Been a long time here. Happy sunday to everyone.
I'd be penning down some advice here to young ladies like me who are in one way or the other inclined to get married.
1)Do not fall in love with any man during your ovulation period: you're probably not in your right mind emotionally and the need to naturally have sex is there.
2)The call to LOVE is upon the man: I'm not being religious here but the bible confirmed this. If you take a look back at the bad relationships you've had, you'd realize that it was you in love and not the guy. When a guy love you, you will know. So please stop subtly forcing yourself on anybody. Ladies are emotional and guys are aware of this, stop letting guys take advantage of your weakness.
3)I don't love him: there is this guy that is showing you love but you feel you don't love him even tho you haven't given him a chance. Why do you feel that you don't love him? Let me try to give possible reasons
a) you're still emotionally attached to someone else. The person you're still emotionally attached to might not even feel the same about you, emotions can be transferred, stop wasting it on the wrong person.
4 years ago, a guy fell in love with a frnd of mine but unfortunately she was still emotionally attached to the guy she was in love with(this guy treats her like trash). This new guy kept on persisting until she reluctantly said yes. She even still went on to cheat on him because she wasn't ready to transfer love and emotions to this new guy. At the end of the day she realized that the place of LOVE in a relationship is the duty of the man. They are both married today and their baby is almost a year old.
b) he isn't up to the physical standards you have set for yourself. Only lucky women are married to the man they have always fantasized about, be it the physical looks or otherwise. The others are woken up by reality. Know that not all men will have beards and 6packs, tall and handsome at same time. A small-stature young man also found love in a sister of mine, but she turned him down cos he is too little for her and also not handsome. This guy was in LOVE and truly showed her, she played him around for close to a year before realising that the guy is truly in love. She woke up to reality from her world of fantasy now they are happily married.
You are a safe woman in the hands of a man that LOVEs you but same cannot be said if you're the one in love with the guy.

3) I want a working class independent lady: Are you a successful independent lady? if you're lucky enough to hear this statement from a guy that is asking you out, then congratulations! If not ask him what he feels about getting married to a financially independent lady.
If he cannot give you a convincing answer, my dear please flee! Its either he wishes to be a financially handicapped husband or he wants to keep living a single life even while getting the benefit of a married man. Successfull young ladies are also scared of gold digging guys!
Part of what makes a man a man is his ability to provide for his family, the place of a wife is to support.
4) Ask questions: if you feel like you're now ready to get married please ask your questions. Some guys just wants to have fun. It won't be nice finding out later that he was only in for the sex and dates while in your mind you think a serious thing is going on.
That's how I filter my toasters. I simply ask them to be sincere with me. "I want to have fun..." "I'm not ready to get married..." "we can just see how it goes..." too bad! If you're not ready for the deal then go on to ladies that would be your audience.
4) When are we getting married? You really need to ask this question especially if you're in a serious relationship. Let him know you're not in for fun. Say things like "I'd like us to get married bfr october" and wait to see his reaction
5) No sex please: stop increasing your body counts. A guy that loves you will not place sex as a priority in the relationship. If the relationship is heading towards marriage then you should be more of frnds, getting to know each other. Spend time with your families. Not sex chat and sleep overs. If he subtly insist on sex then make it known that you might consider that after he and his family must have done a formal introduction with your family. Only a foolish guy will leave you after bringing in his family and frnds for intro.
Too many body counts might cause you to cheat on your husband, because there'd be too many exes to compare his sexual prowess with.
6)Don't get married without having a job: it gives you a kind of leverage. One of the reasons married women stay in abusive marriages is because they are too broke to leave.

she wasn't ready to transfer love and emotions to this new guy. At the end of the day she realized that the place of LOVE in a relationship is the duty of the man. They are both married today and their baby is almost a year old.

Sorry to interrupt but what do you mean by " the place of love is the duty of the man " ...and to whom did she get married to the first guy or the later guy you mentioned ( the one who treats her badly ) ?

