I hardly travel a long distance eating, but I had a bad experience while going to Benin some years back, I took some cold beer in the morning, that journey ended at ijebu ode, cos I exceeded my excuse. I just have to pay for another transport fair.

Funniest thread I've seen in a while.

kakaG:
One day I dressed up for school, left home feeling dapper and on top of the world only to realize my zip was wide open and guess what? The boxer I was wearing is the type that has button space in front and since the button had sice fallen off, I guess it was free show for all.

Immediately I was alerted about my open air theater free show I realized all the people who had been smiling while greeting me actually thought I was dumb enough to pull some stunts with a thing like that.

Before I forget, it was a pretty lady that summed up courage and alerted me.

Bro I feel your pain . This is so funny asf

I was travelling from Abuja to Onitsha. I made sure not to eat anything the night before the trip, unfortunately, I ate moi moi from one hawker the previous afternoon. The night and morning before the trip, I respect myself go toilet about three times(I no fit sleep as I wan shit the moi moi cmmot before I travel) but nothing came out only mess. As journey start nothing worry me till we reach lokoja and the bus stop. I pay money enter toilet. I dey there till the attendant start to knock for door...lo and behold no only mess commot.
Na till we pass Auchi na im my enemies and my belle do meeting decide to embarrass me. I try hold am but I use brain discover say na dis type of water water shit wey even if u try hold am, e go just dey leak small small dey commot. I no carry bag not to talk of tissue and inside d bus, na me talk pass so everybody been don notice me. See sweating that day. I sharply start to tell them say my belle dey worry me because of smell of fuel wey driver buy. By the time the driver stopped, d shit been don dey leak. Na so I run enter one bush close to uromi download everything. Na after I finish na im I realize say I don soil my boxers and I dey for middle of soldier ant. I quietly use my hanky clean up(the ants dey on top of d leaves), I commit d boxer throw inside d bush and enter motor.
Everybody dey pity me that day. Someone even gave me her seat close to d window so that breeze will b touching me. Since that day in 2016, I don't eat ANYTHING 24 HOURS BEFORE TRAVELLING

I was travelling from ibadan to lagos when this shit start worrying me. I was sweating like a fish and I couldn't sit straight. I was also ashamed to tell the bus to stop. So I stopped at redemption camp. I left my bag and all inside bus and was running to a nearby uncompleted building... They had to throw my luggages on the road side. Not a nice experience at all.

So, we had a visitor who was going back home. I had taken the day off so I can say goodbye at the airport.

However, I received a call the night before, something to the effect, why don't you come by the house and we will all drive to the airport together.

So far so good. I set out the next morning for my scheduled rendezvous. Since I'm no longer going to the airport from my house, there's no need to drive in my car since that also enables me to spend a little more the with our departing visitor. I headed for the metro train.

In my neck of the woods, we have two metro systems. One is urban and the other covers both urban and suburban areas. My destination is 45 minutes away from the city limits

Everything was just fine as we journeyed along until the train cleared the city limits and headed for the suburban areas.

Then it happened. My stomach started churning. That is quick progression. The crescendo was not far off I concluded going by the rate at which things were getting out of hand.

I was feeling dizzy, and my breath was shortening. I started sweating. Picture that a heavy hot brick was sitting in your rectum, and is in a hurry to catch some fresh air.

To make matters worse, the useless train found a reason to halt in the middle of nowhere. The announcement claimed signal failure. Meanwhile, yours truly was pacing the aisle uncontrollably. I couldn't sit still and the metro trains have no restroom. To make matters worse, these trains have cameras every 3 meters just in case anyone came to unwholesome ideas.

I was hoping that I can somehow make it to my destination train station, then quickly dash to a nearby hospital where I'm guaranteed a clean and hygienic toilet facility. My end destination is another 10 minutes bus ride away, so the hospital was my best bet.

Finally, the train picked up its journey while I tried to distract myself to gain time. No joy, I can't hold it in any longer. We pulled up at the next station in the middle of nowhere in deep winter, minus degrees weather and temperatures. My destination station is another 15 minutes away, I promptly made for the door and exited the train.

