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Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by cococandy(f): 9:06pm On Apr 02
When two consenting adults have sex, none of them is the victim of that encounter unless there are other details we are not aware of. Maybe a promise of marriage, or intentional infection of an std, or the other party denies responsibility for the result of that encounter. The woman in this case is the one who denied responsibility. If there’s a victim so to speak, it was the guy.

Women are not cattle owned by farmers called fathers. You don’t need the dad’s permission to get an adult woman pregnant.

Our ancestors were not exceptionally wise. They were normal people who lived just like us, made their own mistakes and good decisions as well. Have died and have been eaten by the bugs in the earth.

They are gone.
Chubhie:

Our ancestors are very wise and our values, culture and traditions are the best. During the golden age of humanity when our ancestors walked amongst us, It was unheard of for a man to put a lady in the family way without first going to knock on the family's door to show interest.

It is an insult to put a man's daughter in the family way without his consent. Now, if such happens by mistake and the person responsible develops cold feet to make amends, the father or any male in that family have the right to defend their honour. May culprits have been decapitated in such madness. This shows how we value and respect our women.

This guy in this scenario must now approach the girl's father with all the respect he deserves to save his own head. Literally.

8 Likes

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by blank(f): 9:14pm On Apr 02
Chubhie:

Our ancestors are very wise and our values, culture and traditions are the best. During the golden age of humanity when our ancestors walked amongst us, It was unheard of for a man to put a lady in the family way without first going to knock on the family's door to show interest.

It is an insult to put a man's daughter in the family way without his consent. Now, if such happens by mistake and the person responsible develops cold feet to make amends, the father or any male in that family have the right to defend their honour. May culprits have been decapitated in such madness. This shows how we value and respect our women.

This guy in this scenario must now approach the girl's father with all the respect he deserves to save his own head. Literally.

What century do you live in? Are you for real?

2 Likes

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by JasonScoolari: 9:22pm On Apr 02
Mizwisdom:



I've given you my proper advice, there's no way they'll release his child except he settles with her family but if you doubt me, then go there, you and your brother will understand better
Proper advice? Lol, grin

No problem, sweetlicious will help us tell him to "apologise" like a useless coward to her parents. grin

#ProperAdvice

2 Likes

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by luvablesam(m): 9:22pm On Apr 02
My school almost ran into trouble a few months back over a similar issue, Mum registered the child n pays fees (dad) not in the picture. Only for him to come with the child to school one faithful morning with the child n his ex's sister (the child's mother's sis) to introduce himself. He came in the afternoon to pick the child up..After a few hesitation from teachers they let him go.. HE DISAPPEARED WITH THE BOY... The mum, grandma, came to school to arrest everyone... Good thing is, we had a case(the father brought the child in the morning from the mum's house n came with the sister that regularly comes to pick the child)..
Why I brought this up is simple, SINGLE PARENTING
when there is a bit of a problem with the other parent is a MESS!
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Chubhie: 10:21pm On Apr 02
cococandy:
When two consenting adults have sex, none of them is the victim of that encounter unless there are other details we are not aware of. Maybe a promise of marriage, or intentional infection of an std, or the other party denies responsibility for the result of that encounter. The woman in this case is the one who denied responsibility. If there’s a victim so to speak, it was the guy.

Women are not cattle owned by farmers called fathers. You don’t need the dad’s permission to get an adult woman pregnant.

Our ancestors were not exceptionally wise. They were normal people who lived just like us, made their own mistakes and good decisions as well. Have died and have been eaten by the bugs in the earth.

They are gone.
Energy is never destroyed but transforms. Our dearly departed ancestors live on and still whisper wisdom to those who pay attention.

Our women were worshipped and held in high esteem as the givers of life like mother earth. Wrestling contests were organized and only the winners get the chance to win her love. In wartime, only the men of valor who showed premium gallantry have the bragging right to attempt to win the love of our beautiful African women.

Today, Only the Italian mafias still maintain this wisdom of the ancients. Touch an Italian mafias wife or daughter and checkout his response.

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Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Chubhie: 10:24pm On Apr 02
blank:


What century do you live in? Are you for real?
Our ancestors speaking.

