.

You aren't over reacting. I believe you have talked to him several times about this issue yet he seems adamant, he should understand that you are heavily pregnant now and it would really need a lot of funds to take care of the baby. Running an MSC course also requires a lot of funds which I am very sure he will get to know the implications when he starts running it, he doesn't understand that's why

Hahahaha. Honeymoon just ended for ya.
Since the aim of the saving has been defeated, buckle up and gather as much as you can.

A baby is on the way and babies are capital intensive......

Marriage hard o!!
Madam you've gotta let him upgrade his portfolio first.
Buying a car now that might later be difficult to maintain or can't update when it gets old doesn't make any sense.
You on the other hand start saving to setup your business so you can meet him half way.because if he upgrades and you are still where he met you,you might start having imbalance of status in your home o!
I am not really a fan of weddings so I find it so hard to understand why people spend so much on it.
To impress who exactly?
Well,I think that is the best thing to do right now.
I wish you success in your endeavours and marriage

patient, he might have other reasons for the Masters.
I will advice you focus on getting your own funds. the spouse seems a bit reckless when it comes to finances and all. focus on your finance because you will need it

Hello lady, for peace to reign. Please let him do his masters program but tell him to draw up a plan of how he is going to fund the program. School fees, transportation to school etc.

If he says the funding of the program will be from your savings. You may as well tell him you can fund only 10 - 15% (if you have) of his masters program that you are more interested in the comfort of your family.

Negotiate very we'll with him but let him know that the 85 - 90% of the fees will be borne by him that the family savings is for the security of the family. If he is a level headed and mature man, he will have a rethink.

How can a MAN depend entirely on his wife for school fees?

Is that one a man?

Another sad story. I wonder why some men do not listen....

Open your own savings account with only you as the signatory. He does not need to know about this account till he starts to man up and stop spending money carelessly.

I beg to disagree that 'a man is only loyal when he is broke'. This does not apply to all men.

boldx:
Hello lady, for peace to reign. Please let him do his masters program but tell him to draw up a plan of how he is going to fund the program. School fees, transportation to school etc.

If he says the funding of the program will be from your savings. You may as well tell him you can fund only 10 - 15% (if you have) of his masters program that you are more interested in the comfort of your family.

Negotiate very we'll with him but let him know that the 85 - 90% of the fees will be borne by him that the family savings is for the security of the family. If he is a level headed and mature man, he will have a rethink.

How can a MAN depend entirely on his wife for school fees?

Is that one a man?

where did you get this line from?
Abi na 2 different story me and you read
Person weh dem dey give upkeep money weekly na im you dey yarn dust for here

You are on the right track. Keep increasing that upkeep money and saving for the rainy day because with his attitude that rainy day will come! Does he realize how much childbirth is if for instance you do not give birth vaginally? When he sees the price and frequency of baby milk purchases, he will go into coma . So abeg you need to save.

Start trying to worry less about him for now since you are probably not working and heavily pregnant. When you give birth, start asking for money for a business. Now is the time you should start thinking of businesses you want to do and drawing up your plans. Take it easy and stop worrying about things you cannot change. When debtors call, tell them to ask him for the money.

submissive wife crew over to you

Mindfulness:
submissive wife crew over to you

All this kind of men giving we better men a bad name sef

look at this hard working woman stressing herself

Ahn Ahn, no male is saying she is a feminist for not being submissive, things are changing.

Excesslove222:

Note: I don't really put anything into the savings, but I really have to manage resources around the house he gives me 5,000 per week for house upkeep/feeding but i always end up adding my money to make it up... And I rarely ask for money for stuffs for myself, I just manage what I can afford.

Please clarify this for me.

You don't contribute to the savings which you insist on using to buy a car?

uboma:
Another sad story. I wonder why some men do not listen....

Open your own savings account with only you as the signatory. He does not need to know about this account till he starts to man up and stop spending money carelessly.

I beg to disagree that 'a man is only loyal when is broke'. This does not apply to all men.

You're advising her to do the bolded but when he eventually finds out, you'll turn around to start blaming her.

Madam, ask your husband to provide a cab to take you to for your ante-natal appointments and let him pay. When you need to go somewhere stressful, ask him to get you a cab and pay.

He's not thinking about a car cos he hasn't seen the need for it. Make him see the need for a car. A car for a family man is very important.

Fountainofyouth:
Ahn Ahn, no male is saying she is a feminist for not being submissive, things are changing.

Feminism isn't rebellion, it is aspiration for growth. It's not the fault of men that you have failed to understand this simple concept.

@O

@Op you need to first acknowledge the fact that he worked for his money and he has every right to decide how to spend it.

He does not have to listen to you , majority of the people here advising you are kids . Your husband is someone majority of the ladies will be praying for. And you sound a little more entitled and ungrateful than you should.

That man is not wasting money on alcohol, drugs or women, he is spending money to do a masters degree which can help him to upgrade.

