₦airaland Forum

I feel your pain Bro, I have a similar experience, I believe your wife has a spirit husband, only after deliverance will she be able to really change , anything before real deliverance the changes will just be temporary, the symptoms says it all, spiritually she is being shared.
She needs deliverance and if she is really close to God afterwards, she will have the ability to be a normal wife

Unyimekelvin:
I'm totally down,i mean emotional damaged by All this acts of mine.

I started masturbation at 16, now it is up to 6 years i could not stop it ..also betting .. I'm a strong addict on this..... especially virtual game this shit has eaten me deeply, plus masturbation i can't understand anything in life again...i tried stopping it but I couldn't...

Note i does this gambling online... this how its always goes, when I fund My bet wallet,i will start playing virtual games( in the space of 6 years i have Lost up to 5million naira) ND if I don't winn ;i will divert to porn from porn to masturbation...

I got My dick injured through masturbating some one should help out please... just drop your advice biko...

I don't even know how to write this, cos I'm crying now

Repent, give your life to Jesus, and always abide in the presence of God, use your phone to watch MFM recorded sermons, watch about 3 sermons and pray with them every day, start praying in the midnight, run away from looking at sexually polluted materials. I believe with this the issue will fade away. This is my kobo for you.

Most lions are not innocent , they also have several animals blood on their neck, looks like a payback situation to me. Lol

Jennyclay:
You and your wife obviously have communication issues. Through your write up I could sense lack of communication and you will really need to work on that.

But then, Let her find something doing in order to raise money to clear her debt. She can't just sit idle while you keep paying debts for her. But please you also need to assist her too because it won't be easy for her.

Nevertheless, You need to sit her down and you guys should discuss how to manage your finances. If she has any hidden project that consumes her money then tell her to open up to you.

This situation wouldn't have escalated if there was good communication in your marriage.

I have already done all you mentioned to no avail, I was even thinking she was doing a hidden business, I have not stopped her from working, she is currently doing some study, and I never pressured her to work until recently that I started sending her vacancies. I wanted her to finish her studies so she could get a good job , that was why I never pressured her earlier to work. She had an online job she was doing as well but she does not earn much from it. She could have asked me for help if she needed to do anything she cannot afford. But I will need to know what it is

Hi all,
I have been married for about 3 years to my wife and we live abroad, some years back I discovered my wife has credit card debt , and was keeping it away from me, I complained about it, and she was not remorseful, she was paying so much on the credit as interest and insurance that I had to help her stop the insurance payments, and I started supporting her more financially by paying for something's for my child so she does not use all the money I give her for it. I looked at her statement again not long ago and the debt has drastically increased, she is buying more stuff. Even though she is not working at the moment and I pay 99 percent of all the bills, and give her money every month too. I told her to consult me whenever she has to do a major purchase for our child that her monthly allowance can not support.
Her debt has grown to about 5 thousand dollars now with an interest of about 22 percent per year, she spends more than she pays back, I am afraid she will plunge the family into debt.
When I asked her for an explanation of what she is using the money for , she told me she is spending it on herself and our child which I don't believe.She gathered the debt over a period of one year and some months.What happens when we have another child?
I asked her to tell me how she plans to put an end to this growing debt but she has given me no response till date , she is only saying she will work and pay it off.
I am confused because I do not see the reason for so much debt, since we can afford most of the things we need, and. She can still afford to send a little stipend home, I asked her to let us discuss her financial needs of she needs more money from me , but she never came for that discussion. Am I not supposed to know about her debt as her husband? Is it beyond me to want her to stop gathering a debt that can spiral beyond her control?

