they will grow up to hate and despise you just like how I and my siblings hate my mom

@op, A girl child for that matter! You are such a wicked father! Just pray that the other one you despise doesn't have a terrible strong spirit, else those ones you think are going somewhere will reach nowhere!!

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

You are the problem and you are the solution

Talk to your self
Changing your mindset will go a long way to hlep you

If you continue like this and they grow, get matured to see the difference

You will regret it and by then you are getting weak to sort yourself out from what you brought to yourself

Talk to yourself and things will be put in place

You are only causing great enmity BTW them now and in the future when you are not there

Melian:


I came to this conclusion too. Very disgusting indeed.

Like ..... how can a parent give more preference to one child and careless about another ?

That poor baby will grow up broken & looking for love in all the wrong places.

Soo pathetic.

He must not like his wife cos he stated he's in love with the ones that look like him.

Sick thing.

Wonders shall never end... See talk.... This guy mumu gan... You no be man at all... Have 3girls... You can't tell which one I love most among them because I love them equally.... And they all knows... I pray you received sense now before is too late

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins,

guy just look at it this way: just say you love your children equally but for different reasons. simple. i've three kids all ladies the first is me 100% she has taken that post and no matter what others do they can't be my first daughter, the second is 80% her mother and mean she is a fighter. the last is still 8months. one thing i find funny and at the time strange is that i love them equally for two opposit things. i love one cos she is a peacemaker and i love the other cos she is a fighter. is that not strange ? and i can't even adjust

verycheese:
I know your type. You're so full of yourself. So you and your mother are so great that anybody that looks like you is a marvel. Local mentality boy, I can imagine your type of background, you were raised very poorly, see how it's affecting your life now.
I've not met your wife but I already understand why you don't rate her, she's a local domesticated girl with very low self esteem, equally from a faulty background just like you, and your daughters fate is similar going by the misfortune you narrated here.
In the city of blind men, the one eyed man is king, if to say you marry correct babe, your head for correct, you go dey on your toes to be better. But you need an insecure, unintelligent woman so that your exaggerated sense of worth can be preserved and that's Y you picked that woman. I'm a Relationship therapist and psychologist, lok no further. Develop sense, olopolo riri

I couldn't agree more. I feel sorry for his wife having to put up with a man who thinks lowly of her and also doesn't love her. Poor woman. And the twin? Why did he have to bring her into this world to have her feel unloved. She doesn't deserve what he is putting her through. And I think you forgot to add that his narcissism also has a hand in his favoritism towards his kids

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent.help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

as a result of my situation i decided to adopt the following rules and i'll advice to tow same path. i decided i teach them each to show respect i ask the second one who is 2years to always greet the elder who is 4years. and same shall continue with the rest so the learn to cover up for me my wife also said she will teach the younger ones to call the elder not by her name but "sister" i think it will help them to understand and respect each persons position in the family, as they grow. i also ask the elder to punish the younger one when they do wrong. TRY IT TOO thanks

Aww, Op, pls can I adopt your twin girls? I have so much love in my heart to give them.

Are you having doubts that your wife might've cheated on you when she got pregnant with the twins? Cause I see no reason why a father would 'prefer' one kid over the other. Even though some parents feels it is normal to have favorites among them, I still think your feelings towards those innocent kids is borne out of some resentments, I might be wrong though.

gabazin080:
I spend plenty of quality time with them during weekends. we go out but not together most times because am someone who doesn't like attention. whenever we go shopping together, I always feel like the center of attraction because of the numbers I took with me.
so most times I only go out shopping with my son and buy things for those at home.


am not enjoying it but I just find it hard to love them equally.
I need help

07038148140 I'll counsel you for free

MissRaine69:

Just because you advocate shyte parenting that does not make it universal.
EVEN if it’s widespread good parents try to be impartial instead of trying to justify how the children are being treated.

Hey miss, i'm not actually advocating buh stating fact. Op is disturbed and felling remorse for what he hasn't done. Was it your fault that you love a man than(or over) another as a lady? No, because love is natural and cannot be forced or faked. So Op loves one (or some) of his kid(s) than another isn't his fault, it's natural and there's nothing he can do about that, he doesn't choose to, it just happened. He should stop being disturbed by it. Once he plays the roles of a good father in the life of all of them accordingly. Even if he doesn't want it to show, love and nature will still give him out.

Though still a student, I'll suggest you love them equally or fake the love for the others. The scars from emotional injuries never fade away even when they become adult.
It may cause strife amongst them when they're in their adolescent period.
And they may grow with inferiority complex.

IntrovertedK:
Hey miss, i'm not actually advocating buh stating fact. Op is disturbed and felling remorse for what he hasn't done. Was it your fault that you love a man than(or over) another as a lady? No, because love is natural and cannot be forced or faked. So Op loves one (or some) of his kid(s) than another isn't his fault, it's natural and there's nothing he can do about that, he doesn't choose to, it just happened. He should stop being disturbed by it. Once he plays the roles of a good father in the life of all of them accordingly. Even if he doesn't want it to show, love and nature will still give him out.

For the sake of humanity,
Do not have children.

MissRaine69:

For the sake of humanity,
Do not have children.

lol. You are a lady so i understand. Buh i think you should know that we (men and women) doesn't have same heart.

UmmuFareed:
Aww, Op, pls can I adopt your twin girls? I have so much love in my heart to give them.

