In my own opinion, I think marriage is more suitable and enjoyable with kids

If babies were not important, i don't think marriage would have been very important. Babies make the marriage work, i have never seen or heard of any couple that live together all their life till death do them part that refused to have at least a kid.

honestly, marriage is about having sex legally cos its nature, and the issue of babies is Gods gift to those HE wish to give.

If i am wrong, why couples for sexual dissatisfation separated after having babies and barren couples also adopt babies

Marriage is for BOTH!!!

honestly, marriage is about having s.e. x legally. the issue of babies is gift from God to those He wish to give.

If i am wrong, why couples separated for s3xual dissatisfaction after having babies and barren couples also adopt babies for love.

KenGali:

@Poster please do not spread useless western values that are currently ruining their societies, this is the reason why they have population issues and cannot even define what marriage is and what it isn't.

Tommorrow you may soon ask if the extended family is useful at all or just a useless burden.

If marriage is just about companionship or even if companionship is the first consideration, then no one should point fingers at gay people who seek to christian their associations as marriage.

Any body can find companionship with any other person, even humans and animals could be companions. Marriage is primely about procreation. I can only add that we often find companionship in marriage or that marriage is best when it is generated from mutually desired companionship (or what we call love).

Is love a must for marriage: NO, but love makes marriage heaven on earth so should be desired.

extended family has no place in your marriage, their work ends after you are joined even your immediate family the only reason you may invite them is only when you have driven your mariage into troubling waters and you need a third party to settle your differences. If you can't do without your family be it extended or immediate YOU ARE NOT YET DUE FOR MARRIAGE.

soft girl:

marriage is not for babies making but for love but children spices the home and as u enjoy your self in marriage don't forget that the result is kids

thats the point.

@ SHEAU how many homes are today broken just b/cos there is no baby even after having sex? how many people are buying the idea of adopting a baby?

Marriage i=should not be solely based on having kids, What if the couples never have kids for one reason on the other, will the man divorce the woman and vice-versa, as important as kids are, a man and woman should find other reasons why they choose to come together to marry, God is the one who gives kids and if for some reason, you are not given kids, you should still be able to stick with each other,

For me love comes first, companionship and then both combined to gether will bring in the kids in God's time, Cos as important as kids are, i ahve noticed that in Africa, women tend to devote too much attention to her kids and neglect her husband and a lot of women have not learnt to balcne both and then the spice in the relationship levaes becuase your focus is divided and then trouble starts btw man and woman, So I willa dvocate for couples trying to spend more time together as a "married couple" before popping kids because when the kids come,t hings will cahnge and the things u normally loved to do together might not happen so easily anymore, Also think about when your kids get older and levae your house, what will you and ur hubby doIf your marriage was based on friendship love and companinonship, you guys will be able to fall back to that when ur kids eventually leave to pursue their dreams but if u married just to have kids then, hmmmm

Marriage is abt the couples and i think babies should not be the paramount issue thou they are important. It takes two to make it work . Babies solidify the union!

If not for children, i personally wouldn't ve gotten married at the first instance.

Ppl marry for different reasons.

Elin married Tiger Woods with a different intention (Money and fame)

Tiger probably married her for love.

Making babies is left for the couple to decide. Ppl get married and not have babies while ppl make babies and not get married, It depends on your goals.

Elpieda Re: Marriage: Is It About Making Babies Or About The Couples?
« #39 on: Today at 02:29:42 PM »

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marriage i=should not be solely based on having kids, What if the couples never have kids for one reason on the other, will the man divorce the woman and vice-versa, as important as kids are, a man and woman should find other reasons why they choose to come together to marry, God is the one who gives kids and if for some reason, you are not given kids, you should still be able to stick with each other,


I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THIS.IT'S A FACT!

Elpieda:

Marriage i=should not be solely based on having kids, What if the couples never have kids for one reason on the other, will the man divorce the woman and vice-versa, as important as kids are, a man and woman should find other reasons why they choose to come together to marry, God is the one who gives kids and if for some reason, you are not given kids, you should still be able to stick with each other,

For me love comes first, companionship and then both combined to gether will bring in the kids in God's time, Cos as important as kids are, i ahve noticed that in Africa, women tend to devote too much attention to her kids and neglect her husband and a lot of women have not learnt to balcne both and then the spice in the relationship levaes becuase your focus is divided and then trouble starts btw man and woman, So I willa dvocate for couples trying to spend more time together as a "married couple" before popping kids because when the kids come,t hings will cahnge and the things u normally loved to do together might not happen so easily anymore, Also think about when your kids get older and levae your house, what will you and your hubby doIf your marriage was based on friendship love and companinonship, you guys will be able to fall back to that when your kids eventually leave to pursue their dreams but if u married just to have kids then, hmmmm

TELL THEM

dayokanu:

Ppl marry for different reasons.

