eyinjuege:


I hope you know the father also has other children who are older than the OP and her sibling. Why should their father will only the house to OP and her younger one? Do they have 2 heads more than the older children the man has? Are their own futures too not as important as the Op's?

Miss OP- Ogundejasmine, you cannot decide who your father should marry or remarry. The woman in question was there before your mother.
Your father and her have unfinished business together, and want to finish it now.
I would advice you to face your front, and be happy for your dad provided she makes him happy.
Let the old man be, and befriend the mother of his other children. Face your studies, and let your father continue to sponsor your education.
Aim at making your future a bright one, and stop getting distracted with irrelevant matters. Try and make your mother proud in her grave by your success in life, and not by policing a grown man. I'm sure that's what your mum would probably have wanted.
If what split them up the first time is still an issue, they will still split up last last again.

We are hurt by my dad is doing and it is affecting our relationship.

Ogundejasmine:
We are hurt by my dad is doing and it is affecting our relationship.

Don't you want him to remarry and start his life again?
I know you're still grieving your mum. But we all have various ways we grieve.
Hopefully, with time you will get over your grief. You are the legacy your mother has left behind. Make it count.
You've not mentioned anything the woman has done wrong to you. You never mentioned she was having an affair with your dad while he was still married to your mum. Other than some hocus pocus about some plantain, which you all ate out of, she hasn't been mean or wicked to you all. She is also the mother of your older siblings, and will always be in the life of your dad whether you like it or not. That should count for something shouldn't it?
Is it until your dad remarries a younger woman who would want her own children, and then reduce the resources available that your eye would clear? Even if your dad remarries another older woman who cant bear children again, nothing would stop him from spending his resources on his new wife's children from another. At least now, if he spends anything, it would still be on his own children.
Life has thrown lemons at your dad dear, he's only trying to make lemonade. He's been married twice so far, and I'm sure he's not happy about that or losing a wife.
He just needs a companion now, and I think you will appreciate her when you are older with your own family. You wont have to worry about your dad being lonely all the time, about his cooking and feeding.
I don't think she means harm for your father who Is also the father of her children.
Try to see the positives, and don't dwell on negative thoughts.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to be. I wish you well.

baby124:

That house was the house of her father and her mother. Not the house of the first wife and the man. If the mother was still married to the father and if he died before her, that house would be for her and her kids. The house belongs to them. This was not a polygamous marriage but a situation is an ex-wife. Get it?

No, I don't get it.
That house was for both parents. If the father had died before his wife, his children from another woman would still have an inheritance, at least from their father's share (if they even built it together). Because a relationship didn't work out between them doesn't make the children they have non existent. You dont throw away your children from a previous marriage. That's evil.
Unless their mother built the house, the man's children from a previous marriage have the same rights as OP in that house.
How do you even know If it wasn't the same house the ex-wife lived in before they separated? How do you know the father didn't have his own house before he remarried OPs mother? How do you know if their own mother didn't have her own house(s) and inheritance for her own children before she died?

eyinjuege:


No, I don't get it.
That house was for both parents. If the father had died before his wife, his children from another woman would still have an inheritance, at least from their father's share (if they even built it together). Because a relationship didn't work out between them doesn't make the children they have non existent. You dont throw away your children from a previous marriage. That's evil.
Unless their mother built the house, the man's children from a previous marriage have the same rights as OP in that house.
How do you even know If it wasn't the same house the ex-wife lived in before they separated? How do you know the father didn't have his own house before he remarried OPs mother? How do you know if their own mother didn't have her own house(s) and inheritance for her own children before she died?

So if the father died before the mother, they will throw the mother out of the house to settle his older kids? Did you read where she said her mother did not even know the first wife? Shows the divorce was a very long time ago. Yes, those kids are his but that house belongs to his wife and kids. If he dies tomorrow what is the fate of the children from his legal wife when they have much older siblings? Will their mother while alive have just looked on while his children sell her husbands house on her head? House they probably both worked for. I think not. He will have provisions for them in his will. If he dies will his first wife let them even sleep a day in that house? But you don’t want them to fight for their own right. They should let the woman who is a stranger to them and her kids come and take over just like that. I hope if same happens to you, you will want your kids to act just like this.

OP, fight for what you can while your dad is alive. Don’t mind what anyone else is saying because if something happens to your dad and you are thrown on the street. No grandma, uncle, aunt or Nairaland will give you a kobo. Before he brings her in, make sure there are strong agreements that secure your future with your school fees covering your 4yrs and other things on ground. Don’t fall for emotional blackmail and other pitiful stuff because no one will pity you when you are on your own. You no get mama agin to fight for you. Fight for yourself in a rational and practical manner. Even your dad will be impressed.

eyinjuege:


No, I don't get it.
That house was for both parents. If the father had died before his wife, his children from another woman would still have an inheritance, at least from their father's share (if they even built it together). Because a relationship didn't work out between them doesn't make the children they have non existent. You dont throw away your children from a previous marriage. That's evil.
Unless their mother built the house, the man's children from a previous marriage have the same rights as OP in that house.
How do you even know If it wasn't the same house the ex-wife lived in before they separated? How do you know the father didn't have his own house before he remarried OPs mother? How do you know if their own mother didn't have her own house(s) and inheritance for her own children before she died?