Pharmjossy:
I am still on page 2_of this thread and have been on this since yesterday as it piques my interest.
I am equally married for 6yrs with two kids (2yrs and the other few days old); based in Nigeria but hoping I could relocate abroad like u.
However, I have never had an a need to mark my anniversary bc it has been series of similar issues as yours. This has caused me to drag my foot on processing any traveling stuff. But sometimes I think of giving my kids that privilege while becoming the sacrificial lamb, bc I know my spouse will rubbish me abroad considering that she is a RN
If she could rubbish me here in Naija as well as my parents (front, right and center). I mean anything u can reckone with, I wonder y she would not do it abroad.
At present, I foot virtually every expense while she works and I do not seek to know how she spends her money but believed she Is thrift. But the shocker was having to purchase a piece of land without my knowledge but with the knowledge of her Step mother.
Guy man, if I take this one abroad and she earns in dollar, what will be my situation.
As i read ur story, it tells me that u and I are the NICE guys that ladies desire to have but can not keep.
How to b a bad guy becomes a proplem at this our age ( I am over 40 and wife is over 30).
Less I forget, the latter Is why I paused to reply. How old is ur wife and did u marry her abroad or u took her there?
BC it seems she feels she is very young and presented with lots of opportunities abroad. Hence, I agree with ur conclusion: she is waiting for u to pull the divorce string or hit her.
Use ur head. Stay connected with ur siblings, report less to her mother. But ur challenge and my challenge and the challenge of ur mother (whether she is aware if it or not) is: making ur mother have the Joy of Motherhood and the abroad experience which is highly and overwhelming enjoyed by ur wife without with felt gratitude. A thing that makes a husband live longer.
I c u Existing just for the kids. But others have adviced on how to live for the kids. I have taken note of does advices too
Ur wife called ur mum a witch; mine said she sees,reason why women wish there mother in-law death.
Who never marry no go understand this ordeal.
Our only limitations is Living as a Christian. Else, what's the benefit of working to save the marriage. Meanwhile, marriage is not alife; neither is the husband nor the wife.
Hmmmm. We are just existing for the kids. Let's find joy
Make itself happy
Expect the worse each day, this will care less
Go to the gym
Watch football out of doors
Take to the advice of the ladies, novia22 and akinade28.
I will finish through with the replies on this thread.
However, singles and unruly should shut their mouth.

She is above 30, I met her here,plus we did not date for long.

Aguogba:
You're very smart and your comment shows that.
This long story OP wrote did not tell us up to 50% of the major issues in their marriage. E.g, who sponsored each other's stay abroad (who has "papers". Weak sex life, has your wife ever complained of anything or did you notice something?Are your kids homeschooled or attend daycare?, etc.

She came here on her own on a temporary visa, but I met and married her and she is now on my papers waiting to become a citizen.
Our child attends Kindergarten, she has not complained really of anything regarding Sex , I do most of the work and I ensure she is satisfied.

novia22:
I think you are too lenient with her. Don't hit her.....I REPEAT DO NOT HIT HER...But you need to put your foot down.....You are the man for Heaven's sake......I'm a woman...we naturally have a way of being manipulative. It's how we are wired and it reveals itself more when we marry men that are too nice.
See eeeh...If She can't attend same church with you, Then she can't go to church at all.
When she starts whining,. ignore her. State what you want to be done clearly.Be stern and let her know there will be consequences for disobedience and move.
By consequences....you can give her the silent treatment. Shey she is using sex as a tool to do shakara.....Show her you can do without it. I know it's hard,but you must try to save your marriage. If she talks to you, answer with words not sentences...
Don't give her time or listen to her plenty talk....
The one that is painful is you begging her to come and pray with you......Jehovah! All these small small witches with Big God never enter her matter.....

That Aboard sef isn't helping issues cos before you say Jack, Five 0 is at your door. I just pray she isn't just looking for a reason to mess you up cos calling your mum a witch seems like a game plan to push you to your limit....

You are a good man and your wife doesn't know what she has.......and she is joking with it...
I wish you Grace.

Thanks so much for your mature advice, she does not really believe in the leadership of a man,at least from what I see. There was a time I asked her not to take my child to school and she told me she will take him to school , and she did ignoring my request, I have asked her if she wants to go, so that we can separate amicably, she should not worry about her documents, I will still help since she has a child for me. I am not sure if I ask her to stop going to her church that she will comply, but I will tell her my decision, being that we live in a white man's country, I have tried to be a bit soft. She is not telling me she wants to go, I am thinking she wants me to pull the divorce trigger, that's why she is not saying anything, if I ask her if she loves me, the answer comes with alot of delay too. It's unfortunate, I guess I made a big mistake

Datboredberry:
Sorry... But your wife is toxic... She's dumb for insulting your mother... Stand your ground... She either keeps her bullsh** to herself or you're done...

Don't fall your mom's hand nah..

The woman has issues.. enough with the prayers..

Did you go to a therapist? With a degree...

Not yet, I sent her the link, she is the one insisting on special criteria, so I asked to to look for it, I have sent her my own suggestion.

Datboredberry:
The man being weak simply because he's been deprived of sex... He's as weak as they come...

There are male virgins out there with more balls...

Honestly, imagine crying that you wanna have sex with someone who goes out of their way to humiliate your own mother...

Maybe there's only a few of us who actually respect our parents...

I am actually not that weak because of sex, I stayed without sex for almost nine years before I married her, I had more sexually attractive options before I choose her,I guess she was the most chatty with me then.

