My marriage is almost two years with too many “downs”. I got pregnant two months to our marriage and we decided to keep it, we had a small marriage and everything went well apart from the fact that we had no money. Things became difficult so I decided to stay with my mum until after delivery. Never knew things will fall apart so soon.....
Hubby had a girlfriend, noticed it few months to wedding and each time he will beg me to stay, honestly I trusted him so much that I believed everything. Their relationship became stronger while I was with my mum hoping things will change. I put to birth, came back to his home town and stayed with his mum briefly until we could get a place but he kept us in his hometown instead of where he is working with too many excuses. Two weeks into our new home he started acting funny and apologizing for no reason then I knew he was hiding something, did my own research and discovered the other girl was pregnant. Things started falling apart, maybe because I couldn’t handle it well, his family got to know about it and it became a family matter. We were asked to leave our new home, the landlord said he was tired of hearing me cry, left my shop and went back to my mother in-law because he promised to get us a place at his base but i eventually stayed for almost a year with his mother. Too many excuses on why he couldn’t get a place for us and finally he got transfered to Abuja this January. I was happy, but it was cut short when I found out he got a place and moved in with that same girl two weeks ago, while I was looking for money to add to what he said he had so we could get a place over there and leave his parents house, I didn’t disturb him for money because I didn’t want to put pressure on him but i was living a lie. I suffered for that 1year not because his mum was wicked to me but because I wanted my home back. I’m heartbroken cause I’ve sacrificed a lot for my husband and now he wants me back, his son has been crying for days calling daddy, I’m at home with my elder brother now and I’m thinking of leaving the marriage. Pls advice me because I don’t trust him anymore
Note:he’s an awesome guy when he comes home, he treats me well and goes out of his way to make me happy, he loves his son but I doubt he loves me.

Sorry about your predicament. At this juncture, I dont know what to tell you rather than to empathize with you.

dingbang:
Sorry about your predicament. At this juncture, I dont know what to tell you rather than to empathize with you.

thank you so much. I’ve been thinking too much lately, no appetite and my heart hurts badly

Jularin:
thank you so much. I’ve been thinking too much lately, no appetite and my heart aches badly

sorry about that. I think you should try inviting a friend over to be with you for the moment to make the depression go away. Being alone just makes it more worse. At this moment there is no quick solution to the problem, all that is important right is for the pain to go away and after that, you can decide whether or not to leave the marriage

This your case is actually complicated....i just hope you take the right decision...

DAMN!!!!!!

wow.... OKAY? Let's calm down and sort this painful scar out.

You saw the signs before marriage and you went ahead.... hmmm, you have LOVE o. But sorry to say, you should have reported it.
FIND AN ELDER IN HIS FAMILY that he listens to.... then spill out everything. So that he can be corrected and punished in a way he wont do it again.

YOU NEED TO FORGIVE yourself for stooping so low and managing a guy who obviously does not know how to be content with what he has.

YOU also WOULD NEED TO START A BUSINESS and take good care of your own son and raise him to be a better man.

GOD knows your tears and heartache, I assure you, your business will grow and you will be rich... PLS FORGIVE YOUR HUSBAND FOR HIS CHILDISHNESS BUT NEVER ACCEPT HIM UNTIL AGAIN TO HURT YOU. SET boundaries on your heart o.

You need to plan to move to a place no one will be able to reach you or find you or trace you. YOU WILL HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR NUMBER.

Then start life as a single mum afresh. It would not be easy, BUT in a year or two IT WOULD BE WORTH IT.

i feel your pain BUT I do not want you to wallow in self pity and bitterness.
Draw closer to God and be prayerful.

Soon the man will come back BEGGING and you will have to set terms and conditions for him o. A divorce may be best but it seems to harsh at this stage.