I can barely walk. This thing has declared its independence from within me and is on its way out without my consent. I tallied for a few seconds for fellow alighted passengers to fan out, then took off like a departing airliner in the direction of adjourning farmlands.

It felt like I died and rose back to life again. The relief is indescribable. I learned to appreciate every mother in that very moment. Child labor can't be any far off.

Done and relieved, although still sweating. But, there is still a little problem, which male leave home with sanitary paper in tow?. That's a female attribute. Aha!.

Luckily, the underpants promptly came to the rescue and was promptly discarded afterward among the shrubs.

So, the son of Man is alive again, and quietly eased himself back to the deserted and quiet train station, finally relieved and waited for the next train which is to arrive in 8 minutes. No underpants, but eternally grateful for that farm cluster.

DONADAMS:
mehn mine was with my ex oh..went to the mall after eating as much as we wanted and going to see a movie.. na so we board BRT. immediately I entered that BRT na so one hot zawo(shit) hold me...mehn it wasn't funny..I started sweating in a fully air conditioned BRT...na so she dey follow me talk I no fit reply, she even dey crack jokes I just dey try laff.. she noticed i was sweating profusely and asked. I told her I was fvcking pressed, na so she start laff me die...I almost told the driver to stop the fvcking bus..shame no allow me..na so I try reach my destination. I swear I thought I was going to die..and she was just laffing. after highlighting the bus, I saw a TFC close by,went there, if you see crowd waiting to use the toilet..I just decided to take a bike home..mehn anytime the bike enter pothole it'll be as though the poo wanted to drop..she was laffing so hard that the bikeman had to ask if everything was okay..to even matters worst, her Sist called her. while trying to remove her fone from her purse na so money her money fly from her purse into the air..she asked me to go down and help.her search for it..omoh na night time. as I reach the place, i just look around ,the shi*t no even let me see anything na so i go back tell her say I no see am..she insisted on going to look for it herself..omoh I told her I'll give her the money that we should just go home abeg..las las I couldn't survive it..I had to stop at a bush close to my house and downloaded the sh*t..mehn it was an heavenly feeling.. I just use cassava leaf..dispose the boxer when I reach house...chai I'll never forget that day just like I won't forget her.

Fully air-conditioned brt..? Bros why na

Well mine was in 2013. My grandpa's burial at the village, dem kill 3 cows and goats too, everywhere meat! I chop till I nearly passout.

The next day we enter road. Naso I begin purge o. We stop like 5 times make I shit. Then I decided to hold it. Only for us to get very close to the house o, I say this mess wey dey worry me make I mess am at once. My brothers and sisters, very close to house o, I say make I mess but d mess no gree stop, na then I realize say I don shit for body.

To make matters worse, we reach house, see crowd outside wey come greet us... I nearly die from embarrassment of that day and the ones that followed.

There was a day my mum just arrived from work and she came in to wake me up. I went outside still feeling sleepy, so I wobbled outside then went to ease myself. Sincerely I didn't know these girls(my neighbors) of about my age were bathing outside. So, they accused me of coming to look at them. I felt really embarrassed that day.

XhosaNostra:
I was inside a taxi once when all of a sudden my stomach started churning & I got all sweaty. I knew it was a bad case of a stomach bug. I had to go! It was so urgent, I almost used my handbag as a toilet. Needless to say, I got off the taxi & ran into the nearest house to use the loo. I couldn't even see clearly, that's how terrible it was. I walked into this house & asked to use the toilet, without waiting for a reply I found it by myself. After I was done doing my business, the embarrassment & shame set it. It took me about 30 minutes to summon enough courage to walk out. I sheepishly made my way to the sitting room, quietly introduced myself & apologized for the intrusion The mother was very nice & understanding, fortunately

This is so nice. I can imagine if it was Nigeria. Are people this trusting in s.a or is it cause you are a girl, cause girls get always with almost everything almost all the time.

LOL...

I was coming home from school that day. I started feeling the urine after we passed the Redemption camp. I thought I could hold it, plus we were already leaving the "bushy" areas of the expressway, so I kept quiet.