we just moved to this house and my mom is also buried in this house

eyinjuege:


Don't you want him to remarry and start his life again?
I know you're still grieving your mum. But we all have various ways we grieve.
Hopefully, with time you will get over your grief. You are the legacy your mother has left behind. Make it count.
You've not mentioned anything the woman has done wrong to you. You never mentioned she was having an affair with your dad while he was still married to your mum. Other than some hocus pocus about some plantain, which you all ate out of, she hasn't been mean or wicked to you all. She is also the mother of your older siblings, and will always be in the life of your dad whether you like it or not. That should count for something shouldn't it?
Is it until your dad remarries a younger woman who would want her own children, and then reduce the resources available that your eye would clear? Even if your dad remarries another older woman who cant bear children again, nothing would stop him from spending his resources on his new wife's children from another. At least now, if he spends anything, it would still be on his own children.
Life has thrown lemons at your dad dear, he's only trying to make lemonade. He's been married twice so far, and I'm sure he's not happy about that or losing a wife.
He just needs a companion now, and I think you will appreciate her when you are older with your own family. You wont have to worry about your dad being lonely all the time, about his cooking and feeding.
I don't think she means harm for your father who Is also the father of her children.
Try to see the positives, and don't dwell on negative thoughts.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to be. I wish you well.

thanks,she and my dad has been calling themselves and seeing each other before my mom's death.

baby124:
OP, fight for what you can while your dad is alive. Don’t mind what anyone else is saying because if something happens to your dad and you are thrown on the street. No grandma, uncle, aunt or Nairaland will give you a kobo. Before he brings her in, make sure there are strong agreements that secure your future with your school fees covering your 4yrs and other things on ground. Don’t fall for emotional blackmail and other pitiful stuff because no one will pity you when you are on your own. You no get mama agin to fight for you. Fight for yourself in a rational and practical manner. Even your dad will be impressed.

thanks I really appreciate

eyinjuege:


Don't you want him to remarry and start his life again?
I know you're still grieving your mum. But we all have various ways we grieve.
Hopefully, with time you will get over your grief. You are the legacy your mother has left behind. Make it count.
You've not mentioned anything the woman has done wrong to you. You never mentioned she was having an affair with your dad while he was still married to your mum. Other than some hocus pocus about some plantain, which you all ate out of, she hasn't been mean or wicked to you all. She is also the mother of your older siblings, and will always be in the life of your dad whether you like it or not. That should count for something shouldn't it?
Is it until your dad remarries a younger woman who would want her own children, and then reduce the resources available that your eye would clear? Even if your dad remarries another older woman who cant bear children again, nothing would stop him from spending his resources on his new wife's children from another. At least now, if he spends anything, it would still be on his own children.
Life has thrown lemons at your dad dear, he's only trying to make lemonade. He's been married twice so far, and I'm sure he's not happy about that or losing a wife.
He just needs a companion now, and I think you will appreciate her when you are older with your own family. You wont have to worry about your dad being lonely all the time, about his cooking and feeding.
I don't think she means harm for your father who Is also the father of her children.
Try to see the positives, and don't dwell on negative thoughts.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to be. I wish you well.

thanks I really appreciate

baby124:

So if the father died before the mother, they will throw the mother out of the house to settle his older kids? Did you read where she said her mother did not even know the first wife? Shows the divorce was a very long time ago. Yes, those kids are his but that house belongs to his wife and kids. If he dies tomorrow what is the fate of the children from his legal wife when they have much older siblings? Will their mother while alive have just looked on while his children sell her husbands house on her head? House they probably both worked for. I think not. He will have provisions for them in his will. If he dies will his first wife let them even sleep a day in that house? But you don’t want them to fight for their own right. They should let the woman who is a stranger to them and her kids come and take over just like that. I hope if same happens to you, you will want your kids to act just like this.

I will leave an inheritance for my children dear, dont worry about them. They will also have an inheritance from their father. Does that mean if the late woman in question had married a widower, the children from his previous marriage suddenly become null and void because he's remarried and now has other children? You people should fear God o.
I can even bet it that the man owns the home fair and square, with little contribution from the late wife.
You will ask me why? Because only few women will build a house with a man knowing fully well he has older children from a previous marriage. They would rather build their own house, and rent it out if they can afford it.
The older children have as much right as their younger siblings in that house.
In as much as basic courtesy and respect demands they leave their step mum in the house if the man of the house had died, that doesn't mean they still don't have a stake in the property their father left behind. It doesnt mean the children of the new wife are more special or deserve more from their father.
Your own mentality is the type that scatters families, and makes everyone draw their swords.
The dead is gone, it's left for the living to live their life.
OP, if you like, alienate your father and his ex wife. You will suffer for it last last. He's made up his mind to marry her, and I'm sure she's also not going to let anyone pour sand in her garri again, as the marriage to your mum ruled out any form of possible reconciliation between them.
If you start demanding money from your father, and inheritance issues, the first question any rational person will think of is if you're planning to kill them.
Is the material wealth more important than happiness and peace? It's best you make something of yourself and create your own wealth and inheritance for your progeny.

