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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples (10912 Views)
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Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 3:58pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Eketem:OK thanks |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 3:58pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
JoannaSedley:Don't mind the tribalistic bigot. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 3:59pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Meringe:Hmnn |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 4:01pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
ImaIma1:OK ma'am thanks. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 4:03pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Janelle08:Exactly. You can imagine the rubbish... |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 4:05pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Winter4:She still dosnt understand the drill. If the girl is doing all of that in my house, they will say I'm maltreating her. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 4:05pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
UjuJoan2:OK ma'am thanks. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 4:07pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
LadySarah:You can imagine. Please don't allow anyone steal your joy talk to your hubby about it and tell the boy to go back to his parents. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 4:15pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Clarathomp:Goodevening ma'am please I hope you are not my sister on Nairaland? Your case is exactly the same thing I faced while growing up. My Dad is late now and could you believe that all his so called relatives abandoned us immediately he died? My dad was the bread winner who took care of all of them. They all came and go at will with that same self entitled mentality... Same scenario you pointed out. We all suffered when he died cos we were abandoned. Those people always disappear as soon as the man is no more. Thank God for his mercy I'm married now in a good home and my siblings too are doing well. I guess it is because of my Dads good deeds that is the reason God allowed me end well. I'm trying to avoid such scenario in NY home too. Silly in laws with self entitled mentality 3 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 4:20pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista:I guess you are not married hence that your statement. Try doing that and see if you will have a happy home. How can you impose your niece on your wife just like that? Rubbish 11 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 4:23pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Acidosis:Please, will you shut it. 10 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 5:07pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: May my sisters and I never meet you or any of your kind....may God keep us far from you and your kind...the kind who think women are animals to tame, the kind who never take counsel from their wives, the kind who think they are alphas and omegas and can do as they please. Well, anyman who would support Saraki and his men (PDP) can never ever ever ever ever come our ways. And since birds of a feather flock together, I'm confident we cannot meet. Please feel free to populate your house with nieces, nephews, first cousins, second cousins, third cousins etc.... 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Winter4: 5:12pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
ClassicQueen: Not all are like that... Please do not generalize. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 5:24pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
ClassicQueen: I stand by my word! My niece is my child and my wife MUST srr her as hers as well. Any woman that has the kind of mentality towards my people is unfit to be my wife. |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 5:33pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Winter4:When a woman displays evil towards her in-law (my family) she loses every right to be called a woman and every privileges accorded to a wife. Moreso, as the husband I call the shot (Fact not opinion) though my wife will be given chance to have say but I make final decision! Well, anyman who would support Saraki and his men (PDP) can never ever ever ever ever come our ways. And since birds of a feather flock together, I'm confident we cannot meet. Funny? Whatever Please feel free to populate your house with nieces, nephews, first cousins, second cousins, third cousins etc....Actually, this is a welcome development! My family owns me and I will render accommodative assistance whenever required. BTW the prayer is mutual but I am prepared to tame in case of any display of witchcraft |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 7:06pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Clarathomp: Quickly, three things I like about your post; 1. Very succinct and detail 2. The fact that your first post on Nairaland was addressed to my comment. Your alternate handle, right? 3. You ensured your viewpoints are based on your personal experiences. Well, it might interest you to know that point 3 also raises a lot of problems. The above are your personal experiences, implying that they are not enough to shape your viewpoints about a union you haven't even started. This is the problem I raised in my post. You don't go about making opinions about some in-laws based on the experiences you have in your home. Marriage with you, for example, is going to cause a lot of problems unless some mindsets change. Through your direct and indirect experiences, you have been made to believe my people are terribly bad even while you're yet to know them. This chain has created more problems than you can imagine. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 7:24pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
ImaIma1: It doesn't take a fulltime stay to scatter a marriage. Any in-law that wants to scatter your marriage can do so with a single phone call from the village. By the way, we are talking about an 11 year old girl here, she's a child and she won't be in your house forever. I don't know about you, but family (some friends have become families) comes first before strangers. Do you think a stranger would want to live with you if you don't have the cash and resources? |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 7:49pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Acidosis: Believe me it is more advisable to have someone you pay help out. An 11yr old is still a child and needs attention and care. The Op needs to prepare to add that responsibility. And it is a choice. She has a right to refuse. The child's parents should handle their responsibility and stop trying to burden another family and causing trouble. 6 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by chii8(f): 8:01pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Some nairalanders are always judgemental... Why will a newly married couple have a househelp in the first place? She gave a hint that they are still getting to know each other as a couple,beside what will an eleven years old girl do for her? Abeg, op,let her stay with her mother 8 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Nobody: 8:58pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Winter4:I was referring to the write up above of course not all In-laws are like that. Some are actually nice 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 9:25pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