As we approached Berger bus stop, the trouble started; my face got literally wet. I looked around to see if I could get somewhere to pass the urine if the driver stopped. There was none. I had to keep holding it.

As I alighted at Berger, I moved down the stairs (Berger was yet to be developed the way it is now, as at then). I looked around, nowhere to hide. I had my box and schoolbag with me. I was hoping to bounce in as a fresh schoolboy, but mahnnn, I was seriously pressed. I just took my box sharply, dropped it on my head, and held it with one hand, the other hand held to my trousers (caressing my 'stuff' so as not to disgrace me).

I crossed the road to the car park where I would board the next bus to my house. I could barely see what was going on around, as my 'stuff' was almost letting out the urine, with my box still on my head. Omo, the thing no funny again o.

As I looked round the busy car park in confusion, I saw the buses waiting on queue for their turn. I could see the extreme end of the queue was fenced, so I felt "at last, that's a good place to let out this stuff."

I instantly dropped by box and schoolbag and ran to the fenced end of the queue. I didn't bother to check what was going on around. Mannnh, I needed to offload first.

As I got there, I just opened my zip and loosely let out my entire "stuff", with my head slightly tilted upwards, mouth open, with that heavy sigh of relief...like "....ooooo, Oluwa o se...."

As I released everything and my senses came to normal, lo and behold, my eyes opened, I looked forward. Guess what I saw.

It was a "mama-put" food joint at the other side of the fence. It was then I realized the fence was short, and everyone waiting to get food at the joint saw my short movie from start to finish. O boy... see my life outside o.

No time o, I just shouted "Oooh...sorry, sorry, sorry..." and escaped to where I dropped my luggage.

XhosaNostra:
I was inside a taxi once when all of a sudden my stomach started churning & I got all sweaty. I knew it was a bad case of a stomach bug. I had to go! It was so urgent, I almost used my handbag as a toilet. Needless to say, I got off the taxi & ran into the nearest house to use the loo. I couldn't even see clearly, that's how terrible it was. I walked into this house & asked to use the toilet, without waiting for a reply I found it by myself. After I was done doing my business, the embarrassment & shame set it. It took me about 30 minutes to summon enough courage to walk out. I sheepishly made my way to the sitting room, quietly introduced myself & apologized for the intrusion The mother was very nice & understanding, fortunately

For naija here?
A stranger's house?

So she was by my side and we were feeling like king and queen. Right on a straight road where there was just very few walkers she did it, not me ooo....

From behind I just hear "God punish your yansh there"

...
The guy from behind... hahahahahahahah

Nigerians dey vex oooo

E pain the guy

IamD18:
This is not my most embarrassing moment, but I'll like to share it.

Earlier this month in a gym house, I met a very beautiful and well-shaped lady and 2 of her friends. I got into discussion with 3 of them, as interesting and funny our discussion was, the one I was interested in jokingly came to me and sat on my laps, almost close to my diiick, I locked up. The more we gist, the more she shakes her ass, I got hard and uncomfortable, wanted to stand her up but thought it'll look embarrassing to her before her friends, I still locked up. She was putting on a hanging belly-button revealing sleeveless with a very tight leggings. Her nyash no dey stay one place, she dey gist with both mouth and nyash.

I was just so hard! I couldn't bear it any longer as I faked a call and jokingly tried to end the discussion, telling them that I'll be leaving to catch up on something. She stoop up, standing before me with a huge ass, she pleaded that I'll drop them off. As all these were happening, my diick was as erect as fvck, almost getting noticeable while seated that i can't even stand up before them. I obliged to her request, but was still seated.. I no wan cast myself by standing with my errected preeq because i was putting on sports trouser.

They were expecting me to stand but i pretended to be so weak and tired, hoping and looking for thoughts that will bring down my stubborn john-Thomas. As God may have it, immediately i thought of BUHARI and NNAMDI KANU, you need to see how my stubborn jnr dropped like music album, I smiled at them without them noticing the reason behind that smile, then stoop up and left with them.

Omo since that day, I no dey miss small mini-tight and Buhari picture anytime I dey go gym.