1 Like

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Born2conquer: 12:21am On Apr 03
I'm in one now
MicheyJ1:
That's why I advice people to know the type of women they have sexual intercourse with, some women are demons. If you mistakenly impregnate them....my brother your life is finished. Speaking from experience.
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by PaulAris: 12:41am On Apr 03
Sweetilicious (whoosh! what a name),
In matters of Family, one as to think deeply and well before making a decision
Outline the benefits and the not
The pros and cons
The advantages and dis-
The history and predicting of the future.
But no matter what decision he decides to take or the advice he decides listen to, he shouldn't marry her so no paying of any dowry crap or whatever
Better not to go ahead with the wedding than to have a nonsense and broken marriage, you would agree.
Now from your lil' writeup, it happened to be the woman is only good at causing negatives;
Abandoned the Child for multiple years
Came, took the Child without the consent of the Father
Asking for fees to settle hospital bills. I mean if she and her household can't pay hospital bills, then why did she come and carry him, just so she can use him to get money!

Signs are clear already, does he need to see rainbow or fireworks before he knows whats up?
...
Guys, this is one of the benefits of not using a Condom!
So ride on!!

2 Likes

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Shibaraba(m): 5:58am On Apr 03
sexybaby22:


Don't just abandon her and say 'it all plays out on its own' please when your daughter starts secondary school try as much as possible to be in her life. Girls need their fathers. You need to fight to be in your child's life so she doesn't feel neglected.
Some fights are not worth it. I see your point but believe me ive tried. Severally. ..... You have no idea how much ive tried. Last time I sent 20m. Yes you heard me right. 20. And that was my goodbye payment. If she no find me no wahala.that amount can change a life. I pray it changes hers
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Juliearth(f): 7:02am On Apr 03
sweetilicious:
Fam,my colleague got a girl pregnant 5 years ago and had a son.The mother left after having the child.He kept the child and took care of him with the help of his mother and siblings.I won't judge the mother because i don't know her story too.He has always been advised to go pay dowry to the girl's parents but he didn't adhere.The shocking part was that the mother of the boy came visiting and was welcomed.Surprisingly,she ran away with the child to Bayelsa which happened to be her homeland.My colleague thought the child was kidnapped and made entry on a missing person to the police station.This affected his mood and work output.He had to take casual leave so as to go look for the child.Luckily,the child was seen in Bayelsa the mother's place.Now he is complaining of extortion from the girl's parents as they stated that his son was sick and that he had to pay for his hospital bills before he could set eyes on him. I was contemplating telling him to pay her dowry and have a united family but i don't understand the extortion nor when it will come to an end.I see it as a wicked manipulation. He took responsibility for the child as the dad for 5 years,why are they not seeing it? I only blamed him for not contacting the girl's family for this long.What do you suggest to him.I lack wisdom for this one cos it involves customs,law and equity.I will link him up to read your comments.We are waiting!


Op, United family at what cost? Please don't advise your colleague to make such a mistake. Some people are not meant to be united(imagine the unity between PMS and an ignited match stick) It's clear that your colleague is not in love with this lady. I mean,who would with all the drama she and her family are exuding. His best shot is to work out some modalities with her family. Such modalities should include (but not be limited to) who takes full custody of the child, visiting rights of the other person, if the mother is to take custody, the monthly stipend for the child's well-being should be decided upon and so on.

1 Like

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Juliearth(f): 7:04am On Apr 03
Davash222:
You're a bad friend by advising your friend to pay dowry for such girl.


Thank you!
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Juliearth(f): 7:06am On Apr 03
Shibaraba:
My ex has never allowed me to see my daughter. Nine years now. Guess what.....I dash them. I did my best them nearly kill me with conditions. Thinking I will be broke forever. Boy don be man now. Pikin don dey ask for papa small small. Especially when she dey feel her papa balling from afar.


My advice....leave the child. Have a copy of the police report you made. And continue your life. It all plays out on its own.

Miss you my angel. For the records I wrote this here


Do you sleep well at night knowing that your child is with another family and probably her well-being is below par?

2 Likes

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Juliearth(f): 7:08am On Apr 03
eyinjuege:
don't pay any dowry of a woman you've not seen for 5 years o.
and there's no hospital bill anywhere, they're just out to extort.
even if the son has been ill, it's not too much for the mother to pay his hospital bills. I'm sure the father has been doing that singlehandedly for 5 years.
Just involve the police and a lawyer, and do what is right by your son


Exactly! If she can abscond with the child, then she should shoulder the responsibilities that follows thereafter.
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Shibaraba(m): 7:14am On Apr 03
Juliearth:



Do you sleep well at night knowing that your child is with another family and probably her well-being is below par?
I snore too. Very deep.

