House please help me out. I and my wife are in an all disclosed relationship i.e we don't keep secrets from each other as Christians. The problem is that I am the first son of my father and the only one with the means to assist him for now as my younger brothers are still finding their feet in life but my wife is always acting funny anytime I want to send money to my father. She would always say 'NO' or suggest and insist I reduce the amount I want to send to ridiculous amount. I always go ahead and send what I want to send but there will be no peace in my house for about a week. This is the situation I deal with monthly, I have tried to sit her down to talk to her and make her understand my position and role to my family but she doesn't seem to understand with me. How do I go about handling this please?

It is true that transparency is good and vital in marriages but PEACE is more important... She can only know what you want her to know.

Your Bible says honour thy father and thy mother....honouring your wife's or husband's words is an appendage attached by Paul to sooth the gentiles ego.....
Keep doing good to your parents but not at the detriment of your family's wellbeing.

You can send something across to him without her knowledge

PrincewithGod:
House please help me out. I and my wife are in an all disclosed relationship i.e we don't keep secrets from each other as Christians. The problem is that I am the first son of my father and the only one with the means to assist him for now as my younger brothers are still finding their feet in life but my wife is always acting funny anytime I want to send money to my father. She would always say 'NO' or suggest and insist I reduce the amount I want to send to ridiculous amount. I always go ahead and send what I want to send but there will be no peace in my house for about a week. This is the situation I deal with monthly, I have tried to sit her down to talk to her and make her understand my position and role to my family but she doesn't seem to understand with me. How do I go about handling this please?

Must you take permission from her before sending money to your FATHER?

Where was she when your father was paying your school fees, providing for your needs and raising you?

Did her parents contribute to your growth and development? Did her parents at any point pay your school fees or provided food for you and your mother while growing?

You see why it's better training girls than boys? Girls will never think twice before providing for or taking care of their parents but men will think more than twice and take different permissions from their wives before sending money to their parents who watched them grow, nurturing and protecting them till they are able to stand on their feet.

Show my comment to your wife and let her tell me if she's the one who raised you from childhood till you found your feet to stand firm.

What sort of sissy husbands and fathers are emerging in this generation....... as much as you don't stave her and the kids of their financial needs she has no right to dictate how much you give to your father and family.
Unfortunately if you send the same amount to her family she won't raise any objection.......

You wife was there when daddy was paying your school fees,training you and paying all your bills when you were growing up abi?



Bros you should not be married at all.

If this was her father who needed money and he told her a specific amount; would she reduce the amount to a minimum? But now it’s your father and she wants you to reduce the amount abi. Not a nice thing for your wife to do. Listen mate, YOU DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO TELL YOUR WIFE THAT YOU ARE SENDING MONEY TO YOUR FATHER. TO BE FRANK; IT IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS . WARN HER TO STAY OUT OF YOUR FAMILY BUSINESS AS Your wife was not there when you were growing up and SHE NOW HAS NO BUSINESS MEDDLING INTO THE FINANCIAL HELP YOU RENDER TO YOUR FATHER OR MOTHER. ENOUGH SAID

By simply making that part of your relationship non disclosed, undisclosed, indisclosed and underclosed. Though I understand that she might worry about your finances but her attitude makes me feel so bornagain

It's a good thing to be open to your spouse in marriage.However,families the individuals grew up in are different.There are some where a son or daughter like in your case has to support the family.
I believe you should have shown her this part of you when you were courting so she should have expected it.
Meet your financial obligations to your wife(household) and give whatever you want to your dad without making it a topic of discussion.
Since you know it's an issue,then stop bringing it to the table or do you share a common bank account?

Guy keep your finances away from your wife. Once you play your role at home. How you spend your money shouldn't be her business. If she's the one sending money to her parents and you try to interfere you will hear story. Most women are very selfish.

You are a Christian.

The Bible say honour the father and mother so that your days shall be long..."

And the Bible also says "a man shall leave his father and husband mother and cleave to his wife..."