You are really funny to think she or they did not notice. They knew and they would definitely joke about it away from you.lol

Dami12345:


This is so nice. I can imagine if it was Nigeria. Are people this trusting in s.a or is it cause you are a girl, cause girls get always with almost everything almost all the time.

Nigerians would definitely help you. However, it depends on your look. Probably responsible or elegant. Girls usually evoke more empathy because they seem harmless and beautiful

I had a lot of embarrassing moments��

IamD18:
This is not my most embarrassing moment, but I'll like to share it.

Earlier this month in a gym house, I met a very beautiful and well-shaped lady and 2 of her friends. I got into discussion with 3 of them, as interesting and funny our discussion was, the one I was interested in jokingly came to me and sat on my laps, almost close to my diiick, I locked up. The more we gist, the more she shakes her ass, I got hard and uncomfortable, wanted to stand her up but thought it'll look embarrassing to her before her friends, I still locked up. She was putting on a hanging belly-button revealing sleeveless with a very tight leggings. Her nyash no dey stay one place, she dey gist with both mouth and nyash.

I was just so hard! I couldn't bear it any longer as I faked a call and jokingly tried to end the discussion, telling them that I'll be leaving to catch up on something. She stoop up, standing before me with a huge ass, she pleaded that I'll drop them off. As all these were happening, my diick was as erect as fvck, almost getting noticeable while seated that i can't even stand up before them. I obliged to her request, but was still seated.. I no wan cast myself by standing with my errected preeq because i was putting on sports trouser.

They were expecting me to stand but i pretended to be so weak and tired, hoping and looking for thoughts that will bring down my stubborn john-Thomas. As God may have it, immediately i thought of BUHARI and NNAMDI KANU, you need to see how my stubborn jnr dropped like music album, I smiled at them without them noticing the reason behind that smile, then stoop up and left with them.

Omo since that day, I no dey miss small mini-tight and Buhari picture anytime I dey go gym.

buhari is always the best antidote to Hardons. It has never failed and will never fail

The day I was going home and I was at the bus stop at Sango Ota to enter car going to Atan Ota. This stomach wahala just gripped me and I was looking for the nearest living house meanwhile all nearest buildings were shops. I dashed off the motor pack and I was running around the street looking for a house. Before I could see one, I have defecated this watery stool inside my trousers. I hold the trouser firmly around my knees for the stool not to pure away. With the help of God, I saw one woman in front of a house and I explained to her that I have defecated on my body, the woman pitied me, took me to her backyard, fetched me water, I wash my body, my trouser, wear back the trouser, walked through the passage, meet the woman in front of the house, thanked her so much and left in shame.

Another one was when I was traveling from Sango Ota to Ibadan. I bought this Nutri C drink that look like viju milk. I finished drinking it before our bus got to Ifo. When we got to Papa junction heading to Abeokuta, I was feeling like someone was pinching my stomach with pins, immediately I started sweating like a wrestler. I managed to Abeokuta before I vomited the Nutri C on the lady that sat beside me and the bus stopped. Thank God for me, other passengers took good care on me including the lady I vomited on.

xperiencelove:
The day I was going home and I was at the bus stop at Sango Ota to enter car going to Atan Ota. This stomach wahala just gripped me and I was looking for the nearest living house meanwhile all nearest buildings were shops. I dashed off the motor pack and I was running around the street looking for a house. Before I could see one, I have defecated this watery stool inside my trousers. I hold the trouser firmly around my knees for the stool not to pure away. With the help of God, I saw one woman in front of a house and I explained to her that I have defecated on my body, the woman pitied me, took me to her backyard, fetched me water, I wash my body, my trouser, wear back the trouser, walked through the passage, meet the woman in front of the house, thanked her so much and left in shame.

Lmao, my dad does the same thing.

DabuIIIT:


Same thing happened to my younger brother.

