Good day nairalanders, I am new on this platform. I want your advice on the issue I want to narrate. I am sorry if it is long. My parents were both divorcees before they got married, although they both had kids from their previous marriages and their ex-spouses are still alive. My step brothers do come to stay with us for sometime and we lived together. In 2012,my step brother came to our house and he gave my mom 3 ripe plantain and washing soaps, he said his mom asked him to give it to her. My mom being trusting fried the plantain that morning and we all ate it, she even thanked the woman. Since then, my mum started having health issues to the extent that she couldn't see again, she was in this condition for 5 years before she passed on last year. We went to different places (hospitals, churches, alfas,herbalist),all they said was that she ate something. Doctors said there was nothing wrong with her health wise. In one of the churches we went to, she was asked to beg for forgiveness from her ex-husband and my dad's first wife, we did that but nothing happened. Before her death, she normally dream of this woman but she didn't know she was the one because she has never seen her before. Few months after my mom's death, I noticed that there is closeness between my dad and his first wife to the extent that his younger brother got to know of it and it almost became fight betweenthem.Now,this woman has started coming to our house, when she came the first time, my daddy's excuse was she wanted to see us and he need to close to her so that our step brothers will be closer to us. The second time she came, she slept in our house and my dad's bed, the excuse they gave was that there was traffic congestion and she couldn't go home that day. When my dad came back the next day, we discussed about it and we told him that we don't want her to come to our house and he said okay. He told us not to tell about all this. The third time she came, she spent a week, she even brought her luggage, we complained to our dad then he said he needs someone to talk to and someone to take care of him, he started telling us stories. Now, this woman is in our house and we don't know when she is leaving. She leaves with my dad in the morning and they come home together at night. My dad don't really care about us again and it is breaking the relationship between us. We are heartbroken, should we tell my dad's family members about what is happening because she told me that this is her house and she will live with us forever, she also said we are making our dad unhappy but she is there to make him happy. I am sorry it is very long

Do you have any elder person in your family that you're close to and can confide in ? Any uncle or auntie from your father or late mother's side? You need a mature person to step into this matter.

Prognose:
Do you have any elder person in your family that you're close to and can confide in ? Any uncle or auntie from your father or late mother's side? You need a mature person to step into this matter.

he said that we shouldn't tell anybody. One of his younger brother knows about it. The woman said she would visit my grandma soon. We don't know how they will take it because they really love my dad and he is the first born. Thanks

You can discuss the issue with your dad close friend if he has any or probably one of the family members before things get worse.

You see, the issue of stepmom/stepdad usually end up nasty for the kids and trust me, this is first hand truth!
Just confide in a family member and let's pray your dad realize he's about to make one big mistake.
cuz the ends result is either you leave the house for them or she get rid of you but I pray it won't get to such anyway...

And please erase that thought of her being responsible for ur mom's death..

Ogundejasmine:
he said that we shouldn't tell anybody. One of his younger brother knows about it. The woman said she would visit my grandma soon. We don't know how they will take it because they really love my dad and he is the first born. Thanks

Bad idea. He may not be in his right senses right now. You need an older person on your side and who will not be taken unawares if your dad makes any funny moves. You don't need to tell the grown-up everything but you can give hints that all is not too well on the home front.

Once again, meet someone you can easily confide in and trust. Don't just go and see any elder that might blow the whole thing out of proportion. Use wisdom. All the best.

P.S don't jump to conclusions. Nobody is trying to get rid of anybody. Confide in an elder let them wade into the matter maturely.

if I give my advice,,u no go like am but ur papa go calm down..how old u be?

