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Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by iyatrustee(f): 11:19am On Aug 20, 2010 |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by thweraja10: 11:28am On Aug 20, 2010 |
I dont think this is the best place to get advice. Meet with people in your family that are old enough to give advice. Mind you old wise men. In situtations like this "do not" ask a woman for advise cos they will mislead you. First let a DNA test be conducted, if it is confirmed, Better dont take the child home, let the man take care of the child responsiblity. You both should agree on how much should be given monthly. Do not even try to be familiar with the said lady, cos she might even try to come for revenge. And for your husband, be careful cos in the process of taking responsiblity for the child they might start with their affairs. Just pray about it. Note: Its just an advice its left for you to decide |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by LOVE4BUG(f): 1:46pm On Aug 20, 2010 |
hmmmmmm anyway its a lesson and you should be wise in you decisions |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Nobody: 2:53pm On Aug 20, 2010 |
If you live in Nigeria ,then the woman will have all equal rights ,even if you have ten kids and she as one,if anything happens to your hubby without a will,she can contest it with you ,if she as a crook and good lawyer,they can take home some tangible ,am not a lawyer but i have seen it happen so many times.You have to allow the kid to grow up in a welcoming environment and not an outcast. |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Travelista(f): 3:43pm On Aug 20, 2010 |
He's known about this child for this long and is just mentioning it? Good luck with that. As was previously posted, this isn't the place to ask for advice. Talk to those you trust (men AND women; like men aren't capable of being misleading. . .that's what started this mess) and get their advice. I really pray that you and your husband can get past this and do what's right for both of your families. olas2u: What?! A side piece has equal rights with a wife and her legitimate children? |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by rubi(f): 3:57pm On Aug 20, 2010 |
Have an open mind towards the innocent child I know it might be difficult b/c it is not the fault of the child to be born in that family. You never know the finger that will feed you tommorrow. As for the lady don't be her friend and don't be her enemy. Be diplomatic when dealing with her Let your husband be the leader in advocating the situation then you can give your own support Don't let it stress you too much. Be brave |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by iyatrustee(f): 4:02pm On Aug 20, 2010 |
@ travelista and thweraja. i agree this is not the best place for Advice. the DNA hasnot been done yet and as such, we havenot included any family member in this. i just wanted you guys to advice me while i await the result of the test should in case it proves him to the biological father of the baby |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Travelista(f): 4:10pm On Aug 20, 2010 |
iyatrustee: Rubi gave good advice about the mother: don't be her friend and don't be her enemy. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not, she is competition as she's the mother of your husband's first child. I understand that you are the wife but we women can be wily at times; ensure that your husband let's this woman know her place because if she's playing games already, I see you two in for a roller coaster ride. As for the kids involved, do what's best for YOU and your family; you don't have to bring the child in to your home (unless the mother wants to give up parental rights) and your children don't need to be the best of buds. They should know about their older sibling but anything more, is up for you to decide. I've seen instances like this where the other woman strong arms her way back into the picture and the legal wife is left as an outsider looking in. I know this sounds harsh but you have to remember you have a family and marriage to protect. If she can't respect that. . .please, talk to elders about this. I'm entering territory that I have no right to enter. They'll have a wealth of experience from their gray hairs alone. You really need someone that knows your and your hubby to guide you through this journey. I really wish you two the best and if you're religious, pray. Not just you alone but with your spouse. PRAY sincerely and do it often. |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Nobody: 10:01pm On Aug 20, 2010 |
Travelista: Yes,so many crooked lawyers who can wake up the dead man in Nigeria |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Outstrip(f): 4:59am On Aug 21, 2010 |
olas2u: They can only do it to who allows them do it. This case cannot make it anywhere. Will the crooked lawyer re write the law. It will only work if the wife decides to let a lawyer intimidate her which is easy in NIgeria because people do not even care to know ther rights |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Nobody: 8:17am On Aug 21, 2010 |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by seyibrown(f): 5:20pm On Aug 21, 2010 |
Get the DNA test done first! |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Iranoladun(f): 7:32pm On Aug 21, 2010 |
You're all advising the poster on DNA Test. Is the baby's mother interested in DNA test? I also find it disturbing that your husband did not mention the pregnancy issue to you all this years. Poster, what type of union do you have, registry/court marriage or under native law & custom? |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by mutter(f): 10:18pm On Aug 21, 2010 |
