A friend just narrated her ordeal to me. She is seriously in need of advice. Let me personalise the story for proper understanding. This is her words:


I have lived a wayward life in the past, I was so sexually promiscuous. Infact, I had slept with almost 30 men.(it was that bad. I can't really resist sex advances.) I continued like that till last year when I slept with a guy but fortunately for me he discovered my weakness and he determined not to take it as advantage to himself but saw the need to change me.

In the process, I fell in love with him and we started dating. In the bid to change me, he queried my past and initially, I used to lie about it and he would discovered the truth and get angry with me and said I was lying bcus I was stil not ready to change. But all I know is dat since he came to my life, he has changed a lot of things and I love the life I am living now. (I have not slept with another man in the last 7months, infact, I detest promiscuity now)
So we continued like that till I was able to soberly tell him everything about my past(I mean all). He was pained for lying to him in the past about everytin. So, he gave me two conditions that I should pick one bfr he can forgive me.
(1.) I should inform atleast one person amongst my family members about my past life and ask the person to forgive for being a reproach to the family.


(2.) That I should speak to a religious person (a Rev. Sister) about my past.

The two conditions are so hard bcus 1, my father is a moralist and my family members trust me so much. Some of this pple I av slept with are well known to them. They include our family doctor, clargy man etc.

2. The condition two, the religion person he mentioned know most of them too and one of her family member is even among.

Please, help me. I dont want to loose him bcus he has helped me to change my ways overtime. His conditions are hard as well. Please advise me. Bashing is allowed please but advise me.

please, kindly advise her, she is in a dilemma.

mod, please help if u can. she is seriously in need of advice

Let her just leave him and focus on her life jare.
What sort of useless conditions is that? If he cannot live with it abeg make him shift give people chance jare.

Him for even tell her to confess to her state Governor self. Mstewwwww nonsense!!!!

So about 30 men ganged banged her at the Same time according to the OP??

She even slept with a Pastor and Rev Father( well, am not surprised).

I can't just imagine how the milage of her rotten, swollen, wide, smelly and shapeless looking pusssy will look like now.

I will advice the young man, not to marry that evening newspaper.

#Spits

what a man

or did you just formulate this write up

I think both the two options are not bad. We all have our flaws. No one is perfect even the so called men of God we often look up to. Pastor Joshua Inginla should be an example, he confessed all in front of his congregation with no fear of the aftermath effect. So why should your friend not confess to either of the two?
Let me reiterate, we are not perfect and we all have flaws. Let her do the needful at least for her future.
Cheers!

@ lonikit

Since you have already turned your life around, simply walk out of the relationship and continue living an upright life.

There should be no condition for forgiveness.

You will definitely feel terrible about leaving him but if you follow my advice, he will come for you, and you will tell him that true forgiveness warrants no confession to anyone, not even a Priest. Not even to the Gods.

He was just an instrument, it is time you move on to the next phase of your life without interference from past thought engineering.

I support the man. Madam, pick one of the two options. When you were enjoying it, you didn't know a day like this would come abi? Serves you right!

Slept with over 30 men, now you're looking for a good guy. You're wicked. The man wants people to know the kind of person you were so that when you can't conceive after marriage, no one would blame him. Only God knows the present condition of your womb.

Last words.. The guy won't marry you, he only wants to torture you before dumping your sorry ass. You should have told him the truth from the beginning. Now, he wants to punish you for lying to him.

Correct guy!

lonikit:
A friend just narrated her ordeal to me. She is seriously in need of advice. Let me personalise the story for proper understanding. This is her words:


I have lived a wayward life in the past, I was so sexually promiscuous. Infact, I had slept with almost 30 men.(it was that bad. I can't really resist sex advances.) I continued like that till last year when I slept with a guy but fortunately for me he discovered my weakness and he determined not to take it as advantage to himself but saw the need to change me.

In the process, I fell in love with him and we started dating. In the bid to change me, he queried my past and initially, I used to lie about it and he would discovered the truth and get angry with me and said I was lying bcus I was stil not ready to change. But all I know is dat since he came to my life, he has changed a lot of things and I love the life I am living now. (I have not slept with another man in the last 7months, infact, I detest promiscuity now)
So we continued like that till I was able to soberly tell him everything about my past(I mean all). He was pained for lying to him in the past about everytin. So, he gave me two conditions that I should pick one bfr he can forgive me.
(1.) I should inform atleast one person amongst my family members about my past life and ask the person to forgive for being a reproach to the family.


