This thread is the result of having numerous boyfriends before one finally decides to settle. Mtscheww...

dotcomnamename:
And bringing your family privacy on social media will make you happy rather than discussing it with him? Smh

Family privacy? Do you know her or her husband?

The only sensible post on this thread


Edited. Okay there were more mature posts after yours

bukatyne:


First starters, the issue is NOT unhappiness.

From your accouny, you laugh, crack jokes and hold similar worldviews.

You have much more than many couples can boast of.

Now the issue is 'lack' of sexual chemistry.

According to Rollo Tomassi, ' you cannot negotiate desire'. ...

You either desire him or you don't.

However, today is Sunday and miracles happen (Double luck) so let's go....

In your heart of hearts, what kind of man tickles your fancy? What kind of man turns you on? Think deep and hard. Doesn't matter if it is politically correct or not.

Next, ask your husband the kind of woman he likes/turns him on/ fancies. You already have the rapport so it shouldn't be hard. And if he says ' I love when ladies wear skater skirt', don't go 'agrrrrhh I love straight skirt and think skaters are babyish/indecent/ old school' etc. Hear him out.

Now, gently change what you can to be his eye candy. Your aim is to change to the woman that wakes up the sexual man in him. When you do that and he starts responding to your changes, react to the response.

Also don't tell him 'I am changing this straight skirts to skater because you said so'. Change in a way that is subtle and brings out the unconscious response in him.

Also subtly change him. So if beard gang makes you melt and he is clean shaven, you can turn him towards growing a beard and buy beard oils et al to encourage him when he starts growing it.

Develop a mindset of pleasing him. When you wear your undies, think of how you want him to stand at attention and get a matching pair. When you are creaming, think of how you want your body to be smooth for him and carry on. When you are giving him BJ or kissing, admire the work of your hands when he is reacting in pleasure and soon you will be the one jumping on him.

Also have seperate interests e.g. if he does something for recreation, don't join him. Dress like his girl and watch your man display for you. If he wants to fix some things in the house, don't join him. You can follow him round and just admire what he does.

All these will make you see him outside the friendship and see him as a man.

You both have something great. Work on the passion part and you will have a fantastic marriage.

Good luck.

JellyBean190:
This thread is the result of having numerous boyfriends before one finally decides to settle. Mtscheww...

all these retired runs girls.... The poor man is somewhere slaving away to bring in food for his family not knowing the person he paid bride price on is scheming to divorce him based on some kinky desires .

So divorce is this cheap , I can bet my July salary that the poster grew up in Lagos. There is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of most young ladies raised in Lagos.

Because thier parents are always away due to demands of work and traffic I have realised that most ladies raised in Lagos lack the adequate grooming to make good wives and most dont even understand the role of wife and mother.

I am saying exactly what I have realised and noticed and if you grew up in Lagos dont argue with me because you can probably not realise this deficiency, I'd like someone raised somewhere else disprove me.

Goodluck to our young men.

D tin is u can never satisfy a woman what else do u want some ladies be like what my husband want is sex whenever his around isn't friendly or jovial I don't get happiness in my marriage now you have everything that makes u happy in a man u married to but still complaining about not been sexually attracted to him..
U only have 2 problem either u don't feel sex with him like ur ex or u just discover u re older than him...but u can bet it u will come back beg him if u choose to move in with another man to satisfy ur sex urge Cuz man ain't d same u will get what u want from another man but u won't find happiness...

Easiest way check if you are pregnant
https://momsall.com/pregnancy-test-how-do-i-know-im-pregnant-human-chorionic-gonadotropin/

sweetmelanin:
I see my husband more like a brother than a lover. We laugh, crack jokes and hold similar world views. BUT theres no sexual chemistry. I find it difficult to get aroused by him. There is a deep sense of unfulfillment and unhappiness.
I wonder how long I can cope with a marriage without passion.