Elin married Tiger Woods with a different intention (Money and fame)

Tiger probably married her for love.

Making babies is left for the couple to decide. Ppl get married and not have babies while ppl make babies and not get married, It depends on your goals.

Lately i heard there are political reasons for getting married (senator sani yerima to an egyptian minor). Is this for love or procreation?

Yeah Political reasons, The guy that married Clintons daughter has shot into political relevance, Marry a Kennedy and you become Politically relevant, Also in Nigeria if you marry OBJs daughter, In Iraq of old if you marry Saddams daughter etc you become relevant Politically

Hilary launched her career on the back of being first Lady,

its all about the couples, sex and babies, without the couples would we see sex that will bring the babies?,

Marriage is a life-time union btw a man and woman, once a man is matured he 'll necessarily need a helper; a life partner, a legal sex partner, then d reward of this union is children. which therefore means, marriage can be said to be about d couple cos some couple defend it till death do them apart without kids,
If bleeping were not possible outside marriage, alot of people 'd hav  gone into it solely because of bleeping.

But hence bleeping is possible any day, anytime outside marriage, most people therefore necessarily go into marriage to make babies.

In my opinion, marriage is primarily to have a balanced,consumated, loving environments
for raising kids that you will have later.

For a young man to want to marry a girl, he must have been propelled bylove and the thoughts of having kids with her.

This is not to say that if a couple with kids are not married, the kids wont be loved.
To marry is to jointly decide that :yes,we will do it all together.

The clearest indication is that if you dont see your self raising kids with someone, you dont usually want to marry them.

For those that marry but dont want kids, whats the point of getting married?
After all you can do whatever even if you are not married (live-in lover and such).

Anyway, that's how i see it.

Unless you already have kids you would be making pointless arguments. I have lived in the west for yrs and know many childless couples that go to unimaginable lengths to conceive. A close family friend divorced when they tragically lost their son.

You can have all the bulls u need without having to marry. Kids are symbols of marriage, both in the west and Africa. A Chinese couple I know fled china because they were not allowed to have more than one baby

I guess it takes teenagers to argue this point

@ Poster- I agree totally with you.

For all those busy spouting 'tradition' as the ultimate bar of success or failure- may I remind you that we are part of the Third World for a reason? Where exactly have some of our 'traditions' gotten us?

Its amazing how some of the people who quote Bible verses quickly run back to old 'traditions' for validation. There is nowhere in the Bible (as applicable to Christians please- I cannot speak for followers of other religions) where having children is a do or die part of marriage. Certainly I believe children SHOULD be brought into the world only in the context of the marital relationship but they are not the sole reason for marriage. Marriage and parenthood have, in many ways, been twisted to suit the needs of those who want it.

"Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife" it says. As far as I know it doesn't say 'Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall beget offspring". Children are certainly an added blessing to marriage but the relationship itself was ordained by GOD first before parenthood ever came to the picture.

So, if you get married and your wife cannot give birth? You go knock up a girlfriend and kick the wife out, huh? Your hubby cant get you pregnant so you hook up with some guy at a bar in the hopes of procreating? Is that it?

I'm not discounting the desire for kids as part of the desire to get married (I agree with many on that issue) but it shouldnt be the ULTIMATE thing or else you may have kids and the marriage would still crumble.


@dancewith: Oh Wise One, thank you sooooo much for your 'adult' point of view. We 'teenagers' have taken note.

@dayokanu: are we bringing up Tiger and Elin on this post? REALLY? SERIOUSLY Where on EARTH did Tiger and Elin come up here and in what context exactly? Please explain,

@dayokanu: are we bringing up Tiger and Elin on this post? REALLY? SERIOUSLY Where on EARTH did Tiger and Elin come up here and in what context exactly? Please explain,

To give an example of the various reasons people get married

babylishus:

For all those busy spouting 'tradition' as the ultimate bar of success or failure- may I remind you that we are part of the Third World for a reason? Where exactly have some of our 'traditions' gotten us?

Its amazing how some of the people who quote Bible verses quickly run back to old 'traditions' for validation. There is nowhere in the Bible (as applicable to Christians please- I cannot speak for followers of other religions) where having children is a do or die part of marriage. Certainly I believe children SHOULD be brought into the world only in the context of the marital relationship but they are not the sole reason for marriage. Marriage and parenthood have, in many ways, been twisted to suit the needs of those who want it.

"Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife" it says. As far as I know it doesn't say 'Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall beget offspring". Children are certainly an added blessing to marriage but the relationship itself was ordained by GOD first before parenthood ever came to the picture.

So, if you get married and your wife cannot give birth? You go knock up a girlfriend and kick the wife out, huh? Your hubby cant get you pregnant so you hook up with some guy at a bar in the hopes of procreating? Is that it?

