By nature, mankind is created to crave for attention and companionship. We are not designed to exist solo. Communal living is the pattern of our existence hence we have community, societal and national structures to support our coexistence.

It is not good for man to be alone, a suitable helper is always essential for any man to succeed and fulfill purpose in life. No man is designed to be self-made, you will always need people on your journey, some to push you up, some to stand by you and others to pull you up. To fulfill destiny and purpose, you need people in your world, you can’t do it alone.

The natural need for companionship and the necessary help from people for us to progress is the reason we all allow people into our lives.

By nature when you have anyone in your life that you find friendly, amiable and fascinating, you become happy. When also, you meet people with the capacity and will to help you on your journey when you cannot help yourself, you’re also happy. These two reasons primarily underscore why we permit and allow people into our lives, into our spaces, into our world.

Incidentally, as beautiful as relationships are, they sometimes hurt. The people you allow into your life can hurt you, offend you and make your life miserable. In fact some can become dangerous and a threat to your well-being and existence.

Many of us today are perhaps unhappy, sad, depressed and deeply scarred by a friendship or relationship gone bad. The people you allowed into your life for one reason or the other at certain times ended up hurting you, disappointing you, betraying you and causing you untold pain.

Based on the natural emotion of love, affection and affinity, you became attached to these people and their subsequent negative treatment hurt you bad more out of your expectations than what they did.

Sometimes the pain and hurt runs as deep or even deeper than the love and affection you had for them, relationships gone bad can really be painful.

However, many of us unfortunately, keep going from one wrong relationship to another, we don’t know how to identify and sustain a good one, we keep allowing the very wrong persons into our lives over and over and they keep hurting us over and over again.

Some of us have become so battered and scattered by back to back bad relationships we have decided to give up. We no longer think we can ever have someone love us, want us, appreciate us and be with us for whom we are, everyone that we’ve ever given a chance eventually threw negative surprises. Consequently, we have given up but filled with a lot of bitterness, anger, malice and resentment.

When you see some of these people that have hurt you, you’re upset, when you hear their names you’re upset, when you see things or go to places that bring back memories of them you’re upset, when other people ask of these old friends from you, your mood get fouled. You’re perpetually living your life carrying a baggage of several relationships gone badly. You’re not happy, you’re lonely and frustrated.

Many people, being tired of the many hurts have decided to be by themselves, however, it’s a resolve with its downsides as well because loneliness is also a very difficult experience.

Dear friend, a good friend, a healthy and successful relationship is a blessing I tell you. This is because men by nature are imperfect; we are flawed, selfish and sometimes wicked. It’s the nature of man to be unkind, we have the tendency to always put our interests first even if it hurts others, hence when you come across a friend, who sticks with you, is loyal to you through thick or thin, you are truly blessed by God.

If men are naturally unkind, it simply means you need to be careful, watchful and discerning about the kind of people you allow into your life.

Many of us today still hold responsible and pronounce guilty all the people that have hurt us in time past, and for many rightly so. But if we hold on to this perspective, it will be difficult to mitigate future occurrence of relationships and friendships going bad.

To escape the pain and hurt of friendships and relationships going sour every now and again, there are some wise considerations and tough decisions you must take going forward.

First, you must define who you are,
you must conceive a new you.
You must respect yourself, value yourself and determine how you want to be treated.
You must have personal rules about what you would accept and reject from people no matter how close they are or how much you love them. Respect your body
don’t let people disrespect your body or soul.
You need to have rules about how you want to be treated.
When you have rules and you respect your rules, the people who want to come into your life would respect the rules.
If you don’t draw lines, people will overstep their boundaries.

Secondly, instead of being angry every time at how people you love and can do much stuff for keep treating you badly, focus on yourself and ask realistic questions on why you keep attracting those kind of people.

Believe me, there are so many mean people out there waiting to take advantage of kind, considerate, sacrificial and generous people. Are you kind, considerate, loving, generous and tolerant? These may be attributes attracting some people, not because they truly love you, appreciate you or want to be a good friend to you. Once what they want is no longer available or they can obtain from somewhere else, they move on. Therefore, do not trust everyone who says they love you or care about you, don’t be carried away by sweet talks and empty promises, don’t trust their words, test their hearts, create artificial situations to test their true intentions before you let them into your life. Being good can really cause you much pain in this life, don’t be good to everybody, don’t cast your pearls to pigs, don’t be mean either, stay neutral till they earn a space in your life.

Thirdly,
develop a wonderful relationship with yourself.
It is difficult for people to love you if you don’t love you.
You must be your own best friend,
don’t be desperate for the endorsement or approval of people.
The first step in cultivating a personal relationship with yourself is understanding and accepting who you are first then defining who you want to become.
Once you set personal goals and a vision, begin to develop plans and strategies for your pursuit, you’ll discover you’ll start falling in love with an advancing you as you keep progressing and achieve your set goals.

A life without personal goals, dreams and pursuits is a confused and frustrating one, hence the desperation to seek people and friends to fill the void. When you’re very busy working hard on yourself, chasing your goals and building your dreams, you wouldn’t even have enough time for too many unnecessary people in your life.

Dear friend, are you upset, angry, distraught, dismayed and saddened by friendships and relationships you’re in right now? It’s time to exit. To exit will be tough if you focus more on quitting without a knowledge of the next thing you want to get to. An exit from a friendship must be an entrance into something more powerful and satisfying, if not you’ll return. To avoid heartaches and heartbreaks, exit bad relationships and get busy pursuing your dreams, goals and ambitions in life.

Fall in love with you, have no place for nonsense. Respect yourself, have your rules and stick with them.

Dear friend, be happy.

FRANKLY SPEAKING FROM
MUYIWA AFOLABI

http://www.muyiwaafolabi.com/today-frankly-speaking-friends/

You just spoke to me... thanks

IamD18,
Mimi,

Something to heal your soul.