3 Likes

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by sexybaby22(f): 7:30am On Apr 03
Shibaraba:

Some fights are not worth it. I see your point but believe me ive tried. Severally. ..... You have no idea how much ive tried. Last time I sent 20m. Yes you heard me right. 20. And that was my goodbye payment. If she no find me no wahala.that amount can change a life. I pray it changes hers

I know you've tried, but I belivev what makes a parent is that you never stop trying for your kids ( I am not yet one but I feel that's how it should be). I hope it all works out well for the both of you in the future.
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Juliearth(f): 8:23am On Apr 03
Shibaraba:

I snore too. Very deep.


LOL!
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Uyi168(m): 9:26am On Apr 03
Chubhie:
He should pay the hospital bills and dowry. This is when approaching things from a place of peace.
..
Dowry of a run away pussy sharer

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by bukatyne(f): 9:39am On Apr 03
Chubhie:
He should pay the hospital bills and dowry. This is when approaching things from a place of peace.

Dowry for what?

Is he interested in marrying the girl?

Is the girl interested in him?

People need to zip up.
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by bukatyne(f): 9:42am On Apr 03
Mizwisdom:



He put their daughter in a family way without approaching the family afterwards. Do you think they won't be angry with him?

This is funny.

From the OP, the family of the girl wronged the guy and should be the one to make amends.

4 Likes

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by bukatyne(f): 9:43am On Apr 03
blank:


What century do you live in? Are you for real?

Madam Blank! longest time.

How are you and family?
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by sweetilicious(f): 9:52am On Apr 03
I believe you.I couldn't judge the lady because my colleague admitted to always beating the girl then.Meanwhile,the girl was insecure because her family rejected her at first coupled with the fact that she doesn't understand the guys's language.She always felt threatened each time the guy's family spoke in Igbo. If you want to be fair in judgement,find out the remote cause so as to solve the problem amicably.The most important thing to me now is the welfare and sanity of the child.It is his basic right.As well,i don't want my collegue to make a mistake that awaits karma.We are always quick to forget how we treated people,but always quick to condemn them when they leave.Life keeps record of everything we do.
PaulAris:
Sweetilicious (whoosh! what a name),
In matters of Family, one as to think deeply and well before making a decision
Outline the benefits and the not
The pros and cons
The advantages and dis-
The history and predicting of the future.
But no matter what decision he decides to take or the advice he decides listen to, he shouldn't marry her so no paying of any dowry crap or whatever
Better not to go ahead with the wedding than to have a nonsense and broken marriage, you would agree.
Now from your lil' writeup, it happened to be the woman is only good at causing negatives;
Abandoned the Child for multiple years
Came, took the Child without the consent of the Father
Asking for fees to settle hospital bills. I mean if she and her household can't pay hospital bills, then why did she come and carry him, just so she can use him to get money!

Signs are clear already, does he need to see rainbow or fireworks before he knows whats up?
...
Guys, this is one of the benefits of not using a Condom!
So ride on!!

1 Like

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by sweetilicious(f): 9:56am On Apr 03
He used to beat her then.She doesn't understand their language.He was first adviced by his people but he declined.That was why i got confused as to how to help him with a better win win advice.
JasonScoolari:
Dear Sweetilicious,
Never you give him that wrong advice to go and pay the dowry of a "run away" mother who denied her baby the nutritious breast milk meant exclusively for the kid.


To the young man, you were not prepared to becoming a father five years ago, you allowed your big prick and the pleasure of sex mess with your brain and made you forget to pull out when it was 2 seconds, I won't blame you that much though, you were really deep inside the pussy and shiit happens.

Now, what your silly baby mama did was kidnap and her parents trying to extort from you in order to see your boy is called blackmailing.

I will advise you to involve the police on your next visit to Bayelsa and charge them for this gross stupidity. They were no where to be found when your mom and your sister took care of the little boy, and now, they spring out from their canoe house to snatch the boy away and trying to reap where they did not sow.

Involve the police and press charges against them. "If pant wan tear, my broda, make E tear finish" Nor reason anybody face.

This is my "Wrong Advice"
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Richy4(m): 10:50am On Apr 03
sweetilicious:
I believe you.I couldn't judge the lady because my colleague admitted to always beating the girl then.Meanwhile,the girl was insecure because her family rejected her at first coupled with the fact that she doesn't understand the guys's language.She always felt threatened each time the guy's family spoke in Igbo. If you want to be fair in judgement,find out the remote cause so as to solve the problem amicably.The most important thing to me now is the welfare and sanity of the child.It is his basic right.As well,i don't want my collegue to make a mistake that awaits karma.We are always quick to forget how we treated people,but always quick to condemn them when they leave.Life keeps record of everything we do.

