This story is from Bella naija Blog By Tari Ekiyor - A True Story.

A dear friend confided in me that she was leaving her husband barely a year after getting married to him.

What do you say to a friend, not even 30years old, with a baby daughter, who has made up her mind to ditch the man she pledged vows to less than a year ago?

The conventional “Babe why don’t you try to wait it out a bit”’ was finally about to venture out of my mouth, but it seemed her radar picked that up and she proceeded to relate the underground gist as to why her mind can never be changed, to me.

She got married to him after a few months of meeting and dating him. Her major reason for marrying him was that she was pregnant, and her parents would have rather danced unclothed in the Village Square than to have a daughter pregnant and eventually bear a child out of wedlock.

She did care deeply for him, however, left to her, she would have rather spent some more time getting to know him better, child or not, before taking the plunge. The Good Girl that she is though, she listened to her parents and went ahead with the plan.

It’s not as if the guy himself is some monster that no-one would want to marry; he is tall, good-looking, intelligent, and actually carries himself in a manner that elicits respect from people who come across him.

So my friend just accepted the turn of events as the will of God, and went ahead with it.

Few months down the line and the barely existent Honeymoon was not only over, but long forgotten. The reality of her situation began to dance and jiggle its ugly, scarred body right before her very eyes. What had she gotten herself into?

Her husband was lazy, verbally abusive and a Dreamer who was more interested in creating the illusion of ‘the good life’ than actually going out to hustle to make it happen.

My friend was certain that she had become the victim of a BAD Reality TV show and was constantly praying for the day the Film Crew would run out of their hiding place screaming “GOTCHAAAA!!”

Hours, days, weeks and months passed, and the intensity of her present hell became even more unbearable for her.

Let me pause here to tell you a little bit about my friend:

Aside from the fact that she is incredibly beautiful, articulate and absolute Fun to be with, she is also unbelievably hard-working! This is actually the particular virtue that draws me to her, as I greatly admire her Work Ethic.

She’s the sort of person that would not give herself a breathing moment until a task she has begun is completed and excellent. She would remain at work till Midnight if she had to, just to make sure that everything is done extremely well.

My friend is someone who if she was managing your business, you can go on a Lifetime Vacation, as you have FULL confidence that your business is in the best hands.

So you can imagine the personal torment she was going through watching her husband, whom she was supposed to hold in the highest regard, being slothful and unmotivated.

She spoke to me about the inner rage she felt whenever she watched him try to keep up with his affluent friends and give them the idea that all is well and good with him – on HER money!

As far as she could see now, she had become a mother of two; one a few months old baby, and the other a grown man in his mid 30’s.

She couldn’t believe what was happening to her, and so tried to gain some sanity about the issue, by talking to her mother and close family members. In the opinions of those, ANY situation was by far more bearable than that of a single mother in her 20’s, so they told her to ‘manage’, ‘be patient’, and to ‘support’ her husband.

She meekly heeded the advice of her elders once again, after all they know better, and went to be the submissive wife they had told her to be.

She encouraged him by gently telling him everything would be alright when he complained about how difficult Nigeria is for him. Deep inside her, she really felt like kicking him and pushing him out of the house to go and hustle or get a job, ANY job, like the millions of diligent, self-respecting men that hustled the streets of Lagos everyday.

But instead, she rubbed his back and said sweet words to him, while feeding him, buying his petrol, and supporting his false and extravagant lifestyle.

Very soon, she found herself skipping lunches at work because she had to reserve the money to buy Pampers for her child.

Not too long after, she got to the lowest of lows, as she had to begin pawning her jewelry and designer bags just so they could have food to eat.

She kept all these to herself of course, and played along with the ‘We are a young, affluent couple’ image her husband was bent on portraying to the world.

Anyway, it only got consistently worse and she soon made her decision. She couldn’t do it anymore!!

At that point, she shut her ears to her mother’s predictions of doom, and any other voice that was contrary to her decision. She finally released ALL the pent-up rage she had acquired while being the ‘Supportive’ and ‘Submissive’ wife and began to say the things that she really felt to her husband.