ImaIma1: An 11 year old child won't cause any trouble, but then you're right on the fact that she has a right to say no. However, the man has the right to do whatsoever he wants with/for his brother & nieces, wherever he wants. 2 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 9:36pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Acidosis: It is already causing a clash apparently. And you are wrong about the man having the right to do anything he wants. The wife has to agree because she will be the one to take care of the girl except the man wants to take the girl to work with him. My husband will not bring in anyone if i say No. 5 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by cococandy(f): 9:37pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: Will her nieces and nephews be like your sons and daughters too? 5 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Acidosis(m): 9:43pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
ImaIma1: A wife don't have to agree for a man to do whatever he wants for his blood (brothers, sisters, dad and mom), wherever and whenever he wants. She's going to get a prior notice, room for deliberations, but the final decision rests in his hands. That's a basic and a final principle. It is the responsibility of the woman to prove her points well enough to convince the man.. are you gonna tell him his people are wicked and out there to haunt him down? Would the flimsy excuses on this thread pass the test? 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by Janelle08: 9:55pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
A lot of people are still living in the stone age. Mtcheww. 4 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 10:16pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
cococandy:Why not? But as the HEAD of the house she need my express approval to bring anyone in (I have no problem though) but in my case I only need to inform her. My family owns me and all about me. 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by carammel(f): 10:34pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
The truth is they are never grateful. If you like give them all your life, they will still stab you from the back at every given opportunity. A nephew came in right from age four, the woman took care of 70% of the home expenses because she earned better than the husband, the woman still made it seem like her hubby was the one taking care of the home. She took responsibility for the child and no one could tell the difference between the kids, she also had her own direct niece with her. She sponsored them up till higher institution until her own niece got married. The husband's nephew still got a job through her, once the boy started working and realized he is no longer dependent on her, he started causing trouble, he said he never liked the woman but only pretended so he would achieve something from her, he instigated in-laws against her. His parents are alive but never for once did they call the woman to say "thank you for helping us train our child", rather, they made her their enemy. That was an innocent four-year-old boy whom the woman took in innocently and trained like her own. Now, how would the woman's daughter feel doing the same for her husband's relative or even her relative? Only a few people appreciate and when you complain about their ingratitude, they would say " are you expecting a thank you? why don't you do it for God, when we all know that even your own child that is most entitled would still say "thank you" whenever you show care to them. Op, do whatever comes to your mind, do not be pressured to take in the child and you do not even need any nanny,house chores do not kill, get a good daycare and put your baby there, do your normal job, return home and take care of your home, treat your husband right and don't disrespect him,do not have any resentment towards his relatives,treat them like yours anytime they visit,but to live with you throughout teenage years to adulthood? Hmmm. 5 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 11:35pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
Acidosis: Marriage is about agreement between the couple. And especially if it involves someone coming to stay with us, i have to agree. The person cannot be imposed on me. I have my own responsibilities and problems and i am not pushing it to anyone. If that kind of decision is imposed on me, that girl will not stay up to a month in the house. He will send her back himself and it won't be because of maltreatment. 2 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by ImaIma1(f): 11:41pm On Sep 13, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: When you get married you will realize that being the head of the house does not make you a dictator or the sole decision maker. Don't be deceived. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by TonyeBarcanista(m): 2:20am On Sep 14, 2018 |
ImaIma1:I call the shot in MY home because I am the BOSS and HEAD. She has to and must be loyal/submissive to my authority if she really want to be married. When it comes to my family (parents, siblings, niece etc) NOBODY can prevent them from accessing my home and living as long as they desire 1 Like |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by mylove4him(f): 3:01am On Sep 14, 2018 |
I personally won't take an eleven year old child whether my niece or my husband's niece. It isn't even easy for me to raise my own child talk less of raising another person's child. My marriage is more than half of a decade and I must tell you I had inlaws living with me from the third month. As one is going another is coming. All these didn't help my marriage at all. It has breed bad blood and a whole lot of things had gone down. I must say I haven't recovered from all the troubles. Some of the inlaws have entitlement mentality and tends to misbehave. The wahala is that you have to thread with caution, unless you have a sensible man that knows how to put them in their place. Most times the men are incapacitated because they can't stand to hurt their family thereby putting you in the front line to take all the bullets. You will be surprise that an 11 year old has been indoctrinated. My sister I have seen things and it isn't good to air all your dirty linen in a public forum. Love them from afar if you could. My candid opinion. Inlaws can make or mar marriage. Mine is still standing today cos I bring in a neutral person to handle my home n my child so I don't need to depend on them. The only thing I owe you is to feed you. If I love you I will send you on errand, if you try to show yourself i just put you in your place. One rule is that you must tidy up after you. My help isn't to serve you. 6 Likes |
Re: In Need Of Advice From Experienced Wives, Mothers, men Or Couples by cococandy(f): 3:36am On Sep 14, 2018 |
TonyeBarcanista: Yea exactly Why not marry your family? The funny thing is that you just called a bunch of women witches for validating OP’s concern but you don’t consider yourself a wizard for thinking you don’t need her permission to bring anyone from your family while she needs your express permission to do so. Did you not just make our points? Your family will come with the same entitled attitude that you emanate and expect your wife to endure whatever trash they bring along with them. Sorry for the unlucky ones that end up with folks like you. Read the comments of you hypocrites on this thread. A woman is bad if she does the same thing you do. But it’s okay if you do it. I won’t be surprised that you can go and eat a full meal now without choking in your hypocrisy. 9 Likes |
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