I'm not discounting the desire for kids as part of the desire to get married (I agree with many on that issue) but it shouldnt be the ULTIMATE thing or else you may have kids and the marriage would still crumble.

I COULD NOT HAVE SAID IT BETTER, YOU ARE AWESOME FOR WHAT U JUST POSTED, THANK YOU

Marriage is about both procreation (making babies) and love (companionship)

@poster For me atleast give yourselves two at least one year to flex yourselves, enjoy your marriage before distractions starts coming i.e babies starts coming. For me they come with marriage and not the main reason for marriage.
Your opinions are welcome, what are your thoughts?



Marriage is for procreation PERIOD. Anything shout of that is evil. You can give yourselves some time to enjoy if you marry early say 25-27. Anything after that it must be purposeful and focus no time to play around.

Marriage is to produce a godly seed or generations, according to the Bible. Good sex, as you put it, is just a medium to do that. Love and companionship are used to make marriage pleasurable, but the ultimate goal is for procreation. If you don't want children, forget marriage. Love and companionship, if sought after, can be found is other ways. For example, a sister loves her sister or brother and care for each other. (Not lesbianism)
Men have to learn to put sex in its proper context and place and not be controlled by Satan and use it as a god. Satan uses sex as a tool to destroy humanity in subtle ways.

@dayokanu- Erm, sorry but I still dont see your point. As I recall Tiger and Elin have 2 kids, so thst doesnt hold with the issue of marriage and kids as far as I am concerned. Their issue was not about kids- it's about infidelity, revenge and other things. I utterly fail to see your point.

What on earth is 'western' about couples who do not have children? Some simply CANNOT due to physical imperfections and I really admire those who choose to adopt. I have a dear, dear friend who cannot have children because of blood clotting problems- a pregnancy could kill her (I know some of you would say that she should just go ahead and get pregnant and die as it is GOD's Will, abi?). She and her hubby have been married ten years and are about to adopt. So, what should her husband do then, throw her out?

@opribo- so would you call my friend's marriage one without 'focus or purpose'? Yeeesh.  

@Olele- bring up evidence from the Bible to back up your statement please. Yes, GOD blesses the marital union with children but WHERE is it implicitly said that marriage is for the SOLE purpose of procreation? HOW exactly does satan use sex as a tool in a union blessed by GOD? So, if a married couple has sex and somehow there is no pregnancy involved then satan has somehow crept into their marriage? Are you serious? I'm just curious,

May I remind some of you that we are currently facing a population crisis in Nigeria because some people procreate like rabbits without a thought as to how to take care of them. That is why we have a society full of beggar children, armed robbers, love-peddlers and the like. Then, the same people who think the 'oyinbos' are silly for limiting their family size and enjoying their marriages will do everything they can to get VISA to go to those same countries!!! Then you wonder why people in Naija will go through all lengths to get a child including rituals and kidnapping?

Honestly, some of these posts and comments are giving me a headache. I can't BELIEVE the way some peeps think.

@dayokanu- Erm, sorry but I still dont see your point. As I recall Tiger and Elin have 2 kids, so thst doesnt hold with the issue of marriage and kids as far as I am concerned. Their issue was not about kids- it's about infidelity, revenge and other things. I utterly fail to see your point.

People get married for different reasons which vary

Tiger married for love, Elin married for the money and fame she would get off it, Some marry for kids, Some for companionship and some just to fulfil the culture that one should get married

Mmmhmmm, yeah, Tiger 'loved' Elin soooooo very much that he went and showed his love by dogging around with as many as 17 women and put his own wife at risk for venereal diseases, humiliated her in front of millions of people!

Yeah, yeah please spare me the 'Elin the gold digger' tirade, please. ANY woman that marries a rich man will ALWAYS be labelled as a gold digger by some no matter what she does. But hey, I have my opinions on that issue and you obviously have yours so, whatever rocks your boat Dude.

I STILL think you're rowing away from the current, especially with your 'theories' about the Clintons (really?) and the Woods.

babylishus:

@ Poster- I agree totally with you.

For all those busy spouting 'tradition' as the ultimate bar of success or failure- may I remind you that we are part of the Third World for a reason? Where exactly have some of our 'traditions' gotten us?

Its amazing how some of the people who quote Bible verses quickly run back to old 'traditions' for validation. There is nowhere in the Bible (as applicable to Christians please- I cannot speak for followers of other religions) where having children is a do or die part of marriage. Certainly I believe children SHOULD be brought into the world only in the context of the marital relationship but they are not the sole reason for marriage. Marriage and parenthood have, in many ways, been twisted to suit the needs of those who want it.

"Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife" it says. As far as I know it doesn't say 'Man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they shall beget offspring". Children are certainly an added blessing to marriage but the relationship itself was ordained by GOD first before parenthood ever came to the picture.

