Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? - Family - Nairaland
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| Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by deluxecad(m): 4:36am On Jul 18, 2010 |
Considering the high rate at which marriages are falling apart, homes are being broken, the attendant paranoia these foist on those who are yet to brave the marriage pact and the havoc it wreaks on those whom theirs have fallen apart, is it out of order if one asked whether marriage is now something of the stone ages? Is it that the ladies have become to yippie/trendy to stay married or the guys can't just keep the sacred vows? Why would people go before a priest to make vows they know they can't just keep? Why has functional marriage become such an endangered species? Whilst religion is proliferating, the basic unit of society, the family is fading away per time. It's so thick one could cut it with a knife, the tension, reservation and anxiety people have about marriage these days. Just poll a few folks at your workplace or your neighbourhood about what and how they feel about getting married, you'd be shocked to the bones. What happened to a sustainable marriage not tensed up with fears of getting torn by cheating and the like? Some couples even get a divorce 40 years after marriage! Could it be that they were just tolerating each other all these long while? What on God's earth is going on? What hope have we? |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by mutter(f): 12:07am On Jul 19, 2010 |
marriage is a contract, although it is sacred. But like every other contract if you don`t abide to the terms and conditions, it is bound to collapse. Many people go into marriage today because they feel they have to get married. But are the prepared to abide by the terms. Look at the way marriages are conducted today.Everyone wants his own to be the talk of the town. More time preparing for the celebration materially, little or no time spent in counselling People entering into this contract without breaking up old contacts they have. You can`t enter into a marriage without dropping those sub contacts- gf and bf from the past. Where is patience and tolerance What breaks up most marriages is that we take each other for granted after the years go by. How often do we use words like please and thank you. How often do we reach out to our partners and say we care? |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by Sissy3(f): 3:12am On Jul 19, 2010 |
NO but one thing is for sure though, its not for everybody |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by Nobody: 10:53am On Jul 19, 2010 |
Nope, marraige is not old-fashioned. The high rate of failed marraiges is a resultant effect of people going into marraige for the wrong reasons. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by SALady(f): 11:14am On Jul 19, 2010 |
@Poster, I am starting to be convinced myself that marriage is old fashioned. I see more and more people now opting for single parenthood and living with partners than with husbands/wifes. A classic was when I saw a couple in their late fourties, early fifties living in one house, the house is a double story structure and the man occupies the top and the wife occupies the bottom. They call it living together apart. The arrangement is that, each gets to decorate/furnish their part of the house according to their personal taste. They call each other and visit each other. On weekends if they are together or out on a date they dont have to end up in the same bed after a date. So being together is a matter of picking up a phone and asking for company and or a date just like you would with your girl/boyfriend. Essentially everything happens as if they are courting whereas they are husband and wife. Honestly sounds like something I would do. It was a bit obvious that this is the kind of thing meant for people who are absolutely at peace with the world, and consideres personal space an important part of who they are. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by Blueice4re(f): 11:25am On Jul 19, 2010 |
My sis marriage is not old-fashioned, the rate of failed marriages today is as a result of individuals how they see it, they thought marriage is a bed of roses. But i tell you today if you love ur partner, you tolerate him or her, respect his or her decision and patiencetly oby the laws (vow) governing marriage then we won't be complaining. I pray dat God have mercy on us and grant us grace to pull through Amen. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by Yinkaboy: 11:28am On Jul 19, 2010 |
People get married for the wrong reasons we brorhers are so quick to chase the hottest thing on the block. But, so slow to ask whether the person has the same values as we do, or would make a good wife, mother, and friend. Marriage is work, people forget that, you have to put the effort in for it to grow. We treat marriage like its the new BLACKBERRY, good for a season, but the next model is coming soon. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by otokx(m): 11:29am On Jul 19, 2010 |
Marriage as an institution was created by God and will never be old fashioned. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by Cogito(m): 11:32am On Jul 19, 2010 |
Maybe the romantic idea of marriage is getting old-fashioned. There are a variety of reason's why divorce and the like is becoming more popular such as the increasingly easy legislative process and the change in attitudes to marriage. When you say: ", or the guys can't just keep the sacred vows?", this has been going on for centuries but it's either divorce was illegal or the stigma surrounding divorce was enough of a deterrent. Like somebody here mentioned it's very possible that a lot of people just jump into marriage without fully understanding what they're doing. In addition, just because a marriage doesn't break up doesn't mean it's a happy one. The partners could be living in an empty shell marriage simply bound together by contractual obligations if you will. Personally, I'm torn. If I get married should I have a "White Wedding" or just a Tradition Wedding, or both? It seems cumbersome to have both when they serve the same purpose. Or should I get married at all? Cohabitation sounds appealing since the thinking behind it seems to be: "If there's is love and understanding, all will be well", but does that seem a little naive? Will she take my name or just hyphenate it? In addition, it's easier to up and leave. It's a fairly complex issue. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by labiola: 11:36am On Jul 19, 2010 |
