Never underestimate the value of an extended family. Three of my cousins who live abroad just lost their father and its our uncle who is handling the burial plans on their behalf. But for him, it would have been very very difficult for them. The western culture that is strictly nuclear, dont you see what happens in the long run when the children age out and they rely on dogs for companionship.

I'd say have a close relationship with extended family members if only they have your interest at heart. I love the extended family structure back home, cos I have benefitted from it immensely. No, dont take them for granted. What I dont like is when people get money from their uncles and aunts in their younger days, and when they become all grown up and successful, they suddenly adopt shun the extended family system. Not fair.

for me i got no time for extended family wahala, because my parents suffered a lot from extended family problems infact my dad died because of carrying extended family wahala and we the children were left to suffer without help from any family member, my mum toiled day and night to see that we become something in future by seeing us through our education, so i have learnt my lessons from my parents experience and would not even tolerate any of them either from my hubby or from own family, i dont care what anybody thinks about me.

Interesting observations by everyone which have been well noted,But as someone else said(outside of the context of my situation)the extended family network in our society really has a very important role to play in the absence of a regular and formal social care network.From the feel of most of the other posters,there seems to be a change especially in our generation to be nuclear family oriented,is there not the danger that in the future our kids would start marrying their distant cousins esp if they have never met and in some cases do not even know that they are related.As i said earlier i understand where my hubby is coming from but in general dont you all think that the death of the extended family is the death of an important part of our culture?

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There is nothing bad if you want to relate with the "Extended Family". If it works for you. The key point here is knowing what are your priorities in relation to both parties. If the presence of an aunt or uncle is going to cause unneccassary tension within my family. Prevention is better than cure.

I grew up in an extended family environment and my deduction is that people will take as much as you allow them. My parents would say back then that the reason why our doors are always open is so we their children would not suffer if anything were to happen to them. I'm perfectly happy with my extended family, I don't tolerate piss takers but I'm happy to help whenever I can but never at the detriment of my nuclear family and I'd be flipping crazy to expect them to always reciprocate positively.

Extended family is African, we all met it that way. To me, my family first and foremost. Others secondary.

I am a product of extended family. I was raised by my mums Aunt who became my mother, my everything. My ideologies, my faith and my belief were all shaped by her. She was an extra ordinary woman. After school and service, i lived with my sister and her family, my sister is quiet and too nice so i had to do a lot of the discipline for her kids, handle a lot of issues, plus her husband like me is interested in politics so we jell so much. In the north, you cant live alone if you are not married and because we value extended family, you usually do not ask a child who his father is, we usually ask Kai dan Gidan waye ne? meaning whose house are you from? I still sneak and sleep at my sisters place at least 3 times a week. Families can be difficult, but when u understand that family is family and service to family is service to God, then you have a different mindset. When you are getting married as a woman here, your extended family provides 80% of the support, TV, freezer, even a car sometimes. I have a large extended family, I may not like them all but we manage to make it work

Having different upbringings with different values influence our ways of life.

Extended or Nuclear, both have their advantages and disadvantages.

But your one priority I believe is your nuclear family, for the extended, you do what you can not what is forced on you.

In the end, it's your Nuclear family that will stand by you come what may, no matter what.