TonyeBarcanista:

You don't know them and you should ask questions next time.

Her husband is the BOSS of their home, being a boss doesn't mean he won't "consult" or seek opinion of the wife (OPINION) especially when he finds her sensible but he makes the decision.

As a man, his home is also open to his family, they can show up at any time without his permission (quote me) and he can show up at any time in their own houses without their permission. All he had to do is to notify them of his coming ditto them.

My Sister (his wife) can show up at the houses of any of her in-laws and stay as long as she wishes if her husband permit and if necessary, all she has to do is to notify/inform them and that's it. If I want to visit my sister's house, I don't even call her husband! I only tell my sister, she informs her husband and (unconsciously seek/get permission- which she always get), and I go there and stay as long as I desire if I wish and if necessary. That is family!

The kids are so free with each other that you won't even know which kid is for which parent.

My Dear, I don't know the kind of family you have or your mentality but I just showed you a picture of my own family. In my family we have each others back. We are one! My wife is not starting a new family with me, she is integrating into mine while I accept hers as mine.

OP and her comrades should stop exhibiting witchcraft towards in-laws

Winter4:


Even when they are told, they would not adhere. Women should really choose their spouses well o..making sure you discuss issues like this before any wedding.

ImaIma1:


A boss does not seek anyone's opinion. He only informs on what he has decided. So...no he is not a boss.

Thank God i didn't generalize on all inlaws. My sister also has the best inlaws. Sometimes we say she is even closer to them than us. And all of us together act like one big family.

But that doesn't mean that her husband will just bring someone to stay with them. Couples talk about these things and prefer to help without having to bring people to live with them.

NoToPile:



Acidosis you can't understand, you are a man

Yeah best thing is to love them from afar,it has nothing to do with hate be nice, courteous, polite, respectful but avoid too much closeness and see-finish. It is the day gbege will happen you will know 'you are just a wife'

TonyeBarcanista:
Jesus!

So Naija women are this wicked? I just saw display of witchcraft and evil towards in-laws. No wonder....

Meanwhile, @OP just thank your God that your husband is even seeking opinion from you. If I was the one I will simply inform you and bring the girl. My niece is also my child! You married into my family and must accept my family as yours.

As for her cheerleaders, may God not bring your kind to my way... Even if He does, I will tame that person!

ImaIma1:


Men do not understand it because it is their family and their family can never go wrong.

My friend just went cold after so much issues from her mother inlaw. The woman visits a lot and would spend a month and want to be treated like a queen while my friend runs helter skelter cracking her brain on breakfast, lunch and dinner for her(she can be picky).

Her and her husband were having issues because of the mum's constant interference. My friend complained but it didn't stop and so she just went quiet. When her MIL visits, she would be a dutiful DIL and nothing extra. Her hubby noticed her distance but it was late.

It took intervention from her dad and respected family members that resolved it and talked some sense to the husband. Now his mum hardly visits though her and her DIL are cool.

Men Some men are clueless most times.

ClassicQueen:
I guess you are not married hence that your statement. Try doing that and see if you will have a happy home. How can you impose your niece on your wife just like that? Rubbish

ImaIma1:


Men do not understand it because it is their family and their family can never go wrong.

My friend just went cold after so much issues from her mother inlaw. The woman visits a lot and would spend a month and want to be treated like a queen while my friend runs helter skelter cracking her brain on breakfast, lunch and dinner for her(she can be picky).

Her and her husband were having issues because of the mum's constant interference. My friend complained but it didn't stop and so she just went quiet. When her MIL visits, she would be a dutiful DIL and nothing extra. Her hubby noticed her distance but it was late.

It took intervention from her dad and respected family members that resolved it and talked some sense to the husband. Now his mum hardly visits though her and her DIL are cool.

Men are clueless most times.

NoToPile:




Men don't understand these issues most times, it's the women that do.

Acidosis:


Your in-laws should be ready to accept whatever discipline, food, clothe, and anything you so decide to do with the child. There is no right or wrong approach. When a child comes to live with you, the parents automatically lose the right to dictate what to do with the child in your home. If they're not satisfied with the way you and your hubby run your home, just leave the door open for them to walk away.