We were having house fellowship and he was sleeping and my Popa told him to stand up.
Meanwhile,there was church service going on somewhere close to our street and the were using very loud speakers.
The pastor suddenly said," Praise the Lord" and my brother who was standing and sleeping at the same time said "Halluyah!!!"''-

XhosaNostra:
I was inside a taxi once when all of a sudden my stomach started churning & I got all sweaty. I knew it was a bad case of a stomach bug. I had to go! It was so urgent, I almost used my handbag as a toilet. Needless to say, I got off the taxi & ran into the nearest house to use the loo. I couldn't even see clearly, that's how terrible it was. I walked into this house & asked to use the toilet, without waiting for a reply I found it by myself. After I was done doing my business, the embarrassment & shame set it. It took me about 30 minutes to summon enough courage to walk out. I sheepishly made my way to the sitting room, quietly introduced myself & apologized for the intrusion The mother was very nice & understanding, fortunately

kalu61:
longest time. How u de nwa ibeku

A'dim alright

My very fine roommate pooped on her body last week on her way back from class.

I also need to go right now...but I can't due to some factors, lol.

mine was stomach wahala...
the first was in my junior secondary, I was staying with a priest, during the Xmas period he donated a ram to the alter boys, see plenty meat, as Father's boy, they gave me plenty I ate and ate, that was on 26th DEC, then on 27th, the priest used to visit some families randomly, see embarrassing situations, any house we entered, I would go and poo poo water water shit, and d priest didn't know. I would refuse any edible they presented, not until the Reverend now threatened me why I was not eating anything, I had to confess that my stomach held me hostage...


Another tym was when I was travelling from Onitsha to Jos by night, I went to Onitsha park and greedily ate nkwobi and downed it with small stout not knowing I just used my money to dig my grave...in transit the belle wahala started, I was sitting with one Hausa guy and he noticed the uneasiness around me, I was sweating profusely and I related my ordeal to him but told him I would be OK. but God came to my rescue when we reached Makurdi and the driver wanted to get extra passengers to fill the luxurious bus....I just came down, and defeacated a mighty shit beside the bus, I was not ashamed of hawkers and ppl everywhere, plus it was night so nobody noticed too much, I just bought a handkerchief and satchet water and cleaned myself, entered the bus and had the nicest sleep ever...

I was going for this occasion like that when i came down from the car reaching the place, didn't know that my trouser tore at the ass...it was a girl that had to tap me and told me that my trouser is torn, my boxers is showing...

someone should just shoot me lemme die!!!��

IamD18:
This is not my most embarrassing moment, but I'll like to share it.

Earlier this month in a gym house, I met a very beautiful and well-shaped lady and 2 of her friends. I got into discussion with 3 of them, as interesting and funny our discussion was, the one I was interested in jokingly came to me and sat on my laps, almost close to my diiick, I locked up. The more we gist, the more she shakes her ass, I got hard and uncomfortable, wanted to stand her up but thought it'll look embarrassing to her before her friends, I still locked up. She was putting on a hanging belly-button revealing sleeveless with a very tight leggings. Her nyash no dey stay one place, she dey gist with both mouth and nyash.

I was just so hard! I couldn't bear it any longer as I faked a call and jokingly tried to end the discussion, telling them that I'll be leaving to catch up on something. She stoop up, standing before me with a huge ass, she pleaded that I'll drop them off. As all these were happening, my diick was as erect as fvck, almost getting noticeable while seated that i can't even stand up before them. I obliged to her request, but was still seated.. I no wan cast myself by standing with my errected preeq because i was putting on sports trouser.

They were expecting me to stand but i pretended to be so weak and tired, hoping and looking for thoughts that will bring down my stubborn john-Thomas. As God may have it, immediately i thought of BUHARI and NNAMDI KANU, you need to see how my stubborn jnr dropped like music album, I smiled at them without them noticing the reason behind that smile, then stoop up and left with them.

Omo since that day, I no dey miss small mini-tight and Buhari picture anytime I dey go gym.

Lolzzzz, bros abeg no vex oh, I be erotic writer, I wan use this ur story, I wan use part of an, so I say make ask u if u go greet since na u own am

olaBC007:

Lolzzzz, bros abeg no vex oh, I be erotic writer, I wan use this ur story, I wan use part of an, so I say make ask u if u go greet since na u own am

Permission granted.