Then be the one to create it.
Be the passion
Be the lover
Be the one to love
Make it work
Make it happen
The internet is there......get tips
Get style and new skills to have sec
Just do it......
Kiss him
Romance him
Off his cloths
Lick him
Suck him
Lick him again
Suck him again
Ride him and Bleep him
Morning
Day and night
Tell him U want him everyday
Just make it happen
After you have done all these PM me. I have something else personal to share with u only
Good luck

Lirqur:
The love is there, you're just tired of exercising it. Once in life, we all get through the puppy love stage. Once that stage is over we start to feel dry and awkward about whoever we love. Look at it from the sex angle, when men and women are both in that state of sexual stimulation they are sure they want each other they clearly have a bond. But when they both reach climax, that's it, they look at themselves less intensely. Since the reason for the action as been reached. Now after you reach climax, would you say you hate sex? most definitely not. It's similar to your reaction to love. Everything must be exercised. That's the reason behind the vows. And it tells you love is more of brains than heart. Love requires discipline also. Because if we are to depend on how we feel most times, Heck! The whole world would be a dicking free world. Go back to your husband madam and shana si love yen! .

You have sense

Pataricatering:
happiness is obviously not that important to you ! Some people place happiness over what society thinks - to each his own !

Where on earth will she get happiness from? Happiness can never be complete in a union.

Olabimz:

Why would you encourage divorce instead of you to be a solution provider? What goes around comes around. I believe many that said divorce are divorced or at the verge of divorce. Critical case needs a critical problem solving personality.

so you want her to be unhappy for the rest of her life? There should be a line we draw when we realise that the morally right thing to do might actually seem immoral. I certainly wouldn't want to be in her man's shoes.... I would rather we get divorced

sweetmelanin:
I see my husband more like a brother than a lover. We laugh, crack jokes and hold similar world views. BUT theres no sexual chemistry. I find it difficult to get aroused by him. There is a deep sense of unfulfillment and unhappiness.
I wonder how long I can cope with a marriage without passion.

Did you ever chemistry at any point in time? If you did, you need to search yourself and determine what changed.

Is he content with a passionless marriage I. E unbothered about the lack of intimacy?

How open are you with each other regarding your sexual needs? Do you even know what pleases you sexually? Do you know your body? Do you guys have the same attitudes towards sex?

If you are no longer attracted him, what are the things that you find unattractive?

It seems you have a lot going for you in this marriage, might be time to think outside the box on the passion thing.
You could discuss an open marriage with him.
Or find a way to enact your sexual fantasies with him (party, dogging etc, whichever one rocks your boat)

My point is if you are the naughty sort of girl, unleash her but include him. And also find out his fantasies.

You got your man girl, now go on and be as bad you both want to be TOGETHER.

Obviously, if you still can't find a way to be on the same wavelength sexually, then you may have to go your separate ways.

Sha don't have kids till things are resolved between you two.

Cine:



That's what built our civilisation.

1) It's not that women chose to stay it's that they had no choice. The same went for men. They were shamed to stay in marriages that they no longer wanted to be in. That's how generations of children are raised. Not all homes were bad.


2) Not all domestic violence were perpetrated by men. It's a fact that most domestic violence is actually committed by women. Spitting, slapping, temper tantrums, throwing things, not to speak of emotional abuse. It's just that men are much stronger than women. So when they do it everyone talks about it. Can you imagine a man going to the police because his wife slapped him.

3) Happiness happiness happiness. Women will never be happy. The biggest problems with marriages the world over are a womans happiness. Women are happy for all but 2 minutes and then theyre unhappy again. #happy is literally on every other female insta post. All women want is happiness but they don't realise they'll never ever find it.

My senior bros, I respect you Sir.. Forgive my language, so fuckin' on point.. Thank you

cococandy:
The only sensible post on this thread


Edited. Okay there were more mature posts after yours

I nor dey there o!

OP is silent. Hope this is not a stunt thread sha.