Elder001:



You and acidosis never disappoint

Postmann (or postman) what are your thoughts?

TonyeBarcanista:

No, some Naija women have this deep hatred towards members of Husband's family. I, will not allow that happen in mine. Never!!!

It is either she integrate into my family or she evaporate forever!!!

TonyeBarcanista:

No, some Naija women have this deep hatred towards members of Husband's family. I, will not allow that happen in mine. Never!!!

It is either she integrate into my family or she evaporate forever!!!

Winter4:


Oga e don do..this your ranting sef.

You know what they say about an empty drum...Are you sure you really love your family?

Abi all these na show to oppress poor single ladies (those that are gullible anyway)

Anyway, your point is taken...correct me if wrong please
1. Your family(parents and siblings) would always come before your own(nuclear) family...this implies that your wife does not actually become your family when you marry her.

2. Your family members(extended) can never go wrong

Right?

Acidosis:


Well that was a subtle response to your previous comment about me. No hate feelings

TonyeBarcanista:

Firstly, what you call ranting is actually a response to one of your kind. Please, check the meaning of "rant"


I don't know your family but in mine we love each other. I have always maintained on this forum since I joined that my family is what I don't joke with


If by poor you mean wealth, I find this text absurd!

Lemme tell you, I don't respect money as much as I respect people. This is a FACT! Whether I am rich or not, I dont oppress people because humility is a virtue and success/wealth should humble people not puff up. Whether a girl is rich or poor is irrelevant to me.

But if by "poor" you mean one who's in a helpless situation, then that is another unfortunate statement. A single lady that I find worthy enough has option of accepting or rejecting my terms even before marriage, I also have the privilege of marrying who I feel is ideal for me or otherwise. It is NOT by force!! Nobody is holding anyone to ransom.


Wrong!

My wife is deemed a member of the family by integration AFTER marriage.


My family members are loving, accommodating and forever have my back and those of my kids and wife. She (wife) must (it is nonnegotiable) integrate herself and enjoy the privileges of being a member of my family. Simple!

Winter4:


Plenty aggression onto simple question
You still did not answer the last question...its a yes or no thingy oga...no need to fight me ehn..and leave my family out of your tirade. You don't have to disrespect other people's people to show loyalty to yours naa
About the "poor" phrase, I'll ignore the comment...if you do not understand what I mean there, whats now the point of explaining?

TonyeBarcanista:
[s][/s]
Case closed!

Acidosis:


Jesus! So loving ones in-law has even become a thing of "if you could"?

How do you guys do it? Marry a man whose family you dislike/hate? Any marriage built on that foundation is going to crumble. You guys go around marrying men with the intention of hating their families. This is evil honestly.

TonyeBarcanista:

What is wrong with that? What is wrong with treating MiL as queen and run errands for her? Your friend has nothing to complain of.


Once again, the fault is your friend! If she can't accept the woman as her mother and be open then she will end up with a DIL that will treat her worse (no be swear na KARMA)


What a pUs5y husband and ingrate son of his mother.


Clueless about evil plot of some Naija women against their In-laws? But some of us aren't clueless.

Elder001:


Na women get sense abi?

Making hasty generalizations based on one's experience makes one stupid

mylove4him:

My brother don't quote me wrong. Nobody marries into a family to hate the family. It is the things that happen on the course of the marriage that open your eyes to a lot of things.

I am not denying the fact that there women that wants to burn bridges from day one or before they even marry them. But I must tell you the greatest problem of some inlaws are entitlement spirit. Some don't bother to know if you guys have money to eat. The day you don't provide, you are a bad wife.

I still insist most marriages will stand the test of time if we have less family interference. I personally put my people in their place and just one phone call you are out. For inlaws no matter how they misbehave, if your hubby is sentimental and weak. OYO is your name. You will fight the battle alone. So most times for the sake of peace, you just have to take a lot of trash.

Acidosis:


Your in-laws should be ready to accept whatever discipline, food, clothe, and anything you so decide to do with the child. There is no right or wrong approach. When a child comes to live with you, the parents automatically lose the right to dictate what to do with the child in your home. If they're not satisfied with the way you and your hubby run your home, just leave the door open for them to walk away.