Shokoloko:
Based on your story, there is another plan.
Based on your story, a lot of information is being left out. I see through this write-up and you are not the saint.
She is not either

I am not saying I am a saint, infact when there are issues , I apologize more easily than my wife. I feel very strongly for my child, I do not want him to suffer, she complained earlier that I was not helping with the baby and I started helping more, after a while, she said we need to go to a counsellor, I have agreed and also searched for a Christian one, but she prefers the one with a degree in psychology,
Sometimes when she offends me I can be blunt, and I might says some words, but not extreme words the words are only an interpretation of the attitude I see.
She knows it all, and does not easily take correction, even when I try to play with her she easily takes offence. Mind you all these never happened while we were dating, I noticed a bit of stubbornness and I tried to correct her , and told her that is one of the attribute I hate the most.
I am at point that I am not sure she loves me , and I don't even know if everything happening in my home is normal.

I would like to share my current situation on this platform , and I will very much appreciate your mature advice on the issue.

I have been having issues with my wife after our first born, we married about 3 years ago, our first born is now about 2 years old, we have been having series of issues In the marriage, my wife argues with me a lot on flimsy issues at times, we do not have constant sex, although I started helping more in the house,I cook and and I do the laundry , and asked her to give me my share of the work, when she complained about work load,I am the only one really working now, and paying 98 percent of the bills.

I told my wife that I will like us to be eating together on the same plate to improve closeness, she refused, she sees arguement as normal discussion, sometimes we have sex once or twice in a month, I have told her I will like us all to attend the same church and pray together, but she still attends her Nigerian church online , where they are always seeing vision , and I do not like her attending that church.she also attends online services of my church with me, but I would like us to be attending one church even if it is not my church.
I asked her recently that we need to be praying together for our marriage even if it is 10 minutes every day, after weeks of no response from her,I approached her yesterday and scolded her about it, she cried and I comforted her, I later asked her at night to come for the prayer,and she said she is not coming.
We live abroad and my mum wants to pay us a visit,
She told me the kitchen is her's and my mum should not enter the kitchen, and I told her that it will be difficult, we can pre cook all our food, But she might need to make tea and I will like her to be able to do that by her self , but my wife refused.
In her church she is attending they already branded. My mother a witch. Even if my mother is a witch, we only need to pray against it, should we humiliate her when she visits us? I cannot make my wife my mother, she does not show me much love and does not show that she cares, neither does she respect me. My mum shows me love that I can feel.

Now we are living like neighbours in the same house.
Do you think she is interested in the marriage or has another plan?

Sister please go and buy comprehensive mathematics and waec past questions for him. That is all he needs, that is what i used during my days and it was very good. However he should study and understand it from.back to back. In case he needs something for English A1 in English is also very good, used this books in my SS3 days and cleared both Maths and English in both WAEC and NECO they are very self explanatory.

Hello, all pls where can i join you guys to watch the match online.what website or station?

Please does anyone know a website where i can watch the match?

What documents are available on it,and how far is adamo from ikorkdu garage?

Good morning, I am interested in buying a plot in the GRA. which plots are available and what documents are available that my lawyer can confirm, and can the prices be negotiated.
and do you have whatsapp contact where you can send pictures of the land and area?

Please where is alakuko located and can we see a picture of the property?

How are you sure that you are not the blind one, have you seen God and he told you islam is the true way to heaven? you better make good research about your faith, we only have one chance and after that Judgment. However islam came about. 500 years after christianity, and islam.is not qualified to tell us about christianity or that our religion has been corrupted, only we christians should be able to tell you about the advent of your religion. Whose prophet healed no one and his only miracle was the quran which was memorized,and some of your people claim its perfect because it was memorized, even yoruba ifa was memorized and its currently well documented. If you have time to research, read up on the manuscripts of Sana and you can also study some books written by ahmed abdelsamad from Egypt to see the true face of your religion. Jesus is the only way to God. I have told you and i am sure heavens know someone told you.

Rilwayne001:
Nice one.

ACAPID are really trying, and this is what our brothers ought to be doing instead of being hostile and belligerent to those who are not interested in the deen. By organizing a debate, you open their eyes by removing the log covering their sight, and if they are hell bent on being blind, then leave them be, aftearall there's no compulsion in religion. This is the true Islam, not terrorizing or threatening people to propagate the religion.

Albhagdadi, truthman2012, true2god, malvisguy212, annunaki2 zionmade will evade this thread like plague

You guys ain't seen nothing yet.

Hi pls, im interested in buying a half plot in the areas mentioned, do you have whatsapp so we can chat and i can see pictures?
If you do pls send me the number

mapet:
Bros,

Thanks for the clarification.