You have to find the balance. You shouldn't stop sending money to your father but it cannot be done at the detriment of your marriage.

Your brothers may still be finding their feet but you need to mandate/encourage them to send money also no matter how little.

If not, in many years to come, you will still be the only one sustaining your dad with little or no savings or properties while you go for your younger brothers' house warming.

This exactly is what my husband did. He was the only one sending money to his mum as the first son but not anymore.

All the best

Find a balance. If you also give your wife's family, she will be forced to close her mouth

Cleopatraaaa:


Must you take permission from her before sending money to your FATHER?

Where was she when your father was paying your school fees, providing for your needs and raising you?

Did her parents contribute to your growth and development? Did her parents at any point pay your school fees or provided food for you and your mother while growing?

You see why it's better training girls than boys? Girls will never think twice before providing for or taking care of their parents but men will think more than twice and take different permissions from their wives before sending money to their parents who watched them grow, nurturing and protecting them till they are able to stand on their feet.

Show my comment to your wife and let her tell me if she's the one who raised you from childhood till you found your feet to stand firm.

The two have become one, therefore since the in laws contributed to his wife's development and training, it means they've contributed to his wellbeing. If he gives his in laws too the wife will maintain her peace

PrincewithGod:
House please help me out. I and my wife are in an all disclosed relationship i.e we don't keep secrets from each other as Christians. The problem is that I am the first son of my father and the only one with the means to assist him for now as my younger brothers are still finding their feet in life but my wife is always acting funny anytime I want to send money to my father. She would always say 'NO' or suggest and insist I reduce the amount I want to send to ridiculous amount. I always go ahead and send what I want to send but there will be no peace in my house for about a week. This is the situation I deal with monthly, I have tried to sit her down to talk to her and make her understand my position and role to my family but she doesn't seem to understand with me. How do I go about handling this please?

You married a wicked and bad woman.
was she there when you were growing up with your dad?
was she the one who told your dad how much to spend on feeding and training you until you became a man?
You are not yet ready to be sending your dad money as it pleases you...
I hope you are not a weakling, because this is usually the situation when a weakling marries a gold digger for a wife.

eezeribe:


You married a wicked and bad woman.
was she there when you were growing up with your dad?
was she the one who told your dad how much to spend on feeding and training you until you became a man?
You are not yet ready to be sending your dad money as it pleases you...
I hope you are not a weakling, because this is usually the situation when a weakling marries a gold digger for a wife.

Did you read all my post?

If indeed you are believers, then I say to you, pray, brother pray. The Lord is well able to make her reason.

Phi 3:15 Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you

The issue might be more than 'meets the eyes'. I am sure it someone asked your wife she will have her reasons. It maybe she thinks that you are being taken advantage of since you have the means and you are the first. Also, she might think that there are other 'beneficial' things you can do with the money that will have direct impact on the family. Whatever the reason is, you have to understand her point of view.

Having said that, you have to redefine 'transparency' in your marriage. The motive might be good but if not managed very well, it could be a source of disagreement.

This is what I am saying, if someone tells you that your wife has a bad dress sense and you immediately reprove per person for saying so and the person apologises. Then you get home and you tell your wife what the person said just because you are been transparent, your wife will most likely not warm up to the person when next she sees the person while you have everything even forgotten the whole episode.

My point is, transparency should be on a need to know
basis. If something will not affect her directly or will not have a negative effect on the whole family, there is no need to tell her. You will actually protect her and also yourself from from unnecessary quarrels.

My 2 cents.

Must you take permission from anyone before you take care of your father

Haaaa

O ma se o

Tell her you intend to send a reasonable amount of money to her parents for Christmas and see her reaction.

If she doesn't oppose, it simply means she's selfish.

Good morning!
I came to read comments...thanks!

Tell her u want to send money to her father and see whether she will object or tell you to reduce the amount. then which ever one she say u will now take it up from there.

I'm so disappointed in you.

