some foodstuff. To make matters worse federal Govt has refused paying us salary for June. My mum said she will no longer give me money but she will feed us if I can come with my kids to her place for d mean time till they pay or things get better that there's room for us and then my husband can fend for himself as a man. And am just about to put to bed yet I go to sleep hungry at times. I had to walk down from my house to antenatal clinic which wasn't funny because our car is bad and no cash to fix it yet and transportation from my house to d hospital is somehow unless one takes a drop which I don't have d money for. My question is should I tell my husband politely to let us go to my mummy's place for d meantime as there's no more food in d house and I've exhausted all means of feeding d house and my hands are now tied? Last night i tried telling him that theres no more food in d house and av exhausted all means of providing food he responded saying God will provide. We manage to eat bread and akara with water in d morning and now NOTHING left in d house. I want to watch how he expects God to come down and provide d food we will eat for d rest of d day. I'm d one suffering it because as a pregnant woman, u can't live without food cos that one na die.

A woman will stand by you when the going is smooth. The moment things get tight, she will disapear. No woman in this generation wants to suffer. They want ready-made husbands..

Look at u, ur husband has been takin up responsibilities since dating u to marrin u. He never complain. Just this few months u are takin up responsibility (only feeding o) u are yellin.

My prayer is, the moment u leave ur husband for a greener pasture let God bless ur husband and let him bring in another woman and marry.

It's quite clear that u don't deserve him.

Good bye gold digger.

And whoever said 'BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN IS A WOMAN' was probably refering to the man's mother.

just 4 a moment, lets imagine that option (to go live with ur mum) wasnt available and there wasnt any oda means of support, what would u do then? marriage is NOT a bed of roses, there are bound to be challenges which is supposed to help us grow...u shud be grateful dat u av a salary that stil comes thru even if its late, give ur husband support in this trying time and try 2 have anoda stream of income aside from u and hubby salary goodluck and dont go back 2 ur mum pls dont

Take your kids to your mum's and then suffer for better for worse with your husband.

Is it not your husband that went and collected a loan he can not pay? My uncle had the same situation too then his wife went to live with her parents, and his senior brother started paying his kids school fees.
Take your kids and go and stay with your mom, don't starve your yourself and your kids because of your husband's problem that he brought on to himself in the first place.

If God doesn't provide dinner tonight, stay hungry and first thing tomorrow morning, go to your parent's house with the children.
You are pregnant, you need all the nutrition you can get and all the support you can get. Your mum can also help with child care and babysitting. It will allow allow you rest from the children's stress, and the mental stress of going to look for food to feed them.
Your husband can come to your parent's house occasionally to check on you guys and also eat .
Some weekends, you can take a cooked meal to him at your house.
It's just a temporary situation, a phase where people go through, and need help from others atimes.
Also time to plan your finances, move to cheaper accomodation, change the children's schools to something more affordable for you.
Goodluck to you and your family

I strongly belief if u can plan yourself well ,80K salary can sustain the family with good and proper planning ,but as it stands now talk to your Bunny and hear his view about you going to your parents house

Why do I think 80k should be able to sustain you and family if you plan well? What do I even know?

I am more concerned about you getting a family planning procedure after the birth of your little one. Go to your parents if that would be a relief. All the best.

My dear, your family is in a temp distress and you need all the help you can get. Your parents aren't strangers so I wonder why your u are thinking it twice. Every man has an ego so he may not readily give the go ahead for you to go to your parents but trust me, that's the best for now. Think of your children and your unborn baby. Your responsibility for now is primarily your children, your unborn baby, yourself and then lastly, your husband.

Tell him you want to go and visit your mum. At least, start from their. Let the visit extend and keep him informed that u want to spend more time with your mum.

As for waiting for sky daddy, trust me, he doesn't care! Yea, it sounds like blasphemy to you but it's all man to himself.

milemimi93:


A woman will stand by you when the going is smooth. The moment things get tight, she will disapear. No woman in this generation wants to suffer. They want ready-made husbands..

Look at u, ur husband has been takin up responsibilities since dating u to marrin u. He never complain. Just this few months u are takin up responsibility (only feeding o) u are yellin.

My prayer is, the moment u leave ur husband for a greener pasture let God bless ur husband and let him bring in another woman and marry.

It's quite clear that u don't deserve him.

Good bye gold digger.