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A woman who marries a man that genuinely loves her is blessed.

TheWhiteBox:
#2: I do agree that a man should love a woman more than she does him, but the onus to love shouldn't entirely rest on the man. Love is a two-way street.

#5, 6: 100% agreement to both! Some women don't ask questions b/c they don't wanna appear eager or desperate, but as a woman you've the right to make your expectations known + know where a relationship is heading. Steve Harvey is a huge advocate of this.

#7: I was totally agreeing with this tip until I got to the part about promising a guy sex after the introduction. Either someone is a virgin or not, it's best to wait until after the wedding《traditional or white》has taken place to have sex. A woman should be wary of a man who keeps insisting on sex before the wedding/marriage. Advising women to yield to men's pressure for sex isn't a good idea b/c introduction doesn't always guarantee marriage.

7. I disagree with the school of thought that makes it seem a woman is doing a favour having se. X with a man.

Don't women have sex.ual desires? Do you know that some women want the S3x and chase it?

I also disagree that a man who wants S3x doesn't really love you. One of the major manifestations of erotic love is s3x. Some people are patient, some aren't.

I am not saying that a man cannot just want sex: I am saying that just like lies, premarital s3x is a sin some people commit with people they love/like/just want to chop.

bukatyne:
A woman who marries a man that genuinely loves her is blessed.

That is the absolute truth my dear.

TheWhiteBox:
#2: I do agree that a man should love a woman more than she does him, but the onus to love shouldn't entirely rest on the man. Love is a two-way street.

#5, 6: 100% agreement to both! Some women don't ask questions b/c they don't wanna appear eager or desperate, but as a woman you've the right to make your expectations known + know where a relationship is heading. Steve Harvey is a huge advocate of this.

#7: I was totally agreeing with this tip until I got to the part about promising a guy sex after the introduction. Either someone is a virgin or not, it's best to wait until after the wedding《traditional or white》has taken place to have sex. A woman should be wary of a man who keeps insisting on sex before the wedding/marriage. Advising women to yield to men's pressure for sex isn't a good idea b/c introduction doesn't always guarantee marriage.

I said that too. A man who makes sex and romance priority isn't serious. That's why I stated that a serious relationship should be more of friendship and getting to know more about each other. If at all the lady wants to have sex with her man bfr marriage then it should be after a formal introduction is done.

TheWhiteBox:
#2: I do agree that a man should love a woman more than she does him, but the onus to love shouldn't entirely rest on the man. Love is a two-way street.

#5, 6: 100% agreement to both! Some women don't ask questions b/c they don't wanna appear eager or desperate, but as a woman you've the right to make your expectations known + know where a relationship is heading. Steve Harvey is a huge advocate of this.

#7: I was totally agreeing with this tip until I got to the part about promising a guy sex after the introduction. Either someone is a virgin or not, it's best to wait until after the wedding《traditional or white》has taken place to have sex. A woman should be wary of a man who keeps insisting on sex before the wedding/marriage. Advising women to yield to men's pressure for sex isn't a good idea b/c introduction doesn't always guarantee marriage.

Love is a two way street truly. But if you take a careful look at it, you'd see that its more reasonable for a guy to love you first and you can follow his lead and love him later.
The love of a woman is crazy, that's why some women will stay in an abusive relationships(not even marriage o) cos they are the one taking the LOVE lead. Sometimes we as ladies see ourselves asking questions like "what am I doing in this relationship" it's because the foundation is faulty. You will not have to question yourself if you're just following the lead of a man that truly loves you.

classicB:

I said that too. A man who makes sex and romance priority isn't serious. That's why I stated that a serious relationship should be more of friendship and getting to know more about each other. If at all the lady wants to have sex with her man bfr marriage then it should be after a formal introduction is done.

There are a lot of things that I find odd about this statement .

But it seems like you aren't a sexual person at all . Well you are entitled to your opinion .

