"My parents brought me up to believe drugs were awful and, if I touched them, they'd kill me. So, I never thought I'd even try them. I was really good at school, I got strong grades and my studies were important to me.

The first time I took cocaine, I was 19 years old. I was in a relationship with someone who did it and, after an hour of him and a friend convincing me 'it wasn't going to kill me', I tried it.

Growing up, I always felt like everyone had the manual to life and I didn't. I felt empty inside—like something was missing. As soon as I snorted that first line, that hollow feeling went away. Drugs became my solution to life.

I was at university at the time earning a fashion degree, working two part-time jobs and trying to socialise, all while also suffering from ME (chronic fatigue syndrome). Everyone around me seemed to balance everything with absolute ease. For me, it was hard. But suddenly, I could do all of those things - thanks to both the energy from the coke and my new found confidence. But it wasn't long until my magical solution back-fired horrendously.

How the addiction started
I only used coke socially, at first, like when I went to the pub. It became a very normal thing for me. However, very quickly, I wanted to do it much more than my partner did. I wanted to use all the time.

Soon, I was doing it at home, when I was having a quiet night in. Within two years, I was using every single day, all while still studying for my degree.

While the coke started off as my solution, life soon became unmanageable. I couldn't get out of bed because I was on a comedown. I wasn't really turning up to lectures — I was much more interested in staying at home and using. I dropped out of uni three months after starting my second year. I was in a horrendous amount of debt, my student loan had been spent on coke, and I had credit cards run up to stupid amounts just to fund my habit.

My ex-boyfriend had lost his job, so he started dealing, which meant we had it in the house all the time. My relationship started to break down, and we eventually broke up. I got a job in a shop but that became really difficult as I'd be up all night using and then going into the toilets at work to take more.

What I was like on coke
I was an exaggerated version of myself on coke. I could talk up to 100mph and I had confidence I’d never had. I could go and talk to people I would normally be intimidated by.

IN MY HEAD, COKE WAS A VERY GLAMOROUS DRUG, IT WAS WHAT CELEBRITIES DID.
 In my head, coke was a very glamorous drug. It was what celebrities did so it seemed acceptable. That kept me in denial for a long time. 'It wasn’t heroin. I wasn’t injecting it. I wasn’t that addict,' I would tell myself. It seemed to be a very socially acceptable drug.

Always going back to it
I had bouts throughout the 13 years of my addiction where I was clean - sometimes for up to two years - but eventually, I would go back to it.

I met the man who would become my husband when I was 25. He's never touched a drug in his life. I moved down south with him (I've moved a lot, which I can now see as running away from my addiction) and quite quickly we got engaged. I had told him about my past, including the debt I'd accumulated, but I neglected to tell him I was still recreationally using.


I was very adamant I wasn't going to go down the road of drugs in my new life with him. But whenever I went back to my hometown to see family and friends, I ended up using.

One weekend, I went home and took coke, methadone and some other legal highs — anything in white powder form that I could stick up my nose, really — from the Friday I arrived until the Sunday. I didn't sleep and somehow managed to drive home. I couldn't see or think straight. When I got to the front door I had to come clean to my fiancé about everything. This was two months before our wedding. I was in such a state that I made him drive me to hospital because I thought I was dying.

It was a difficult time. I'd broken his trust but we worked through it. We got married aged 27 and everything seemed fine. I fell pregnant with my first child - I was clean throughout my pregnancy - and we moved back to my hometown where I had my first child at 28. But motherhood did not come naturally to me. Putting a little person before myself was hard.

£10,000 spent on coke in one year
When we moved back, I found myself a mum of one in a remote area, and I felt really lonely. By this point, I had one friend who still took drugs. Soon enough, I was taking day trips with my baby to spend the day with her when we would use together. That old empty feeling I had as a teenager became very apparent in motherhood. The coke numbed it — that hollowness would go away when I used.

I never wanted a second child, but......

See More via https://www.naijarep.com/2018/08/how-i-became-addicted-to-cocaine-at-19.html

I don't care if you're addicted

Bloggers and their tales by moonlight

OfficialDad:
I don't care if you're addicted

Hehehe...


That meme tho

Bluezy13:


Hehehe...


That meme tho

the meme cracks me up self.

£10000 spent on coke in one year?
You need to find yourself a better drug dealer cause what you are using is not coke.
Secondly it’s a myth to assume celebrities use it and this equals to glamour. Celebrities use prescription only medication to get high as that’s explainable to the general masses when caught.

It is not a case of how I got addicted, it’s why ...that is the first step on the road to recovery.