After use, do well to share me the story to read.

XhosaNostra:
I was inside a taxi once when all of a sudden my stomach started churning & I got all sweaty. I knew it was a bad case of a stomach bug. I had to go! It was so urgent, I almost used my handbag as a toilet. Needless to say, I got off the taxi & ran into the nearest house to use the loo. I couldn't even see clearly, that's how terrible it was. I walked into this house & asked to use the toilet, without waiting for a reply I found it by myself. After I was done doing my business, the embarrassment & shame set it. It took me about 30 minutes to summon enough courage to walk out. I sheepishly made my way to the sitting room, quietly introduced myself & apologized for the intrusion The mother was very nice & understanding, fortunately

Mine was worst.

I was at Sheraton for a meeting, the meeting was over, I started feeling the contraction like a woman in labour. I thought to myself either i use the toilet in the hotel or go to my office. The contraction wasn't too pressing at that moment so i decided to head to office where it will be most convenient (i spend time in the loo). A big mistake it turn out to be.

On the way, the contractions increased, i was sweating and shivering profusely i had to turn the ac to max. By the last under pass u turn to my office, i could not drive anymore and couldn't hold it anymore.

I parked, luckily, police used to check vehicles there but they where not there. There was some tall grasses but inside a barb fence i could not find access. Meanwhile, i was in an unbelievable state of confusion and distress, practically holding it back with my breathe.

With no one on sight, just opened the front passenger door, dropped my trousers and let it flow on the foot mat. Some ppl were coming, i had no time so i pulled my trousers up and sat. They passed without suspicion but i stained both boxers and trousers.

Luckily i had a full set of clothes in the boot. I also had a bottle of water. I disposed both my boxers and car foot mat, cleaned myself, wore a new boxer and trousers. I went home straight, before getting home, bought air freshener sprayed the car, dropped the car at the car wash and walked home.

I told only my wife.

Bucajunior:
Well...mine was wen i newly gain admission in uniben,so it was after eco 111 at basement yesss still fresh like yesterday.i saw this georgous fair gal.so i won show myself i begin speak english mke i no sabi.i was like hi damsel hw are u,she said kul.wow...this gal is nice.are u in my department(biz admin)?i asked because dat course was both for biz admin,bfn and acc.she said yah she is in biz admin.i was like wow dats UNFORTUNATE.Who does dat.she was like unfortunate?u see urself,and walk out on me.men as i reach hostel na dive na i dive my dictionary to see the meaning of unfortunate.omo i realy mess up.i dorge that gal till i graduate.

How did you gain admission in the first place?

Gracesofar:



That lady z a friend ooooo plz keep her. Some gf wont find it funny

I fell in love with the lady, even teasing her go look for money and making fun of him...it's so sad he said she's now his ex

adanny01:


Mine was worst.

I was at Sheraton for a meeting, the meeting was over, I started feeling the contraction like a woman in labour. I thought to myself either i use the toilet in the hotel or go to my office. The contraction wasn't too pressing at that moment so i decided to head to office where it will be most convenient (i spend time in the loo). A big mistake it turn out to be.

On the way, the contractions increased, i was sweating and shivering profusely i had to turn the ac to max. By the last under pass u turn to my office, i could not drive anymore and couldn't hold it anymore.

I parked, luckily, police used to check vehicles there but they where not there. There was some tall grasses but inside a barb fence i could not find access. Meanwhile, i was in an unbelievable state of confusion and distress, practically holding it back with my breathe.

With no one on sight, just opened the front passenger door, dropped my trousers and let it flow on the foot mat. Some ppl were coming, i had no time so i pulled my trousers up and sat. They passed without suspicion but i stained both boxers and trousers.

Luckily i had a full set of clothes in the boot. I also had a bottle of water. I disposed both my boxers and car foot mat, cleaned myself, wore a new boxer and trousers. I went home straight, before getting home, bought air freshener sprayed the car, dropped the car at the car wash and walked home.

I told only my wife.

LMFAO. OMG! I don't blame you though, that feeling is one of the worst. You literally feel sick to your stomach.