A child is a gift from God and whatever the circumstances should be accepted as such. I think you should not go so far thinking of inheritance now and going on strong about the DNA may only bring bad blood now. Remember this child is part of the family. Show love and stand by your husband, he needs you now. The child is there so nothing can change that. No need to make yourself the key player in this issue you would only end up being burnt. Let your husband handle it and do your part by showing tolerance and love. |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by iyatrustee(f): 9:02am On Aug 23, 2010 |
Iranoladun link= |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Nobody: 12:37pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by iyatrustee(f): 1:42pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
@ chaircover. thanks for your time. the baby should be about 6yrs of age. He found out when the baby was around 2yrs which was 4years ago. he also told me about it shortly after he found out.(But how soon is what i cant say for sure) he tried calling her to meet him at an agreed place with the Baby and i remember also speaking to her myself. after she refused, he concluded that maybe she just wanted to pin the baby on him as he claimed" to have used a condom". up untill now, she has not agreed to the DNA neither has she agreed to let him see this child. |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Nobody: 2:08pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
iyatrustee: You are lying. the below are your exact words, if she is 6 yrs old and he told you when she was 2, why did you use recently?when was this thread posted? how come you both are still trying to contact the woman for 4 yrs for a DNA test? how come he opened up only recently when u lot were having a conversation? and you are here telling us he told you when she was 2 and the baby is now 6 Come what an insult, do you think we were born yesterday?
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Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by iyatrustee(f): 3:33pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
@jennykadry. only you knows when u were born. if you read what i wrote or is your mind dat dumb that u cant say anything meanfull without insults? how would i be lying? and to whom am i iying if i may ask? faceless humans like you? if u cant contribute to my thread you better get of instead of adding to my problems unless you are this woman in question becos the tone of ur contribution shows how crude your mind his. Gosh! got more serious things to do |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Nobody: 3:36pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
Faceless humans? hahahahahahaa you are just dumb or did you really recieve an award for your stupidity? faceless humans yet you came on here to share family secrets with the so called faceless humans Yes go get yourself sthg to do like making a room for the new girl Your lies are quite cheap and immature, you claim your husband told you when the child was 2, now the child is 6 you claim youve known for four years even when your post stated clearly that he only opened up to you recently Take a hike off third mainland bridge, eediot |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Nobody: 3:49pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by iyatrustee(f): 4:23pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
thank God a reasonable person understands. 4years is definately a long time to have left such serious issue lie low. the woman in question's mother called to say she wants the father of the baby to take responsibility for the child and mother(she obviously had the impression that he is deliberately refusing to) and pay her for all the years she had trained the child. as for the DNA she hasnot agreed to it as she only said she would scan the baby's picture to him about what transpired, i have asked and he said they werent dating. she came around his place and they did what they did. i want to believe that is why she hid the pregnancy from him for fear of him saying she wants to trap him with it since he was already planning our wedding. when he heard about it(mind you she wasnot the one who told him), he sent someone to see the baby to see the resemblance if any. the person couldnot ascertain it so he left it. she however came when the child was around 2yrs. |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Outstrip(f): 5:10pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
She scanned the picture? How does that relate with a DNA test |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Busybody2(f): 5:49pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
chaircover: Chaircover's got spunk and for the first time not advising someone to roll over and play I AM IMPRESSED, WOW, RESPECT Outstrip: One don't need DNA all the time to call a spade a spade One of my sons look so much like his Dad. And one day he (Dad) thinking he was cheering me up, told me "the lil rugrat has . . . wait for it . . .the same bags that i have under my eyes He still doesn't understand why i was sooooooo annoyed that day, i told him i had lines (one line), not bags under my eyes, and that it was not cool to tell a woman she has bags or lines on her face for whatever reason |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Nobody: 6:26pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Busybody2(f): 6:42pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
