My husband and I have been together for six years. I married him when he was 18 and I was 24. I discovered, after we got married, that he had had sexual intercourse only with me; he’d had sexual encounters with other women, but hadn’t felt ready for intercourse. At first this wasn’t a problem, but now his younger brothers are sexually active and have had multiple sexual partners, he has started to feel jealous. I felt that this jealousy was only going to grow, and I didn’t want him to develop feelings of resentment towards me and cheat on me. I also didn’t want him to think he had missed out, and get into his 30s or 40s and leave me so he could experience what it feels like to sleep with other people, as his stepdad did to his mum. So I booked a hotel for him with the intention of paying for a prostitute for him. I felt this would be a safe option as it is a job and no feelings could develop. Plus he would know he had slept with someone other than me. I didn’t know exactly how we would feel afterwards, but I was willing to take the risk to save the future of our marriage. But now it has happened and he wasn’t happy or fulfilled. He said he felt nothing at all and it was very different and strange. He was deflated afterwards and now he won’t talk to me about it because he says it hurts him. I am scared it has upset him, and worried I shouldn’t have done this. What can I do to make things right now?

mxpinky:
My husband and I have been together for
six years. I married him when he was
18 and I was 24. I discovered, after we
got married, that he had had sexual
intercourse only with me; he’d had
sexual encounters with other women, but hadn’t felt ready for intercourse.
At first this wasn’t a problem, but now
his younger brothers are sexually active
and have had multiple sexual partners,
he has started to feel jealous. I felt that this jealousy was only going
to grow, and I didn’t want him to
develop feelings of resentment towards
me and cheat on me. I also didn’t want
him to think he had missed out, and get
into his 30s or 40s and leave me so he could experience what it feels like to
sleep with other people, as his stepdad
did to his mum. So I booked a hotel for him
with the intention of paying for a
prostitute for him. I felt this would be a
safe option as it is a job and no feelings
could develop. Plus he would know he
had slept with someone other than me. I didn’t know exactly how we would
feel afterwards, but I was willing to
take the risk to save the future of our
marriage. But now it has happened and
he wasn’t happy or fulfilled. He said he
felt nothing at all and it was very different and strange. He was deflated
afterwards and now he won’t talk to
me about it because he says it hurts him.
I am scared it has upset him, and
worried I shouldn’t have done this.
What can I do to make things right now?

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