funmisticqueen:
PART 2- THE WAY FORWARD WITH NARCISSISTS.
Good day nairalanders, due to your feedback on part 1 of this series………………………….. I will be following up with the way forward.
You have realized that you have narcissistic parents, siblings, friends, boss, coworker or spouse/partner. Now what?
For parents, siblings and family members, we can’t choose our relatives. But what we can do is to distance yourself or limit situations in which you will be their narc supply. For the friend, grow some guts and sever the friendship. In the workplace, for your boss, you can either occasionally asslick by giving him/her the admiration he so seeks. Never make him/her your mentor because they are prone to sabotaging your efforts at a promotion and will always want you below them. For the coworker, unless you need something from them, you have to always call them out on their bullcrap and throw it back at their face. Here’s where it gets tricky, you have to do it EVER SO SUBTLY, with a smile on your face. Your goal is to make them look bad without being seen as the perpetrator but a victim of their bullying or an innocent bystander. For more info and tips, watch some soap operas with a lot of espionage, e.g. Bollywood. Learn the art of passive-aggressiveness and nice nastiness (clap backs). Alternate this with downright ignoring them, showing them that their words have no effect on you mood, and sense of self-worth. Treat them as the dust in your shoes. I do it all the time in the forum. Some emotions that narcissists do feel is shame and embarrassment. They hate to look bad and feel small especially in public.
With a narcissistic spouse, you can take things up a notch. You have two options; the best option is usually to leave the relationship especially when there is a risk of you getting harmed. I have to warn you though, your narcissistic spouse will not make it easy cos leaving them is a severe blow to their ego. They will most likely guilt trip you into staying or become angry and fight with everything they have when you leave. The best way to do it is to plan it without him knowing. Find a way to gather money. Rent an apartment far away, you can tell some trusted family and/or friends especially those who see him for what they are, keep your documents far away from the house without his knowledge. When the day comes just disappear and block all his contacts and social media. Run baby! Run! He/she won’t know what hit them. Sort out the divorce from a distance.
Option 2 is to stay and manage the situation. This is less favorable but is the status quo in some marriages (e.g. I am doing it for the kids’ crew, where they wait for the spouse to die before becoming free or being a victim of Stockholm syndrome). Not everyone has the strength to leave and we won’t fault you. Staying is harder as it requires a lot of mental strength which is most likely in pieces when staying with a narc. But here are some tips nonetheless;

1. Understand the situation clearly, that he is a narc and you and maybe the kids are his narc supply. Be critical and don’t deceive yourself. Your spouse is not special and neither are you and you can’t fix them.
2. Understands the triggers and what he/she gets out of it.
3. Work on your shattered self-worth, seek a therapy or marriage counselling. And practice self-affirmation, meditation and so on. Don’t take their words seriously.
4. Detach yourself emotionally, withdraw intimacy, and keep the relationship as shallow as possible. Don’t trust them with sensitive or detailed information they can use against you.
5. Get information on dealing with/handling narcissistic spouses both overt and covert, google it, watch YouTube videos. There is a lot of info out there and many ways to deal with them.
6. Establish clear boundaries and if your spouse crosses the line, go incognito on them and disappear.
7. Focus on the kids and be there for them emotionally.
8. Ration out your narc supply and condition your spouse like Ivan Pavlov’s dog. Reward good behavior (e.g. show of empathy) and discourage the opposite
9. You would occasionally have to use tit for tat especially when he gaslights you.
10. If you feel your mental health /sanity is at stake and can’t take it anymore, just leave.

SilentListener:
You can't even copy and past well self

funmisticqueen:
pls show where I copied and pasted from. Mumu

Awol1:

Just leave the relationship make we hear word.
We are talking salvaging Nigeria, and you are talking stupid relationship.
Who relationship epp?
Go and make money

Awol1:


Just leave the relationship make we hear word.

We are talking salvaging Nigeria, and you are talking stupid relationship.

Who relationship epp?

Go and make money

MJBOLT:

this is romance section not polictics section

funmisticqueen:
if relationships are salvaged, we would have more functional people in society and a better economy.

Awol1:


Should I take it to mean therefore, that according to you, the only way to salvage our economy is to salvage relationships?

funmisticqueen:
stop twisting my words around.

Awol1:


I'm not.

I was actually asking you a question you should answer.

Elder0001:
Stop mentioning me on this section . If you must tag me then do so on the family section .

Romance section is devoid of sane people .

funmisticqueen:
if relationships are salvaged, we would have more functional people in society and a better economy.

Splinz:


Unfortunately, this wouldn't happen in our time. At least not whilst we're still flesh: naturally egoistic and vainglorious.

I've gone through your series and can't find the CURE for narcissism.

Oh well, I'm here with the antidote. The only way to cure a narcissist is to become non other but a narcissist too.

It's called "meeting kolomentality with craze".

DanDeeBoss:
Damn!!! Can a Narcissist change??


The best bet is to avoid a narcissistic person....


What about those trapped in a relationship with a narcissist??( Your mechanism is dope)

wetdick:


LOL i do not believe in avoidance, i believe in playing the same game. once you practise avoidance with that person, he/she will have control over you, he or she will see your avoidance as weakness, just play your own game subtly

To catch a thief, you need to think like one

True bro..!!!

DanDeeBoss:
Damn!!! Can a Narcissist change??


The best bet is to avoid a narcissistic person....


What about those trapped in a relationship with a narcissist??( Your mechanism is dope)

MissJoy29:
My take:

Nothing is worth the emotional roller coaster ride a narcissist will take you on. Just avoid them and run if you are with one already!

But if you have strength to beat them at their game or reduce them one or two places, by God, do so. They deserve it!

MariaLavina:
A Narcissist can never be changed, but can only be broken. Most times people that break them don't end up with them, they do the job for the next person coming.The trait is always transferred but never destroyed.

Damn!!! I am not one after all

DanDeeBoss:
Damn!!! I am not one after all

MariaLavina:
Are you sure?

Yes I am

DanDeeBoss:
Yes I am

MariaLavina:
I believe you, not because you say so, but because you don't seem like one.

Hehehe Maybe I am an Alpha Male...

DanDeeBoss:
Hehehe Maybe I am an Alpha Male...