Kudos for use of grammar tho . Not a lot of people here can write such long texts without errors . But after carefully reading some of your opinions are rather odd ...but like I said you are probably not a sexual person .

Then again I am a person who doesn't want to get married so that's that .

classicB:

Love is a two way street truly. But if you take a careful look at it, you'd see that its more reasonable for a guy to love you first and you can follow his lead and love him later.
The love of a woman is crazy, that's why some women will stay in an abusive relationships(not even marriage o) cos they are the one taking the LOVE lead. Sometimes we as ladies see ourselves asking questions like "what am I doing in this relationship" it's because the foundation is faulty. You will not have to question yourself if you're just following the lead of a man that truly loves you.

As I said before I think it's odd - your advice on which sex loves first as the heart wants what the heart wants . There's no laid down formula to how hard the heart loves and how skillful the head plays when it comes to relationships .

But then again it's your opinion , which I have to respect that you are entitled to make one , but I can still disagree .

Love is fleeting ...I don't believe in marriage for me but live yes . As for your example of staying In an abusive relationship even guys do too for whatever reason .

I can only say the day women learn to rid themselves of this burden of " I must get married to be socially accepted " is the day true feminism or happiness will thrive in this country .

.

TheWhiteBox:
#2: I do agree that a man should love a woman more than she does him, but the onus to love shouldn't entirely rest on the man. Love is a two-way street.

#5, 6: 100% agreement to both! Some women don't ask questions b/c they don't wanna appear eager or desperate, but as a woman you've the right to make your expectations known + know where a relationship is heading. Steve Harvey is a huge advocate of this.

#7: I was totally agreeing with this tip until I got to the part about promising a guy sex after the introduction. Either someone is a virgin or not, it's best to wait until after the wedding《traditional or white》has taken place to have sex. A woman should be wary of a man who keeps insisting on sex before the wedding/marriage. Advising women to yield to men's pressure for sex isn't a good idea b/c introduction doesn't always guarantee marriage.

Well I guess it depends on the woman
Some years ago, a woman I will call XX dated a guy, caring, generous, rich and nice. He proposed and she said yes. Some months later (a couple of them?) they had the “intro”. That night they had sex for the first time
It was awful for XX
She called off the engagement
She knows she would have totally gotten a divorce if she had gotten married and experienced the same sex/copulation
My point? I dislike and disagree with your view on sex before marriage. I would ring a bell about town advocating for it if need be
There is also the assumption in your post that it is only men who can break engagements, especially after sex. Okay

@ topic
Some women are attracted to people they love more
They get mildly disgusted when men are all over them, all loving to them when they don’t feel the same way
It might be somewhat arrogant and dismissive to imply that they don’t know what they are doing when it is their life and not ours
Then why do we always feel that all relationships must lead to marriage to be meaningful? I honestly, passionately don’t feel so. Sometimes the journey (dating/relationship) itself is everything and does not have to lead to marriage, no?
Well that’s just me

tobianthony:


There are a lot of things that I find odd about this statement .

But it seems like you aren't a sexual person at all . Well you are entitled to your opinion .

Kudos for use of grammar tho . Not a lot of people here can write such long texts without errors . But after carefully reading some of your opinions are rather odd ...but like I said you are probably not a sexual person .

Then again I am a person who doesn't want to get married so that's that .

Do you mean I'm not a sexual being in the sense that I don't want to sleep with random guys that comes my way? We are all sexual beings, self control just differs among us all.

classicB:

Do you mean I'm not a sexual being in the sense that I don't want to sleep with any guy that comes my way? We are all sexual beings, self control just differs among us all.

Then there is libido too
Some people have more of it than others
Then there is inhibition, some people have less of it than others (this is my counterargument to your self control bit)
Then some people express love thru physical intimacy, so they would tend to give (and receive) more sex than those who might express love differently, let’s say those who want to receive (and or give) gifts (this one is culled from that love languages teaching)
Also some people do not think sex is a sin. Do you see how these demographic of people would have a lot of sex and more, without getting all worked up about it than the people who have self control, who are following the dictates of “thou shall not fornicate” and even “adulterate”?, etc?