And whoever said 'BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN IS A WOMAN' was probably refering to the man's mother.

oga analyst, did u read where she said her salary is being delayed and she is pregnant and her kids are hungry? Ahan! Which kai support u want from dis woman again? Abi when she died during delivery for lack of eating well, then u will know she is rock of ages? Na waow.

vilight:
just 4 a moment, lets imagine that option (to go live with ur mum) wasnt available and there wasnt any oda means of support, what would u do then? marriage is NOT a bed of roses, there are bound to be challenges which is supposed to help us grow...u shud be grateful dat u av a salary that stil comes thru even if its late, give ur husband support in this trying time and try 2 have anoda stream of income aside from u and hubby salary goodluck and dont go back 2 ur mum pls dont

uneasy lies d head that wear the crown.

adontcare:
oga analyst, did u read where she said her salary is being delayed and she is pregnant and her kids are hungry? Ahan! Which kai support u want from dis woman again? Abi when she died during delivery for lack of eating well, then u will know she is rock of ages? Na waow.

Marriage is for better for worse.

IMO let her tell her mom to send her the food items to stay in her husband's house and eat.

Not running away from the husband.


How will she feel if her husband runs away from her during hard times?


Also let her make contact with her friends beg for money, borrow money and keep the house running.
I wish her safe delivery

Talk to your husband. Ask for his permission to go stay with your mom for a while only because of the young baby in the womb.

If he's a good man that should give him some relief.

Hopefully his ego won't interfere in this critical decision. And don't neglect him totally when you go to your mom's.

Drop by few days in a week to give him the support and encouragement he needs.

Wishing you the very best. And remember that this is the time to show that "for better, for worse" part of your marriage covenant.

milemimi93:


Marriage is for better for worse.

IMO let her tell her mom to send her the food items to stay in her husband's house and eat.

Not running away from the husband.


How will she feel if her husband runs away from her during hard times?


Also let her make contact with her friends beg for money, borrow money and keep the house running.
I wish her safe delivery

I don't buy this idea. If the woman wasn't pregnant, that would be a different case entirely.

If the baby develops congenital deformation from the womb because of lack of nourishment, they will blame themselves for life.

Their situation is temporary, but the child's deformation might be permanent.

This isn't the time for an ego trip.

A friend did this- staying with her mother and 2 kids cuz things were difficult for her husband. That was the beginning of their end...

els0nm0rali:


I don't buy this idea. If the woman wasn't pregnant, that would be a different case entirely.

If the baby develops congenital deformation from the womb because of lack of nourishment, they will blame themselves for life.

Their situation is temporary, but the child's deformation might be permanent.

This isn't the time for an ego trip.

am not talkin abt ego here which is common in man and woman.

Am talkin abt her mom sending d food so her husband can also eat.

If she leaves to her mom's huz, ( accordin to her no food), so wot will d husband eat?


I beliv if she stays wit her husband, there's a possibility of them gettin help faster.


All the best anyway!

Stay with your husband. Tell your mother thank you for her suggestion. If she wants to help, she should help you all. Hard times come for everyone, how many times will you run from your own matrimonial home when life gets tough?

Your husband needs to renegotiate the payment of that debt if he can. Maybe by N20k less so that it can free up some money to feed. You also need to manage your N80k better. Some families survive on less. Also think of ways to make money outside of your salary. I think it’s also high time this family member living with you contributes to the house expenses or leave to their own father’s house. Please practice birth control after this baby and start saving towards your birth.

milemimi93:


am not talkin abt ego here which is common in man and woman.

Am talkin abt her mom sending d food so her husband can also eat.

If she leaves to her mom's huz, ( accordin to her no food), so wot will d husband eat?


I beliv if she stays wit her husband, there's a possibility of them gettin help faster.


All the best anyway!

Yeah, I get your point. But then maybe the mother doesn't have that much to send. Besides for how long will she be sending foodstuff?

A man will be able to hustle better if he knows his wife and kids are safe and fed and he doesn't have an immediate worry about them.

A man can go hungry. Better that way. Hunger opens the brain fast. Trust me he'll find a solution soon.

