Sumk:
My husband and I have had arguements before where he hits me and I hit him in return as well. This time around I was pregnant by 4 months and went out to see museum with one of my good male friend(husband knew he was in town and was to be invited over for dinner) without telling my husband.He came to know about this 4 days later when he checked my bag and find the receipt. Instead of discussing the same like matured adults, he was waiting to hit me and started slapping me continously and kicked and punched me and thrashed me to the floor. And he even started saying nasty things like child is not his and started using bad words for me which made me more mad.I was lacking any strength to fight him back and said if he didnt stop I will call the police to which he said u can call the cops, so I did as I was bruised all over.......I am still not able to understand what kind of a man would hit his wife at such time............Please help

what country are you from?

breakerofchains:



It's like this is the new dumb naija men anthem...

I follow your thread and is always a delight to read every bit of your opinion. Often a time always very on point. Such an intelligent and prolific writer. Highly opinionated!
You have my respect ma'am.
However, i do have my reservation on your strong antagonistic tendencies on men especially "Nigerian men" as you would always say! What is our offense? . We ready to beg u biko nu

breakerofchains:


Trash advice.

OP what do you mean by please help?!

Please help with what?

Anyway, don't apologise to him.
If he insults you, insult him back.

Are you on twitter?
There are activists that can help you arrest him if he lays his hands on you and lock him up.

Who does he think he is?
A fool.

Plot your escape from that marriage.

Don't take any stupid advice from nl men...

WhO knows how they treat their wives at home?

Well.. I believe you know better than allow some people hide behind a tecno keypad and mislead you..

For every broken marriage, the shame is more for the woman. There is already a heightened number of single mothers in our society already, please don't add to the figure.

The flip side of it is your health. Whoever ask a 4 months old pregnant woman to go through the whole of this stress and emotional heat must be wicked.

I've seen a man lost both the mother and the baby to death as a result of complications emanated from high blood pressure.

Please advice yourself sincerely and decide what is best for you..

If things get complicated than expected they wont be there to console you.

Look at it from this angle, what if you get things heated up and you arrest him as advised and the stress of the whole thing tell on your health and u lose the baby which we don't pray for? What will be your next option?

Certainly you would have lost both the husband and the baby.. God forbid!

Just be reasonable in taking to advise and know which one is best for u.

My sincere advice though..

elantraceey:
The men on this thread ehn , chai , may God help us from man killers in the name of husbands. Nothing can justify hitting a 4 months old pregnant woman , nothing .



But op you've already made your marriage your marriage a wresting ground , he hits you and you hit him back, you go out without his knowledge , etc plus I'm quite sure he must have been hitting you small small before you got married but you ignored it. I have nothing to say to you other than you should go to your parents place till you have your baby , get a DNA done and show it to him so you could have peace because the next time he might beat you till you get a miscarriage,only a DNA can convince him to he baby is his.

You seeeee..
When you create a room for suspicion, u become partly restless. And the cost of a DNA test is about 680 dollars.

Oya lets analyze..
Who suffers most if the whole thing boomerang?

Sumk:
Are you guys saying rules for men and women are different after marriage?? He in the past has too gone out with his female friends and didnt tell me, I came to know after seeing his pics but I trust him completely so I didn't created a fuss out of it and took it in a sporting manner that it is normal to go out with your good friends.So, how is his beating me and that too in this state justified??

My posts and most posts here are personal opinions, and personal reactions and perception as result of our different personalities. You wear the shoe, you know where it pinches, I don't think you should take them for what it is.


When your husband does something that can threaten your marriage or happiness in it, engage him and tell him categorically it's something you don't like. These little things like hob-knobbing with other females can take away the affection from your marriage. This should be for personal relationships and not for professional relationships. If you are not sure, you can just mention it passively and not make a fuss about it. This should have been the stance your husband should have taken instead of beating you up.


What is missing with you guys is communication and I think the way you people have come across it is to exchange words and throw blows. It shouldn't be so. I know some ladies don't feel okay if their counterpart doesn't get physical with them though, and they try to draw them into a fight. What I deduce from your post is that if you were not pregnant it would have been a fair fight.


In as much as I understand the female plight and the feminists that are advocating for equality, Sadly, it's a man's world. That's what it is naturally. It is evident in most aspects of life. From the bottom to the top except in few occasions. Even those advocating deep inside know this or will know this when the time is right and they notice their limitations.

I feel you people have made fighting a norm, and the way forward should be having a heart to heart. Talk about stopping the fights - if not for anything for the sake of the unborn. Talk about everything that happened, the apologies will come naturally. I feel both of you need to apologise to each other. Specifically him for beating you and you for your little adventures that riled him up.

Those telling you to leave the marriage or not might be right or wrong. One thing is sure that they won't be with you to face the consequences of any decision you take. So thread carefully.




These are my opinions.
And I am also suspecting OP is a white lady, then these opinions would slightly change due to cultural differences.

TonyeBarcanista:


What kind of argument?