I think the issue with your situation is unfortunate. Why do I say so. The first problem is that you bought your land from a non-tax paying citizen (I had initially thought you implied it was a flat tax). It is unfortunate in that, at the point of registration, the government will require the tax clearance/card/details from both the seller and the buyer. This is applied to make sure that citizens fulfil their civic duties. The problem is that most citizens in Lagos don't pay tax. Unfortunately I think there is an option of a penalty, which people opt to pay to avoid delay of the processing, hence the situation in your case (I will imagine). It is not compulsory. If you have known ahead and can insist, you could have ascertained if your seller had tax card or clearance, if not net, out the difference depending on how the negotiation swings.

Also, I think you should see someone in Ministry of Lands (I could refer you) wrt the fact that you don't live in the country and as such do not have tax card. I imagine the person helping you with the process chose the 300k option (which may likely be the penalty of non-compliance with tax payment) to speed up the process.

Other things you expressed here are personal perspectives. That the charges are exorbitant are relative, the point is that these are statutory and backed by law. That they may still be cumbersome is an argument I agree with. I believe there should be a one-stop desk for processing all these, from Consent to Building permit approval.

Would be nice if you could link me up , so i can clarify the issue, i will send you and email and you can senf me the contact through it.

mapet:
Nope, I see a lot of misrepresentations in his statements. Check,

1.it costs above 1 million naira...... - You can't just generalise. If he's talking about Lekki or other prime areas, maybe. If he's taking about Gbagada, Anthony, Ogudu, then hell no! That is false.

2....even some people that manage to apply dont get it in 3 years. Mine cycle out in 4-5months. Lagos State states that the official cycle time is 90days. This has been in operation for over 15years.

3. if i buy a land to even start the process I have to pay 300k as tax even as i dont live in Nigeria, and i will pay the same for the seller aswell plus other charges...Do you really believe this statement? What land do you buy in Lagos that requires flat taxation to both government and seller?

Meanwhile, if you read my reply to him very well, you should have seen through what I was trying to tell him, but obviously since I need to "spell" it, now this is - That the guy lives abroad, and he's been given a totally incorrect picture of how thing works.

Also that he lives abroad and pays tax abroad is irrelevant. Nigerians who own properties in the US and lives in Nigeria do pay taxes on those properties. In Lagos State land Use Charge is statutory and backed by law. Will he have a property and in use and not pay tax because he lives abroad?

my Friend , I am not as ignorant as you think, the component of the cost that is dependent on the location of the land varies, but the tax stuff is a major component of the total cost, if the seller does not have 3 years tax clearance, and the buyer does not have too you are talking of almost six hundred thousand already, if you say i must pay tax on my property i agree, but why should i pay a flat rate for income tax when i am not deriving any benefit from government and also pay my tax already abroad where i live. another issue is the building permit , it also costs alot of money, i heard the governor was threatning criminal proceeding against people whoever violates the law, a more reasonable aproach will be to make c of o , Governors consent and so on easier and very cheap first before looking for criminals, government should not victimise and ,milk its citizens dry on housing or discourage poor people from building.
the difference in the cost of Governors consent and C of O is not much it is also approaching 1 million and over in some cases. and without this consent u are not supposed to build on a land youve bought. It is all a fraud and very soon Nigerians will get wiser and they will understand. i dont know which country punishes the poor like Nigeria, and Lagos is laying a very bad foundation when it comes to land and property administration. The Land use charge is normal and can be collected, but people should be encouraged to build because in saner climes , if you dont have a Job it is your government's responsibility to build and accomodate you, or pay a Landlord to accomodate you. people are doing Government's work for them. while our leaders spend the money on luxury driving heavy cars and living large.

I believe some of us here dont know how expensive the Lagos state government has made C of O acquisition, it costs above 1 million naira, they take the money from you and hardly provide amenities where you are , to even get the C of O is very difficult. I personally think it is wrong for government to make C of O acquisition so expensive, and difficult, even some people that manage to apply dont get it in 3 years. then you turn back and demolish peoples houses knowing fully well that when they dont have a C of O they get nothing. That is the height of criminality, dont forget that a majority of lagosians cant afford this C of O thing , it is just too expensive, i live abroad, and if i buy a land to even start the process I have to pay 300k as tax even as i dont live in Nigeria, and i will pay the same for the seller aswell plus other charges, i think our goverment habe lost their humanity, and only God will defend the poor in that country. Why should C of O be more that 100,000 Naira since its clear that a majority of Nigerians are poor, what is the Minimum wage in Nigeria? And now he wants to demolish 800 houses, some peoples life savings.

agog:
most of the shanties never had approved lay-out plan.
Government will demolish them without paying compensation just like building structures under a high tension wire. it's not about the poor getting poorer but doing the right thing..

Good evening, what documents do you have on it, and how far is it from berger or the closest big city ot town to it in lagos