Are you having doubts that your wife might've cheated on you when she got pregnant with the twins? Cause I see no reason why a father would 'prefer' one kid over the other. Even though some parents feels it is normal to have favorites among them, I still think your feelings towards those innocent kids is borne out of some resentments, I might be wrong though.

I don’t think you are wrong
He treats them differently because of whatever strive he has with his wife.
He particularly emotionally segregates the one who looks like his wife, how is that the child’s fault?
And here you have some cretins saying it’s natural. That shows their level of depth , it’s no deeper than a teaspoon . You choose to have kids treat them the same. Do not rise kids to have low self esteem ,or have kids so that they end up as emotionally damaged adults who seek solace in destructive relationships or polysubstance abuse. Emotional neglect of a parent has far reaching consequences than some people care to acknowledge. If the person who gave you life does not love you, who will?

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

You should never have had kids. I have always known that most Nigerians suck at parenting. Even the reason why most Nigerians choose to have kids is for pure selfish reasons. My biological mother did this same crap you are doing and today, sibling rivalry, hatred and jealousy is the order of the day in the family I was born into. I am of the opinion that Nigerians looking to be parents should take parenting classes first because it is clear most Nigerian parents don't know what the hell they are doing.

IntrovertedK:
lol. You are a lady so i understand. Buh i think you should know that we (men and women) doesn't have same heart.

Pseudoscience has never benefited anyone.
There are fathers who have supportive, and loving relationships with their children regardless of gender, and there are mothers who murder thier own children in cold blood so your comment “ men and women doesn’t have same heart” is just misogynistic.
I will reiterate do not have children.

Favouring one child over the other isn't important. The most important thing a parent can ever have is the love of their children. Personally, I believe there's nothing worse than a parent who doesn't understand their own kids. The best parent is one who their kids can trust, rely on and confide in at all times. Most Nigerians don't know what it is to be a parent and think everything is all right in the child's life as long as they can provide for the child's needs and mostly ignore the emotional aspects. Well, I don't blame them, the country and life, in general, is just a huge load on the back. The amount of stress, worrying and thinking we go through at times makes it difficult to find time to bond with our children. I strive to be a father whose kids come to and pour out any and everything at all times; A father who supports his kids and make them feel loved and understood.

Though mothers are expected to be love banks, but believe me, you can never love everyone equally. They are your kids, so keep loving them the best way you can, but try not to let them (your kids or others) decipher the disparity in your love.

I really do wonder why mums usually have more love towards their male children

You're toying with your old age time. You will regret this your action in future when you grow old. May be the one you hate now is the person that's going to take care of you.

I pity you

gabazin080:
I have heard people saying one has to love his kids equally or don't show it even if you love one more, but I find it hard to pretend .

I have 3 kids, a boy and twin girls. I love the 1st born more than the rest because he is a boy and love one of the twins more than the other.
I place the male as the number in the home even ahead of the mom. he is very smart for his age and resembles me 100 percent. and for the twins, I love the one that looks like my late mom and very smart than the other.


help I find it hard to love them equally or even pretend to love them equally and it's causing division in my home

You need therapy before you mess with those poor kids' minds for life. Jeez!

funmisticqueen:
it is not that difficult to take 3 children shopping. You are not ready to help yourself

U dey mind am?


Abeg, I dey find my eyes

thorpido:
Why don't you start by CONSCIOUSLY rotating who you take out if you won't take all of them out at the same time.
Also since you've identified the other twin as your least favourite,consciously spend time with her.
Don't make your girls especially feel like the boy is preferred.

Raising children is not just an emotional thing,it's a conscious effort to do right.
Work on your relationship with your wife too.

I slept off yesterday while on this thread. This advice is nice.

MissRaine69:


I don’t think you are wrong
He treats them differently because of whatever strive he has with his wife.
He particularly emotionally segregates the one who looks like his wife, how is that the child’s fault?
And here you have some cretins saying it’s natural. That shows their level of depth , it’s no deeper than a teaspoon . You choose to have kids treat them the same. Do not rise kids to have low self esteem ,or have kids so that they end up as emotionally damaged adults who seek solace in destructive relationships or polysubstance abuse. Emotional neglect of a parent has far reaching consequences than some people care to acknowledge. If the person who gave you life does not love you, who will?

I wonder o!

Contrary to what peeps on here believe about 'preferred kid' I don't see this a norm, prolly the kind of atmosphere I was brought up in might be a factor to that.; My parents never chose any of us over the other even though my elder sis was super brilliant while growing up, i was the complete opposite of her but my parents treated all of us equally with so much love, they never gave up hope on any of us, they don't even rob it on my face, maybe they knew I was going to turn out better.

All in All, Op, you don't know which one of them would bring laughter to your face when you're of age, pls treat them all equally and find a spot for each of them in your heart.

I suggest u always go with the other twin

Your innocent children and you can't love them equally for no tangible reason. First you need to work on your mind if you genuinely have love. Train your mind to love your children equally and pray for help.

i envy am oh. he has 2 girls n a guy? girls wey no de worry. let him take 3 guys shopping make him c how dem di damage things around. i believe its easier to shop with 6 girls than 3 guys

funmisticqueen:
it is not that difficult to take 3 children shopping. You are not ready to help yourself

its a normal tin.
life na per head.

Mr Poster why don't u love your wife, is she ugly?

MissRaine69:

They might have a point and because you did not see the things they did or experience not being the “favoured” one it’s hard to see their point of view but as as adults you have to work on conflict resolution.

to tell the truth it's not been easy. I didn't make myself preferred. and I wasn't the most favoured in reality. the conflict resolution is just not working.