Jularin:
My marriage is almost two years with too many “downs”. I got pregnant two months to our marriage and we decided to keep it, we had a small marriage and everything went well apart from the fact that we had no money. Things became difficult so I decided to stay with my mum until after delivery. Never knew things will fall apart so soon.....
Hubby had a girlfriend, noticed it few months to wedding and each time he will beg me to stay, honestly I trusted him so much that I believed everything. Their relationship became stronger while I was with my mum hoping things will change. I put to birth, came back to his home town and stayed with his mum briefly until we could get a place but he kept us in his hometown instead of where he is working with too many excuses. Two weeks into our new home he started acting funny and apologizing for no reason then I knew he was hiding something, did my own research and discovered the other girl was pregnant. Things started falling apart, maybe because I couldn’t handle it well, his family got to know about it and it became a family matter. We were asked to leave our new home, the landlord said he was tired of hearing me cry, left my shop and went back to my mother in-law because he promised to get us a place at his base but i eventually stayed for almost a year with his mother. Too many excuses on why he couldn’t get a place for us and finally he got transfered to Abuja this January. I was happy, but it was cut short when I found out he got a place and moved in with that same girl two weeks ago, while I was looking for money to add to what he said he had so we could get a place over there and leave his parents house, I didn’t disturb him for money because I didn’t want to put pressure on him but i was living a lie. I suffered for that 1year not because his mum was wicked to me but because I wanted my home back. I’m heartbroken cause I’ve sacrificed a lot for my husband and now he wants me back, his son has been crying for days calling daddy, I’m at home with my elder brother now and I’m thinking of leaving the marriage. Pls advice me because I don’t trust him anymore
Note:he’s an awesome guy when he comes home, he treats me well and goes out of his way to make me happy, he loves his son but I doubt he loves me.

All these kind stories don tire me for nairaland
If them say make una no marry una go call the person gay.

greatnaija01:
DAMN!!!!!!

wow.... OKAY? Let's calm down and sort this painful scar out.

You saw the signs before marriage and you went ahead.... hmmm, you have LOVE o. But sorry to say, you should have reported it.
FIND AN ELDER IN HIS FAMILY that he listens to.... then spill out everything. So that he can be corrected and punished in a way he wont do it again.

YOU NEED TO FORGIVE yourself for stooping so low and managing a guy who obviously does not know how to be content with what he has.

YOU also WOULD NEED TO START A BUSINESS and take good care of your own son and raise him to be a better man.

GOD knows your tears and heartache, I assure you, your business will grow and you will be rich... PLS FORGIVE YOUR HUSBAND FOR HIS CHILDISHNESS BUT NEVER ACCEPT HIM UNTIL AGAIN TO HURT YOU. SET boundaries on your heart o.

You need to plan to move to a place no one will be able to reach you or find you or trace you. YOU WILL HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR NUMBER.

Then start life as a single mum afresh. It would not be easy, BUT in a year or two IT WOULD BE WORTH IT.

i feel your pain BUT I do not want you to wallow in self pity and bitterness.
Draw closer to God and be prayerful.

Soon the man will come back BEGGING and you will have to set terms and conditions for him o. A divorce may be best but it seems to harsh at this stage.

Don’t wanna talk to only women that’s why I came to this forum to seek for advice from both men and women

Raalsalghul:
All these kind stories don tire me for nairaland
If them say make una no marry una go call the person gay.

this really cracked me up honestly

konkonbilo:
This your case is actually complicated....i just hope you take the right decision...

I hope so too

Jularin:
this really cracked me up honestly

Abi na.

Sorry is all i can say...

Honey, fight for your right, divorce is not an option, you're into this already and raising a child alone is not easy, I suggest you find the location of your husband in Abuja, tell you mother in-law to go with you and your son to your husband's house in Abuja for a visited, don't tell him you are coming, go and grab the bull by the horn, you can't leave your home for another woman, it is better to fight for your home for you and your son, and when you get there, tell him that you want to take your rightful place as his wife, sweetheart don't be violent, be calm, stand your ground, tell him you're not leaving, you can only leave if he choose the other woman, and tell you to your face that he doesn't love you, with that you know that you've tried your best, and heaven will not judge you if you walk away,

I'm a guy, but lemme advise you. Being a single mom right now is your best bet. I know it's never gonna be easy, but please don't let this fu*ker of a husband pull you down with his irresponsible and stupid attitude. I know men like this, you can never go far with them. Once he lays his hands on money, he starts looking for unnecessary things to spend it on. He's never gonna be serious. Run before it's too late.

Don't give a fuvk if anyone calls you a Baby mama or Single mom. You've still got bright years ahead of you, don't die of depression.