Great mistake

Marrying a divorcee with the spouse still very much alive

Its either she eliminate you guys from that house or you eliminate her real fast. Be very fast about it

you better leave that house and your dad...the house is your dad,so i am sorry he can bring in anybody he likes...get out before it is too late

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Ogundejasmine:
Good day nairalanders, I am new on this platform. I want your advice on the issue I want to narrate. I am sorry if it is long. My parents were both divorcees before they got married, although they both had kids from their previous marriages and their ex-spouses are still alive. My step brothers do come to stay with us for sometime and we lived together. In 2012,my step brother came to our house and he gave my mom 3 ripe plantain and washing soaps, he said his mom asked him to give it to her. My mom being trusting fried the plantain that morning and we all ate it, she even thanked the woman. Since then, my mum started having health issues to the extent that she couldn't see again, she was in this condition for 5 years before she passed on last year. We went to different places (hospitals, churches, alfas,herbalist),all they said was that she ate something. Doctors said there was nothing wrong with her health wise. In one of the churches we went to, she was asked to beg for forgiveness from her ex-husband and my dad's first wife, we did that but nothing happened. Before her death, she normally dream of this woman but she didn't know she was the one because she has never seen her before. Few months after my mom's death, I noticed that there is closeness between my dad and his first wife to the extent that his younger brother got to know of it and it almost became fight betweenthem.Now,this woman has started coming to our house, when she came the first time, my daddy's excuse was she wanted to see us and he need to close to her so that our step brothers will be closer to us. The second time she came, she slept in our house and my dad's bed, the excuse they gave was that there was traffic congestion and she couldn't go home that day. When my dad came back the next day, we discussed about it and we told him that we don't want her to come to our house and he said okay. He told us not to tell about all this. The third time she came, she spent a week, she even brought her luggage, we complained to our dad then he said he needs someone to talk to and someone to take care of him, he started telling us stories. Now, this woman is in our house and we don't know when she is leaving. She leaves with my dad in the morning and they come home together at night. My dad don't really care about us again and it is breaking the relationship between us. We are heartbroken, should we tell my dad's family members about what is happening because she told me that this is her house and she will live with us forever, she also said we are making our dad unhappy but she is there to make him happy. I am sorry it is very long



Firstly how old are you and your siblings? I think you have to make your dad understand he has to make a choice between you guys and this woman, I suspect he'll choose her and then you can take your siblings and leave the house. This I think is the best thing you can do. I hope you're old enough. I have no respect for a man that chooses a woman over his children.

Find an elderly person you can confide in in your family.Maybe your father's brother.
You can simply tell him to visit your house that his attention is needed to sort things.
How old are you?The best thing would have been for you get your own accommodation.

Thank you all for your replies. First of all, I and my younger sister are students, so we can't leave house yet. I have explained to my older step sister(mom's daughter) she asked us to keep enduring till we resume back to school. My dad doesn't have any close friends, the friends he has are already aware of this woman because she normally visit my dad and they have seen her all the time. My dad is the first born so there is limit to what his siblings said to him. The one we can report to is at loggerheads with him because of this case. She was even the one who reported him to his younger brother about the incessant calls

Op, kpegbuwe ne ekpere, and when you start je ke m'ukoi. That woman na strong woman. Obu esigbo ogbome.

Oweniwe, what says you?

Your dad s first wife has taken him away from you and your sisters spiritually. So this battle you want to fight isn't easy.. I wish you had graduated from the University, so you just leave the house with your sisters. Its just a matter of time before he stops attending to your needs. So you guys must be careful with the woman for the main time.. Act like she's welcomed.

The second time she came, she slept in our house and my dad's bed, the excuse they gave was that there was traffic congestion and she couldn't go home that day.

Of course there was traffic congestion, in your dad's manhood.

Ishilove:
Op, kpegbuwe ne ekpere, and when you start je ke m'ukoi. That woman na strong woman. Obu esigbo ogbome.

Oweniwe, what says you?

Why you come mention me for this kind matter? I say i wan tell you my experience with better lover magazines, you forgot... Say make you buzz me, you no gree

I've been in the op's shoes before, though with paale "wife".

When i was in school, I simply packed my stuffs to Ezionum and refused ever going to my dad house. (My dad wife is not a monster but we don't just jell)

After 3 years, last last, na them come beg me make i come visit them. I only went after i finished nysc to show paale my discharge certificate

I've not travelled to Lagos since 2013 (5 years ago) for this same reason.