Tinosa:
Hello all I'm having a challenge here, things used to be better for us before but got bad sometime ago. I usually cater for d family's feeding provisions and some other stuff. We are a family of 5. Including a relative staying with us. D thing is we are in serious challenge for some months now we started paying a bad debt. And which is draining us financially. But because my husband is d one paying it, ( he was actually d cause of d debt anyway) all house responsibilities has fallen on me this period. Before it used to just be feeding d house and provisions. I earn 80k I cannot cope with all responsibilities as my salary finishes before d end of d month and I have to start going to my parents to collect foodstuff and also cash for us to feed. I collected about 25k from them last month and some foodstuff. To make matters worse federal Govt has refused paying us salary for June. My mum said she will no longer give me money but she will feed us if I can come with my kids to her place for d mean time till they pay or things get better that there's room for us and then my husband can fend for himself as a man. And am just about to put to bed yet I go to sleep hungry at times. I had to walk down from my house to antenatal clinic which wasn't funny because our car is bad and no cash to fix it yet and transportation from my house to d hospital is somehow unless one takes a drop which I don't have d money for. My question is should I tell my husband politely to let us go to my mummy's place for d meantime as there's no more food in d house and I've exhausted all means of feeding d house and my hands are now tied? Last night i tried telling him that theres no more food in d house and av exhausted all means of providing food he responded saying God will provide. We manage to eat bread and akara with water in d morning and now NOTHING left in d house. I want to watch how he expects God to come down and provide d food we will eat for d rest of d day. I'm d one suffering it because as a pregnant woman, u can't live without food cos that one na die.

I empathize with you but your story is one sided.

I would've loved to hear you tell us the story behind the debt? What went wrong? How did your husband her himself into the debt etc. Instead of blaming him for the debt.

Also, considering the fact that you're pregnant, you need all the care you can get now and when you deliver the baby.

To me, moving into your mother's house with your children would be a bad move. What happen to you husband? Who would take care of him? etc.

Also, why are you scared to discuss it with him. Yes, Men do have ego but if you present your case well I am sure he would see reason and swallow his ego for the wellbeing of his children.

For your own wellbeing, pending the time government pay your salary you need food and your antenatal.

What's the cost of transportation for your antenatal for a month?


What is also the cost of feeding assuming you are cooking at home for you and husby alone?

What does your husband do for a living? How much is the debt? How much has been paid? What's the remaining balance to be paid?

milemimi93:


A woman will stand by you when the going is smooth. The moment things get tight, she will disapear. No woman in this generation wants to suffer. They want ready-made husbands..

Look at u, ur husband has been takin up responsibilities since dating u to marrin u. He never complain. Just this few months u are takin up responsibility (only feeding o) u are yellin.

My prayer is, the moment u leave ur husband for a greener pasture let God bless ur husband and let him bring in another woman and marry.

It's quite clear that u don't deserve him.

Good bye gold digger.

And whoever said 'BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN IS A WOMAN' was probably refering to the man's mother.

Sensitive situations like this doesn't require childish reply like yours.

Husband need help with the debt?

Wife need help paying the bills since government is yet to pay salary?

According to her story, she pay the bills when salary is not withheld. Now that her salary is withheld and she is pregnant, she need help and she need it fast.

I don't support the idea of leaving her husband and I also do not support the idea of her not eating or not going for antenatal.

The situation is temporarily. If government pay her salary things would be better manage.

I support having the children go live with their grandparents, if it wouldn't affect their education or hinder their father's access to them.

The man is under serious pressure. No Man would be proud of himself for be unavailable to cater for his family needs.

Please learn to be sensitive with sensitive situations.

Cheers

adontcare:
oga analyst, did u read where she said her salary is being delayed and she is pregnant and her kids are hungry? Ahan! Which kai support u want from dis woman again? Abi when she died during delivery for lack of eating well, then u will know she is rock of ages? Na waow.

Please ignore him. He is a very young, well known misogynist with self esteem issues. I stopped taking him seriously when I read the reason why he attacks Nigerian women online.

TheCar:


I empathize with you but your story is one sided.

I would've loved to hear you tell us the story behind the debt? What went wrong? How did your husband her himself into the debt etc. Instead of blaming him for the debt.

Also, considering the fact that you're pregnant, you need all the care you can get now and when you deliver the baby.

To me, moving into your mother's house with your children would be a bad move. What happen to you husband? Who would take care of him? etc.

Also, why are you scared to discuss it with him. Yes, Men do have ego but if you present your case well I am sure he would see reason and swallow his ego for the wellbeing of his children.

For your own wellbeing, pending the time government pay your salary you need food and your antenatal.

What's the cost of transportation for your antenatal for a month?


What is also the cost of feeding assuming you are cooking at home for you and husby alone?

What does your husband do for a living? How much is the debt? How much has been paid? What's the remaining balance to be paid?