So you went out with another man and you couldn't even be sober enough to tell him till he finds out? I put it to you that you are hiding something from him.


There is nothing to discuss though hitting you wasn't appropriate. The appropriate thing is to ignore you indefinitely using the silent treatment formula


I am also suspecting and questioning the paternity of the child. I think your husband should distance from you pending the DNA test result of the child.


Yimu


Why seek help here when you have the police? Is the NL the Police station?

Conclusively, you need Christ not help.

So you know, my gf/fiancee/wife is not permitted to keep and go on date with any male except her father and male sibling (Same mama, same papa). Not even "cousin" is permitted or half/step brother (if any exist). She isn't even permitted to introduce any male to me, whether as friend or whatever.

your jealousy z out of the world.

Take it easy on her joor.
Howdy...Lang time bros

Sumk:
Help me because slowly and slowly I am loosing my self esteem, getting bruised all over in pregnancy has left me with trauma and I still feel helpless

Nothing justifies being abused physically.

Especially when you have a baby inside of you.

I suggest you take legal action . I would have suggested you organize boys to beat hell out of him or if you have brothers buttell them to come and beat him to pulp. I don't know the country you live in

You too stop fighting your hubby back. He is a man and can injure you becse he is stronger.

If not that you were in the habit of retaliating I would have given you a free pass .

Next time a man beats you don't retaliate physically, try to hide if possible. He can kill you and that's the end
You can only plan your revenge while alive.

virgoquin:
Who are these barbaric men supporting this wicked act of hitting a pregnant woman and even telling her to go and apologize....

Apologize for what biko.Their mothers sure did a bad job in their upbringing.

Any man that tries this stupid act with me would have been cooling his ass in prison now but area thugs will first reason his matter

E warrior.

SageMK:



Woman, you are the architect of your undoing.
As a matter of fact, I question your sanity.

You saw all these alarming signs yet you still went ahead and married him? — I take it back. You are dùmb.

You should thank your lucky stars that you are alive.

The title and content of your posts shows you still plan to go back to him. Well please do get a body bag ready.

But If you have any regard for the life of your unborn child, you'll pack your bags and disappear for good.

I had already written off every guy's advice here as it appears hypothetical but like they say "they are a few good men" left. Cool advice, OP listen.

breakerofchains:




Mtcheeeww....

You want her to continue suffering in the name of virtuous wife?
Sufferhead FC

OP deal with your husband. If he tries nonsense, lock him up.
He can fight with his fellow inmates since he likes to fight

people like you end up as a humble wife when husband finally comes around.

Sumk:
Help me because slowly and slowly I am loosing my self esteem, getting bruised all over in pregnancy has left me with trauma and I still feel helpless

If you could post this after the few posts advising you on what to do then I'm afraid nothing on nairaland can help you now.

You probably have your mind made up on what to do. Good luck with that

ahnie:
your jealousy z out of the world.
Take it easy on her joor. Howdy...Lang time bros

Long time Dear... you are enjoying your loot... EFCC need to visit you lol

Sumk:
I know my mistake and even during the argument I was trying to explain it to him but he was waiting to physically abuse me ....the look on his face was like I have committed a sin to go out like that and I deserved the beating he gave me ......Lord I was worried that I will start bleeding from all of this but luckily enough the baby was safe

your husband is cheating on you and he cannot stand you doing same to him. If he can attack you in your condition, i think it is safe to give him a break.

Acidosis:


Lmao!


Is that how you see me now?

Is that not who you are?

TonyeBarcanista:

Long time Dear... you are enjoying your loot... EFCC need to visit you lol

Am I a Yahoo woman ?


Lolz

Sumk:
I didn't make it one, he was emotionally abusive and controlling before marriage as well but I thought he will change. Sadly, it only got worse. Initially, I tried to communicate with him and explain him but he gets angry and start physically abusing me to which I retaliate by hitting him back.But this time around, it only got worse

Run Run Run!
As fast as your legs can carry you,
Who knows you might not be here to explain next time.

Life is once, there's no duplicate!

Kiddogarcia:
you won't even see a woman to marry you,with this kind of mentality

Yes, he too is not ready to marry any hoe who sleeps around even during pregnancy. Definitely, the poster is carrying a bastard in her womb.

Sumk:
Are you guys saying rules for men and women are different after marriage?? He in the past has too gone out with his female friends and didnt tell me, I came to know after seeing his pics but I trust him completely so I didn't created a fuss out of it and took it in a sporting manner that it is normal to go out with your good friends.So, how is his beating me and that too in this state justified??

Don't mind them. You went out with the biological father of the baby in your womb. You just went to give him good sex to top up his oncoming baby so that the baby will not look too much like your room mate whom is just an official husband. But you know any what? Thunder will fire you. Olosho kobo kobo.

Sumk:
I feel like all you males are not capable enough to understand my viewpoint here.......are rules different for men and women after marriage.....is physical abuse justified if one is not doing the right thing?

