I have heard of several cases of babes sent to higher education, denied their benefactors of their initial intention to do so (marriage when they graduate). Now i am faced with that horrible dilemma. My fiancee and i have been dating for close to ten years now. We actually started when i was a fresh undergraduate. I am intentionally delaying our marriage because i want her to get hold of a University certificate, so we could be on the same page in terms of reasoning and decision making. At first, she never believed she could further her education beyond the level of high school due to the nature of her family background. But as a matter of love and my foreseen need for her to acquire this basic, but necessary education  for good understanding and peace in our future marriage, i took up that challenge even though it's obviously tasking to me. Now she is concluding her first year and i have in my plan to wed her at final year. Though she is humane, kind and from the same village with me, i still have not come to terms as to whether i am doing the right thing. Considering these number of years we have been on the ladder in good and bad times and the fact that i am equally educated much more than her, do you guys think i may be the next victim of this ugly phenomenon?
Please, NL advise conscientiously.

No she will not, you should know the woman you are dating to know what she can nd cannot do. It is also good you intend to wed her in her final year, perhaps you are scared that once she graduates, she will disappear. Prayer is the KEY.!!

Bros , training your fiancee in higher institution is just like playing lotto, you loss or gain. So put your mind in one of the two.

@poster, who told u that education lead 2 understandin n peace in the marriage? If u dnt knw anything beta u keep quite.If u thruly love her,then go ahead n sponsor her nd hope 4 a beta 2moro.Apart 4rm this scenerio,if we all reason lik this,there would b nobdy 2 help one another.Hav it behind ur back dat life is full of risk himself.Follow ur heart n dnt b selfish.

for today nigerian girl? heck no! with the things i have seen with the present day nigerian girl, i wouldn't even try it in my dreams. over 70% of them have their heads in the clouds and i am not ready for that kind of heart break, sorry. now in ur case, if u are dating sum1 for 10 yrs, i think u owe urself and her that much to at least help her in some way; 10 yrs no bi yam!

Why don't u just marry her now?

dude, u better go and marry that gurl now so as to be on the safe side
you can even go ahead with  registry for the meantime until when u re fully ready to conclude the whole thing
like sum1 earlier said its a gamble  otherwise "u go put your two hands  for head like osufia"

Guy nobody play that kind of game again by sponsoring any lady to high institution.It's either you marry her now or you may loose her.Even if you marry her now is not a guarantee for you that she may not leave you once she get to her final year.But give her pregnant as soon as you marry her ,once she give birth,you can now sponsor her to high institution.

JesusloveU:

.But give her pregnant as soon as you marry her ,once she give birth,you can now sponsor her to high institution.

a times i wonder. . . .

I found myself in same dilema. How feasible is such a relation working out into marriage & Has anyone seen such worked out before?

Nope. Marry me and we can do the trainning otherwise Ur on Ur own. I've seen girls default on that agreement of trust.

Since you are older and not on the same level it makes things easier.
Studying or working is just one part of life and the private part can still be accommodated simultaneously.
There is nothing that stops a student from marrying and even getting kids if she an cope.
I know women who study while tried or got married in between.
Besides in Nigeria there are so many forms of marriage.
You can opt for one low key and do the other years later if need be.
Some couples do their wine carrying years later, or the other way around.
This woman has been with you for long but considering the campuses are brothels she could be lead astray.
Strategically
After you conquer you secure your territory.



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Onchedu:

Nope. Marry me and we can do the trainning otherwise your on your own. I've seen girls default on that agreement of trust.

I've also seen men default on that agreement of trust

Me ain't gonna train no black sister, hell no.

^^Of course you won't.

@poster don't see it as an investment cus when it turns bad,you'll definately lose your mind;rather see it as just 'being your brother's keeper',an humanitarian gesture,cus we all have a mind of our own, and don't ask why when she changes her's. And if it works,then you're lucky.

What stops you from marrying her outrightly since you have been shouldering her resposibilities?
You have dated this girl long enough for you to decide to marry her or not. I will not blame that girl if she defaults in the future. You wait there and let her eyes open in the university then she will come back and tell you that you have just been wasting her time and long courtship dont lead to marriage in most cases. I bet you she will come back one day to come lecture you on this. By then the love she has for you most have been milked dry by campus boys.

Honestly, I fell like slapping for such a question. Wait there and keep gambling! Duro sibe komo ma ta tete!


Something tells me that you dont even love the girl. If a man finds the woman of his dream he will do anything to have her for life in a shortest possible time and not all this long dating. Dont let her see this part sha (someone might even tell in the uni).

I WOULD absolutely train my mate in a level of higher institution. I would not even think twice about it, if that was something that he wanted to do, as I would hope he would be willing to do the same for me! Now his education level would not be the basis of my love for him or the center of our relationship.
In your own situation, I do not think her level of education should be the determining factor in whether you should marry her or not or whether you think she can become a good wife. Education is important but has nothing to do with the levels of peace, reasoning or logic in a relationship. One can hold 10 degrees, but really suck at being a mate and not one day have any peace! Obviously you have other doubts about your relationship that you should come clean with. 10 years is a long time, for you not to trust her-- and even think twice about whether you should continue with the relationship. Get to the root of your real problem, and then you may have your answer. That is what your questioning comes down to!

funkybaby:

I've also seen men default on that agreement of trust

Who send woman spend money on top man? U should know the way most of us reason with our "punnie" minds.

For me, There shld be a baby b4 u go anywhere to cool ur head down. But why didnt you consider the polytecnic if she must go tertiary -just 2 yrs

A lady that would go bad would go bad even if it is a 2 year study.

I advise you do the introduction and the traditional marriage now, then wait until she's done with school before the white wedding.

My 2 cent.

blank:

Why don't u just marry her now?

That's the same thing i was thinking.

What stops you from marrying her outrightly since you have been shouldering her resposibilities?

gbam

When you decide to send a lady to school just have it at the back of your mind that you are doing that because you simply want to do that and not because you seek her to pledge her allegiance to you.

gbam

My fiancee and i have been dating for close to ten years now.

No I wouldn't.

I don't ever want my wife-to-be to feel indebted to me in that way. . . .if we got married, then at that point all I have is hers and the story is completely different. The truth is, people often change markedly after attaining higher education. She might realise at that point that she wants to be with someone else and may feel obligated to marry me because of my 'investment'.

Either do it with no expectations of her marrying me, or wait till we are married and committed to each other for life before doing so.

Not my responsibility to train any woman who is not my wife.I will let her and her family take care of that. Doing so means she will be indebted to you but does not guarantee love or faithfulness. If she decides to cut the relationship off in her 3rd or 4th yr, you will start accusing the poor lady of using you bla bla bla.

My advice, marry her first if you want a future together, education or not. Just don't use marriage as a tool for bargaining for education.