How are you & family?

sweetmelanin:
I see my husband more like a brother than a lover. We laugh, crack jokes and hold similar world views. BUT theres no sexual chemistry. I find it difficult to get aroused by him. There is a deep sense of unfulfillment and unhappiness.
I wonder how long I can cope with a marriage without passion.

encourage ur hobby to go to the gym

sweetmelanin:
I see my husband more like a brother than a lover. We laugh, crack jokes and hold similar world views. BUT theres no sexual chemistry. I find it difficult to get aroused by him. There is a deep sense of unfulfillment and unhappiness.
I wonder how long I can cope with a marriage without passion.

Take the marriage as a sacrifice dammit. You are happiest when you make others happy dammit. Making yourself happy is selfish.

bukatyne:


First starters, the issue is NOT unhappiness.

From your accouny, you laugh, crack jokes and hold similar worldviews.

You have much more than many couples can boast of.

Now the issue is 'lack' of sexual chemistry.

According to Rollo Tomassi, ' you cannot negotiate desire'. ...

You either desire him or you don't.

However, today is Sunday and miracles happen (Double luck) so let's go....

In your heart of hearts, what kind of man tickles your fancy? What kind of man turns you on? Think deep and hard. Doesn't matter if it is politically correct or not.

Next, ask your husband the kind of woman he likes/turns him on/ fancies. You already have the rapport so it shouldn't be hard. And if he says ' I love when ladies wear skater skirt', don't go 'agrrrrhh I love straight skirt and think skaters are babyish/indecent/ old school' etc. Hear him out.

Now, gently change what you can to be his eye candy. Your aim is to change to the woman that wakes up the sexual man in him. When you do that and he starts responding to your changes, react to the response.

Also don't tell him 'I am changing this straight skirts to skater because you said so'. Change in a way that is subtle and brings out the unconscious response in him.

Also subtly change him. So if beard gang makes you melt and he is clean shaven, you can turn him towards growing a beard and buy beard oils et al to encourage him when he starts growing it.

Develop a mindset of pleasing him. When you wear your undies, think of how you want him to stand at attention and get a matching pair. When you are creaming, think of how you want your body to be smooth for him and carry on. When you are giving him BJ or kissing, admire the work of your hands when he is reacting in pleasure and soon you will be the one jumping on him.

Also have seperate interests e.g. if he does something for recreation, don't join him. Dress like his girl and watch your man display for you. If he wants to fix some things in the house, don't join him. You can follow him round and just admire what he does.

All these will make you see him outside the friendship and see him as a man.

You both have something great. Work on the passion part and you will have a fantastic marriage.

Good luck.

Hey not bad.

Sounds like a lot of work though.

Prognose:


Hey not bad.

Sounds like a lot of work though.

In practice it's not.

bukatyne:


In practice it's not.

Are u married?

Prognose:


Are u married?

Why

bukatyne:


Why

Just wanted to know If you'd had firsthand experience.

Doesnt invalidate your post.

Prognose:


Just wanted to know If you'd had firsthand experience.

Doesnt invalidate your post.

@Bold: Post clearly mine opinion on resolution of her issue; can't be invalidated.

@question: yes to marriage and yes to most suggestions especially a mindset of pleasing him and having review sessions.

These things can fast become a part to you. The work is not doing them; the work is getting your partner to respond to them. Fortunately/Unfortunately, nobody can change another person.

bukatyne:


@Bold: Post clearly mine opinion on resolution of her issue; can't be invalidated.

@question: yes to marriage and yes to most suggestions especially a mindset of pleasing him and having review sessions.

These things can fast become a part to you. The work is not doing them; the work is getting your partner to respond to them. Fortunately/Unfortunately, nobody can change another person.

Well dangit.
You're cool.

bukatyne:


I nor dey there o!

OP is silent. Hope this is not a stunt thread sha.

How are you & family?

we are fine dear. Thank you

shaybebaby:

Did you ever chemistry at any point in time? If you did, you need to search yourself and determine what changed.

