RATIONALLY CHOOSEN. CHAPTER ONE “Oh my God, what is wrong with me? “ I ask myself as tears keep flowing from my eyes. It is my fifth break up in what seems to be a short space of time. I like to refer to myself as the Mighty Sabrina because truthfully break ups really never get to me, I’d move on to the next relationship in no time but my fifth break up in particular really has me panicking and feeling less of myself. I can’t help but wonder how I got myself into such a mess, why I allowed myself to fall helplessly in love despite all my friends warning me against it. I guess if you meet the one that you can see a future with, one you’re willing to grow old with and spend the rest of your life loving him, you can’t help but fall helplessly in love. It all happened early this morning when I had resolved I was going to tell Michael about how much I didn’t like how he had been treating for the past thirty days, my boyfriend now ex had changed so much I just couldn’t seem to understand him anymore, he valued the company of his friends more than mine well not that he wasn’t allowed to love his friends but I just used to love how he’d balance sharing his time between his friends and I. I missed him, I wanted him around all day, not in the clingy type though but I guess I just missed how things were before he became so distant to the point where it didn’t matter whether he replied my text messages or not. Worse still, how he’d act so busy when I called him, making me feel like I was being a draw back to whatever it is he was doing. So this morning, I gathered up the courage to have “the talk” with him, even though my best friend Marissa had advised against it. Marrissa has a really soft spot for Michael, she’d always find a way to rationalize whatever he did wrong. I like the fact that my two favorite people in the world would get along so perfectly but not to the extent of where it clouds my best friend’s ability to see when I am hurting. “yes Sabrina “ Michael said the moment he had picked up my call in a tone I couldn’t quite fathom, I wondered if he was just being cold or he was just plain busy. My heart kept racing like I was about to have a conversation with a completely different person one who was not even my boyfriend. So in that very moment I managed to hear myself utter the words, “ Hi baby, would you spare some minutes to have a talk with me? “ trying my best to sound nonchalant. But his response was one that I couldn’t quite understand up-to this point, “Listen Sabrina, I know exactly what you want us to talk about and you’re right, I have changed over the past few weeks, but I want you to understand it has nothing to do with you, I’m just not in the right space of mind so I just need some time to find myself, I need a break from you right now, I mean don’t call me and don’t even text me. Do you think you can do that for me? “ “what do you mean you need to find yourself? What exactly have you been doing for the past twenty five years of your life? “ I asked as the tone of my voice kept sounding shaky. “I just need a break from you sabrina, I’ve already decided on that and I don’t think there’s anything you can say or do to change that “ Michael said with his voice sounding even angrier. “well do you love me? “ I asked feeling very silly but so sorry for myself. “No” he said, without taking a second to think about the gravity of the question I had just asked him. “Michael carter jones, are you breaking up with me?” I asked using his full names with a ray of hope that he might reconsider and realize how much I mean to him. “Yes” he answered as quickly as he had hung up on me without waiting to hear my response. I can’t quite describe how I felt the moment my mind registered what had happened, was it a feeling of relief from all the stress Michael had put me through in the past four weeks or was it the melancholy of losing my boyfriend of ten months. I didn’t even realize how I had left my comfortable bed to find myself weeping uncontrollably on the cold floor of my room wondering how we had gotten to that point , I mean Michael and I were so in love I honestly didn’t see this day coming. I tried to stay strong but couldn’t help but break down the more. So tonight I’m wondering what’s wrong with me because in my head I thought I had done my best to be the best girlfriend to Michael but I guess my best wasn’t good enough. I haven’t been able to move myself back into my bed so I’ve been on this cold floor whose temperature I’ve found myself adapting to since morning, I can feel my heart racing as I think about all the good times I had with Michael , how he was so outgoing and would take every chance to take me to the best places in town and how he’d joke about me being a foodie but still eat as much as I did, I loved how he’d fit so perfectly in my imperfections, I thought Michael was the one, maybe that’s why I ignored all the red flags from the onset of our relationship, like how he’d always wait for me to make the first move toward our reconciliation regardless who was wrong or how he’d wait for me to ask him for help even when it was pretty much clear that I needed it. All this in the name of accepting a man and his flaws but when I think of how he’d mistreat me psychologically, with indirect insults to my emotions I can’t help but feel I wasn’t accepting his flaws, I was rather accepting his b***s**t. A few minutes after midnight I realize I’m still laying on the floor and still struggling to sleep when I hear the kitchen door open and close and footsteps towards my room. I know it’s Marrissa, we’ve been staying together for a year now and she’s not one to keep late nights unless on special occasions, today was special for her. Well I didn’t really tell her about my break up with Michael because I didn’t want to disturb her day at work and mostly because I didn’t want to ruin her after work date with Geo or Geo with a G as I fondly call him. Geo has been out of town for the past two weeks and only arrived this afternoon and insisted he had to see Marrissa tonight. Marrissa walks into my dark room and whispers if she can switch on the light, she’s clearly thinking I’m sleeping because she apologizes for disturbing my wonderful night before she turns to me,

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and watch out for part two soon