So life is lived differently, according to how everybody lives theirs. There is no one maxim for expressing love and sexing
Cheers
(I hope I have not deviated too much from the topic!)

merahki:


Well I guess it depends on the woman
Some years ago, a woman I will call XX dated a guy, caring, generous, rich and nice. He proposed and she said yes. Some months later (a couple of them?) they had the “intro”. That night they had sex for the first time
It was awful for XX
She called off the engagement
She knows she would have totally gotten a divorce if she had gotten married and experienced the same sex/copulation
My point? I dislike and disagree with your view on sex before marriage. I would ring a bell about town advocating for it if need be
There is also the assumption in your post that it is only men who can break engagements, especially after sex. Okay

@ topic
Some women are attracted to people they love more
They get mildly disgusted when men are all over them, all loving to them when they don’t feel the same way
It might be somewhat arrogant and dismissive to imply that they don’t know what they are doing when it is their life and not ours
Then why do we always feel that all relationships must lead to marriage to be meaningful? I honestly, passionately don’t feel so. Sometimes the journey (dating/relationship) itself is everything and does not have to lead to marriage, no?
Well that’s just me

True. But I'd rather get married to someone that loves me and I love too, than keep jumping from one man to another. At the end of the day we'd realize that we are not made to be by ourselves. We need someone to love and be emotionally attached to. So wether you get married now or not, you'd get to a point in your SINGLE-HOOD that being alone won't make sense to you anymore. People get married in their 40s and 50s even older than that, and some people that choose not to are actually in an emotionally bonding relationship-call it bf/gf

TheWhiteBox:
#2: I do agree that a man should love a woman more than she does him, but the onus to love shouldn't entirely rest on the man. Love is a two-way street.

#5, 6: 100% agreement to both! Some women don't ask questions b/c they don't wanna appear eager or desperate, but as a woman you've the right to make your expectations known + know where a relationship is heading. Steve Harvey is a huge advocate of this.

#7: I was totally agreeing with this tip until I got to the part about promising a guy sex after the introduction. Either someone is a virgin or not, it's best to wait until after the wedding《traditional or white》has taken place to have sex. A woman should be wary of a man who keeps insisting on sex before the wedding/marriage. Advising women to yield to men's pressure for sex isn't a good idea b/c introduction doesn't always guarantee marriage.

I ask you again. What is in the white box?

classicB:

True. But I'd rather get married to someone that loves me and I love too, than keep jumping from one man to another. At the end of the day we'd realize that we are not made to be by ourselves. We need someone to love and be emotionally attached to. So wether you get married now or not, you'd get to a point in your SINGLE-HOOD that being alone won't make sense to you anymore. People get married in their 40s and 50s even older than that, and some people that choose not to are actually in an emotionally bonding relationship-call it bf/gf

Another assumption- that everybody MUST reach that time in their single-hood (whataword ) when they realize that being alone does not make sense. Some people realize sooner or later in their unsinglehood that they feel trapped and that staying together does not make sense anymore.
Do you not know this? Some people are in emotionally fulfilling and binding relationships without being married. Some married people are in emotional ties with people not their spouses. I like to think that many people are happily married in fulfillment. However there is no one way, you must note this darling

I agree with you that loving and being loved back is beautiful and “ideal”. However it does not negate the fact that some people are drawn towards relationships where they do more of the loving. Some gravitate towards where there are loved more. To each their own, no?

Lastly what you would rather do is all you- what you would rather do. Does not change the fact that some other person may prefer running from partner to partner, catching little flames of “love and passion” that way
Cheers

I want to ask a question Pls.

What does the law say about a women who pregnant for another man, deceitfully marries another man and bares a child that don't belong to the man she married.