Instead of wasting money on a car, a liability why not allow him educate himself so that he can start looking for better opportunities. I am disappointed that you will advise your husband to buy a car rather than fund his own education, what is in a car.
Are you going to die if you dont have a car ?

You need to start thinking of the future and not just the present. Thant man is a hero and he is thinking and acting with the future in mind, you are too short sighted and unfortunately you have started frustrating him with your increased demand for money.

You appear to have a beautiful and peaceful home, something most people on this forum do not have so dont allow any toxic person here poison your mind against your husband.

You dont have to always have your way, trust your husbands decision making and respect them.

Lastly, you are angry and bitter with your husband that he went into debt for marrying you ? This is just a terrible thing on your path, you do not know the kind of burden men carry and I love that your husband had a plan and now he has paid the debt why are you still agonisiing over that.

You sound like someone who is very lazy and ungrateful, if you make your own money then you can say how you want to spend it, but as far as that man is working hard and planning you have to respect him.

Yes I spanked you and drew you close and spanked you again, thats how to talk to people like you, cos you are almost loosing your sense of reasoning.

crackhaus:

Please clarify this for me.

You don't contribute to the savings which you insist on using to buy a car?

So because she didn't contribution a dime to the saving makes her ineligible to insist that they adhere to their plan? She didn't claim ownership of the money; it is just that Oga suddenly refused being a committed team player.

MrMcJay:


Feminism isn't rebellion, it is aspiration for growth. It's not the fault of men that you have failed to understand this simple concept.

What is this one yapping, your comment should be for your fellow men who thinks every woman who disagree with their husband is a feminist, duuuhhh.

Excesslove222:
Please I need matured advice

I married a struggling man,I was conscious of the fact that he wasn't rich, I wanted someone I would build with.

During the wedding preparations. I told him that we must not borrow money for it, we should work with whatever we have cause I did not want us to start our life with debts...he accepted and assured me we wouldn't borrow....it was after the whole ceremony I found out that we were more than half a million in debt.
I was hurt because I went as far as sewing my wedding dress and my bridal train dresses myself just to cut cost, but my hubby wore an Italian suit and Italian shoes.

When he met me, I just finished nysc and was learning fashion design, we did not really date, he plainly said he wants to marry me which I accepted cause he ticked most of my checklists in a future spouse.

Now to the main issue...
We had plans that after the wedding, we would start saving to furnish our apartment, after that, we start saving for a car, then also save to start a family business... That was the plan.

It took a while to furnish our apartment because of the debt incurred during the wedding but then, we later did and we started saving for the car.

Note: I don't really put anything into the savings, but I really have to manage resources around the house he gives me 5,000 per week for house upkeep/feeding but i always end up adding my money to make it up... And I rarely ask for money for stuffs for myself, I just manage what I can afford.

Back to my story...
We've now gotten something substantial to get us a family car (I'm heavily pregnant) and he now knows he wants to run a masters program.

I'm actually not against him doing his masters but I feel the timing is wrong...what he does for a living does not require certification (if not I would have said he would get a raise after the program) he just wants to have a masters degree because all his mates have a masters and "something may come up in the future" but I feel we need a family car and a family business more right now.

I'm so pained cause I thought we were a team, I thought my feelings matter, I thought I was important but now its obvious what they say...that a man is only loyal when he is broke.

I have been saving really hard and was able to get and industrial sewing machine(without his input) recently, and I hope to start a "ready to wear" line once I put to bed.
He is 37 am 28.
I no longer manage resources, I collect every dime I need around the house and increased house allowances... Please I'm I over reacting?
We've been married for a year and half.

The car in question is not a luxury but a necessity....

I remember when my wife was pretty heavy early this year, the issue of car came up too. And considering the stress of being heavily pregnant and its associated pains, getting a car is in order if u ask me.

Going back to school isn't the issue here but the timing .... why didn't he discuss that since inception and possibly work towards both the car/get-back-to-school goal?

And to those shouting: "its his money", when u get married, you abandon the I, Me, etc for Us, we. There's nothing like your money or my money; both parties should work together for the progress of the family and individuals involved in the relationship.

Meanwhile, the bulk of the responsibilities lies with the man oooo cos na jeje the woman siddon wey he go carry am ... now that a baby is on the way, its a whole new game now .... diapers, baby food, drugs for mother and child ... and God help him if the baby refuse to come naturally and a CS is the way to go, he go smell pepper ... will he be able to make ends meet while running school?

When we were preparing for my wife's delivery around march, we had some bulk money saved up and I personally needed things but i pended those things. And thank God i did cos my wife didn't deliver naturally as planned, we did CS and if i had spend the money saved up, i would have been in serious trouble.