With her mind made up, she felt there was no point hiding her anger, distaste, and disgust at the man she had married, and whom she felt ashamed was actually the father of her child. She unleashed her inner naughty woman, and I’m certain her husband got a full load of the UGLY side of his Bride.

Now, I believe that there are two sides to every story, and I haven’t heard the husband’s side, so I CANNOT make any personal judgments about him.

However, this is a very REAL situation especially here in Lagos. I know a number of women who have and are still walking these shoes.

What is happening to this generation of Nigerian men? It seems that unlike their fathers, they have become quite comfortable in letting a woman take care of all or most of their financial needs.

Otis Redding famously asked for R-E-S-P-E-C-T in his famous track which was redone by Aretha Franklin. They say that’s what a man wants the most from his woman.

But how is it possible to respect a man who fails to step up to his traditional role as ‘The Head’. Forget all that New Age crap that says respective roles in a Marriage should not be carved in stone. The average Nigerian and African man believes that he is the ‘Head’ and wants to be accorded the RESPECT and everything he feels that affords him.

Being ‘The Head’ entails providing, loving and protecting; however many young women today, are thrust into compromising situations out of the desperation that comes with having to go out and fend for both their Men and their family.

The Vultures out there sniff on their Desperation and prey on it. And you have a ‘Head’ at home?!

As I listened to my friend and as I’ve also heard the stories of other women in this same boat, I’ve realized that one of the worst things that can happen to ANY woman is to have a Man she cannot Respect.

If you are married and this is your experience, the choice my friend made is not the only solution, but be wise in whatever you choose to do. Do what’s best for your family, which includes your Husband, because let’s face it, you did make a Vow.

Men, PLEASE step up your game abeg!

For us Single Ladies, all I can say is SHINE YOUR EYE OOOOO!

May God help us ALL.

Tari Ekiyor

if your friend can remember what ephesians 5 vs 14-17 then she will be more wise

@long post
that woman got EXACTLY what she deserved by spreading her leg wide open (condomless) to a guy she OBVIOUSLY barely knew and going along with the "affluent rich couple" charade when she realized he was a phoney!

by Tari Ekiyor,

do i know her, i suppose she is the Executive Director of Ty Danjuma Foundation

is she

tari ekiyor is 26 year of age
she ia a writer and media content developer
she is very beautiful

This trend is sadly becoming very common amongst men of today lazy men looking for soft landing are allover the place,men who feel a woman should wear the pants in the house and still be submissive.This situation described in the post is all over the place.I keep asking how possible is it for a woman to respect a man that cannot take care of her,protect her?a man who constantly feels the woman should sort herself and the family is it possible to respect,be submissive to such men?I personally dont believe it is possible.

@ poster

After going through your post, i must conclude that you have a very good submission.
Situations like this abound everywhere in this country as I even know of one similar situation where the lady financed the guy to the boxers he wears.
I have a word for ladies that finds themselves in this type of situation. The ladies do realise the mannerism that potrays irresponsibility in the guy while they were courting but they often decide to overlook the issues. For crying out loud, why should you think of marrying a man whose level of irresponsibilty and purposeless life is glaring to everyone?
Is is that ladies are naturally attracted to guys like this or what?

andromida:

This trend is sadly becoming very common amongst men of today lazy men looking for soft landing are allover the place,men who feel a woman should wear the pants in the house and still be submissive.This situation described in the post is all over the place.I keep asking how possible is it for a woman to respect a man that cannot take care of her,protect her?a man who constantly feels the woman should sort herself and the family is it possible to respect,be submissive to such men?I personally dont believe it is possible.

you are talking as if these lazy men force these stoopid women into being the slave they became?! a smart woman will see through the smoke screen and would 1)not marry such a deadbeat 2) never have a kid with such a deadbeat.

the women that you portray are silly desperate foolish women who decided to overlook these men's flaw for some higher reasons. the only reason such lazy people exist is because there are brainless individuals (male/female) who are happy to go along with this nonsense.

there is nothing wrong with a lazy person that comes clean and states what he is looking for in life, how silly as it may be, and if some dumba$$ damsel is ok with it then blame HER not the person who was honest about his intentions.