Na wa for your wife. How can you quarrel with your husband on how he cares for his parents? I don't understand the women we have out there. Please continue to take care of them when she is tired of complaining about it she will let you be. I love my husband o but I love my parents too. They are two parallel lines and each of their needs must be met.

Mizwisdom:


The two have become one, therefore since the in laws contributed to his wife's development and training, it means they've contributed to his wellbeing. If he gives his in laws too the wife will maintain her peace

what stops the wife from sending her own money to her parents or she is the usual jobless parasite hiding under wife to suck her man dry

The kind of kids that we have nowadays as fathers and husbands is shocking. who on earth tell his wife when and how much he sends to his parents? no woman will okay it BC almost all women are selfish, some will just keep mute about it but unhappy about it.

once you take care of your own home u don't need the approval or notification of your wife to give money to anyone. this is much more common with jobless house wives

This is unconventional advice but are you securing your future asides your obligations?

I mean making quality investments and savings ?

If you don't , you are going to be exactly what your parents are to you now at your old age.

Maybe this is what your wife is trying to forestall.

Nawao at op.

Your dad too?

What about friends then?

If you’re having issues with your wife cuz u r sending money to your father then brother send her OUT!!!

Stop being a sissy husband So you need permission from your wife before u go give your father money?

Wait o. Your wife Pay pass yours right or she’s the one paying all bills?

It’s impossible having this kind of issue unless your wife get money pass you so she go dey BOSSY

There’s nothing bad sending cash to your father as a first son

helium2:
This is unconventional advice but are you securing your future asides your obligations?

I mean making quality investments and savings ?

If you don't , you are going to be exactly what your parents are to you now at your old age.

Maybe this is what your wife is trying to forestall.

Children are to cater for their aged parents please. If you don't know training children to become useful to the society is an investment, you have to know it today.

I never joked about the welfare of my parents. They never asked me but I made it a duty to make sure of every of my earning, I send them a reasonable amount, right from my IT days. They invested in me, and now they are aged, I shouldnt go about seeking for advice on if to cater for them or not.

I was once the responsibility of my parents, and now they are my responsibility. We need to stop seeing our aged parents as liability. Just as they invested in us to set us up, we should be their financial backbone now they are old.

If you don't cater for your parents when they are alive, the guilt will haunt you forever after they are dead. If you don't know, go ask those who have lost either or both parents. Go ask those who never cared for their parents while they were alive how they are feeling about it now. They are dying in silent guilt. While what's keeping those who took care of their parents before their death are comforted by the roles they played in their parents lives while they were alive.

If you don't, the guilt after their death would destabilize you occassionally.

If I happens to say that u are a good man now OP...., It will sound sarcastic...

Cleopatraaaa:


Children are to cater for their aged parents please. If you don't know training children to become useful to the society is an investment, you have to know it today.

I never joked about the welfare of my parents. They never asked me but I made it a duty to make sure of every of my earning, I send them a reasonable amount, right from my IT days. They invested in me, and now they are aged, I shouldnt go about seeking for advice on if to cater for them or not.

I was once the responsibility of my parents, and now they are my responsibility. We need to stop seeing our aged parents as liability. Just as they invested in us to set us up, we should be their financial backbone now they are old.

If you don't cater for your parents when they are alive, the guilt will haunt you forever after they are dead. If you don't know, go ask those who have lost either or both parents. Go ask those who never cared for their parents while they were alive how they are feeling about it now. They are dying in silent guilt. While what's keeping those who took care of their parents before their death are comforted by the roles they played in their parents lives while they were alive.

If you don't, the guilt after their death would destabilize you occassionally.

You better invest and safe guard your future.

Thats why you have a pension.

Stop disturbing your kids.

Its just daft to think of kids as investment.

Its lazy people that fail to do the right thing in their productive years that do that nonsense.

Later they will give birth to a child and put so much academic pressure on the kid because they have messed up their lives so much they can find any other way out.

You see them all over the street in their 20s, doing rubbish up and down.

when you see them in their 50s they are so responsible.

Your kids are not an investment. you are only breeding poverty in your life..