Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

Needtolove:
then let her, who no go no know.

Jentle244:



Same thing I would still tell my sister, would still support her in prayer.

Divorce is never a way out. I believe she did see the warning signs but went ahead.



You see in all this it is the child that will suffer it. You can't compared a child that is single parented to one whose dad and mom is there. Trust me there is a huge difference

enemachris:
So pathetic. This can only hapen in a country where women no longer marry men they love but marry men who are ready for mariage.

chris51:
I am advising you as a grand mother. I have been married for almost 50 years.

Please in the name of Almighty God, DO NOT pack out of the house.
Ignore your husband and his girlfriend.
Concentrate on taking good care of yourself and the family.
It's a hard thing to do but I assure you, this is the best way to handle the situation.
Reduce the financial contribution you make in the house.
Opportunity will come for you to punish your husband psychologically.
Before you know it, he will see another girl and dump this one.
My dear girl, just make yourself beautiful and demand more money from your husband.
God will grant you patience to deal with the situation.
Your weapon is that you own the man and your home.
Make yourself financially independent.
Don't allow anyone talk you into leaving.

chris51:
I am advising you as a grand mother. I have been married for almost 50 years.

Please in the name of Almighty God, DO NOT pack out of the house.
Ignore your husband and his girlfriend.
Concentrate on taking good care of yourself and the family.
It's a hard thing to do but I assure you, this is the best way to handle the situation.
Reduce the financial contribution you make in the house.
Opportunity will come for you to punish your husband psychologically.
Before you know it, he will see another girl and dump this one.
My dear girl, just make yourself beautiful and demand more money from your husband.
God will grant you patience to deal with the situation.
Your weapon is that you own the man and your home.
Make yourself financially independent.
Don't allow anyone talk you into leaving.

FASASI1:
Some people are crazy any small thing prayer any big thing prayer and this are the people that will pray and won't work but they will always expect positive result. Let me tell you something why do you think USA, Dubai etc is better than Nigeria?? It's because they pray and work towards the prayer unlike Nigeria who will praythen sit back and expect miracles fucking country

Boss13:


Have you considered if this story was fake and written because the aim is to generate traffic.

Mercy1212:
I suggest you stay calm at the moment Ma, if you aren't working or doing business get yourselves busy, that will help in keeping your state of mind focused on something, while you trust God your husband will acknowledge his mistakes and come back to you.
Above all build a great self esteem by looking good,it has a way of making him realize you also get attention from other people and Men hate to be competitive.

truthsayer009:


How do you people even Marry Men like this? The Man you married is Useless, please forgive my french.

You cannot simply tell me you never noticed this Callousness during your courting days, there is a big difference between cheating & disrespect.
Even if he wants to cheat, why a close neighbor? There are other ways to do that.

A this point, you have no other choice than to move out.

robinsoncrosoe:

My first time commenting on relationship issues .I don't really do it cos we don't get to hear the other side of the story.this story is from one source.

But if this story is true, then I blame most women.as u asked her if she didn't notice during their courtship days...most of them won't because they didn't have time to examine the man coming to marry them
They just marry the man with money who can take care of them.then when he starts misbehaving, they come here to say all men are same and blap crap
When u marry a friend that understands u ,u will hardly see things like this.

For the fact he cheated and is not remorseful shows u how worthless u are to him

kennygee:
Dear woman, I can imagine the emotional and psychological pain you're going thru, however, making a decision right now might not be wise cause it will be an emotional one.

Just keep praying for him and ask God for strength to overcome. It is only when there's a crack in the wall that a lizard can enter.

Start working out the little way you can, start dressing really nice, so nice you'll get compliments outside. It will improve your self esteem, wear make up, smell nice. It might not stop him from cheating but it will build up your self esteem and confidence so much that you'll see you're not the problem.

You'll be in a better place to decide if you want to stay with him or leave.

All the best.

I hope you have a job or a business sha?

Cause the best security a woman can have is her own money.

Chiefochiefo:
The only problem am seeing here is you. Yes YOU!
It is you because you are porknosing, it is you because you are not minding your business, it is you because you left a four month old baby looking for a proof that is worthless, it is you because you have left your former life as a beautiful woman to a full time mama, and it is you because you fail to understand that a man whose wife just gave birth will have to leave her for sex for sometimes.
My advise is this, since he has told you your faults, try and make up, pretend like you don't mind his mess again, give yourself time, build up your morales, be jovial, focus on making yourself beautiful like when he first met you. Remember, women has the gift of beauty. Do this, your hubby will come back to you magically. It's an advise.