Acidosis:


Your in-laws should be ready to accept whatever discipline, food, clothe, and anything you so decide to do with the child. There is no right or wrong approach. When a child comes to live with you, the parents automatically lose the right to dictate what to do with the child in your home. If they're not satisfied with the way you and your hubby run your home, just leave the door open for them to walk away.

Treasuredlove:
you are experienced

ImaIma1:


Elder you have brought your stupidity here. Welcome.

I have noticed you. Now you can continue what you were doing.

ClassicQueen:
Please all I need an advice concerning an issue in my home . I and my husband have been married for just a year plus and not up to 2years. I have a 2Months old baby. Before I had the baby that is immediately after our wedding, hubby told me about how he intended bringing in his elder brothers daughter of 11 to live with us and I declined. The reason I didnt allow it is because both of her parents are still alive ....The mother knew their condition and how they are managing and she gave birth to 5 children this family live in just one room in Lagos. The woman is not working while the man is managing a small laundry business which is not even thriving.

The issue I have now is that hubby is pleading with me to please bring the girl to help me baby sit my child while he will be responsible for her school fees. my maternity leave will soon be over and I need someone to help abit but not the girl because I don't want anyone to take my kind heart for granted and tell me that I'm maltreating the child or using her as a nanny . You know how people especially in laws behave that is why I'm still sceptical about it. Please my people what do u advise I do? Bearing in mind that our marriage is not even up to 2years we are still getting to know each other with my husband. Please advice...

Sorry for any typo error

"The mother knew their condition and how they are managing and she gave birth to 5 children this family live in just one room in Lagos. The woman is not working while the man is managing a small laundry business which is not even thriving"

Elder001:

Now I know that the person behind this moniker doesn't have sense.
You once said on this same family section that "making hasty generalizations based on one's experience is a show of stupidity" ,you can't take what you dish to others?

You said "men are clueless" including your husband and father, right?
Noticed? Who do you think you are? A full time housewife wife arguing irrelevant stuffs still think she's doing someone a favour by quoting a post.

You lack wisdom . As usual I expect you to quote me with senseless talk

mylove4him:

After all these years. One has to learn.

postmann:


You're kind heart indeed and yet this was a quote from you;




"The mother knew their condition and how they are managing and she gave birth to 5 children this family live in just one room in Lagos. The woman is not working while the man is managing a small laundry business which is not even thriving"


And that's the reason for refusing to help. Not because you'd an unpleasant encounter with the little girl's parents; not because there's no spare room in your house but because they are dirt-poor. And you call yourself kind hearted.

No, you're not. You're a callous gatekeeper, a miserable one who drives a wedge between her husband and his own blood when they needed him.

And in your ignorance, you fail to realise your in-laws will figure you're behind your husband's refusal.

ClassicQueen:
Please all I need an advice concerning an issue in my home . I and my husband have been married for just a year plus and not up to 2years. I have a 2Months old baby. Before I had the baby that is immediately after our wedding, hubby told me about how he intended bringing in his elder brothers daughter of 11 to live with us and I declined. The reason I didnt allow it is because both of her parents are still alive ....The mother knew their condition and how they are managing and she gave birth to 5 children this family live in just one room in Lagos. The woman is not working while the man is managing a small laundry business which is not even thriving.

The issue I have now is that hubby is pleading with me to please bring the girl to help me baby sit my child while he will be responsible for her school fees. my maternity leave will soon be over and I need someone to help abit but not the girl because I don't want anyone to take my kind heart for granted and tell me that I'm maltreating the child or using her as a nanny . You know how people especially in laws behave that is why I'm still sceptical about it. Please my people what do u advise I do? Bearing in mind that our marriage is not even up to 2years we are still getting to know each other with my husband. Please advice...

Sorry for any typo error

TonyeBarcanista:

No, some Naija women have this deep hatred towards members of Husband's family. I, will not allow that happen in mine. Never!!!

It is either she integrate into my family or she evaporate forever!!!