Unless you intend to assist financially, your questions very unnecessary. He who wears the shoes know where it pinches.

Ishilove:

Unless you intend to assist financially, your questions very unnecessary. He who wears the shoes know where it pinches.

weeeelll she did come to this forum . . .

for all you know her husband could also be neck deep in a bet9ja habit - which means no succor.

it is a very dicey situation from which the marriage may be permanently scarred. the mother may never have respect for the husband again.

the cause of the debt may be a bad decision or a bad habit in which case this story may play out over and over again

Ishilove:

Unless you intend to assist financially, your questions very unnecessary. He who wears the shoes know where it pinches.

Well, you may never know. Financial help might be one of the option on the table, if it means staying with her husband while children went to their grandparents.

No matter how little even if it means cost of transportation for her antenatal. She is going through a lot for a pregnant woman.

Husband too is under immense pressure. As a Man, being unable to provide for your family is depressing. Having your wife and kids move out of your house because of your inability to provide food isn't good for his mental health. And living all alone with the mess, is suicidal.

TheCar:


Well, you may never know. Financial help might be one of the option on the table, if it means staying with her husband while children went to their grandparents.

No matter how little even if it means cost of transportation for her antenatal. She is going through a lot for a pregnant woman.

Husband too is under immense pressure. As a Man, being unable to provide for your family is depressing. Having your wife and kids move out of your house because of your inability to provide food isn't good for his mental health. And living all alone with the mess, is suicidal.

You are correct, but her health is paramount. Tough decisions will have to be made.

oyb:


weeeelll she did come to this forum . . .

for all you know her husband could also be neck deep in a bet9ja habit - which means no succor.

it is a very dicey situation from which the marriage may be permanently scarred. the mother may never have respect for the husband again.

the cause of the debt may be a bad decision or a bad habit in which case this story may play out over and over again

Be that as it may they can't continue in this kind of situation. She's pregnant

Ishilove:

You are correct, but her health is paramount. Tough decisions will have to be made.

You're absolutely right. Tough decision would've to be made.

I am just concerned for the family as a whole.

Your husband ego won't let him allow you go stay with your parents with the kids. Since is just food you are spending your 80k on , I think you should learn the art of budgets and prioritizing. At this stage, you don't have to buy luxurious things. Just focus on feeding your family well. Buy stuffnin bulk. Talk to your mother , let her help without necessarily asking you to come over to her house. Is not like your hubby is jobless or lazy, he just got a bad debt to pay. What would you have done if you had no salary ? Leave the marriage ? I would advise you stay back and pull is through. Your husband shouldn't use all his pay for the debt every month. He should leave some behind for food , too. It is well my sister. This too will pass. Just believe.

milemimi93:


A woman will stand by you when the going is smooth. The moment things get tight, she will disapear. No woman in this generation wants to suffer. They want ready-made husbands..

Look at u, ur husband has been takin up responsibilities since dating u to marrin u. He never complain. Just this few months u are takin up responsibility (only feeding o) u are yellin.

My prayer is, the moment u leave ur husband for a greener pasture let God bless ur husband and let him bring in another woman and marry.

It's quite clear that u don't deserve him.

Good bye gold digger.

And whoever said 'BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL MAN IS A WOMAN' was probably refering to the man's mother.

U must have been blind while reading and judging me. Where in my write up did I say I just took up feeding for few months I have been doing that since I got married OK? What I said is that I took up all responsibilities in d house including feeding which I have been doing. Also, my last visit to d hospital stated that I lost 3kg in 2 weeks due to poor feeding. U think I like going to sit at my parents? For ur information, I have no choice so I don't endanger my life and that of my unborn child. Funny enough my husband even ended up suggesting it to me before I could even say anything and am there now and feeding very very well (trust mothers) so mind ur words please. I'm not d one making u frustrated of women abeg!

vilight:
just 4 a moment, lets imagine that option (to go live with ur mum) wasnt available and there wasnt any oda means of support, what would u do then? marriage is NOT a bed of roses, there are bound to be challenges which is supposed to help us grow...u shud be grateful dat u av a salary that stil comes thru even if its late, give ur husband support in this trying time and try 2 have anoda stream of income aside from u and hubby salary goodluck and dont go back 2 ur mum pls dont

My dear if not that am pregnant, our present situation is not a death sentence as we passed thru such before but pregnancy is not an easyy journey for me imagine poor feeding during such time to join. I would not av thot of my parents place as an option if not for my current state.