No marriage is not old fashioned, the reasons for high level of failing marriages is that most people married for a wrong reason, and many people don't want to pay the price of having a good marriage, the truth is that everything has a price tag and you need to pay the price, also every good things has is challenges, but most of when we face with the challenges of marriage, it seems that ones should just quit, there ladies who can run down their husband with their mouth just because they have a better career, and some guys cant just stop looking for anything under skirt. marriage is about discipline, both the husband and wife have to be discipline, atimes one partner has to be goat and other sheep. For me one of the good things that has ever happened to me is getting married to my lovely wife. marriage is sweet when you have the best partner. Let me use this opportunity to inform those people who have not married but looking forward to do so, pls dont be afraid, all you need to is have a right mind set about marriage, make up you mind that your marriage must work, it takes too to tangle, you cant cheat on your partner and go free with it, and above all let God be the foundation of your marriage. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by Sissy3(f): 11:40am On Jul 19, 2010 |
otokx:  |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by ebony4life(f): 11:52am On Jul 19, 2010 |
Because Separation,divorce and single parenthood are in vogue doesn't make marriage old-fashioned.  |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by skyndyp(f): 11:54am On Jul 19, 2010 |
Marriages fail these days bc the couple spend time preparing for the ceremony,not the marriage itself. Each religion has rules and examples which couples should follow to have a good home. In Christianity,husbands are admonished to love their wives the same way Christ loved us even when we do wrong and not worthy of His love. Wives are advised to submit to their husbands. But how many homes can boost of these? We see women talking down their husband,not respecting or regarding him even in public. Which man will condone this? We have men running after other women bc the wife wronged them, or not hot anymore after having babies n they can't stand her anymore. Which woman will respect such a man? All we need to have a good marriage is understanding of the principles of marriage, and the guidance of the Holy Spirit bc we can't do nothing on our own. Finally,marriage is not old fashined,not ever. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by CarlosVent(m): 12:15pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
D BIBLE SAID WHO EVER FINDS A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING. MARRIAGE IS BLESSED AND @POSTER DNT TRY TO FIND A REASON DAT WILL COVER UP FOR WHAT U HAVE DONE. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by oluagness(m): 12:19pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
When people fail to see speculated enjoyment, they run away from their spouse home rather than enduring. Endurance is lacking Never the less marriage is not old-fashioned |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by kaiosama(m): 12:36pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
pls how can i post a[b] topic[/b] for discussion on nairaland. pls reply |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by Bukittes(f): 12:39pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
I don't think Marriage is old fashion but the thing is that, we are allowing the western culture take over our good judgment. The rate at which we are going now, divorce rates, single parenthood and the likes are already on the increase per day. What do we do? Let everyone redefine what he/she wants in a marriage. Is it for companionship or for procreation? If its companionship, you will find a real companion and not anybody but if its just procreation, then anybody fir born for you now. and thats why we have so many failed institutions. Our priorities are not defined. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by ollypass: 12:43pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
Yinkaboy: This is just the crux of the matter: Ask your self how long is the average courtship time now? How well does the couple know them selves? Girl is often driven to marry cos all her friends have done it and she can't be waiting for her hi-school boyfriend so she settles for someone who can give her security nat the expense of all other intangible things like love, respect and commitment.The man in return (who may have lost his love to a made man while he was still trying to make it in life) may have married out of pressure from family and peers only to meet another which will make him regret why he rushed into it cos this colleague at work understands him better than his wife and they even spend more time together working than he does with his wife at home. So the stage becomes set and before you say robinson cruso, infidelity follows then the inevitable discovery and then, People should change this orientation of marriage being the fad and every one jumping into the band wagon and ask your self and your intended partner:do we have what it takes materially, physically,psychologically and emotionally to embark on this adventure? Untill then my own personal opinion is "No be by Force". |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by kaiosama(m): 1:01pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
reply guys |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by kobikwelu(m): 1:08pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
i still believe in the institution of marriage, but what is more worrisome is the new wave of "style channel" women that believe it is "cool" to be a single mother get pregnant for a dude and have a baby, |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by pelezico: 1:19pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
Hi Peeps i'm a Man and thought i'd let you know some facts here - the separation of co-habiting couples is still much higher here in the West than those who marry. Also marriage between couples who did not have sexual intimacy before they got married increases the likelihood that they will not divorce compared to couples who did have sexual intimacy regularly before marriage. However regardless of what we can deduce from various statistics Marriage is Gods institution and not mans. Marriage is between One man and One woman so "What God has put together let no man put asunder" Marriage is not the problem but the problem lies with those who get married - so rather than blame God (since He institutionalised marriage and commands that "Though should not commit adultery") look no further than We rather than Him. Marriage simply challenges a persons morale integrity and there maturity - marriage is not for the immature but for those who recognise there need to change him/herself because marriage is really about the willingness to SERVE and God has created men to lead the way in that respect. Married to a wonderful wife with two wonderful children |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by chyket(m): 1:25pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