That's why I always tell people, you can't change a grown-up (especially a man), the signs were there before marriage, but you ignored it. Your mistake

Then enough of all these rushing into marriage just because the lady is pregnant, just to cover up the shame and side-talks. Most of these marriages usually end up crashing. I've got lady friends who did same, today they're complaining bitterly, some of them have even left their 'husbands'.

It is well
Be strong.

Famousqueen:
Honey, fight for your right, divorce is not an option, you're into this already and raising a child alone is not easy, I suggest you find the location of your husband in Abuja, tell you mother in-law to go with you and your son to your husband's house in Abuja for a visited, don't tell him you are coming, go and grab the bull by the horn, you can't leave your home for another woman, it is better to fight for your home for you and your son, and when you get there, tell him that you want to take your rightful place as his wife, sweetheart don't be violent, be calm, stand your ground, tell him you're not leaving, you can only leave if he choose the other woman, and tell you to your face that he doesn't love you, with that you know that you've tried your best, and heaven will not judge you if you walk away,

He want to get another place for us,he said the lady paid for the rent and planned their living together. I’m not a violent person but the girl might be cos she smokes weed, don’t wanna put my child in danger

first of am so sorry for everything may God keep strengthening you.

I really don't know what to say I swear I can't advise you to divorce cause of your baby and I can't advise you to stay cause your man is a case. But to keep fighting for someone who is not going to change why cheat yourself from having peace of mind and love. He left once what makes you think he won't leave again.

The other woman is over there with him like that means he hasn't left her yet.

But you have to give him an ultimatum if he wants you back and his very sorry as he says he is he has to break that link with that gal. fine you have to accept he has another child and also you have to accept the fact that he has no choice but to take care of the child.

But no more mistakes again this time it's either he changes or you are done and then see if he change's.


But before all this please pray to God to help you make the right decision because am human and my advise is limited but only God can see what we can't. It could be that she could be using diabolical means to control your husband some women would do anything to get a man.

So please get God involved first he alone can help.

I will have you in my prayers much love.

ceeroh:
I'm a guy, but lemme advise you. Being a single mom right now is your best bet. I know it's never gonna be easy, but please don't let this fu*ker of a husband pull you down with his irresponsible and stupid attitude. I know men like this, you can never go far with them. Once he lays his hands on money, he starts looking for unnecessary things to spend it on. He's never gonna be serious. Run before it's too late.

Don't give a fuvk if anyone calls you a Baby mama or Single mom. You've still got bright years ahead of you, don't die of depression.

That's why I always tell people, you can't change a grown-up (especially a man), the signs were there before marriage, but you ignored it. Your mistake

Then enough of all these rushing into marriage just because the lady is pregnant, just to cover up the shame and side-talks. Most of these marriages usually end up crashing. I've got lady friends who did same, today they're complaining bitterly, some of them have even left their 'husbands'.

It is well
Be strong.

didn’t rush into marriage..I love my husband with everything in me. I’ve given up already

grad2012:
first of am so sorry for everything may God keep strengthening you.

I really don't know what to say I swear I can't advise you to divorce cause of your baby and I can't advise you to stay cause your man is a case. But to keep fighting for someone who is not going to change why cheat yourself from having peace of mind and love. He left once what makes you think he won't leave again.

The other woman is over there with him like that means he hasn't left her yet.

But you have to give him an ultimatum if he wants you back and his very sorry as he says he is he has to break that link with that gal. fine you have to accept he has another child and also you have to accept the fact that he has no choice but to take care of the child.

But no more mistakes again this time it's either he changes or you are done and then see if he change's.


But before all this please pray to God to help you make the right decision because am human and my advise is limited but only God can see what we can't. It could be that she could be using diabolical means to control your husband some women would do anything to get a man.

So please get God involved first he alone can help.

I will have you in my prayers much love.

I think the pregnancy was all a lie to get my husband to her side..she wasn’t pregnant

Since I don't even have a girlfriend, I'm not in the right position to advise you. I can't give what I don't have, I've never been in your shoes either.

I can only say "WE ONLY LIVE ONCE", I can't trade my happiness for anything or body.
If you be my girlfriend and you start misbehaving, I kick you out and have my peace of mind and sanity intact... same applicable to wife.

From your writeup though I may be wrong, you were his side chick that got pregnant before his main and he married you due to pregnancy.

The deed has been done and when it comes to marriage I am not an advocate of divorce.