OP leave the house for them and find your way.

Ile olorogun Ile ogun ni.

Ladies never marry a divorcee whose spouse (wife especially is still alive) is still single except they remarry.

Uncle just leave everything to God's hand.. That woman can go to any length.

Just continue praying to God, to open ways for you and your siblings...
Don't let anyone spoil your destiny for you and turn you to something you don't want or even kill you..
Don't report him and watch what you and your siblings eat...
Ori Iya yin awa leyin yin...

Sorry to ask this. Why was your mum asked to ask her ex husband and your step mom for forgiveness? Was she the root cause of the collapse of their marriage? Try to find out things that they might not be telling you.

Erhhm but y'all ate the dodo with your mom

Is your dad fulfilling his financial obligations to y'all? If yes please ignore the wife, respect and avoid her as much as you can and let your dad be.

There's nothing y'all can do if you want peace. Your dad has moved on, sadly. But that's life and reality 101. A man can marry the woman that pulled the trigger that killed the wife because they are easily manipulated, confused and controlled. I only pity women that don't know this.

I'm not saying the wife/woman killed your mom.

Go secretly to your grandma and tell her what is going on. Tell her not to say anything. On one of the days that the woman comes to sleep in the house, invite grandma over for impromptu visit. Let her claim she wanted to surprise her son so that kassala fit burst. Get your troublesome Aunty to join in the trip too. I am sure this woman did something terrible for the sibling in the know to react like that.

In all sha, your dad probably feels lonely and needs companionship. It also seems like he was the one that chased after her. It’s easier I guess to settle for a woman that has your kids when you become widowed. It’s also an answered prayer for the step kids.

Just make sure your dad makes a promise to take care of you and your sister and not bring in the world into your home where you all had peace. Ensure your father keeps to his obligations and tax him well to cover 4yrs of education in savings just in case they get greedy and off him. Only to throw you guys out later. It happens, so prepare for the worst and for when your dad is no longer around. Also make sure that house is under your name or one of your names as assurance from your dad on what he is doing. Just in case something happens to him.

Make sure he makes all amendments and you hold on to the original documents in a safe place. It’s time to move fast and work fast to secure your own future. In all this, don’t disrespect her. Just play along to get all you need.

oweniwe:


Why you come mention me for this kind matter? I say i wan tell you my experience with better lover magazines, you forgot... Say make you buzz me, you no gree

I've been in the op's shoes before, though with paale "wife".

When i was in school, I simply packed my stuffs to Ezionum and refused ever going to my dad house. (My dad wife is not a monster but we don't just jell)

After 3 years, last last, na them come beg me make i come visit them. I only went after i finished nysc to show paale my discharge certificate

I've not travelled to Lagos since 2013 (5 years ago) for this same reason.

OP leave the house for them and find your way.

Na dis same mata make me run 440 from my pop house ... I haven't seen my old man for 10years now but we do talk on phone. it's killing me but I gotta runnnnnn for my dear life.

i know it's not gonna be easy but OP and his siblings should start avioding that house as long as that woman is still in there before she start to dey reason dem matter one after the other... Watin my eye see ehn hmmm

Ogundejasmine:
he said that we shouldn't tell anybody. One of his younger brother knows about it. The woman said she would visit my grandma soon. We don't know how they will take it because they really love my dad and he is the first born. Thanks

Your father has been charmed. If you do not leave that house now while you still can, they're gonna poison you and your siblings like they poisoned your mother.

But first, make sure you inform all the people your father told you not to divulge the secrets to.

RSVP:



Na dis same mata make me run 440 from my pop house ... I haven't seen my old man for 10years now but we do talk on phone. it's killing me but I gotta runnnnnn for my dear life.

i know it's not gonna be easy but OP and his siblings should start avioding that house as long as that woman is still in there before she start to dey reason dem matter one after the other... Watin my eye see ehn hmmm

Nigerian parents.... Shakes my head...