(2.) That I should speak to a religious person (a Rev. Sister) about my past.

The two conditions are so hard bcus 1, my father is a moralist and my family members trust me so much. Some of this pple I av slept with are well known to them. They include our family doctor, clargy man etc.

2. The condition two, the religion person he mentioned know most of them too and one of her family member is even among.

Please, help me. I dont want to loose him bcus he has helped me to change my ways overtime. His conditions are hard as well. Please advise me. Bashing is allowed please but advise me.

Everything u wrote here is just a mirror of someone am counselling right now. She doesn't have to confess to anyone else apart from God and the one she is going to marry, except she so chooses to tell anyone else.
Sometimes it is good to tell a matured person e.g. mentor, clergy, confidant etc who will help in the healing / recovery process but not just anyone Tom, dick and harry!

This small condition she can't do, infact she should even inform the chairman of her street too

the important question here IS... WHY? for what reason exactly does this man want you to do this?! it makes absolutely NO SENSE, and i think it is all about CONTROL! he wants to reduce you to a weak disgraced being who will now have only but HIM to worship!

the fact that he wants to force you to do something you are not ABLE/WILLING to do, shows you that he is not RIGHT for you.

Are you sure it's a friend cos I dey fear for you ooo.... Any way go for the second option, that's way better

If I were the guy, I'll insist to be present when youre making that confession and afterwards, I will tell your father I can't associate with such a bitch.

The problem with most girls is that they don't think beyond the present. They just want to have fun. Thirty guys? WTF! Does that mean you never knew during all those years that you're living a bad life?

There is this bitch am going for presently, she's just nineteen, but I can bet my left ball that she has slept with roughly 10 guys. She's just a bitch. She's attracted to every dick, and sadly, she's a pretty girl.

I want to help her, I wish to, but she's not even ready to be helped. This girl cannot even keep quiet for a minute to listen to you talk to her on the way forward. If there's one thing I'd like to do this year, it's for me to change her. She doesn't listen to advise, she just don't want to be serious with her life, she's all for the fun cos she's pretty. It's from one phone call to the other and from one contact exchange to the other.

I fear her story will be like that of the op, cos I know by age 23, she must have fvcked like twenty guys. The only difference is that op is willing to change, so helping her change will be so easy.

lonikit:
A friend just narrated her ordeal to me. She is seriously in need of advice. Let me personalise the story for proper understanding. This is her words:


I have lived a wayward life in the past, I was so sexually promiscuous. Infact, I had slept with almost 30 men.(it was that bad. I can't really resist sex advances.) I continued like that till last year when I slept with a guy but fortunately for me he discovered my weakness and he determined not to take it as advantage to himself but saw the need to change me.

In the process, I fell in love with him and we started dating. In the bid to change me, he queried my past and initially, I used to lie about it and he would discovered the truth and get angry with me and said I was lying bcus I was stil not ready to change. But all I know is dat since he came to my life, he has changed a lot of things and I love the life I am living now. (I have not slept with another man in the last 7months, infact, I detest promiscuity now)
So we continued like that till I was able to soberly tell him everything about my past(I mean all). He was pained for lying to him in the past about everytin. So, he gave me two conditions that I should pick one bfr he can forgive me.
(1.) I should inform atleast one person amongst my family members about my past life and ask the person to forgive for being a reproach to the family.


(2.) That I should speak to a religious person (a Rev. Sister) about my past.

The two conditions are so hard bcus 1, my father is a moralist and my family members trust me so much. Some of this pple I av slept with are well known to them. They include our family doctor, clargy man etc.

2. The condition two, the religion person he mentioned know most of them too and one of her family member is even among.

Please, help me. I dont want to loose him bcus he has helped me to change my ways overtime. His conditions are hard as well. Please advise me. Bashing is allowed please but advise me.

I do not care if this is about u or a friend but am here to help

THE PAST BITES AND HUNTS when its not totally cut off.

ONE MAJOR MISTAKE is BODY COUNT... It is totally WRONG to tell anyone your BODY COUNT or specifics of your DIRTY PAST... because the person who truly LOVES YOU won't care about it.... yes and let me shock you.... NO HUMAN MAN WILL WANT TO CONTINUE WITH YOU IF YOU GO THAT DEEP INTO CONFESSION.... Only GOD can handle such detail.