Is he content with a passionless marriage I. E unbothered about the lack of intimacy?

How open are you with each other regarding your sexual needs? Do you even know what pleases you sexually? Do you know your body? Do you guys have the same attitudes towards sex?

If you are no longer attracted him, what are the things that you find unattractive?

It seems you have a lot going for you in this marriage, might be time to think outside the box on the passion thing.
You could discuss an open marriage with him.
Or find a way to enact your sexual fantasies with him (party, dogging etc, whichever one rocks your boat)

My point is if you are the naughty sort of girl, unleash her but include him. And also find out his fantasies.

You got your man girl, now go on and be as bad you both want to be TOGETHER.

Obviously, if you still can't find a way to be on the same wavelength sexually, then you may have to go your separate ways.

Sha don't have kids till things are resolved between you two.

Open marriage is not popular here. Discussing it with a partner might even trigger negative reaction. Yet, its the solution to some of the relationships that are devoid of fulfillment.

Neddyogu:


And u didn't test the waters before taking a plunge? *If u know, u know*

How do you expect them to test the waters before plunging in, when they were practising "no sex before marriage"?
People create their own cells around themselves!

donjobill:




Open marriage is not popular here. Discussing it with a partner might even trigger negative reaction. Yet, its the solution to some of the relationships that are devoid of fulfillment.

It's not mainstream in most places but yes, we are in agreement.
It depends on the mindset of the people involved but as with everything else, comes with its own pitfalls.

shaybebaby:

It's not mainstream in most places but yes, we are in agreement.
It depends on the mindset of the people involved but as with everything else, comes with its own pitfalls.

The pitfalls could be considerably narrowed down if both partners are broadminded, honest and truly love each other.

donjobill:


The pitfalls could be considerably narrowed down if both partners are broadminded, honest and truly love each other.

Yup, but realistically how many people can honestly put aside their ego and social conditioning to accept a different form of love?
Not many I'm guessing.

shaybebaby:

Yup, but realistically how many people can honestly put aside their ego and social conditioning to accept a different form of love?
Not many I'm guessing.

Not many! I concur. Only the open-minded & bold who are few.

Guitarlife:

all these retired runs girls.... The poor man is somewhere slaving away to bring in food for his family not knowing the person he paid bride price on is scheming to divorce him based on some kinky desires .

So divorce is this cheap , I can bet my July salary that the poster grew up in Lagos. There is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of most young ladies raised in Lagos.

Because thier parents are always away due to demands of work and traffic I have realised that most ladies raised in Lagos lack the adequate grooming to make good wives and most dont even understand the role of wife and mother.

I am saying exactly what I have realised and noticed and if you grew up in Lagos dont argue with me because you can probably not realise this deficiency, I'd like someone raised somewhere else disprove me.

Goodluck to our young men.

And somehow the young men who are brothers to these ladies who lack martial grooming due to inadequate parental supervision are good husbands materials ba?

If you claim the OP has a twisted mentality of marriage, then you are on the other side of the coin....

One needs to pray hard that one's relatives meet neither of you.

Strange how this deficiency doesn't affect ladies brought out in Abuja, P/H etc.

bukatyne:


And somehow the young men who are brothers to these ladies who lack martial grooming due to inadequate parental supervision are good husbands materials ba?

If you claim the OP has a twisted mentality of marriage, then you are on the other side of the coin....

One needs to pray hard that one's relatives meet neither of you.

Strange how this deficiency doesn't affect ladies brought out in Abuja, P/H etc.

You did not disproove my theory though, lets be objective about this I did not say all I said most and yes I am right.
The problem in recent in marriages particularly in our cities lays credence to that fact.
You wont argue that more marriages in the cities especially Lagos are wobbling compared to towns.

You need to be less emotional about this, the issue of the men is a different issue entirely but believe me a home with a bad husband and a good wife has better chance of surviving compared to a home with a bad wife and a good husband.

Women are the home makers, it pains me cos most ladies do not realise this.