I realized that many African parents, truly believed they were doing the best for us, and I began to forgive mine. Forgiving them is not necessarily confronting them and trying to get them to admit their wrongs.

So, how do you deal with, relating with them as an adult now that you’re probably out of the house, working, and not answering to them anymore? Now that they are no longer in charge, how do you forge a relationship of any sort? Do you even have to? Yes, I think you should. Listen, I know some of it felt like a lot of stress and pressure growing up, and maybe you don’t even think you have anything to say to them. Yet, I’ve found that while they decided how they would raise me, I now get to make a deliberate (and hopefully, better) choice about how to relate with them.
First, understanding
I think I shed a weight, the day I realized that I didn’t have to agree with the way they raised me or even like it, but I could choose to forgive and even try to see things from their perspective. TBH, some of it was downright abusive. All those beatings that were more about their anger than imparting correction. In my 20s, I realized that many African parents truly believed they were doing the best for us, and I began to forgive mine. Forgiving them is not necessarily confronting them and trying to get them to admit their wrongs–good luck trying that.
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True talk sha
The way my dad was hitting us hard because of church issue, made me see the old man as a tyrant. Till date I still get angry whenever I remember those days when I felt I was helpless and handicap to make any decisions contrary to his.