Later they will be advising their children about relationships and marriage

blaise26abj:
Sorry to ask this. Why was your mum asked to ask her ex husband and your step mom for forgiveness? Was she the root cause of the collapse of their marriage? Try to find out things that they might not be telling you.

According to what my mom told me, the first wife was the one who packed her loads and her children from the house. The first wife recently gave a reason why she did that, she said it was because of the battles in my daddy's family which my dad sheepishly agreed

baby124:
Go secretly to your grandma and tell her what is going on. Tell her not to say anything. On one of the days that the woman comes to sleep in the house, invite grandma over for impromptu visit. Let her claim she wanted to surprise her son so that kassala fit burst. Get your troublesome Aunty to join in the trip too. I am sure this woman did something terrible for the sibling in the know to react like that.

In all sha, your dad probably feels lonely and needs companionship. It also seems like he was the one that chased after her. It’s easier I guess to settle for a woman that has your kids when you become widowed. It’s also an answered prayer for the step kids.

Just make sure your dad makes a promise to take care of you and your sister and not bring in the world into your home where you all had peace. Ensure your father keeps to his obligations and tax him well to cover 4yrs of education in savings just in case they get greedy and off him. Only to throw you guys out later. It happens, so prepare for the worst and for when your dad is no longer around. Also make sure that house is under your name or one of your names as assurance from your dad on what he is doing. Just in case something happens to him.

Make sure he makes all amendments and you hold on to the original documents in a safe place. It’s time to move fast and work fast to secure your own future. In all this, don’t disrespect her. Just play along to get all you need.

My grandma stays in a far place and she doesn't know anywhere apart from my state. Thanks

I thank everyone for your advice. A new development has happened, my dad called us to choose 1 out of 3 options. 1.he should marry another wife that doesn't know him at all. 2.let his first wife come regularly since she has full right in the house and she knows everything about him. 3.he should be alone and he should die untimely (according to him). My younger one has already chose option 2 but I told him to do whatever pleases him. This will be the first time my dad said that he would get very angry with us if we behave anyhow anytime the woman comes in. I don't know what to do

Ogundejasmine:
According to what my mom told me, the first wife was the one who packed her loads and her children from the house. The first wife recently gave a reason why she did that, she said it was because of the battles in my daddy's family which my dad sheepishly agreed

Okay. The advice I have for you is dont be hasty to label your dad'S first wife. Some stepmoms can be real mothers. Just observe and try to find out more about her especially if she falls into such category.

She has kids for your dad. So it is natural for her to be concerned about him during this period. About the plantain etc and your mum's passing, I implore you not to hastily tag the 1st wife as the culprit. After all her own ex husband was also asked for forgiveness and is also a suspect as well as a dilapidated medical system . God will watch over you and your family .

baby124:
Go secretly to your grandma and tell her what is going on. Tell her not to say anything. On one of the days that the woman comes to sleep in the house, invite grandma over for impromptu visit. Let her claim she wanted to surprise her son so that kassala fit burst. Get your troublesome Aunty to join in the trip too. I am sure this woman did something terrible for the sibling in the know to react like that.

In all sha, your dad probably feels lonely and needs companionship. It also seems like he was the one that chased after her. It’s easier I guess to settle for a woman that has your kids when you become widowed. It’s also an answered prayer for the step kids.

Just make sure your dad makes a promise to take care of you and your sister and not bring in the world into your home where you all had peace. Ensure your father keeps to his obligations and tax him well to cover 4yrs of education in savings just in case they get greedy and off him. Only to throw you guys out later. It happens, so prepare for the worst and for when your dad is no longer around. Also make sure that house is under your name or one of your names as assurance from your dad on what he is doing. Just in case something happens to him.

Make sure he makes all amendments and you hold on to the original documents in a safe place. It’s time to move fast and work fast to secure your own future. In all this, don’t disrespect her. Just play along to get all you need.