He will still beat you and the father of your unborn baby whom you went to sleep with. He will beat you both until you two adulterous fools are unconscious. Olosho ten ten kobo.

etrouble:


Yes, he too is not ready to marry any hoe who sleeps around even during pregnancy. Definitely, the poster is carrying a bastard in her womb.

now let's be pratical here.a man who beats you at the slightest of arguement,will you tell me the man you went out with a male bestie.before she got married,she had a life,she had friends,do you expect her to cut down on all her friends,because she's married to you,while you keep yours

Sumk:
I know my mistake and even during the argument I was trying to explain it to him but he was waiting to physically abuse me ....the look on his face was like I have committed a sin to go out like that and I deserved the beating he gave me ......Lord I was worried that I will start bleeding from all of this but luckily enough the baby was safe

What were you trying to explain to him? The different sex styles you did with the father of the baby in your womb whom you just went out to sleep with? Or were you trying to explain how many minutes or hours the person you went to sleep with fucvks before he cums? Or were you trying to explain to your official husband that he needs to get some sex lessons from the guy you went to sleep with who happens to be the real biological father of the baby in your womb?

Tell us, what were you trying to explain Olosho touch your toe?

ADULTERY SHOULD BE A CAPITAL OFFENSE. By now, the poster will be in condemned criminals prison waiting for the hangman.

Kiddogarcia:
now let's be pratical here.a man who beats you at the slightest of arguement,will you tell me the man you went out with a male bestie.before she got married,she had a life,she had friends,do you expect her to cut down on all her friends,because she's married to you,while you keep yours

You have parents just as I do, please ask your mummy how many times she secretly went out with her male friends after her marriage. Having male friends is one thing, going out with them secretly without telling your so called husband is another. The poster is married to two men and the one that just visited is the biological father of the baby in her womb. That is Polyandry, that is one woman being married to more than one man at the same time.

However, practicing Polyandry should be opened. Both men should know that the two of them are married to the same woman just as in Polygamy. So the poster should come out and introduce the two men to each other as co-husbands and stop pretending to be friends.

etrouble:


You have parents just as I do, please ask your mummy how many times she secretly went out with her male friends after her marriage. Having male friends is one thing, going out with them secretly withdrawn telling your so called husband is another. The poster is married to two men and the one that just visited is the biological father of the baby in her womb. That is Polyandry, that is one woman being married to more than one man at the same time.

why bring my mum into this.firstly my dad is a complete gentleman,and their relationship is so transparent,that my dad see no ish when he see's her with male friend,he knew before they got married

Kiddogarcia:
why bring my mum into this.firstly my dad is a complete gentleman,and their relationship is so transparent,that my dad see no ish when he see's her with male friend,he knew before they got married

My brother, I will not say bad things about your parents because I have parents. If you feel offended, I beg you to pardon me.

But you said in your post that your dad sees your mum with her male friends. That means that your mum does not hide her male friends and go out secretly. That's a true African woman brought up in a good home with good manners, culture and tradition. Be like your parents and bring up your children in that way also and your children's children will always pray for you.

etrouble:


My brother, I will not say bad things about your parents because I have parents. If you feel offended, I beg you to pardon me.

But you said in your post that your dad sees your mum with her male friends. That means that your mum does not hide her male friends and go out secretly. That's a true African woman brought up in a good home with good manners, culture and tradition. Be like your parents and bring up your children in that way also and your children's children will always pray for you.

you are one of the reason why African is like this.you can't differentiate btw male friends and concubine.my mum male colleagues at work,are they not friends.if the poster wasn't a wife beater,the wife won't need to hide his friends From him.you are shouting African tradition,the same tradition that has dragged us backward,mtcheew

Kiddogarcia:
you are one of the reason why African is like this.you can't differentiate btw male friends and concubine.my mum male colleagues at work,are they not friends.if the poster wasn't a wife beater,the wife won't need to hide his friends From him.you are shouting African tradition,the same tradition that has dragged us backward,mtcheew

Your European tradition has lead you to take another man to church for gay marriage in the house of God. This your European tradition us the same one that is making a so called married woman to be going out secretly with her male friends. Good keep it up.

Sumk:
I feel like all you males are not capable enough to understand my viewpoint here.......are rules different for men and women after marriage.....is physical abuse justified if one is not doing the right thing?

Rules are not different. No one is supporting your hubby for hitting you. That is not acceptable. You also said he has gone out on date with other girls before now and he never informed you. I personally do not support that too. My partner knows my movement and who am hanging out with. Paying back your hubby with your action ( a married woman on a date with another man without husband's consent) is what we condemn. You dont correct wrong with wrong. When you hit him back too, you make it look like a wrestling competition. He will hit you again. So when he hits you, just find a way of escape. Dont make him see you as his opponent.

I never went out on a date......my friend is known by my family and husband as well.....I repeat he is a good friend no romantic linkup, no intentions of sleeping with him........my good friend..... that's it