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• patterns And Consequences Of Marital Conflict As Expressed By Married Couples by ridwanomooba: 12:40pm On May 04, 2019 |
Causes of Marital Crises Marital crises could originate from different sources some of which could be psychological and / or psychosomatic in nature. Tobin (2004) attesting to the above claim retorts that more and more marriages run into crisis and eventually pack up because one partner has a borderline personality disorder such as narcissist, antisocial, psychopathic personality disorders. These sort of people are abusers by nature where as some are even unaware or unconscious of their near helpless conditions. 3.1 Social Incompatibility of Marriage Partners. There is no doubt that some marriages have absolutely no foundation or basis for being contracted at the first instance. This is so because the pair is socially incompatible and may only manage to get along for a short while before signs of incompatibility would start to manifest. It would then be discovered that the couple are strange bed fellows - socially, religiously and ideologically. Crises are bound to ensue in a situation where a marriage partner sets high and unrealistic standards in the home. The fallibility of man is unquestionable and as such it is not possible that such idealistic standards are realized. This is capable of degenerating into crisis in the home. Many married people become disillusioned when they discover that their union is not all they had expected and that their spouse is not quite what they had envisioned him/her to be (Awake, 2008). Additionally, some couples unrealistically expect to get more out of marriage than they put into it. 3.2 Sexual Incompatibility Poor sexual-satisfaction on the part of a marital partner may spice up crisis in the union which not properly-.and timely detected and managed could lead to extramarital sexual affairs - a situation that if on its own leads to disaffection and loss of trust. 3.3 Extreme Sexual Orientation Extreme sexual orientation of one of a marriage partner is capable of endangering a marital union. Such orientations like homosexuality, lesbianism, bestiality, sodomy, MouthAction, excessive sexual appetite especially when the other partner is at the other extreme of the scale can generate crisis in the homes. Most of the time, such extreme sexual behaviours or orientations are discovered rather too late or midway into the marriage that it becomes very difficult to pull out of the engagement. And when once a partner cannot get along crisis ensues. 3.4 Extended Family Affairs/Issues. Some once upon -a-time happy couples have had their marriages rocked for their inability to properly manage extended family issues. In most cases, women find it difficult to accommodate relations of the husband (especially mothers and sisters - in-law) and vice versa on the part of some husbands, a situation most marriage partners may find difficult to accommodate. Some men/women often quarrel with spouses whose interests are only on the betterment of their own relations. Lack of Mutual Respect between Partners Mutual respect for one's spouse is critical for marital union sustenance and lack of it is a crisis factor capable of rocking even the strongest marital foundation of hitherto blissful homes. The Holy Bible admonishes couples thus: wives respect your husband who in turn should love their wives as they would their own body. One can quickly assume that each of the above mentioned conditions is a sine qua non for the other since a husband might find it difficult to continue to love a wife who doesn't respect him or his authority; neither would a wife respect the husband who does not love her. Respect and love are reciprocal variables in every marital union and as such, a spouse owes it an obligation to respect and love his/her marriage partner, failure which fans the embers of marital discord and discontent. 3.6 Dishonesty and Moral Decadence Dishonest behaviour coupled with moral decadence in the family can generate crisis in the home. A situation where a couple cannot tell each other simple truth is not healthy for the union. Once such morality gap is discovered in any of the spouses, mistrust sets in and confidence gradually gets eroded with crisis eventually taking over the home front. Poor morality or decadent moral culture may unwittingly be imbibed by the children of such a family in which case the entire family fabric weakens due largely to an atmosphere of mutual mistrust that eventually envelops it. (Buckwell, 2010) 3.7 Negligent Behaviour of Spouses Negligent behaviour on the part of marital partners is a critical crisis factor. In taking marital vows, a couple normally would promise to oblige the partner of his/her responsibility towards him/her, while avoiding indulgences that could mar their union. But experience has shown that soon after, some marriages collapsed on the strength of negligence of such avowed obligations. On this, a partner would start to feel cheated thus giving opportunity for tension to build up. 3.8 Poor Marital Communication A factor that has occupied central position in all discourse concerning successful marriage is 'marital communication1 (Edger, 1996). Inability of spouses to communication effectively with each other is very unhealthy to the union. Effective marital communication entails that couples discuss issues, respond to questions, call for explanations and accept same timely (when given), as any delay may send out a wrong signal which a partner is bound to interpret same way. Effective marital communication can in fact assuage many other marital disquiets before they could degenerate into crisis situations. Put differently, poor marital communication has been blamed for some other marital problems that have even culminated into divorce or separation of spouses. Purposeful open dialogue between couples often tends to be overtaken by incessant arguments about anything, everything, and nothing; misinterpretation generates misunderstandings; verbal attacks are countered by keeping silence especially on the husband’s side (Awake, 2008) 3.9 Unwholesome Social Behaviour Bickering, unnecessary criticisms, gossip or what may simple be tagged nagging has rocked some good families. It is not an over statement that majority of the women take to nagging instead of politely confronting their husbands with issues. Most men in turn do not take kindly to such threats and would go a long way to crushing such tendencies. This case of attack and counter attack is crisis prone, as no reasonable man would want his authority as the family head be usurped. |
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