Don't be deceived that your dad will be impressed if you ask him to share his property while still alive.

eyinjuege:


I will leave an inheritance for my children dear, dont worry about them. They will also have an inheritance from their father. Does that mean if the late woman in question had married a widower, the children from his previous marriage suddenly become null and void because he's remarried and now has other children? You people should fear God o.
I can even bet it that the man owns the home fair and square, with little contribution from the late wife.
You will ask me why? Because only few women will build a house with a man knowing fully well he has older children from a previous marriage. They would rather build their own house, and rent it out if they can afford it.
The older children have as much right as their younger siblings in that house.
In as much as basic courtesy and respect demands they leave their step mum in the house if the man of the house had died, that doesn't mean they still don't have a stake in the property their father left behind. It doesnt mean the children of the new wife are more special or deserve more from their father.
Your own mentality is the type that scatters families, and makes everyone draw their swords.
The dead is gone, it's left for the living to live their life.
OP, if you like, alienate your father and his ex wife. You will suffer for it last last. He's made up his mind to marry her, and I'm sure she's also not going to let anyone pour sand in her garri again, as the marriage to your mum ruled out any form of possible reconciliation between them.
If you start demanding money from your father, and inheritance issues, the first question any rational person will think of is if you're planning to kill them.
Is the material wealth more important than happiness and peace? It's best you make something of yourself and create your own wealth and inheritance for your progeny.

Don't be deceived that your dad will be impressed if you ask him to share his property while still alive.

Very wrong. Most women will build the houses knowing that he has other children. A lot of women are the owner of the houses their husband live in. So it will be wrong for you to assume that it belongs to the man. That she was buried in the house speaks volumes and is a very loud message. She probably owns that house. You better don’t go fighting for property assuming a man owns the house, you will be shocked. A lot of women are bread winners and built the houses their families live in. I know someone who owns the house her husband lived in even though all the relatives believed it was the husbands house because he was rich. It was the wife’s house and they were thoroughly shocked when the man died.

OP, don’t listen to this advice. Kuku advise your dad to look for someone new.

Ogundejasmine:
we just moved to this house and my mom is also buried in this house

It is well dear. Nobody is going to sell the house your mum is buried in.
Just face your studies and so far your father is still responsible for your school and upkeep, you don't have any problem.
Don't see her as an enemy, and don't fight with her. Just mind your own business, and face how you will excel in life.
Your father has lived his own life. It's left for You to create your own path in life. I hope you're at least in a higher institution. Perhaps, start looking for a small business you can do in school, to augment whatever your dad gives you. You know what was 2 people's responsibility is now one person's.

eyinjuege:


It is well dear. Nobody is going to sell the house your mum is buried in.
Just face your studies and so far your father is still responsible for your school and upkeep, you don't have any problem.
Don't see her as an enemy, and don't fight with her. Just mind your own business, and face how you will excel in life.
Your father has lived his own life. It's left for You to create your own path in life. I hope you're at least in a higher institution. Perhaps, start looking for a small business you can do in school, to augment whatever your dad gives you. You know what was 2 people's responsibility is now one person's.

Nonsense. While her father is still alive she should find a business to do so that the ex-wife can be comfortable and she can raise money for herself. What rubbish... smh.

baby124:

Very wrong. Most women will build the houses knowing that he has other children. A lot of women are the owner of the houses their husband live in. So it will be wrong for you to assume that it belongs to the man. That she was buried in the house speaks volumes and is a very loud message. She probably owns that house. You better don’t go fighting for property assuming a man owns the house, you will be shocked. A lot of women are bread winners and built the houses their families live in. I know someone who owns the house her husband lived in even though all the relatives believed it was the husbands house because he was rich. It was the wife’s house and they were thoroughly shocked when the man died.

Very few women would build a house with a man knowing the man has other children. If they build one, it will definitely be only in their names.
It's normal for a wife to be buried where her husband wants, and not in her father's compound. I won't be surprised if same man will also be buried in the same compound when his time is up. That's not an issue at all.
Women definitely build their own houses, and their husbands live there. That's also not an issue at all, and I never disputed that.
But only a fool will build a house in her husband's name when he has other children. Rather, build in your name or your children's name and let them know it's their inheritance.
Let's even assume the woman built the house in question, does that also mean her children from her first marriage can also not inherit her, and only the OP can?

baby124:

Nonsense. While her father is still alive she should find a business to do so that the ex-wife can be comfortable and she can raise money for herself. What rubbish... smh.

What's wrong in doing a business as a student? A girl I'm definitely sure is over 18years old.
Not everyone is lazy. I'm very sure her mother was giving her money when alive. She's no more now, and I'm sure she will feel that void.
Her father is a grown man who will decide who he marries. The so called ex wife is the mother of his first fruits. The earlier you come to that realisation, the better. As a father, he owes all his children support, and not only xhildren drom