I hope you know the father also has other children who are older than the OP and her sibling. Why should their father will only the house to OP and her younger one? Do they have 2 heads more than the older children the man has? Are their own futures too not as important as the Op's?

Miss OP- Ogundejasmine, you cannot decide who your father should marry or remarry. The woman in question was there before your mother.
Your father and her have unfinished business together, and want to finish it now.
I would advice you to face your front, and be happy for your dad provided she makes him happy.
Let the old man be, and befriend the mother of his other children. Face your studies, and let your father continue to sponsor your education.
Aim at making your future a bright one, and stop getting distracted with irrelevant matters. Try and make your mother proud in her grave by your success in life, and not by policing a grown man. I'm sure that's what your mum would probably have wanted.
If what split them up the first time is still an issue, they will still split up last last again.

eyinjuege:


I hope you know the father also has other children who are older than the OP and her sibling. Why should their father will only the house to OP and her younger one? Do they have 2 heads more than the older children the man has? Are their own futures too not as important as the Op's?

Miss OP- Ogundejasmine, you cannot decide who your father should marry or remarry. The woman in question was there before your mother.
Your father and her have unfinished business together, and want to finish it now.
I would advice you to face your front, and be happy for your dad provided she makes him happy.
Let the old man be, and befriend the mother of his other children. Face your studies, and let your father continue to sponsor your education.
Aim at making your future a bright one, and stop getting distracted with irrelevant matters. Try and make your mother proud in her grave by your success in life, and not by policing a grown man. I'm sure that's what your mum would probably have wanted.
If what split them up the first time is still an issue, they will still split up last last again.

That house was the house of her father and her mother. Not the house of the first wife and the man. If the mother was still married to the father and if he died before her, that house would be for her and her kids. The house belongs to them. This was not a polygamous marriage but a situation is an ex-wife. Get it?

Ogundejasmine:
I thank everyone for your advice. A new development has happened, my dad called us to choose 1 out of 3 options. 1.he should marry another wife that doesn't know him at all. 2.let his first wife come regularly since she has full right in the house and she knows everything about him. 3.he should be alone and he should die untimely (according to him). My younger one has already chose option 2 but I told him to do whatever pleases him. This will be the first time my dad said that he would get very angry with us if we behave anyhow anytime the woman comes in. I don't know what to do

Is she an ex-wife or was your dad polygamous? What makes her have full right in the house? Abi you are just playing games here cause your first story and your new development doesn’t make sense.

Tell your father to secure your future first before thinking with his emotions. What if he’s not here tomorrow and you are orphans. Who will fight for you people? Play the angle that your mother is no longer here anymore and even he is not an orphan, so he doesn’t understand how you feel. Try and get what you can from him. Don’t fall for emotional blackmail because once she moves in, you people may not have it easy. And because your father is desperate, he may end up behaving like a mumu to keep the peace. You people will now become strangers in your own home. That your mother was good and trusting does not mean this woman will be. You don’t know what her intentions are so don’t take chances. She will not always be coming and going. Once you accept option 2, she will move in fully.

baby124:

Is she an ex-wife or was your dad polygamous? What makes her have full right in the house? Abi you are just playing games here cause your first story and your new development doesn’t make sense.

Tell your father to secure your future first before thinking with his emotions. What if he’s not here tomorrow and you are orphans. Who will fight for you people? Play the angle that your mother is no longer here anymore and even he is not an orphan, so he doesn’t understand how you feel. Try and get what you can from him. Don’t fall for emotional blackmail because once she moves in, you people may not have it easy. And because your father is desperate, he may end up behaving like a mumu to keep the peace. You people will now become strangers in your own home. That your mother was good and trusting does not mean this woman will be. You don’t know what her intentions are so don’t take chances. She will not always be coming and going. Once you accept option 2, she will move in fully.

she is an ex-wife to my daddy. My mom wasn't the cause of their separation and she has never seen my dad's first wife before.