Needtolove:
Hi nairalanders this post is going to be quite disorganized, as I am not such a good writer. Just need an avenue to let our some steam. No advise needed too. The only way forward for me is to quit my marriage.

The reason for this write up is to ease the pain of betrayal that comes from my husband cheating on me with a our neighbor,what really hurts is that after I investigated and found out her identity, I presented him with hard evidence ,instead of an apology he said he is an African man o and polygamy is allowed. He says I should better mind my business as the said girl is not disturbing me. He further stated that the girl is crazy o, so I should not even think of confronting her

Just this morning she had the nerve to come to my apartment with her room mate to clarify some house issues. The nerve of all of them. Really want to make them pay. Really want to make my husband suffer.
This guy body shames me at any chance he gets. (I have a four month old baby) he says am ugly and shapless, and my breast are flat

I want African men to know that women have feelings too, am expected to bottle up my pain and be a woman. When I react violently he calls me mad woman. He is still with her and I am still expected to mind my business.
I will though, but they will both get it.

CHoccolaTE:
I have even heard of worse cases than OPs.
There was one married man that told his wife to call his side chic and apologise to her after the wife warned the side chic to leave her husband.

My former neighbour beat his wife till her nose broke and was bleeding all over her dress because the stupid man wanted to invite the girlfriend to the house and his wife locked the door and hid the key.


These are just few, I know many other horrifying cases of married men acting like beasts to their wives because in Africa nobody cautions them.
Funny thing is that the baby you bore is for his family and bears his name and will carry on his lineage. But he is body shaming you for losing your beauty after having the child.

Madam OP, if you are open to using diabolical means against him please do so. Or get people to severely beat him up and wound him seriously.
Or just ignore him and bear. If na me I will put little quantities of me and my babies piss and shit in his every meal I prepare for him along with using diabolical means against him.
I love revenge, I don't joke with it.

SageMK:
Sorry you have to go through this but I am glad you've made up your mind to divorce him. Life is just too short.

Anyway, allow me to correct a misconception you have.



African men aren't what your husband painted us out to be. The fact that he's a scumbag and he lacks decency have nothing to do with his race or the colour of his skin.

He knows you've feelings. He just doesn't care at all. So call out your husband for his crimes but do not bash us along. If only you scrutinized him well before marriage...

olril17:

see advice oo..
by their posts,we shall know the married and unmarried ones..
very stupid And thoroughly foolish advice.

chris51:
I am advising you as a grand mother. I have been married for almost 50 years.

Please in the name of Almighty God, DO NOT pack out of the house.
Ignore your husband and his girlfriend.
Concentrate on taking good care of yourself and the family.
It's a hard thing to do but I assure you, this is the best way to handle the situation.
Reduce the financial contribution you make in the house.
Opportunity will come for you to punish your husband psychologically.
Before you know it, he will see another girl and dump this one.
My dear girl, just make yourself beautiful and demand more money from your husband.
God will grant you patience to deal with the situation.
Your weapon is that you own the man and your home.
Make yourself financially independent.
Don't allow anyone talk you into leaving.

sisisioge:
4ks!

He did that! 4kssss! Blowdyfellow!

What do you want to do without getting in trouble? Chai! Can you arrange to travel out of the country while liquidating all his assets while at it? As in, you will sell his properties at ridiculous rates, spoil all the unsellable, send a picture of him and the girl to his work place, then call his family to tell them on your way out. Remember not to tell him where u are going o.


Pele...pull yourself together though. Do not let them see your anger.

chukwuibuipob:
divorce isnt the solution. .

Acidosis:

To be honest, I do not think it is so hard to identify a potential or "would-be" cheat during courtship.

Your husband did not cheat because of your appearance, what you said, did or how you behave. Your husband cheated on you because he's simply a cheat, a child of darkness who masqueraded as a saint, and pretended to be of good intention.

He failed in the sense of pretence, and you failed in the sense that, for some reasons best known to you, you couldn't discover that part of him.

You have two options;

Quit and count your losses OR stay put in the hope that he would someday change. Aside these two, there's nothing else you can do.