Reading your posts smacks of someone on the defensive. You keep going on about "she is this" and "she is that" as if she got herself pregnant and abandoned herself Whether the condom split or not, whether she knew you were about to get married or not, whether she is trying to pin the child on him or not, she cannot be blamed here, HE WAS THE ONE WHO CHOSE TO CHEAT ON YOU, NOT HER. YOU CHOSE TO FORGIVE HIM, THINKING IT CAN BE SWEPT UNDER THE CARPET, now it is eating you up. He can't wipe out his past, and now this past has caught up with him, you made the bed by forgiving him, and now you have to lie on it, so you have to make room in your future to accommodate this because the little girl is a part of your Husband's history. By hastily forgiving him, you have unwittlingly pitched your camp in the middle and you can't be caught napping because she is already showing signs of things to come, though she has the right to be bitter after the way your Hubby treated her. It is your Husband you have to sit down and face, and tell him of your fears. If he is genuinely contrite and full of remorse, and you can convey your emotions and feelings impassionately and logically, he will permit you to dictate the terms of the girl's involvement in his life. Do this wisely though otherwise if this other woman finds out you are the one pulling the strings,she can pull the rugs from under your feet, and go and start praying if you haven't. iyatrustee: RE Jennykadry angle, you were the one unknowingly confusing people like her, in your bid to demonise the baby mama and defend your dearest Hubby at all cost because you first said "he confessed recently i.e. when child was around age 6", then again said "he told you shortly after he found out, i.e. when the girl was 2 years old". Nevertheless, there is no need for fisticuffs, y'all should just kiss and make up |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Busybody2(f): 7:36pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
chaircover: Spunk - spunk (n.) audacity, boldness, courage, determination, firmness, fortitude, guts, heart, kindling, mettle, nerve, punk, resolution, spirit, steadfastness, tenacity, tinder, touchwood spunk (n.) (colloquial) backbone, daring, grit, gumption, moxie, nerve, sand, guts (colloquial) I confess I occasionally doubted whether you could be a human being with all those your talk of patience and foriti and farada, but then i thought, live and let live, though i admit i could kill to have 5% of your patience (just 5% though ) And then sometimes around 2/3 weeks ago, i saw the post where you were agreeing that you and Mutter were the same characterwise You see, my liver failed me and yansh turned to water Muttkini Abeg just stay true to yourself and keep doing you. But now seeing this feisty post of yours has calmed down my frayed, jangled nerves. Ha, thank God there is a God N>B> MUTTER is a SPAMBOT, so don't be like HE/SHE/IT, one minute she is advocating people should stay in marriages where they are being violently abused and violated(JENNYKADRI, LINK PLEASE ), next she is saying she used to be a Lawyer and know plenty battered women homes in Naija for people to flee to, rather than wait till the man kills them Next, she can't make up her mind whether she loves single Mums or hates them I like her resilience spirit though, you can throw anything at her, nothing fazes that he/she/it of a woman mutter: |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Romeo4real(m): 8:09pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
Your husband is certainly irresponsible in his handling of this matter. Whatever he says, he is not falling over himself to accept the responsibility for a child he allegedly fathered. You also seem to be making excuses for him, seeing the other woman as a common enemy. You say she is causing trouble, but nothing in your posts suggests so - apart from what you say. Quite obviously, it is your husband, knowing he fathered a child - probably whilst you were engaged or married, tried to hide it and deny responsibility, now trying to turn the tables and offer you "banana", giving you some patently false story! Quite rightly, The woman is obviously aggrieved because you husband has denied the existence of the child for 6yrs ( I think the child is younger than this). (1) Why would you both wait 4 yrs to sort this out? Why did you not push to resolve it once and for all after you found out? (2) Why would he send someone to go and see the child? This beggars belief! Is he crippled? (3) Why hasn't he taken out a court order forcing a paternity test? (4) Why are you enabling this irresponsible behaviour in him? @busy body - MUTTER is a SPAMBOTWhilst Mutter is certainly an interesting character , i wouldn't go as far as calling her an automaton! |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Busybody2(f): 8:46pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
Romeo4real: I love your way with words, so have to agree she is prototypically interesting |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by Nobody: 8:48pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by mutter(f): 9:36pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
here we go again. It all depends on the circumstances of the case. It depends on the level of injury what causes the problem and so many other facts that need to be put into consideration. I cannot advise a woman that the husband knocked out the teeth to stay in the marriage. Her life is in danger. One cannot have a rigid approach to issues circumstances have to be weighed. Apart from that it depends on the angle you approach things from. When someone asks how can I get a divorce my answer is different from if someone asks should I get a divorce. |
Re: Help! My Husband Has A Child Elsewhere by femmy2010(m): 10:44pm On Aug 23, 2010 |
If dna proves your hubby is the father then take the kido as yours. You are the legal wife and the lady of the house. |
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