Marriage is not oldfashioned,its just that we are a generation that do not want to sacrifice anything to succeed in different areas of our life. We have also left God out in most critical decisions in life and as a result, our value system is being progressively eroded and as such we live our lives for the wrong reasons. We have also become very vain and proud and as such the word SORRY is becoming increasingly difficult for all of us to say. We should learn not to bring a third party into marriages,always pray for your spouses and love them unconditionally,i bet we will always reap what we sow.God bless our marriages |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by kobikwelu(m): 1:27pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
Hi Peeps boring, but true  |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by Redman44(m): 1:45pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
We need to realize that many marriages are failing these days because people have left out God in their daily activities. If you've got the fear of God in you, it will be hard for you to cheat on your wife or pick a wrong woman or man as your future partner. I also believe that there is no perfect relationship or marriage. A marriage is like a house under construction. The couple have to keep working on themselves until they reach a level of perfection in behaviour, attitudes and human achievement. It is also good for a couple to have common goals and aspirations to make their marriage succeed. The union starts to fail when the man or woman is moving faster than the partner and feels his wife or her husband is lazy or visionless. We are living in a age where having good values is seen as being weak or being religious. I believe in the Marriage Institution. I hope to get married soon. www.vibes-extra..com |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by rubi(f): 2:09pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
~Sissy~: well said |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by SALady(f): 2:32pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
kobikwelu: I so want to understand you right now, Yes if carry on I am listening, |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by canuck(m): 2:35pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
I still plan to continue spending money, despite the ever-increasing rate of counterfeiting. Same goes for marriage. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by Thelmabee: 2:41pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
[b]@ POSTER, Oh but ofcourse theirs hope,let me try to take you through the stages as I understand it,EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with Your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasy. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience, hence you decided to go before a priest and take the vow for better for worse blah, blah, blah You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love, Because it's happening TO YOU. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking…….'Did I marry The right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you "may"(or may not) begin to desire that experience with someone else.(trying to stupidly recapture those moments with someone else- that's asking for trouble) This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment(married men do not need girl friends at this stage). Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes,stance and sizes but Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression 'the labor of love’. ' Because it takes time, effort, and energy…and most importantly, it Takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery, There are specific Things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), There are also laws for relationships. Certain habits in your Relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. , You can 'make' love. Love in Marriage is indeed a 'Decision', . Not just a Feeling. "If you judge people, you have no time to love them". -- Mother Teresa I also totally agree that marriage is not for everyone,it's not by force. @Poster, marriage is neither a bed of roses nor old fashioned; marriage can be fun but its your decision to make-the ball is totally in your court. This is my opinion and not some verdict ,y'all entitled to yours. [/b] |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by upc: 2:45pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
Marriage is all about love, understanding, acceptance and finally pray for God's wisdom. It is the most enjoyable institution on earth if you know what you want. Do not marry out of lust rather marry due to LOVE. Try to UNDERSTAND the individual differences; whether you people can be compatible or not then ACCEPT each other as he or she is because every body is born with own character and it is hard to change. I myself is enjoying my marriage because I applied all the above characteristics. God is the owner and he is our strenght. |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by SALady(f): 2:47pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
@Thelmabee, you are an emoticon with a light bulb above her head |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by kobikwelu(m): 2:50pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
I so want to understand you right now, Yes if carry on I am listening disclaimer:my point was aimed at the divorced/separated mother, not the despoil victims or widows some in the name of pop culture dump the marriage institution all in the name of being independent, during the times of old, when a woman had no other option than to stay and work things out, they understood the system and found a solution |
| Re: Is Marriage Now Old-fashioned? by saintchux(m): 3:34pm On Jul 19, 2010 |
Marriage old fashioned? Marriage is union & can not be fashioned. Marriage is a union, it start from a period it is consummated and keep on moving. Just like you take your UME, pass enter year one, pass all your course, enter year two pass all your course, you enter year three, if you get tired in any year, you fail and may drop out of school, but if you pass you continue. That is marriage for you. In marriage as years goes by different needs come up, our glamorous body changes, our energy diminishes, we have kids, privacy diminishes as a result of kids and house keepers, more pressure from work places, more demand for more resources, so it is only the courageous ones that survive, lean livered fall out in the name of divorce, separation and all that you have. Those that fall apart now see marriage as difficult and old fashioned and trade blames. Just like a student that failed some courses in school will attribute his/her failure to lecturer, cult boys/girls rather than not preparing well or going for a course she/he can not cope with. |
look no further than We rather than Him. What Are You Giving Yourself This Christmas? (pictures) / How To Protect Your Husband From Small Small Girls / 6 Months After Marriage. Still No Sex.
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