This will be a very difficult battle for you cause he loves the other woman more than you. Since you're the legal wife, win him back with love. Don't cry or nag about the issue on ground.
I hate love triangles and this is one hell of a love triangle.

Good morning Romancelanders

Jularin:
I think the pregnancy was all a lie to get my husband to her side..she wasn’t pregnant

ok that's a little relief, then may be you should let him know you not going through this all over again he has to change and cut that girl out of his life or you will leave.
I pray his being sincere and his changed Seriously I really want you to be happy you and your child cause you both deserve it.

you are so loved. #Bighug

Jularin:
didn’t rush into marriage..I love my husband with everything in me. I’ve given up already

Well, it's obvious he takes you for granted.

Famousqueen:
Honey, fight for your right, divorce is not an option, you're into this already and raising a child alone is not easy, I suggest you find the location of your husband in Abuja, tell you mother in-law to go with you and your son to your husband's house in Abuja for a visited, don't tell him you are coming, go and grab the bull by the horn, you can't leave your home for another woman, it is better to fight for your home for you and your son, and when you get there, tell him that you want to take your rightful place as his wife, sweetheart don't be violent, be calm, stand your ground, tell him you're not leaving, you can only leave if he choose the other woman, and tell you to your face that he doesn't love you, with that you know that you've tried your best, and heaven will not judge you if you walk away,

OP, if u can try follow this advice, I think this sounds very logical... But All in All, keep praying for God's Direction, The Lord is ur strength...

Oyindidi:
From your writeup though I may be wrong, you were his side chick that got pregnant before his main and he married you due to pregnancy.

The deed has been done and when it comes to marriage I am not an advocate of divorce.

This will be a very difficult battle for you cause he loves the other woman more than you. Since you're the legal wife, win him back with love. Don't cry or nag about the issue on ground.
I hate love triangles and this is one hell of a love triangle.

Good morning Romancelanders

I wasn’t a side chick, she walked in on us when we were planning our marriage. I know when they started talking. I know he loves the other woman more maybe because she’s far older and she has a habit or lifestyle of drinking and smoking weed which he fancy a lot.... I don’t know but I’m done fighting and I know someday he will realize he lost but then it will be too late. I’m not perfect but I know I always want the best for him and I wish him best of luck

Jularin:
I wasn’t a side chick, she walked in on us when we were planning our marriage. I know when they started talking. I know he loves the other woman more maybe because she’s far older and she has a habit or lifestyle of drinking and smoking weed which he fancy a lot.... I don’t know but I’m done fighting and I know someday he will realize he lost but then it will be too late. I’m not perfect but I know I always want the best for him and I wish him best of luck

Be strong dear, hugs

grad2012:
ok that's a little relief, then may be you should let him know you not going through this all over again he has to change and cut that girl out of his life or you will leave.
I pray his being sincere and his changed Seriously I really want you to be happy you and your child cause you both deserve it.

you are so loved. #Bighug

thank you so much sweet...I shut everybody out hoping I can heal on my own but it’s not as easy as I think. I’m a lil relived cos I could finally talk to matured minds..#hugs sis

Be strong in d Lord, pray like u have never done b4 n do a one on one talk with him to really know wat he wants. May God see u thru IJMN.

Dump his @$$ n pick up what's left of yuh life,he's only wiv u bcoz of d kid,d love u used to know is gone, don't go down that sloppy lonely road,let that @$$hole go... He's a pant man..

Kaleydd2000:
Be strong in d Lord, pray like u have never done b4 n do a one on one talk with him to really know wat he wants. May God see u thru IJMN.

Amen!!! Thank you so much

Headlesschicken:
Dump his @$$ n pick up what's left of yuh life,he's only wiv u bcoz of d kid,d love u used to know is gone, don't go down that sloppy lonely road,let that @$$hole go... He's a pant man..

well, don’t know what to say

olawaleseun:

OP, if u can try follow this advice, I think this sounds very logical... But All in All, keep praying for God's Direction, The Lord is ur strength...

it won’t be easy going there cos I don’t even know where they live...

Jularin:
He want to get another place for us,he said the lady paid for the rent and planned their living together. I’m not a violent person but the girl might be cos she smokes weed, don’t wanna put my child in danger

This is serious, are you sure your man is being honest to you?