I am glad you came to Nairaland...and that you have the child's welfare at heart... But as far as advising people based on relationship goes, please stop doing it.

The fact that he physically abused the lady those days... or that she was insecure over language barrier... was that even remotely a yardstick for marriage? And to become a happy family as u stated...

Kama got nothing to do with individuals who are not compatible and decided to split..... Assuming he promised to marry her.. and when she got her pregnant, asked her for abortion and she did and he went and got married to someone else then we will be talking about kama...

All u got to tell ur collegue was to seek for custody right of the child and his warfare... if he looses the custody in court, he can still step up as the dad and provide for him

Assuming your colleague was in a serious relationship, invested maybe 4 or 3 years into that relationship.. would you have advised him to leave that and go and pay dowry on the other lady because he had a child with him?
please in this day and age when a child is involved, it is not compulsory the individuals involved must marry Biko..
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by sweetilicious(f): 11:23am On Apr 03
bukatyne:


This is funny.

From the OP, the family of the girl wronged the guy and should be the one to make amends.
Am not blaming anyone.I just don't appreciate the extortion.He has been taking care of this child.Let's not keep draging because all played a part.The mental health of this child is what i care about.What is your opinion as regards this child?
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by sweetilicious(f): 11:36am On Apr 03
The truth is that i fear for the child's future.I don't want him to stay with the mother in that environment and turn out to become a cultist,a thief,and all sort of nuisance to the society.
Juliearth:



Do you sleep well at night knowing that your child is with another family and probably her well-being is below par?
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by sweetilicious(f): 11:38am On Apr 03
Thank you for this.He is reading all you guys have to say.Am learning too!
Richy4:


I am glad you came to Nairaland...and that you have the child's welfare at heart... But as far as advising people based on relationship goes, please stop doing it.

The fact that he physically abused the lady those days... or that she was insecure over language barrier... was that even remotely a yardstick for marriage? And to become a happy family as u stated...

Kama got nothing to do with individuals who are not compatible and decided to split..... Assuming he promised to marry her.. and when she got her pregnant, asked her for abortion and she did and he went and got married to someone else then we will be talking about kama...

All u got to tell ur collegue was to seek for custody right of the child and his warfare... if he looses the custody in court, he can still step up as the dad and provide for him

Assuming your colleague was in a serious relationship, invested maybe 4 or 3 years into that relationship.. would you have advised him to leave that and go and pay dowry on the other lady because he had a child with him?
please in this day and age when a child is involved, it is not compulsory the individuals involved must marry Biko..

1 Like

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by babyfaceafrica: 11:39am On Apr 03
so because he used to beat her..gives er the right to run away after giving birth and come back to abduct the child?..bleeped up mentality
.you are worse than the lady!!
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Juliearth(f): 12:01pm On Apr 03
sweetilicious:
The truth is that i fear for the child's future.I don't want him to stay with the mother in that environment and turn out to become a cultist,a thief,and all sort of nuisance to the society.


I understand your fear,but there are several ways to milk a cow. Your colleague should apply wisdom and if the mother and her people are not ready to comply, then let them go to court. With what you wrote up there, no sane court would grant a run-away-mum custody of a child. Good luck to your friend and please keep us posted.
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by mimicue(f): 12:33pm On Apr 03
pay dowry for someone he hasn't really encountered for 5years , someone that abandoned her child he should pay dowry. if he could do it for 5years without her , he can do it forever, some women are so irresponsible.
please tell him to pay the hospital bills since money is their problem and however take his child away from the woman, if possible take the case to the court
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by ImaIma1(f): 1:31pm On Apr 03
Chubhie:
He should pay the hospital bills and dowry. This is when approaching things from a place of peace.


Pay dowry? Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. He should marry from a family that is bound to give him problems and probably shorten his lifespan.

Saying he should marry her is a bad advice. There are too many broken marriages that could have been avoided through proper reasoning

1 Like

Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by blank(f): 7:06pm On Apr 03
bukatyne:


Madam Blank! longest time.

How are you and family?

Been here. Just not so frequent on Family. A lot of the posts dey tire me.

Everyone is doing great, how are yours?
Re: Please Help My Colleague, Is In A Big Mess! by Chubhie: 8:50pm On Apr 03
ImaIma1:


Pay dowry? Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. He should marry from a family that is bound to give him problems and probably shorten his lifespan.

Saying he should marry her is a bad advice. There are too many broken marriages that could have been avoided through proper reasoning
Do I still need to clear the ruling of our ancestors on this again?

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