So, if you get married and your wife cannot give birth? You go knock up a girlfriend and kick the wife out, huh? Your hubby cant get you pregnant so you hook up with some guy at a bar in the hopes of procreating? Is that it?

I'm not discounting the desire for kids as part of the desire to get married (I agree with many on that issue) but it shouldnt be the ULTIMATE thing or else you may have kids and the marriage would still crumble.


@dancewith: Oh Wise One, thank you sooooo much for your 'adult' point of view. We 'teenagers' have taken note.  

@dayokanu: are we bringing up Tiger and Elin on this post? REALLY? SERIOUSLY Where on EARTH did Tiger and Elin come up here and in what context exactly? Please explain,

1. Some of our tradition are the same reason why our societies have more humane value than the West. At least that we have not yet gotten to the level where we keep dogs and cats in the house and call them our babies! Our traditions are also not necessarily against the bible. The bible itself is full of traditions too, jewish traditions which is well acknowledge to resemble Igbo tradition. I do not understand how traditions and bible became the opposite of a coin?

2. Before the bible thought of asking a man to leave his fathers house and cleave to the wife, At the very first marriage between Adam and Eve, ordained and executed by God himself, they were asked to be fruitful and multiply. Even God sought companion-ship with us, why did he not imply marry us. Even in God coming into the world, He ensured that even though the child was conceived without sin, he entered through marriage. And till today we refer to Jesus as the lion of the tribe of Juda, the linage of a man whose blood line he does not really share! Please take time to find out the significance of things in the bible before referencing.

3.   May be you or someone you know has been hurt in marriage. I have an aunt who has no biological child. Nobody that advocated that marriage wa about procreation ever suggested a dis-affection to people who are childless in their marriage. What was said is that ideally marriage is always begun with the potential of having offspring as the focus. A failure to do so in marriage should never be apologised for as it is GOD who gives children as he wishes.

Finally let me tell you a little more about traditions. At the time of my grandfather, their was no man or woman in his generation who did not serve as nanny to one of his or her cousin. My grandfather did not waste time as an adult to point out to his children with respect, who his nanny was and to whom he was a nanny. Being a nanny in Igbo culture was an honour, an meant that those you carried will not hesitate to carry your own children. It meant that mothers with new babies never lacked relations to help with child care. It meant that working mothers could go to farm or market without worrying much about the child at home. Their were no house wives

Ever since the west came and taught us about their concept of child abuse, supremacy and neglect of extended family. The last generation that benefited from  family nannies never reciprocated the gesture and hence the chain was broken. Ask todays igbo mothers if the challenge of taking care of a child is fair?Especially those that cannot afford paid maids. I once responded to a women who was complaining of how she took care of her children single handedly with these and she was shocked. I asked her if she will have one of her young daughters help her junior sisters with children the way it was done in olden days and she did not answer but in future even her daughters will have same complaints!

Another dimension is that the traditions you talk down are being revived by the west you revere. In 1960 Julius Nyerere of Tanzania called for a traditional model to education, where pupil were led to discover ideas and truths and generate learning contents from their home and natural environment. That idea was rejected as old and irrelevant. Today the West has re-culled it from death and given it a new name "Constructive Teaching" It the buzz in education academic circles. Yet we had it in Africa before.  

If your traditions are worthless, that of my people is priceless.

It for both- it is not good for a man to be alone I will send him an help mate & go multiply and fill the earth

@Kengali- Uhm, oooookaayyy, yeah I get you. Bravo. Bravo- well researched and written post. Very informative.

I never said I disagree with the premise of children in marriage but I do not agree with some of the traditions that place fecundity above the marital relationship. That is why you have women being thrown away like trash because they do not produce offspring.

As for my 'traditions being worthless and those of YOUR PEOPLE being priceless', relax Dude, because I happen to be AFRICAN myself!!! I am happily married to a Nigerian and we have two children! I am not putting down ALL traditions- just the ones that serve to destroy rather than uplift (and we have TOO many of those in Nigeria).

babylishus:

Mmmhmmm, yeah, Tiger 'loved' Elin soooooo very much that he went and showed his love by dogging around with as many as 17 women and put his own wife at risk for venereal diseases, humiliated her in front of millions of people!

Yeah, yeah please spare me the 'Elin the gold digger' tirade, please. ANY woman that marries a rich man will ALWAYS be labelled as a gold digger by some no matter what she does. But hey, I have my opinions on that issue and you obviously have yours so, whatever rocks your boat Dude.

I STILL think you're rowing away from the current, especially with your 'theories' about the Clintons (really?) and the Woods.

Why cant she simply walk away and not demand any compensation as long as the kids are taken care of? Tough ask right? She doesnt want to return to her nanny job after she has tasted riches courtesy of Tiger

Still wonder why such women would be called gold diggers.

For these women, If your cheating husband is broke, you simply walk out but if he is rich, You suck him dry right?