EVEN if he marries you... YOU WILL BE A SUSPECT FOR LIFE and your children will suffer the same suspicion from him ONCE they start having friends.

SO here is the solution.... TELL THE REVEREND SISTER... but listen DO NOT GO INTO BODY COUNT and RAW DETAILS. Just tell her you were addicted to sex and you want God to help you and restore you. tell her you have suffered silently for so long because you didn't want people to see you the wrong way... LET HER KNOW YOU ARE READY TO FOLLOW GOD'S PATH.

If she is real, she will keep it confidential and help you through it.... ELSE if she tells your family then THE STIGMA will be for life.

THE FORGIVENESS AND NEW LIFE THAT JESUS CHRIST OFFERS is actually without the details of your PAST.

All these people on your thread who are mocking u or expecting you to be shamed and loose your relationship with that guy ARE simply like the accuser of the woman caught in adultery in the BIBLE.... Jesus says... LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE...

I salute you (or your friend) for being able to talk out... but UNDERSTAND HUMANS O.... Human being hardly forgives or forgets what GOD has forgiven and cleansed. So if you must deal then thread carefully.

In marriage I believe in transparency... BUT to know details of the past is what I KNOW IS VERY VERY WRONG... because it can ruin the relationship before it starts. I counsel couples to be plain as possible by saying.... I LIVED A VERY ROUGH LIFE OF SIN IN THE PAST BUT WHEN I GOT BORN AGAIN... I began to change slowly. Anyone asking for details is asking for BOMB that may kill them too... so save them the trouble.

ALSO.... I SUSPECT THAT, IF THIS GUY LEAVES YOU..... you will go back to SIN as a last resort or revenge and become more hardened.... SO it may not be worth it. IF YOUR CHANGE DOES NOT COME FROM GOD or PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT.... Then it won't last.

You need something deeper or stronger than just the guy to totally claim you have changed.

@greatnaija01
as much as this guy is an idiot, TRUST in any union can only be good (so long as you are with the "right" person). this man obviously has ulterior motives but the babe could simply go see the pastor and confess that she needs guidance (not even talking about sexual stuff) since thats between her and pastor. et voila!

as for the babe going right back to her "sex addiction" if the guy leaves her, this one is obvious. she will go right back to being who she is and what she knows best, and in her case, she found peace and solace in the arms of ANY man that showed interest in her.

My concern is, what does he aim to achieve with such conditions? What if he breaks up with you after such conditions have been fulfilled?

You've changed, and that's the point. True forgiveness should not come with irrational conditions. Confessing such to your family is opening a stinky can of worms, the aftermath is not something I think you've even imagined or want to experience. Obviously, it will plant a rift between your parents and family doctor, their personal family and profession etc, dont do it.

Furthermore, I can assure you that disclosing the promiscuity of our partner is not something men do. In our head, we want to believe we've got a second class virgin at least, and our ego will not withstand or tolerate the idea that she doesn't fit that image. Worse of all, letting others know that our partner is easy to bed is a no no. It makes us feel that we got the leftovers, the lower market value female, and a hoe.

No man wants to wife a hoe. I can assure you that he will break up with you, the countdown has just begun. To maintain your sanity, esteem and sense of worth, refuse to fulfil such conditions. Some things are better left in the past, and your case is one of it.

I commend the guy for converting public ride to a private ride and maintaining it for 7 months without feeling the burden. His rode it's one of a kind.

Op if you need my advice you must admit you're the one, how can your friend confess all of these to you but can't meet up the guy condition? I'm not daft.

BUT WAIT O... which pastor? did you NOT read she also slept with PASTOR? you want another pastor to join her BODY COUNT?

MrBrownJay1:
@greatnaija01
as much as this guy is an idiot, TRUST in any union can only be good (so long as you are with the "right" person). this man obviously has ulterior motives but the babe could simply go see the pastor and confess that she needs guidance (not even talking about sexual stuff) since thats between her and pastor. et voila!

as for the babe going right back to her "sex addiction" if the guy leaves her, this one is obvious. she will go right back to being who she is and what she knows best, and in her case, she found peace and solace in the arms of ANY man that showed interest in her.

greatnaija01:
BUT WAIT O... which pastor? did you NOT read she also slept with PASTOR? you want another pastor to join her BODY COUNT?

the person this dude wants her to talk to, she slept with his/her acquaintances... aka holy person knows some of the skeletons in her closet.

pastor, religious person, reverend sister.....same person

I will commeby later

pansophist:
My concern is, what does he aim to achieve with such conditions? What if he breaks up with you after such conditions have been fulfilled?