Hey poster,

Its unfortunate that your friend found herself in this dumb state, ITS HER DECISION, HER LIFE, Her mental state is important for the future of her child, Her continous living in that pretensious life of affluent at her own expense is a deadly mistake, She's not doing her husband any good by continously providing for his lazy bones, She shld challenge him to be a better person, a more responsible man,


When a woman shows herself as the independent hardworking strong woman aka "man of the house" it automatically rubs off a lazy man. Let her take a break, get her sanity back first. Ladies in NL, a man's primary responsibility is to make HIS woman happy and provide for his family, Let ladies quit being the head, lets marry him now and hope to change him later slogan DOESNT WORK!!!!!

Hold the FUGGG UP,

I know yall JUDGING AZZES aint sit up in this damn thread, POINTING NO GOTDAMN FINGER AT THIS YOUNG LADY just because she SPREAD HER LEGS and got her some dicc,

Now if I can recall it TAKES TWO to make a baby AND JUST BECAUSE she spread her legs, DOES NOT MEAN THE MOFO need to go up in her,

See this the kinda chit I am talkin about when it come to DOUBLE STANDARD, it okay to call a woman a dummy cos her KITTY was purrin but a MAN THAT FUGG HER is SCOTT FREE cos she spread her legs?

If you see a damn DOG WITH A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL STAPLED TO HIS AZZ, it dont mean YOU CAN SNATCH IT OFF OF IT!

I am so disgusted at you mofos, SPITS!

queeneve:

Hold the FUGGG UP,

I know yall JUDGING AZZES aint sit up in this damn thread, POINTING NO GOTDAMN FINGER AT THIS YOUNG LADY just because she SPREAD HER LEGS and got her some dicc,

Now if I can recall it TAKES TWO to make a baby AND JUST BECAUSE she spread her legs, DOES NOT MEAN THE MOFO need to go up in her,

See this the kinda chit I am talkin about when it come to DOUBLE STANDARD, it okay to call a woman a dummy cos her KITTY was purrin but a MAN THAT FUGG HER is SCOTT FREE cos she spread her legs?

If you see a damn DOG WITH A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL STAPLED TO HIS AZZ, it dont mean YOU CAN SNATCH IT OFF OF IT!

I am so disgusted at you mofos, SPITS!

^^^^THANK YOU! I WAS GOING THROUGH THE LINES MYSELF AND IT GOT ME THINKING, WHAT THE HEK!

For real SA Lady,

This kinda chit pisses me off, mofos always blaming WOMEN for the chit that goes on BUT A MAN CAN WALK AROUND AIRIN HIS GOTDAMN BALLS AND SMILIN LIKE A DAMN RETARD WHILE the woman sittin in the middle of the TOWN Square ridiculed.


True she should have kept her legs closed BUT SHE DID NOT GET PREGNANT ON HER OWN, It a sad world we live in when you got a BUNCHA MYSOGNISTIC MOTHERFUCCas who don't respect their mothers and treat women the way they treat their mothers, IT A FUCCKIN SAD WORLD WE LIVE IN and GOT THE GOTDAMN NERVE TO SAY WOMEN NEED to respect MEN,

ACT LIKE A FUCCKIN MAN WE WOULDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM DOING THAT,

Hey, babe!
You really pissed! Spill it out, if it makes you feel any better.

Hmmmmnn.

kiss my big round juicy azz,

WE ALL complain about something and didn't know what the RESULT will be life is all about gambling, you might get a good roll or bad roll, THE QUESTION, HOW WILL YOU DEAL WITH THE AFTERMATH is what determine your SUCCESS IN LIFE,


LET ALL GET OFF THE HIGH HORSE AND WALK with the snails,

kiss my big round juicy azz,

Tempting. Real tempting.