The school thing is coming at a wrong time. However, you know your husband, try to have a heart to heart talk and let him see reasons why u need the car and some other things. Meanwhile, keep like 250-350k in one account that you dare not touch till after u have given birth safely and discharged or else.... dem go tie una leg for bed frame for hospital till una pay up and that would be embarrassing.

mrblessed:
So because she didn't contribution a dime to the saving makes her ineligible to insist that they adhere to their plan? She didn't claim ownership of the money; it is just that Oga suddenly refused being a committed team player.

bros stop sounding like this I beg you.
What does this even mean?
What plan?
So if you were the one in the guy's shoes would you forget yoyr dreams so you can please your wife and fulfil some things she's got in her head?
Sounds Hypocritical if you ask me because i know you won't do it!

crackhaus:

Please clarify this for me.

You don't contribute to the savings which you insist on using to buy a car?

Yes...I do not put anything into the savings because I do not have a steady income for now, but I add my finances from time to time for efficient running of the house (cause what he brings usually isn't enough).

We had a plan, from the inception of our union, even before our marriage...I'm just hurt that blessings are starting to come and he has decided to do what suits him forsaking the family goals.

nwanneni:
bros stop sounding like this I beg you.
What does this even mean?
What plan?
So if you were the one in the guy's shoes would you forget yoyr dreams so you can please your wife and fulfil some things she's got in her head?
Sounds Hypocritical if you ask me because i know you won't do it!

Hmmmmmm

Excesslove222:


Yes...I do not put anything into the savings because I do not have a steady income for now, but I add my finances from time to time for efficient running of the house (cause what he brings usually isn't enough).

We had a plan, from the inception of our union, even before our marriage...I'm just hurt that blessings are starting to come and he has decided to do what suits him forsaking the family goals.

You guys are still struggling to survive, and you still want to buy car. Do you think it is paper they use to service a car ?
A car maintenance cost money, instead of buying a car that will still make you spend money on the maintenance why not invest that money in getting another degree that will help your husband to get a better job in future.

That man is a man of vision, most poor people are poor because they live in the present, the fact there is no job now does not mean after he gets the degree it will remain the same.

You dont rush to get a degree when you see a vacancy, you get your degree and wait patiently so when the vacancy for that degreee comes you can use it.

I just feel very sorry for your husband, you are not complaining that he is womanising, or smoking or drinking. You want to turn your marriage up-side down because he wants to pursue a degree rather than buy a car.

Did your own parent have a car when they were pregnant with you ? Did they not survive ? Are you telling me all the families around your location all have cars ?Are they not surviving ?

YOu want to follow all the old women on this forum who are still begging God for husband at almost 40years old, those are the people you want to be listening to ?

Oya recieve sense......

bukatyne:


Hmmmmmm

would you do it for your husband?
Be honest!

calgaryFriend:

You guys are still struggling to survive, and you still want to buy car. Do you think it is paper they use to service a car ?
A car maintenance cost money, instead of buying a car that will still make you spend money on the maintenance why not invest that ......

What is your opinion that they both worked out a plan together, started followomg the plan and the he unilaterally changed the plan at a time when the next phase of that plan became important?

Excesslove222:


Yes...I do not put anything into the savings because I do not have a steady income for now, but I add my finances from time to time for efficient running of the house (cause what he brings usually isn't enough).

We had a plan, from the inception of our union, even before our marriage...I'm just hurt that blessings are starting to come and he has decided to do what suits him forsaking the family goals.

The bolded is the reason I will never accept a Kobo from any female.
They will contribute 5% and make noise like they brought all the money.
So according to you na FROM TIME TO TIME input your husband take build that savings ba
Let him do as he pleases to advance himself.yoy should make some money too so you can build yourself as well then y'all meet half way.
Goodluck

LewsTherin:


What is your opinion that they both worked out a plan together, started followomg the plan and the he unilaterally changed the plan at a time when the next phase of that plan became important?

this your point is out of context really.
Of what importance is it?
You are beginning to sound like a white woman.are you?

Excesslove222:


We had a plan, from the inception of our union, even before our marriage...I'm just hurt that blessings are starting to come and he has decided to do what suits him forsaking the family goals.

I have a question. And I need you to think very carefully before answering.

I'm not.insulting or berating you. I just need info to understand you and maybe share my opinions and experience.

Did you both sit down, work out a plan and both agree to it as a plan to be followed?

Or did you both talk about somethings you both would like to achieve and you chose to think of it as a family plan?

nwanneni:
this your point is out of context really.
Of what importance is it?
You are beginning to sound like a white woman.are you?

I asked for your opinion on this. I don't see how it is out of context. Are you fine with 2 people making up a plan on using their resources, begin to follow the plan, and then one changes it unilaterally when that phase of the plane is reached?

LewsTherin:


I asked for your opinion on this. I don't see how it is out of context. Are you fine with 2 people making up a plan on using their resources, begin to follow the plan, and then one changes it unilaterally when that phase of the plane is reached?

It is not the best thing to do but isn't such a big deal in this case.
now this is the reason why it happened like that.
The husband of the lady makes all the money himself and is at crossroads here.
Does he buy a liability or procure an asset?
Now going with womanly advise or opinion(especially the ones that don't make any money) can be catastrophic here.she would want that car of course so she can pose to her unmarried friends hence discourage every idea of the husband procuring his education instead!
That is what I feel happened.