You've changed, and that's the point. True forgiveness should not come with irrational conditions. Confessing such to your family is opening a stinky can of worms, the aftermath is not something I think you've even imagined or want to experience. Obviously, it will plant a rift between your parents and family doctor, their personal family and profession etc, dont do it.

Furthermore, I can assure you that disclosing the promiscuity of our partner is not something men do. In our head, we want to believe we've got a second class virgin at least, and our ego will not withstand or tolerate the idea that she doesn't fit that image. Worse of all, letting others know that our partner is easy to bed is a no no. It makes us feel that we got the leftovers, the lower market value female, and a hoe.

No man wants to wife a hoe. I can assure you that he will break up with you, the countdown has just begun. To maintain your sanity, esteem and sense of worth, refuse to fulfil such conditions. Some things are better left in the past, and your case is one of it.

but the important question IS.... would you rather be fully honest with you partner about your past OR do you want to wait til some of his buddies give him the good news?!?!?

i dont know about you, but if my woman was a "former hoe" then i'd rather hear it form her (and act accordingly upon the news) than hear it from anyone else.... and if i decide to stay with her, then i have nothing to worry about what others will be telling me.

Rev.Sister that is gettin them hit while you are still counting bullets and Loading your clip

Wow...
30 dicks, she must have even travelled for dickappointments on many occasions with so many styles and sound tracks...

That guy must v surely seen something in that gal...

Wow. I guess we all need special grace not to judge...

MrBrownJay1:


but the important question IS.... would you rather be fully honest with you partner about your past OR do you want to wait til some of his buddies give him the good news?!?!?

i dont know about you, but if my woman was a "former hoe" then i'd rather hear it form her (and act accordingly upon the news) than hear it from anyone else.... and if i decide to stay with her, then i have nothing to worry about what others will be telling me.

Is she not honest with him ? From the write up, it is clear that She already disclosed her past promiscuity to him, albeit he wants her to further disclose it to third parties, such as her family and pastors which to me, is irrational and unwarranted. The only aim such conditions will fulfil for her to defame herself in the eyes of people that matters to her, permanently. Women have reputation to protect, and if she does thag, she basically destroyed her reputation herself.

Yes, I want my partner to disclose her past to me, but clearly, this is not the issue at hand.

pansophist:


Is she not honest with him ? From write up, it is clear that She already disclosed her past promiscuity to him, albeit he wants her to further disclose it to third parties, such as her family and pastors which to me, is irrational and unwarranted.

Yes, I want my partner to disclose her past to me, but clearly, this is not the issue at hand.

my above post was referring to what you wrote....

pansophist:
Furthermore, I can assure you that disclosing the promiscuity of our partner is not something men do. In our head, we want to believe we've got a second class virgin at least, and our ego will not withstand or tolerate the idea that she doesn't fit that image. Worse of all, letting others know that our partner is easy to bed is a no no. It makes us feel that we got the leftovers, the lower market value female, and a hoe.

No man wants to wife a hoe. I can assure you that he will break up with you, the countdown has just begun. To maintain your sanity, esteem and sense of worth, refuse to fulfil such conditions. Some things are better left in the past, and your case is one of it.

some men dont care about knowingly wifeing hoes, so long as that person brings/gives them the peace of mind they require.... ask Kanye!

Does he love you? If yes, why does he want to bring you to disrepute before your people? And what does he intend to achieve by forcing you to do this? I don't think he has respect for you? It seems he knows how much he means to you and want to use that against you. My advice is given the circumstances as you espoused, don't go for that morality shaming. Is he above reproach himself and whom is he confessing all his past deeds to. Just because he was there for you doesn't entitle him to give you ultimatum. You have turned your alive around, that is all that matters, keep your dignity and tell him, you will not do so. If he wants, let him go. When one door is closed, another is open but if you look too hard on the closed one, you might see the open one. Soldier go soldier come as they say. Don't indulge in any morality shaming trip to please him.

Ahhhh... if men were God...

This man has a God complex and is very unwise.